[kathryn]

Good morning,
Oh i am stressed, stressed aobut the almighty dollar.  We have to move in 2 weeks, i have tax to pay and im finding it difficult to find the money, in fact, im finding it impossible.  I think my only option at this time is to hit my mum up for a loan.  I hate doing this, ive been proud of the fact that ive been totally loan free with mum since i have stopped gambling.  I have a bond due back from this house which i can give to her as soon as i get it.  I feel like my options are minimal.  Ugh….
It is almost tax time here too, so my refund can go to her as well if i need to borrow extra.  I think im looking for someone to say that it is ok for me to ask her for a loan.  I feel bad about it, but i also feel i have no choice, i simply cannot find this money, ive done list upon list and it still doesnt add up!!!
Im pretty frustrated. 
Any advice would be apprecieated,
Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

So sorry to hear of your neighbour Bettie,
His life was better for knowing you!!
As for your speech, you will rock it…after all, you are amazing!!!!!!!
Love Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Thank you Lynn,
The headphones are a great idea. 
I have woken up this morning with a thumping headache and a sore back…ugh.  Not a great way to start the day.  Not to mention that i decided to be the great cook and make soup in my slow cooker last night.  My house smells like rotten cabbage!  Gross!!!  I have turned it off and will throw the soup out, i cant eat it after it has stunk out my house…lol, what a great start to the day, it can only improve im sure, as long as i can get this smell out!!!
Not planning on doing too much today, a bit more packing i think.  I will make a cake for the kids lunches this week, im a bit better with that than i am with soup!
Love Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I had a good day today, i did some more packing, visited my mum and bestie, got the washing done, all in all, a productive day.  I have been sitting here posting while my hubby has been watching the football, its a nightmare, i cant stand it, i want to scream and smother him with a pillow.  If i could, i would move this laptop, but unfortunately i have no battery life and if i do ill lose the lot!!  He has just turned it off.  He has also turned up the tv as me typing on the keys is annoying him…grrr, does he not think that he is annoying me????
Anyway, just a little rant, i am trying to type quietly.  LOL…sounds ridiculous reading that back.
Hope you are all well, the chat is spookily quiet tonight.
Love Kathryn xxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Happy 2nd birthday Bettie…lol
I think what you are doing for your neighbour is absolutely beautiful and i wanted you to know that i think you are an amazing, kind, thoughtful, caring, loving, awesome woman!!!
Planting those flowers is such a thoughtful idea.  Im sure your neighbour would apprecieate your kindness.  He is lucky to know you….as am i.
Love Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi everyone,
Thank you for all the lovely posts.
I have had a really  nice evening, my daughter turned 20 today and we had a dinner for her.  She wanted spaghetti, bless her little cotton socks, how easy is that???  My bestie and her kids came over, she made the cake, a tier of chocolate and strawberry cupcakes, just gorgeous.
I cant quite believe i am old enough to have a 20 year old, it just doesnt seem right!!!!
She has turned into a wonderful woman, i am so proud of her, it amazes me that she turned out so well considering the time i wasnt there.  All i can say is….thank god!
Hope you are all well,
Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Thank you all so much.
Im one very blessed woman.
Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Geordie and Paddy, thank you…it was great talking to you both this morning.
So yes, today is my 2 year anniversary, and although it is really just another day gamble free, it amazes me that i have had 2 years of gamble free days!  I am proud of myself, proud of how far i have come, in saying that, i also know that it is a life long journey, that i need to work my recovery every day. I am not so cocky to believe that i am cured, i will always be a cg, and i am proud of that, because it has made me the person i am today.
Without the support i have recieved here i doubt very much i would be writing this post.  You have helped me when i needed advice, you have lifted my spirits when i have felt down, you have made me laugh, made me cry, and to each and every one of you i have spoken to, who have posted to me….THANK YOU XXX  To have contact with others who have been there, who are living it, who have family members that are cg’s, i have taken something out of each conversation, each post, that has kept me going.  
Ok, so thats done!!!
My conversation with my husband seemed to jolt him into action.  He has been brilliant, and this has reflected onto me and on to the boys.  I really dont think he realised how i felt, how unhappy i was, and i think he is really trying.  Which is all i can ask for.  As for me, i am also making an attitude adjustment, after all, if he is willing, then so am i.  I am also ensuring that i make my feelings known, no more bottling up for me, and this seems to be helping too.  We are talking more, which of course, is so important in a relationship.
I am going to a party tonight, my friend is 40 and is having an 80’s dress up night.  I have my outfit ready to go, which is a hoot, and my boss is going to give me  a spiral perm with her hair tongs, i had curly hair from 1986-1992, so its only appropriate that it makes an appearance.  It should be great fun and i am looking forward to it.  Dames has gone away for the night and the boys are staying at Breas.  I am hoping to crash at my sisters, although i havent spoken to her yet!!!!
