[kathryn]

Hi All,
My week so far has been full of ups and downs.  We recieved a large sum of money from our government, which has taken a lot of stress out of the finances…thankfully.  We have had a lovely dinner at my daughters tonight, which was great.
Then i came home, and found out that my 11yo son has done something.  Something bad, something that took us over an hour to get out of him.  I am totally out of my depth here, i dont know what to do.  I have to deal with it now, before it snowballs and we will never be able to fix it, but the consequences of his actions may be very, very severe.  Never the less, i have to do this FOR him, whether he realises it or not.  I feel sick, physically sick about what is going to happen tomorrow.  He is my baby.
I am off to Melbourne this weekend for some r&r with Jode. We are going to see Mary Poppins.  After what has just happened, im not sure just how much i am going to enjoy it.  I feel i am responsible, my not being here enough, not spending enough time with him, spending all my time gambling,  i could scream.
Anyway, just wanted to get that down.  I cant tell anyone else, and i mean no one.  This is one that stays in the family.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxx
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan– 13/10/2010 11:22:00 AM: post edited by Kathryn.

[kathryn]

Hey Bettie,
Sorry you are having so much trouble finding some extra support. I watched a documentary on the American health system and i was shocked.  I was amazed what was and wasnt covered.  Our system is slow, you go on a waiting list and depending on the ailment it can be up to a 2 year wait…but…if it is anything urgent, you are in straight away.  Most lists are approx 3 months, but there are many free services here.  
Do whatever it takes to help yourself, you are doing so well.  I hope you enjoy your trip, you deserve a bit of me time, i hope it is full of love and laughter.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hey All,
2 things happened today…1, i became a great aunty for the..hmmmm, 21st time (happy 21st to me!!!)…a little girl, named Heidi.  Im planning on visiting on Friday for a cuddle!!
2nd thing…we had a huge and i mean huge storm tonight.  I got home from work and to my surprise Dames had taken the washing (there was a lot) off the line before the rain started.  No, that is not it, although it is a miracle in itself.  When i went out to my back room the washing basket was in there, full of clothes.  The rain was pouring down, havent seen rain like that for a really long time.  What happened was that the exact spot Dames had placed the washing basket, there was a little leak in the roof, and the whole basket of washing was drenched.  Now, if i was a betting woman, i would have bet that the chances would have been 1 in 1000. 
Lucky im not a betting woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a great day all,
Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, tomorrow im back to work, after my week of rest, and boy…do i feel rested.  It was a lovely break but i am looking forward to work tomorrow, and seeing my friends.  I truly enjoy going every day which i feel is a blessing.
The boys are back at school also, and they are ready (im not sure about rearing) to go…but i am.  We have started daylight savings as of last night and it was lovely to see the sun go down so late as the day was really warm and beautiful.  I did a lot of cleaning this weekend, changing things around, dusting (nightmare as i live on a dirt road) but it is done and im pleased with it.  I found some great photos, changed frames around, and i feel like i can go to work tomorrow knowing my house is nice and clean.
I cant remember posting so much as i have this weekend, and ive enjoyed every bit.  It was lovely to have the time to read and post, as always, this place keeps me focused.
Anyway, i just wanted to post before i go to bed.
Take care my lovely friends, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, we lost the Grand Final, to say im gutted would be an understatement.  We didnt just lose, we were absolutely thrashed.  Funny, i feel like i just walked out of a venue after losing every cent i owned…never thought anything else could make me feel that way.
It also makes me feel a bit stupid, but we get very involved in our football team, i love them and im really sad for them. Dames and i are flat as tacks tonight, and although there is nothing i can do about it, by god i have been through worse, as most of you know…lol.
Plus theres always next year!!!!
Bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hey girl,
So so sorry i got disconnected, my internet went down when i answered the phone (grrrr) then i had a visit from my brother, he just left.  Thank god for the kids, its a little awkward between us, they make a good buffer.
Anyway, hope to catch you later, glad you are feeling a little better and loved the chat this morning, it was fantastic and a great way to start my day.
Take care, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I had a wonderful week. Did nothing but eat and sleep, the perfect holiday……for me anyway!!!
The kids were a joy, my sister joined us for a few nights, which was just lovely.  Im so glad we went, it would have to be up there as one of the best holidays i have ever had.  Dames did nothing but fish, fish, fish, and never caught 1…..lol.  10 points for trying though, bless him!!!
Im looking forward to chat this weekend, hope to catch some of you there.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Bettie,
I dont know what to say except that im thinking of you, please please take care of yourself and remember how important you are to so many.
Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Just a quick note to let you know that i am away for a week, we are taking the kids to a lovely place, to swim, to play, walk on the beach and most importantly, for me….to relax.
Hope you all have a good week, and i will catch up when i get home.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Now, i know you dont understand our Aussie Rules football, but i have to vent……today was the Grand Final…THE game, the one we have waited for for the last 44 years.  It was amazing, mind you, i couldnt watch much, i was too nervous, needless to say, my bathroom is spotless, all the washing is done, the house is immaculate!!!
Dames couldnt watch either, we were down all day, and i mean ALL day, and then, a miracle, we came back.  It is such a fast paced game, that the lead can change a lot of times in a match.
So, im hiding in the bathroom, Dames is hiding in the shed (lol) and i finally have the guts to come and watch the last few minutes….turns out, it was a draw.  This means that we have to do the whole thing over next week.  I dont know if my heart can take it, if i never come back you will know it was death by football!!!
Dames comes in and asks…’what did we lose by’ and i say, its a draw, we are in stunned silence, there were 100,000 people at the ground watching and you could hear a pin drop when the final siren went.
Personally, i think we will come back and kick a$$ next week, at least i hope so.  If we keep drawing like this, the grand final could go on for the rest of the year (now, that would be a hoot) but i would definitely have to have the shock paddles at the ready!!!!
Hope you are all having a great weekend, may catch some of you on chat.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

