[kathryn]

Hi Debbie,
Hmmmm, seems there are unrealistic expectations flying all over the place today.  It is, a full moon and i strongly believe it affects us in weird ways, for myself, i was in bed at 8pm as i didnt want to talk to anyone, hubby included!  My pity party ended quite early it seems!!!!!
Thank you for directing me to Ken, even when he isnt here it seems he is watching over us!!!
I hope you are feeling better, you are stronger than you know.
Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

You know when you try and try, when you make a conscious effort, when you do everything you can and you get squat back?
3 little words……..i am done.
K
On second thoughts, i have an unrealistic expectation of others.  I need to stop putting people on pedestals.  I end up being the one who is hurt.  So, as usual, its all my fault.  Yep, im having a pity party and you are all invited.To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

No wonder your pooped B,
Nothing like a do-it-yourselfer to make you buy the good stuff!!!!  Im sure you will look at your new balcony with pride when all is said and done. 
I have been like a bear with a sore head this weekend, call it hormones, call it waking up on the wrong side of the bed, call it what you want i have been a nightmare!!!  I wouldnt want to live with me!!!  My only real high was spending the morning with my lovely daughter.  She is away doing her placement for her teaching degree for the next 2 weeks, i love that she cant do anything without going to see her mum, she is one funny girl and i love spending time with her.
Did you know that i have never owned a coffee pot?  I wouldnt know how to use one.  We have good old fashioned instant in my house, a teaspoon of that, 2 sugars and some boiled water, all done….lol.  I hope your new Mr Coffee is everything you have imagined him to be…LOL.
Love ya girl,
Kathryn xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Its been awhile so i thought a post was in order.  Ive been busy, back to work since my trip to Bali (what i wouldnt give to be back there just for another few days……) there has been a lot going on, ive come to the realisation that i am working in a very unhealthy environment and i have something on the backburner, i havent commited to anything right now, but im seriously considering all aspects.
Health wise, well of course i could be doing more, a lot more, i have managed to stay of the cigarettes and im coming up to about 8 months or so which is great, although i need to get back to my exercise regime and watch my food intake, i do love my food!  I have a wedding in a couple of weeks and i think a bit of exercise will make me feel better about the dress im wearing. …its not my normal thing, in fact, i havent worn a dress for a couple of years, i dont ever feel comfortable in them but Brea swears it looks good.  In saying that, she is 20 years younger than me and its proboably more her kind of dress than mine……
Speaking of Brea, and exercise for that matter, i have booked us some tickets to try pole dancing/burlesque lessons…LOL.  There was a special on, 3 lessons for the price of 1 so i thought why not?  It will be fun, something different and we havent really done a mum/daughter thing for a while.  If we like it we will keep on going, that is one i will keep you posted on….im unsure as how on earth i am going to swing around on a pole, i imagine me falling with a very undignified thump!
As for gambling, i havent had any urges, i still come here, every day, to read.  There is a great community here and its good to see that the support is as strong as ever.
I hope you are all well and happy,
TAke care, K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Bettie, Bright and Meg, thank you for your posts…..
Meg, i did look up at that full moon, it was as bright and beautiful as it always is and of course, i thought of you.
So, the holiday, it was brilliant.  Highlights were lobster dinner on the beach watching the sunset and being serenaded by a gorgeous Balinese band who kept getting the words wrong,  getting lots of bargains from the locals who had such names as Mel Gibson, Johnny Walker and Jim Beam (lol), lying by the pool with a cocktail just enjoying life although usually i was thinking about what i needed to go and buy the next day, and my highlight of the trip was releasing my own little baby turtle into the ocean, there were hundreds of people and over 1000 turtles, a record apparently, it was so emotional and moving i cried…..
I came home to a family who missed me and a whole lot of washing, it had been washed, but there were baskets of clean clothes everywhere, im still catching up.
Back to work on Monday, i havve to say im not looking forward to it, i think it may be time for me to move on from there, i will start looking….im not in a hurry, but im definitely going to be fussy, anyway we shall see how it goes.
I hope you are all well and happy,
Love K xxxxxxxxx
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
The quickest upate because of course i am in beautiful Bali and i have to go and book my massage…..ahhhh, lol.
Having a wonderful time, the weather is amazing, the food is to die for, the shopping, well lets just say i went ‘buck wild’ yesterday which is why today i am having a lazy massage/pool day.
If this doesnt prove what stopping gambling can do, i dont know what can!!!  Cocktails in coconuts watching the sunset, i am having the time of my life!!!!
Love you all,
K xxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi all,
Thank you for your posts and support.  So i had the procedure, i was absolutely terrified but in true style the anesthetic kicked in and i was asleep.  I woke up in a totally seperate room, i cant remember how i got there…lol
So this morning ive woken up, my face is a little swollen, and there is bruising as well.  Im taking fairly strong painkillers and they are truly doing the job and im happy with that.  I have to see the surgeon on Friday to do a last check before i fly out…..WOOOOHOOOOOO. 
Nothing will stop me enjoying this trip, i think ive been put through the wringer with this stupid tooth so i think my trip is even more deserved!  Im not going back to work now, so ill be super organised by Sunday.  I need to rest and let this thing heal, i can feel the stitches in my mouth…..ewwwwwwww.  They will disolve..lol.
Anyway, enough babble, im sure ill be back for one last woohoo before i go,
take care,
K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, what has meant to be the build up to the holiday ive been so excited about has turned into a small nightmare….of course!  My husband always says we are cursed and im starting to believe him!
About 12 days ago, I had a tooth removed as i thought i would have everything done before my trip.  The extraction was completely fine, no problems, quick and painless…..until 2 days later when i woke up and realised that i had an infection…a ‘dry socket’ they call it in dental circles.
So, a hell of a lot of pain, painkillers and antibiotics later and yesterday i decide to go to the specialist who promptly informs me that today i will be having surgery,  to clean the infection out and sew it back up.  To say i was horrified was an understatement, i havent cried like that in a long time (once i got to the car of course)
So im off today to have it done.  I am praying that it will be ok before i go away on Sunday.  Im cutting it fine, very fine in fact. I am already loaded with more painkillers and antibiotics for when i wake up this afternoon.  I am planning on sleeping a lot, to let the healing process do what it needs to, ensuring im fine to travel.
Im extremely nervous, terrified in fact.  I am hoping against hope that it will be ok.
Ill keep you posted.
K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

