[kathryn]

Hi Bettie,
I believe you can use these slips to your advantage and learn…do something you havent done before, be it exclude, tell your friend, something that can be taken as a positive.  You are strong Bettie, the addiction is burying you right now and its hard to see past it, its blocking you.
I know your birthday wasnt a particularly happy one, but i am sending you birthday hugs across cyberspace.  We all have an inner strength, sometimes its hard to see, but it is there.  Break out the wonder woman outfit girl, and move forward from this.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well today was a really relaxing day coupled with a birthday party this afternoon.  Anyone who talked to me on chat this morning knows the boys were driving me a little mad, so the break was good, they got to run a muck on the playground and tire themselves out. (it was at McDonalds)
So, as usual there was a funny part…here i was, looking all gorgeous in my puffy black pants and was walking back to the table with a tray full of burgers, fries and thickshakes when suddenly my body wouldnt move.  I was standing on my pants and as i started to tip over, luckily my friends mum grabbed me and straightened me up.  Wouldnt have that been just perfect!!!  Jode and i laughed till we cried.  I usually have trouble finding pants long enough as i have long legs so these must be extra extra long…lol.
I have cooked dinner and am now waiting to do the dishes, i cant be bothered but it really needs to be done, i hate going to bed with dishes on the sink…oh my kingdom for a dishwasher!!!
Hope you have all had a good weekend,  i really need to go and put the gloves on..sigh.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xx
 Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I had a massive day, so massive that i had to call the school and ask them to tell the boys that i was going to be late!  It was only 5 minutes, but i hate it when im driving up to the school and they are standing there, looking for me.  They went and played on the playground, so it was all ok.
I am very excited, i got the biggest, bestest bargain in the world today….of course it wasnt for me, lol.  It was for Harry’s bday.  I had put a big lay-by on, with all the wrestling stuff…$190 to be exact.  Well, i was walking around the toy section and there was this huge box, with a wrestling ring, 6 men, a belt and a heap of other stuff, marked down to only $45.  There was heaps more in the box than i had lay-byed, but the box was damaged.  I decided i was going to take it anyway, tape it up and pick up, then return the layby, which i did.  The best thing was though, that because the box was damaged they knocked off another $10 so i got it all for $35.  I googled it when i got home to see what it was worth…i could only get a UK amount…100 pounds.  WOOHOO!!! I am thrilled, i LOVE a bargain!!!  Once i taped the box up it looked brand new..lol.  Am i the bargain hunter of the century or what!!!
Even with my bargain, it was an exhausting day, we just had too much to do and not enough time to do it, we didnt even do our usual lunch..it was a sandwich and a coffee on the run.  Thankfully i can sleep in tomorrow and i certainly will be doing that. I have a handbag party to go to, you know where they come to your house and sell stuff, like a tuppaware party.  Its at a girls from work and she has invited me to so many things that i havent been able to attend, so i will be going. I think Brea is going to come, so it should be good and i need a new handbag really…lol
I hope you all have a great day, hope to see you all on chat this weekend, take care, Kathryn xxxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well im on my 4 day break, well, its 3 now as yesterday is over..lol.  Today im shopping, i have a list of things to do, as does Jodie so we are going to be on the run.  Its her sons 3rd birthday on the weekend so my main priority is getting his present, then i have footy tickets, an underlay for Harry’s bed, clothes for my mum, on and on the list goes.  On top of that we have to do the groceries.  I am going to be a bit weary tonight.
I had a little urge on Wed night, driving home from work.  Odd really because nothing had happened, although on thinking about it, i think i was relieved that i was on break so a good ‘relax’ was well deserved! I just thought, it would be really nice to go and sit for an hour.  I find it amazing that i still think that, but i know i dont believe it.  An hour is just not a possibility for me, i know exactly where i would end up.
So, as usual i came home and jumped on here and didnt give it another thought.  Jodie is having a yard sale on the weekend so yesterday after our walk i helped her price everything.  Good lord that girl has some stuff, so i hope she gets rid of the majority…
Im not doing a lot this weekend, Dames is working so it will be a quiet one, which will be nice.  Im looking forward to doing nothing really.  Lots of time to spend on chat…LOL.
Well i hope you have a great day, you all take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I had a big weekend at work, and on Saturday night i went to the football with Dames and the kids.  We had to make the trip all the way to Melbourne (huge for us) and i have to say it wasnt that much fun.  We started off with some road rage from Dames, and me hanging onto the dashboard for dear life!  We picked up my sister on the way and the driving settled down a bit which was a bonus for me.
Then we got lost, they have been doing roadworks at the turnoff we needed, i thought it was quite funny as my sister said she knew how to get there, if you could have seen Damians face, it was a scream but i had to sit there all serious. We finally arrived, front row seats, only to get down there and our whole row was full of people…hmmmm.  So i gave the one eyebrow stare to one group of boys, who hung their heads and moved out, then i realised that there were only 5 empty seats and 6 of us!!! I then proceeded to have a small arguement with a man who insisted that they were his seats, no seat number on his ticket, i promptly moved him along.