I wasnt going to write this post, but i feel it is important, plus the fact that someone gave me a little push (you know who you are)
My reasons for not wanting to write it are simple…i didnt want the scrutiny, i didnt want to ‘taint’ my outstanding recovery, i didnt want anyone to think less of me, i didnt want to admit that maybe i did something stupid, and dangerous.  So here goes….
Early last week i had a visit from an old work colleague, she decided that we should go out for dinner and a few drinks for my birthday.  I thought it would be nice to have a catch up, but…she wanted to go to my old gambling haunt, and me, being me and not wanting to rock the boat, cause an awkward moment, whatever the reason, agreed.
So, we get picked up by the bus (its complimentary, do i need to say more?) and out we go.  We had a lovely dinner and decided to go outside with a drink and have a cigarette.  Normally there is a door that leads from the dining area to the outside area, and it was still there, but when we went to go out it was locked.   Not wanting to make a scene, or to be honest, have an embaressing moment, i bravely (?) decided to walk through the gaming area, it was more of a trot really, head down, no looking, straight through.  Well i did look a little, and noticed that many of the same gamblers were still there, nothing had really changed for them.   A lot though, had changed for me.
I wouldnt say i wasnt listening to the music, i was.  I could still here the machines ‘singing’, it was really loud. I was so conscoius of everything it was quite bizarre.  I know i shouldnt have gone, i was not in any way testing myself, its not a situation i would readily repeat, i felt almost empowered, i came within inches of a machine, and didnt think once of putting a dollar in it. 
In saying that, i wouldnt say it was the best night of my life, i was to busy being ‘aware’ to really enjoy myself.  My freind knew of my banning, and when we were walking through i swear we were followed out by a staff member , although it may have just been me being paranoid, but still, it keeps my resolve that i cannot gamble, that i will be caught, which is a good thing.
I was dissapointed in the venue, that the only access out was through the gaming room, and although i felt ok, im not sure that others would, so i will be writing them a letter about this.  Putting myself in that situation was not the smartest thing i have ever done, i wouldnt recomend it to anyone, it was stupid, i know better, but still i did it.
So, i lived to tell the tale.  Im not doing myself any favours by putting myself in harms way like that, my recovery is too important to me.  Call it lack of judgement on my behalf, call it simple stupidity, i was talking to someone on the weekend, and i told them that gambling is not first and foremost on my mind anymore, i am living, and perhaps i wanted to feel that i could cope in that situation.  That i was a ‘normal’ person.  That i can do normal things that others do without a second thought.  It didnt feel normal though, it felt very wrong being there, being so close.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Good Morning all,
Its Friday, im heading off for work shortly, so thought id pop in a quick post.
I had a dental appointment on Tuesday, Colin, you would apprecieate this….i had an extraction and a filling and my mouth is still a bit sore, im actually getting concerned that i may have a dry socket which means i will have to go back and get the socket packed….ewwwwwwwww.  Im happy that i finally, after years of toothache have gone and got the damn thing removed, and that i could pay for it, with cash!!!  It was quite expensive but i cant wait to be pain free, its amazing what we put up with.
My boys start school holidays tomorrow.  They have 2 weeks off and we are going away for the 2nd week, which will be lovely and im really looking forward to it.  The finances arent great, but there is plenty for them to do that wont cost any money and as long as we can eat, im happy.  My sister is coming along too, so it will be lovely to spend some time with her.  Dames, of course, is looking forward to the fishing!!!!!
Work has been a bit quiet this week, i think it is because we have extra doctors on, we are able to move the patients quickly which is great for them.  The time goes really fast there, which is good, and we are all getting along well, which makes it a pleasure to work there.
As for my gambling, or lack thereof, i admit ive had a few little twinges this week.  Nothing too concerning and nothing i could not get rid of in a blink, but i know that there will always be times when the escape becomes attractive.  I have to remember to never become complacient.  This site is great for that, keeping me aware of just how those urges can crop up at any time.