We have just got our date for our house move.  I have 1 month to pack this place up, which is plenty, but daunting all at once.  I am looking forward to moving, the new house is lovely and i truly believe i deserve it!! (especially the dishwasher!!!)  I think i am going to take the week off work, the kids are on holidays anyways so it will be a good excuse.  Then i can take my time and unpack slowly, i cant stand rushing.
I hope you all have a great weekend,
Love Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxx
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
The last few weeks have given me time to evaluate what i want out of this life of mine.  My home life has been pretty ordinary.  Talking a lot with my best friend has helped me immensly.  Im sure some of you will cringe, but Oprah has helped me a lot too.  Sometimes it takes someone to say something so simply that you finally understand.
There was a massive blow up in my house on the weekend.  Not because i have had enough (that didnt help) but becasue my husband decided to pick on our beautiful, sensitive son who wouldnt hurt a fly.  Now i have put up with a lot, and i take my part in that, BUT….when it comes to my children the claws come out, as do the fangs and the venom.  And oh my did they come out.  I cannot remember having a scream like i did that morning.  They were going off to his mothers for the night and because something did not go his way he decided to take that out on all of us.  I firmly believe that i am the advocate for my children, and when they are used as a way to relieve tension and frustration, well, i become a snarling beast.
Long story short, they did go with their father (not after a fair bit of drama) and when they returned the next day i decided that it was make or break.  I told him, FINALLY.  I stood up and told him exactly how i felt, how i was unhappy, how his tyranny in this house needed to stop, how he needed to make changes.  I told him what i wanted from this life, and what i needed him to be.  No, im not perfect, as he so kindly reminded me the morning before (how lucky i was that he was still here after all i had done), and i did also tell him that i was unprepared to take the blame anymore, i have paid my penance and i will not stand for my addiction being bought up again and again.  He did agree it was a low blow, and that he would not do it again.  What surprised me the most, was that he had no idea. He has absolutely no clue that there was any kind of problem in our marriage, which blows my mind.  How could he not see it?
I dont know if it is denial (he could not understand my reaction to 1 fight??) or that he truly thinks that we live in a perfectly happy marriage, which from my end is simply not true.
What i believe, is that in the last 2 years i have changed…dramatically.
Simply put, he is the same man he always was.
If he didnt know before, he knows now.  The way we are is just not enough for me anymore.  The way he is is not what i want anymore.  So its either change, or go.  Simple as that.  Im not expecting a miracle, but i am expecting an effort.  He said he needs a few days to think about things, and i will give him that.  But the conversation is not over.
For the record, today is our 19th wedding anniversary.
Love you all,
Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hiya B,
Hope you are having a relaxing weekend.  I havent talked to you as much as i would have liked (yes, its all about ME!!!)  but im hoping to catch up soon.  I have so missed being here, it was like i had lost a limb, although my house was spotless, i had nothing else to do!!! 
Love ya girl, Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi Kin,
As always, insightful posting.  I love the way to take your thoughts apart and put them back together again.
You will get your cheque back and all will be right.  Dont worry too much, in the grand scheme of things it could be a lot worse.  Sometimes we have to wait, and as frustrating as it is, there may be a lesson for you at the end of it.  I always say that things happen for a reason, at the time i always wonder what on earth that reason could be…looking back i can always see it is clearly as a full moon.
Take care my friend,
Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hey Lizbeth,
Wow….you have been busy.  I have missed you and have thought of you often since my laptop was at the doctors.
Who would have thought we could have a life with no gambling in it?  You are doing it and i am sooo proud of you.  Not only that, but the steps you have taken to look after your health is nothing short of inspirational.  I need to look to you and get of my bum before it wont fit in the chair anymore!!!!!
Hope to see you soon,
Love Kathryn ***
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Great work Moe,
I was so pleased to hear of your banning, your accountability to your wife and removing those ghastly apps on facebook.  You are doing everything to ensure your recovery goes as smoothly as it can, barriers are so brilliant sometimes!!!!
Keep it up Moe, you should be **** proud of yourself.
Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Colin,
Thank you.  For sharing your life, your dentist jokes, your words of wisdom.  We are blessed to have a member who can show us that with hard work, dedication and a will to have a better life this addiction can be managed.  One day at a time of course.
Congratulations.
Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi Jazz,
Im so happy you have found this site.  Please dont ever feel that you cant journal here as much as you need to , i did, many, many ***** a day.  I would sit waiting for a response, i needed someone to hear me, to understand…and every time, someone was there.
Your husband doesnt understand this addiction, and in reality, we cant expect him to.  Like someone with any illness, no one understands like another that has been there.  What you are doing for yourself is wonderful.  You have given yourself a chance at a happy life Jazz, and you should be really proud of yourself for that.  Dont let anyone, or anything jeopordise your recovery.  Its your time now.
Take care, and welcome…Kathryn ***
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[Author]

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