Dames and i had a huge row in the 3rd quarter, we were losing, and ultimately lost the game, (just to top it off) and he wanted to go home.  Well there was no way i was leaving, i told him he was a sore loser, that if we were going to come to the footy week in and week out that we would need 2 cars, so he could go when he was ready, and a seat in a different place to us so i didnt have to listen to his moaning.  He was not impressed.  The funny thing is, we got a few text messages telling us that we had been on the TV.  Im too scared to watch it in case it was when we were having the row…lol.
So, my weekend was not great, in fact it was pretty awful.  I was so pleased to come onto chat today, i laughed and laughed.  What a lovely way to spend the morning…and quite a bit of the afternoon!!!
I hope you all had a good weekend, take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Very frustrated right now. I feel like my head is going to blow off.  Its thumping and it is not being made any better by the other person in this house.  Wheres all the money?  Why arent we in a better financial position?  Looking at me with accusing eyes.  Im sick of explaining myself, im sick of being made to feel its all my fault.  I am 9 months gamble free today and i didnt need this crap.  I was feeling wonderful.  Nothing like a dose of reality to send me back down with a thump. Thanks for making me feel like a piece of s**t once again. 
Thank god im going to Jodies tonight, i cant even look at him.  How about he gets off his money ignoring a**e and do something, how about working with me instead of planning to spend spend spend.  Yes, its all good for him until it affects him.  He wonders why i dont talk to him about it, cause when i do this is how it always ends up.  Why bother. I am totally drained now.  This used to send me running straight back to the casino to make more money (what a joke).  Not today though, this recovery is for me, and no matter what is said, im not going back there.
Kathryn xxx
Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.– 11/03/2010 8:07:55 AM: post edited by kathryn.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Good news…Brea has scored herself a new job at a international boarding college.  It is for children to come and learn about Australia and improve their english before going on to another school or college to finish their education.  She is really happy as finally she will have some money!!! (thats a bonus for me) Im not sure when she starts, i think it may be next week but she has to go and have a meeting with the boss tomorrow and find out about everything.  Im very proud of her.
Work has been exhausting.  It is getting busier every day with very demanding residents and im finding myself drained by the end of the shift.  I also havent been able to finish on time which annoys me greatly as im not getting home in time for group.  It doesnt matter how hard i try, i cant get finished by knockoff time. 
Apart from that, my life is pretty quiet at the moment.  The boys are both back at school tomorrow (Harry had today off) so im looking forward to some quiet time, just me. I havent had a good relax since..well, last week…lol.
Ok, stay well everyone, and take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi Bettie,
Well done, you are doing a great job, ensuring your bills are paid, it really takes the pressure off!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Ok, the mystery of the unknown smell has been solved,
While sniffing around on my decking (literally, on my hands and knees) i came across something on the floor, and when my nose got close i nearly passed out!!!
Turns out, there was a thermos, that had been full of coffee for 5000 years, and it had been dropped, and a small amount had spilled onto the floor.  It was off coffee!!!  Actually, it was Damians off coffee!!!
I scrubbed that floor with soap, antibacterial hand wash and disinfectant, and I’m happy to report that we now smell pine fresh in here!!!
Now you are all able to come to my place for coffee without the fear of wearing a gas mask!!!
See ya, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Thank you RG, Dd, P and Velvet for your posts.
Now, i have a smell. LOL. There is a smell in my house and i cant find the cause of it.  I think it smells like vomit, Brea thinks it smells like Parmesan cheese, and Damian thinks it smells like feet.  LOL.  I cant stop laughing as I’m writing this.  But, it is horrible.  I believe it is coming from under the house, and the smell is wafting up through the decking in the back room and floating into the kitchen (at first i thought it was the bin, which has been washed and disinfected)
I’m wondering if there is something dead under there, i have been peering through the gaps in the decking but i cant see anything, i have gone outside and peered under the house…nothing.  I have been watching the crime channel way too much and I’m imagining looking under there and a hand is sticking up from under the dirt..LOL. I have mopped everything, i have oil burning but that smell is stuck in my nose…ewwwww.
My nose is way too sensitive, being a nurse has taught me that.  I’m wondering with the recent rain, and lots of it if something has gone off under the house, oh i dont know but it is revolting.
OK, enough about smells…last night work was absolutely mental and i was exhausted when i came home.  My residents were yelling, screaming, crying, fighting, you name it, it happened.  I often wonder what causes this, its almost like a snowball effect.  But…they all took their medication so that made life easier on the paperwork.  I have today off, i am cooking a roast beef for dinner.  Brea had her 2nd day at Uni, she had to leave really early and left the lights on in her car when she got there.  She had to ring roadside assist to jump the battery! lol, i have had a funny day although I’m sure she didn’t think its so funny.