My baby girl turned 21 today.
We had drinks last night at a lovely little spot in our town, it was a great night although hubby had way too much to drink and ended up riding the porcelain bus (thank goodness i was asleep!)
Anyway, my daughter just posted the loveliest thing on facebook thanking us and saying that without me and her dad she wouldnt be the person she is today. 
It got me thinking…..i believe everything happens for a reason, so i was meant to have my addiction to shape me into who i am today.  I harboured a lot of guilt for Brea when i first stopped gambling, i forced her to grow up way too fast, looking after her brother so i could go and gamble, giving her way to much responsibility at such an early age, thankfully she was never put in a situation that harmed her, her brother or gave her lifelong issues that caused her pain.  
Perhaps it is because of where i am in my recovery, that i can now look back and see the good that came from my addiction, that i can take the positives out of it and recognise the blessings.  Something good always comes from something bad  and reading that little fb post tonight just proves that for me. 
I am so proud of my daughter, of the beautiful, vibrant, fun, happy, smart, bubbly person she has become.  That child fills my life with joy (most of the time!!!)
That is a massive blessing!
Take care all,
K xxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hey everyone,
Wanted to do another post about my day today.
So, yesterday was my 3 year anniversary, and i didnt even remember until 8.45pm.  I had my group and came to log on and the first thing i saw was the above post from Vanilla…….thats when i remembered.  I actually gasped and said to hubby…"oh my god, i havent gambled for 3 years today and i didnt even remember!"  We did a high five and that really was the extent of my celebrating!! LOL
When i went back onto the journal section and saw Harrys post, another big gasp (im such a drama queen).  I was shocked, then teary, then very proud.  Thanks H, for remembering (not to mention reminding me of what a pain i was!!) All of you that posted, you all made me feel so special and a true part of this community and for that i thank you, its the loveliest feeling in the world.
Onto today…..i gave myself another gift, i went and self excluded again.  I took my bestie Jode with me, we were going shopping afterwards.  It only took about 5 minutes, the photo was damn awful, like a passport photo, and the side on version….ewwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!  Anyway, got it done and dusted which was great, Nick, the man i met was lovely and it was over in a blink.
Had a lovely day with my bestie, i fear something is wedged between us at the moment, i know that all will be ok though, we are both working at things which is important and we havent had a day out for a long time so it was really enjoyable. 
Back to work tomorrow for a couple of days, then Friday off, (unfortunately i have to have a tooth pulled out and i still think of Colin everytime i go to the dentist)
Well, time to go and pick up H from school,
Enjoy your day everyone,
Love K xxxxxxxx
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hello my friends,
Well, ive had an eventful couple of days, first, yesterday i pulled a muscle in my back…..it is taped up like you wouldnt believe.  The only reason i  went to work was because i knew the physio was there and he would help me!  Anyway, its feeling a bit better today.  Work has actually been a little bit fun this week, one of the bosses has a week off, just shows the impact she has there, and its been rather enjoyable.  The doctors have been quite funny too which has been a bonus!
Lastly, it is my 20 year wedding anniversary today.  We didnt do anything due to lack of funds (i am saving for bali!!) so we had a nice dinner followed by hubby going to bed and me on the computer listening to music!!!  Yep, just another day really!
Im working through until monday, although we have the day off for Queen Elizabeths birthday i am working, another Bali money raising scheme!!!  I have Tuesday off and i have an appointment to go and re-exclude.  Im looking forward to getting that done.
I hope you are all well and happy, Happy Hump Day!!!!
Love Kathryn xxxxxxxxxx
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Wow, thanks girls for you lovely posts,
Twilight, i will say….its only 26 SLEEPS!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!! Not to get to ahead of myself but i have already done a tiny bit of packing..lol. 
Vanilla, im impressed you read the lot, i sure do sprout rubbish sometimes, although being able to do that has saved my life on occasion!
