[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well im back from my trip.  Not the best one ive had, but overall it was lovely (apart from Dames of course!)
I spent a lot of time at the spa, it was beautiful, imagine a huge pool of mineral water, heated like a bath.  You can just float around, one whole wall is a massive window looking out onto a creek and trees, yesterday we even saw a kookaburra!!!  Then there is the spa, also pretty huge, i always feel so amazingly relaxed when i get out.  We went every day!!!  That part of my trip was just wonderful.
We were out the door at 8am, Dames had the car packed pretty quickly.  Driving home i got a sms…my friend won 2 tickets to a comedy festival on the radio and wants me to go..woohoo.  It should be great and boy could i use a laugh.
Ive missed the forum, i tried connecting to the helpline and a group but my iphone wouldnt let me do it so i just read.  It was lovely to be able to keep up with the forum.  It also kept me sane as i was pretty sad the first few days. 
The one thing that blew me away was my son.  He is on his medication and my god, it is amazing.  He was so calm, not one fight was had with his brother and the one time i thought there would be…he just let it go.  Incredible.  If you knew just how full on he can be,  how quickly his temper can flare up, well, you would be astonished…i certainly was.  I am going in to pick up his permanent prescription shortly and thankfully he will only be on 1 tablet per day from now on.  There was no stress, hmmmmm, perhaps his father could do with a tablet or two!!!!!!! LOL
Anyway, i look forward to catching up with you all, the week, as usual, went way too quickly, but it is nice to be home.
TC….Kathryn xxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi all, well I’m on my holiday, hasn’t been the greatest, dames has been horrendous as he doesn’t like where we are staying so the last few days have been pretty ordinary. Personally I think it’s lovely and the cabins are great so I’m doing my best to ignore him and it seems he is coming around….I don’t particularly care, he has done his best to ruin my week and as hard as I’ve tried not up let him we are in a small space so it’s not that easy.
The only saving grace has been my sister, we have been to the spa and are returning this afternoon, it’s so relaxing and is a lovely hour spent with my lovely sister.
I have been reading the forum, as I now have an iPhone I have been able to pop on for a read.
The weather has been shocking, freezing And raining. I hope you are all well, I am making the most of my last few days here as best ican, it’s times like this you really evaluate your life, your wants and needs…and your ‘definitely don’t need’.
Bye for now, kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Im working this weekend, ive had today and yesterday off which was nice as i got a fair bit done at home.  I am going away Monday, will be back Friday.  Im really looking forward to that.  The kids broke up from school today for 2 weeks, luckily i only have 4 days that i need them looked after in that time. 
My sons medication is kicking in, although i do notice when it wears off in the afternoon, tonite he has been that moody, cranky and mean to his brother.  I know he cant help it, but his brother adores him and it makes me mad when he treats him like dirt.  We are just staying out of his way at the moment and i hope he can calm himself down.
Well im about to join the topic group, hope to see some of you on the weekend, it wont be until evening my time but ill do my very best!!!
Take care my lovely’s,
Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

LOL Bettie,
Im still laughing too….i forgot about the goo goo…what a hoot, you are one funny funny woman!!!
Love ya, Kathryn xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Thank you Velvet and P for your replies.
Now that i have calmed down i will explain myself, i was soooo angry last night and after a good sleep i can talk about what happened..which, was the icing on the cake yesterday.
I will start with Bailey.  V, we did have a good visit with the paed, he has been put on medication that we are trialling.  I started yesterday morning with 1 and a half tabs, we had lots of trouble with him getting them down, ice cream was the way in the end!!!  So, i had a massage to go to and wouldnt be home for his lunch time dose so i explained to Dames many many times what time, how many, how to give it etc.
I went to my appt and when i came out i rang home.  Bailey was due to have his meds 2 hours before i rang.  I asked Dames how Bailey went, "oh, i completely forgot".  I was enraged, such an important thing, one little thing for him to do that day and could he get his mind off himself long enough to do it????? No.
Needless to say i wasnt in a good mood when i got home.
We had a 21st birthday to attend last night, it was at my venue, the place i lived in and loved for so many years, one that i can go to now, but cannot step foot in the gaming area.  Im not comfortable there, but as the party was there i went.  I was sitting in the smoking area, i could see Dames pacing back and forth and i knew, i just knew that he was dying to get into those machines.  I said nothing, and then he came up to me and said ‘im just going to chuck $10 in the indian (or whatever it was called).  I said nothing.  He went in.
Now, my issue is not that he gambled.  When we went last time, i left him out there and i came home.  At home i tidied up, i cleaned out the bill box, i cleaned the bathroom, it was when he came home and saw that i had done all this that he realised how difficult it was for me….that i was filling my time, taking my mind off it.  I hadnt really given it much thought myself, but he was really sorry, he said he wouldnt do it again, he didnt want me to feel that way again.  That is my issue here.
I am the cg in this house, i take full responsibility for that, i dont expect anyone to not gamble because of me.  But the fact that he gave me this huge speil, and more to the point, that i BELIEVED him, infuriates me.
Anyway, im feeling better today, luckily for him i dont hold a grudge, its a waste of energy.
Im having a lazy home day today, hopefully i will catch up with some people on chat.
Hope you are well and happy,
Love Kathryn xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