Well, i hope you have enjoyed my smelly tale, oh, and with the recent storms i heard that my local gambling venue had to close down, it was a long weekend too, packed to capacity.  The roof caved in (no one hurt).  On a normal day i would have been there, the machines would have turned off (power outage) and i would have been furious.  Instead i enjoyed a candlelight dinner with my family!!!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
The last 2 days has seen us have the worst storms for quite a few years.  We had a storm last night that lasted for an hour with massive lighning and thunder, and although it was fantastic, we lost power. Right in the middle of cooking dinner.  Thankfully we have gas, so we ended up eating by candlelight, playing games and having a very early night. 
I was dissapointed i couldnt log on to the chat room.  Of course, no power = no internet, grrrr.  So i was there in spirit!!! Salina, sorry i couldnt come back, but im so pleased you are feeling better.  RG, hopefully ill catch you during the week.
Anyway, you dont realise how much you miss electricity until you dont have it!!!
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well ive had a really good weekend, my sister left this morning, im not sure when ill see her again, but we did make the most of it.  I spent this morning (after chat) cleaning my poor house.  It survived and i got all the kids helping which was great. 
Last night i went to my high school dinner/drinks.  My girlfriend met me there and we went in to find….no one!  So we had a wine (i only had the 1, for courage) and we had dinner on our own.  Turns out the dinner was cancelled.  Anyway there were about 40 people who turned up for the drinks part which was great and a few i hadnt seen at our last reunion 2 years ago. My first boyfriend wasnt there, i found out that he had joined a bikie gang, divorced his wife and had gone into hiding because a rival gang was after him!  I was blown away.  They have 4 children so its a pretty sad story. It was much more detailed that that, like something you see on the movies.  Anyway, i had a great time catching up.  There was 1 thing though.  Once when i had decided for the 400th time i was stopping gambling i had called a counselling place.  I spoke to a girl who, turns out i went to school with.  I told her about my gambling but i never pursued the counselling, i think i went to 3 sessions.  Anyway, she was there last night and i felt like she was looking at me the whole time and it made me quite uncomfortable.  Now, you all know im not ashamed of my addiction , i have in fact embraced it for what it is and what it has made me, good and bad.  But, it was wierd and i found myself moving away from her every time she came near me.  She is a lovely person and i didnt really think about it until this morning, so in fact i feel pretty bad.  I guess in the terms of ‘high school’ i didnt want them to know i wasnt that perfect girl i was when i was 17.  (well, i thought i was pretty good…lol)
I know she would not have said anything, its confidential, but it has played on my mind this morning.  Anyway, apart from that it was a great night.  Ive actually had a wonderful week, so hopefully this feeling will carry on.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, i am back!! I had a wonderful week away, relaxing, spa’ing, doing not much at all….bliss!
The weather was magnificent, the smell of the air up there is so different, i really drank it in.  I feel ive been away for a month which is really good, this place does that to me every single year, even when i was gambling.  Yes, there are venues there which i could have gone to, but it didnt enter my head i was so busy enjoying my relaxing time.  The kids were amazing, not 1 fight, bless them!
I have come home to my other sister and her daughter and my beautiful 3 a half month old great nephew who have come down from Darwin for a few days. The baby is beautiful, i nearly ate him alive!!! And before anyone says anything….NO,  i am not going back for more!!! lol
So i will try to catch up with everyone, bear with me, im not sure how much time i will have with my sis and all, but i will get there.  I see there are a few new people here too, i will get around to reading their stories too.
I missed GT, but absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say and im really happy to be back.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
This will proboably be my last post for a whole week…well, till Friday anyway. We are off on our little holiday and im really looking forward to it.  Damian has a head cold and is being a &^%$#(*.  He’s dying of course, so im trying to be a little excited on the inside.  My little Harry has been sick too, but i think hes starting to feel better.  My house looks like a bomb has hit it.  I have been working all weekend and have to say i was very dissapointed when i got home.  It was a shambles.  Sigh…..
Apart from that i had a pretty good weekend at work, no huge dramas to speak of which always is a blessing.  Im feeling pretty tired though, i feel like i walk a hundred miles every day when im working there, thankfully its only 2 out of 14 days.  Its like a bit of a rabbit warren.
Well, i have to go and do some packing, im really going to miss the forum this week, but i will also enjoy my time away, just to relax and unwind (although if Dames is still sick…..hmmm)
Take care everyone, bye for now, Kathryn xxxSometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Ive been thinking about Brea getting her licence, and i have come to a realization.  Not only am i happy that she has it, but i am thrilled that i could pay for it.  When i was gambling the thought of paying out $700 was insane, it just would have never happened because i never had money. So really, you are all to thank for that. You have helped me through so much, helped me every single day and i have been able to do something for her that i would have thought 8 months ago to be impossible.  Nothing is impossible if you just believe. (oh, and have a great support system!!!)
Take care, cant wait for the group chat line to open, bye for now, Kathryn xxx
 Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are.

[Author]

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