Sherry, what can i say…..my life was Days of our lives, the whole saga with Fester, i remember feeling absolutely supported by you lot back then, it was one of the most traumatic things i have ever been through  but we all made it through the other side, i do still think of that poor girl, i half expect her to knock on the door one day wanting another test, who can blame her, im not sure what her mum said to her but hey, perhaps she told her who her real dad is and they are doing ok.  Its not her fault, poor thing.  Im not sure if i would have got through it without all my friends here, you truly kept me sane when life was totally insane!!!  Its not a time that i think of a lot, but it was a truly testing time for me in my recovery and i firmly believe in fate, i was sent here because if i hadnt stopped gambling i think i would have destroyed myself in my stress and misery!!
Anyway, my point is that this site has been a huge part of my recovery, and all my friends here have helped me along the way.  A life line, and a godsend that i give thanks for every day.
I hope you are all well and happy,
Kathryn xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hey my lovelies,
Thank you for your posts, Velvet, Larry, B and Laura, my friends, its wonderful to know that i have people looking out for me and as always i am grateful and thankful.
So i am in the process of organising my re-exclusion.  I am not prepared to tempt fate so im having my portrait taken again for the venues and signing for the next 2 years.  I am unable to take it for any longer although when i asked the man said that the reason they only do 2 years at a time is to keep the photos current which makes sense.
My week has been fine, work and home, no issues, im still exercising but being the impatient cg i am, i feel like its not working fast enough!!!  I have a shocking head cold at the moment, so lots of rest this weekend.  Im grateful i wont have it when i go to Bali….only 29 more sleeps!!!!
Hope you are all well and happy,
Kathryn xxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi Again
So i posted that last post tonight, then i was sitting in group and i remembered a conversation i had with my hubby as we were getting dinner ready.  We were talking about tax time, and when i get my return that we would buy a bed for our eldest son, his is getting too small and uncomfortable for him…..
Me- matresses are so expensive, we need a new one as well , ours is rubbish….
Hubby- but ours cost $1000
Me- no it didnt, it was only like $400
Hubby- you told me it was $1000, remember i had to go and pick it up?
Wow…..so it was about 5 years ago, at least, and i had to buy a new mattress.  Of course i gambled most of the money and told another lie to add to the million i had already told.  Talk about coming back to bite me in the bum, i almost fell through the floor, i had forgotten all about it, that i had told a massive lie.  I told Dames exactly what i had done.  That i had gambled the majority and thats why i wake up with a sore back every bloody morning!!!!!
I find the whole thing extrodinary, that after all this time my gambling is still coming back to haunt me.  I am great at blocking things out, i used to be an expert liar, but now i dont have to be.  Thats why i forgot about the mattress. 
I dont lie anymore. 
I cant change the past, but ill sleep well tonight knowing i didnt try and B.S. my way out of it.  Well, i wont sleep that well, my mattress is rubbish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Well
Page 5, i should be ashamed of myself, and yes Velvet i can see you nodding from here!!!!!!!
Ive been here, as usual every day, reading posts.  I had an absolutely flat out weekend, i dont like that, i would prefer to have nothing on and the pleasure of doing nothing, at least the day goes slower and i at least feel like i have a weekend.  I was a bit annoyed this morning that it went so fast!!!!!
Bali is the only thing that keeps me going, i do however tend to get a bit obsessed, in that i will look at the sites for the hotel a million times, so much so that i know exactly where everything is before i get there, well, i suppose some call it obsessed, shall i, for arguments sake call it being organised?
I do enjoy knowing as much as i can about the place and although i have been there several times before it hasnt been for a good while so im sure a lot has changed……including me!!!
Apart from the trip, life is fairly mundane, i dont have any news, life is life.  Im working, im coming home and exercising, im taking care of the family, you know, normal stuff……
I hope you are all well and happy,
Kathryn xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

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