I hate being bull****ted.
Especially by my husband who ‘pretends’ to be interested in what i say and ‘pretends’ to listen and ‘pretends’ to care.
I posted not so long ago about a night out at my old venue, how he went and gambled, how i came home and went beserk on the house….he had come home saying that he didnt realise just what his gambling did to me, how it affected me, how he would never do it again.
liar.
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi Bettie,
Wow, you have been busy!!!
Your first paragraph slapped me in the face, i realise that i feel that way, that i dont have a lot to say, although usually when i start a post i tend to go on and on and on! So i vow to post more often from now on.
I went for a hot rock massage today, dont know if you have heard of it but it is DIVINE!!!  My skin feels as soft as a baby’s bum!  It was hard to relax though, really relax, but i did my best.  Mind you, the minute i got home, relaxation out the window.
Im off to a 21st tonight, couldnt think of anything worse really, but im hoping the food is good!!!!
Hope you have a restful sleep my friend,
Love Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
My week has been ok, we have been busy,  recieved one death threat (seriously!!), thankfully she was a no show.
I have tomorrow off as Bailey has his appointment with the paediatrition.  I think we are both looking forward to it, to see if there is help for this beautiful boy.  Its been a long long time coming.
Today is my eldest sisters birthday, if she was alive she would have been 60 years old.  Those old timers here know of my struggle, how i gambled so much during her illness, even on the day she died.  I have come to terms with it, i have forgiven myself, it has been almost 10 years since her death, and now when i think of her i think of the fun we had, the wonderful person she was, the amazing party she would have thrown for her birthday, and, of course, how much i love and miss her.
Im reminded how hard she fought to stay, which makes me apprecieate my life all the more.
Happy Birthday Neicy, have a port on me!!!!
Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hey Bettie,
Your condo sounds lovely and i love the colours, how uplifting.  Im glad you survived your first day back at work, my mouth was watering reading about the party….lets face it, its ALL about the food!!!!!!
I too think about those that have drifted, there are lots that i met when i first came here that havent returned and i do hope they are all doing ok, although i was thrilled to see Minky’s post, she was always on my mind.
Speaking of on my mind, i have hardly seen you.  I wanted you to know that as of the 18th april i will be back doing my monday night group!!!  Im not sure of the time yet, but i will let you know as it would be lovely to see you!!!
Well, should do some more posting, ive been slack of late but i have been so busy at work and by the time i get home, tea, washing, lunches, dishes…well, you know the story!!!
Love ya, Kathryn xxxxx
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

A quick note…
Xanadu was AWESOME!!!!
They didnt take it seriously, so  the memories were flooding back, but it was hysterically funny as well.
What topped it off, was when it was over we went outside and there was a marquee with a 80’s band playing, who were amazing, looked like Durran Durran/Adam Ant….we danced for an hour and then came home.
I had a brilliant time!!!
Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
P….i did enjoy that facial, it was fantastic but i found it soooo hard to relax.  I was talking myself through it…relax Kathryn….i kind of did, but not as much as i would have liked.  The upside is that my skin looks great!!!!
I am going to Melbourne tonight, to the Xanadu show with 3 friends.  We are catching the train, something i havent done for over 15 years i would think. We are having dinner first, it should be great fun.  The reviews werent that good, but i loved the movie all those years ago…Olivia Newton John, Andy Gibb, rollerskates…i know every song by heart, yes, i am very sad!!!!!!
Love you all,
Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Sad day for me today,
My cat has been sick, i had him to the vet last week, a virus, they said.
Today, i found him, i thought he was asleep but he wasnt.
I had to tell the boys tonight, and while Harry was ok, Bailey cried for an hour.
Not the best day in my life, thought about gambling for about half a second.
Anyways, hope you are all well,
Kathryn xTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

P and Lizbeth, thank you for your posts and thanks P for bringing me back to the top
I had a nice weekend, Saturday i spent at my besties, it was her sons 4th bday party and it was a lovely day, the weather was amazing and she had organised a baby animal farm.  The kids just loved it. I did have to have a nanna nap when i got home though, i was so exhausted!!!
Brea and i decided to do some late night shopping,(after i finally got out of bed) and we went to Kmart, a store with everything, and had a lovely time browsing around, mind you, i spent more than i should of, and a whole lot on her…it was just lovely.
Sunday i went to my sisters, its her birthday in a week and a half and i went and picked up her present.  She is always dropping off the kids prezzies early so i thought i would do it for her.  My other sister and i went halves in a beautiful outdoor setting,  the stools and table are mushrooms!!!  She has what i call a magic fairy garden and it just looked perfect.  I was really pleased, and i think she was too which made it all the better.
Not doing much except work this week, Saturday night im going to a show with a few friends which i am really looking forward to, i think we are catching the train.  I dont take public transport much, and i love a train ride so it should be a wonderful night.
I didnt catch up with many of you this weekend,  although i had some wonderful conversations on chat.
I hope you are all well and happy,
Stay strong, take care, Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hello Birthday Girl,
In case i dont see you, i am sending you huge hugs, lots of laughs, relaxation, and of course, delicious cake!!!!
Happy Birthday to someone i think is just awesome!!!!
PS….well done on the 7 months too…WTG GIRL!!!!!!!!!!
Love, Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hey girl,
Hmmm, perhaps its time to sit down with your sponsor and calmly and clearly tell her how you are feeling.  Im only going on what you have written, but she seems extremely pushy, and forcing you to do things before you are ready is not going to help, and in truth, she should know that!
Sometimes people have one way and that is the only right way.  We both know that our individual journeys are all different, this site shows just how different recovery can be.
Please dont keep trying to make her happy, you are like me in that way, its easier to do what they want and not rock the boat. Sometimes you need to stand up and do what you want to do regardless of what anyone else thinks.  Im sure you can have a civilised conversation with this woman without hurting her feelings but at the same time letting her know you are moving too fast, you should be able to tell her what you want out of this.  Its not about her Bettie, its about you. 
Love you girl, Kathryn xxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

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