[kathryn]

So, first attempt at the treadmill……
Needless to say, my legs are like jelly.
Why do i go hammer and tong at everything!!!
Flights for holiday are booked, i am really excited about it now, it has finally become a reality.  One downer, a person who i love dearly isnt thrilled that im going and i feel i cant be excited in front of them which makes me really sad.  Not a lot of great things happen to me, it would be nice if i could at least talk about it, but it seems i am shut down every time and now im paranoid to say even one word about it because i dont want to upset them and i feel i cant even mention it, the whole situation makes me feel extremely uncomfortable.
I am, however going to have a fabulous time and bring this person home a lot of presents regardless!!!!  Bali is the shopping mecca for us Aussies, it rocks!!!!!
Anyway, hope you are all well and happy, i dread to think what my legs are going to be like in the morning, but when im on the beach in Bali feeling fabulous it will be well worth it!!!!!
Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi all and thank you ladies for your posts,
I guess im a bit dumb…..i didnt realise that we all had the same mothers day, duhhhhh, in saying that i hope you all had a wonderful day.
So today is my day 1, no, i havent gambled, its my day 1 of the healthier, trimmer me.  I have a treadmill coming this afternoon (hubby is picking it up) and im hoping it will all be set up when i get home from work.
I have 7 weeks till my trip, not long enough and yes im panicking, i will be in bathers a lot over there and the last thing i need is for some little balinese man trying to roll me back into the ocean.  Im not focusing on weight, im focusing on getting rid of the flab.  Hubby is fully supportive, i think he is ready for me to get out of my comfort zone, ive been in a good paddock for far too long.  This is a great motivator.  My healthy food is all packed and i spent yesterday afternoon cooking up a storm so i dont have to think about meals for work this week.
Wish me luck folks, hopefully i can work my weight recovery like i work my gambling recovery, although i dont recall sweating like a stuck pig and looking like a beetroot when i first stopped gambling, well, maybe once when i was having a huge urge!!!
Love you all,
K xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Today is Mothers Day in Australia.  I love this day, even though i know my children love me, mothers day is the day that they make sure i know it!!!!!
My daughter Brea organised portraits of her and the boys, and they are magnificent,  of course, i sobbed, she prides herself in making me cry and this year was no exception.
My mother in law is down, and we went out for breakfast, the children werent invited, just her grown up children…and although it was a lovely breakfast i really didnt want to be there, and i wont do it again.  I wanted to be home, with my kids.  We are the only ones that have young children, all Dames’ siblings children are grown.
Anyway, i will go and see my mother later on, i bought her, amongst other things a new kettle.  I dont normally buy electrical appliances for presents, but i went there the other day and the state of her kettle is shocking.  Im not sure that she can see very well so im sure she will like a new one.  I did buy her some little special things as well. 
Anyway, to all my aussie friends, Happy mothers day, i hope you enjoy it no matter what you do.
Love K xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hey B,
Posting here is working recovery B, reading other threads is working recovery, girl, you work recovery in ways you never imaigned.
Im so happy to read that you are looking after yourself.  I found out without a shadow of a doubt that im going to Bali in 7 weeks.  B……im on the health kick with you, i cant go to Bali looking like this, talk about pressure!!!!!
Love ya girl,
K xxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Maverick,
Thanks for digging me out of the deep, i went back and i havent posted for a long time….(practice what i preach me thinks!!)
Anyway, i had a small surgical procedure this week and im still not feeling 100%.  I am so tired, and i am mighty sore, not to mention that i think i have tennis elbow (no, not from tennis) and my left ankle keeps collapsing on me……WHAT IS GOING ON?????  I am falling apart. 
I dont like feeling unwell, i am having difficulty getting anything done, i am supposed to go back to work on Monday but the way im feeling im unsure if i am going to do this, i think i will play it by ear and see how i feel.
No gambling, i would say life is good, but i feel too crappy to say it!!!!!
Hope you are all well,
Love Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

LOL V,
We must have been posting at the same time, and heres me…living the dream with snooty hubby and child…LOL
In all honesty, thats my biggest problem today, and i must remember that compared to not so long ago, this pales in comparison!!!
Thanks my beautiful Velvet, for again reminding me just how fortunate i really am!!!!
Love you, K xxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Ive had a busy week, we have 2 new doctors from England and its a bit stressful trying to keep them happy.  Of course everyone does things differently and it takes a while for us nurses to get used to the way a new doctor likes things and believe me, they can be very fussy!!!!  In saying that, they seem very nice so thats a good thing!!!
Ive had a disapointing evening tonight, my youngest son went on his very first sleepover and so master 13, hubby and myself decided to go out for dinner, which we did and it was lovely, no issues there…..
We did decide afterwards to go to Kmart, its Harry’s 8th birthday next week and i said i would get a few things for him while we were there (which i did).  Master 13 asked if he could have some money, so i said sure, $20 should cover it.  Of course what he wanted was $49 and i said no.  Not only did he get snooty, so did hubby!  Because he couldnt have what he wanted he didnt want anything so we got our purchases for Harry and left.  The drive home was icy to say the least, not one word was spoken (i was driving) and not one word since then.  It has been several hours since we got home.
So, i have made the easy decision.  Im sure if hubby hadnt been there sulking Bailey would have found something for his $20 and been quite happy, the fact that hubby sooked along with him has made up my mind.  No longer will i go shopping with him, for anything, ever again.  I know it sounds drastic, but i tell you, i dont need the stress of it all.  I am done!
Im pretty upset still, it makes me angry that something as simple as going to a shop can turn into something really ugly and upsetting.  Lesson learnt.
TC, K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hiya B,
Oh i would have loved to be there with you all, when you write it like that is just seems so simple B….
Enjoy your time together, these are memories you just cant buy!
Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Back from my trip, i just read my last post…lol, i really shouldnt try and post on my iphone, im not good at it!!!!
Anyway, i had a fantastic week, it was one of those holidays that ive always wanted.  I usually go away with great expectations, the happy family, the peaceful week away and it never happens, but it did!!!!  It was an absolute joy.
I hope you are all well and happy,
K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Thanks for the posts, I’m on my trip, spent today at the spa … Pure relaxation bliss. Unlike last year which was a total nightmare everyone is actually having a good time. ….woohoo! Life is good, take care my lovelies, oh and mum saw me Zumba this morning and said i was a show off….. I cant won !!!this morning a