I hope to see you around on chat this weekend.  Im planning a quiet one.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Thank you all for your birthday wishes,
I had an absolutely amazing birthday.  I got extremely spoilt.  There was lots of money, gift vouchers for massages, gift vouchers for our huge shopping centre, i have flowers everywhere, but…my bestie friend and my daughter were stand outs.  Jode bought me a huge frame, and she had taken all my photos, as a baby, with my parents, my wedding, you know, basically my life, and made a huge black and white collage/picture of it.  It is absolutely beautiful, she put so much work into it,  the only problem is that i dont know how im going to beat that for her 40th next year…lol.
Brea and the boys…..they got me a star.  Literally, a star in the sky is named after me.  It is called "Pure Lamperos Astros" and it means Kathryn’s bright star.  Now, you can imagine…i was bawling for half an hour, plus everytime i told someone i would start again..lol.  I was speechless, i have the co-ordinates, i have a framed certificate, this stars name can never be changed.  Words cannot describe how truly loved i feel.  What an amazing, thoughtful girl i have.  I feel absolutely overwhelmed everytime i think about it.
So we had the party yesterday…Mrs 40 had a few too many but hey, i thought it was warranted.  I had a great time, I actually had a bit of a party with my daughter, she is quite a funny girl when she wants to be. My boys were so well behaved, although they did have a stripper for the 18yo birthday boy, i went and hid with the boys while this was going on.  LOL.
So this morning im harbouring a small headache, nothing too serious, and nothing a panadol wont fix.  Im pretty happy today,  i actually feel on top of the world. 
I hope you are all well and happy,
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxx
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Another week down, ive just fed the children (frozen pizza, and yes, i did cook it!!!) their favourite and im waiting for my dinner to heat up, perfect time to post…
I had a good week at work, as always there is one to upset the applecart, and i feel she is quite heartless, feels no sympathy or empathy for that matter and generally doesnt give two hoots, except for payday.  Im trying my hardest to be kind to her, and if she says anything to upset me i walk away.  Optimism is not a word in her vocabulary, and i feel grateful that im not like that.   I would not enjoy finding the bad in everything, its not in my make up to do that.  So, i try and keep happy, and when she is having a bad day, well, i go and do my own thing.
I have my nephews 18th birthday party tomorrow, which should be fun.  I can catch up with all Dames’ family, they are a great, fun bunch and im looking forward to seeing them.  We are in the finals in the football here at the moment and it looks pretty good that my team will end up in the Grand Final.  There is a buzz everywhere during this time in my town, its really exciting and i hope that this year will finally be ours.  I will bawl for a week!!!
So, life goes on, i sometimes stop for a minute and look around me, at the kids playing, at the pile of washing, and wonder how on earth i managed to fit in all my gambling.  Its mind boggling when i think of the time i spent there, (not to mention the money)
I am grateful for the little things, and when times get tough, i am proud that i no longer have to run to the venue to unwind.  Doesnt mean i dont think about it from time to time, but i know what i am, and that is no longer an option in my life. 
I hope you are all well and happy and hope to see many of you on the weekend.
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, my weekend is just about over, and it was quite a nice one.  Yesterday i spent the morning in my PJ’s, which is my favourite Saturday morning past time.  Then it was a bit of housework followed with Breas housewarming party.  I bought her quite a few things, and i was pleased that she was really happy with them.
The party went well, although as we had the boys with us we left rather early.  It was lovely to see all her school friends, they are all beautiful girls and it was great to catch up with them.
Today is fathers day here in Oz, the boys woke Dames up early with their gorgeous home made cards, we all showered and went into town, where we proceeded to spend too much money on the boys.  They badly needed shoes, and Baileys Wii game had been in for repair, so we picked that up as well. This afternoon was spent watching the football, and i am currently cooking a nice roast dinner.
So, a quiet weekend, but a lovely one.
I hope you are all well and happy,
Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

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