[kathryn]

Hope, again i thank you for bringing me to the top…..
My computer is slow, soooo slow that it takes me ages to do anything, and being the impatient cg that i am its easier for me to not write than take half an hour to write a paragraph,  i still read every day, just dont post, it takes too long at the moment, i will, after my trip, take it to the computer person fixer upper!!!!!
Im doing alright, busy at work, we are going away on Tuesday for 4 nights, i cant wait and i just know i will be extremely relaxed when i get back, i always am…..
Easter Bunny was good to my children this year, they didnt wake up until after 7 which was a miracle really although master 13 obviously knows that i am Easter bunny, but little master 7 still believes (i think)
Not a lot to report, just living………oh its lovely to be able to say that.  OF course, life is no where near perfect, still issues with hubby, that will never change, kids drive me nuts at least once a day, that will never change, but what has changed is me and my ability to cope without having to gamble.  A massive change in my life.
I hope Easter bunny was kind to you all,
Take care, K xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Im in Cat,
Happy recovery day,
K xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Wow Mark,
That is wonderful. It took me 15 years too, waaay too long.  I have to say though, that without it we would not be who we are today.  I truly believe that we are meant to take the journey we do, to find ourselves when we are meant to because there is a reason behind everything. 
For me, it has been worth the wait…..Life is great!
HOpe to see you round a little more,
Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hiya B,
YOu know, i always know how my weight is by my mother…..she is a human fat detector.  If you are skinny, you are wasting away to a shadow and i havent been wasting for quite some time now!
She tends to pat me on the head a lot….ugh…LOL!
So, i suppose like the gambling, like the smoking, we need to work at it.  I, like you dont want to work at it, i just want it to be gone.  Ive been zumba’ing for weeks, it doesnt seem to be making much difference, disheartening to say the least.  I tend to see the best in things, in people and i suppose that can be a huge advantage sometimes as i refuse to be put down by this, i keep at it beause i do know that eventually it will work.
  At the end of the day, its your call girlfriend, and hey, never be ashamed of complaining, our complaints are our own, our pain is our own and we more than every right to put them down in our journal, as you well know i did that every day for a long long time.
No matter what you do, do it for you.  Forget everyone else.  This is YOUR life and you live it how you choose.  On a personal note i think you are an amazing woman, you have been a huge influence in my life, in my recovery and what i love about this site, is that looks are irrelevant, which just shows by the amount of posts you have, the love that people feel for you.  When you are feeling like rubbish, remember that!!!!!
Love ya, K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Good Evening Everyone,
i have been having some computer problems this week that have prevented me from being here as much as i would like to.  I am up late, well, early actually, its just after midnight for me and im up with coffee and toast.
Its hot tonight, so hot that i cant sleep.  I just rolled over and my arm touched my husbands arm which was absolutely freezing.  I thought the poor man was dead and just about shook him off the bed i got such a fright.  Needless to say he wasnt impressed hence me sitting here writing this post.
Ive had a busy week, i worked 10 days straight, which nearly kills me.  The tuesday after easter we are off for 4 nights to our little yearly holiday.  I cant believe just how much i feel i need it this year.  I am soooo tired.  To be honest, im tired of being tired!
My one saving grace is that i havent had any real urges to gamble.  I feel i have learnt to live without it in my life now.  Although i know i cant ever return, i am at peace with that and feel no desire to do so.  Complaciency will always be in my mind, i think being honest and open, not soemthing that everyone can do but something that is important to me helps my recovery.  I am not embaressed or afraid to say i am a compulsive gambler, to anyone.  It is part of who i am, a very small part these days and my recovery is worth a hell of a lot more than any embaresment i may feel saying that i cannot/will not go to a gambling venue.   If they dont like it……too bad, they obviously arent my friend or anyone i need to worry about.
I hope that you are all doing ok, wherever you are in your journey. Dont give up. I do finally feel that perhaps now i can change my profile signature, because i am living.  Finally.
Take care,
K xxxx
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

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