[kathryn]

Best wishes to you Paul, wherever your road takes you
Take care, Kathryn xTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Thank you Velvet for bringing me back to the top, i actually thought there was something wrong with my computer as i couldnt login to the site, turns out my password needed resetting…..go figure!!!
So, life is good, last night i took my son to see Kiss, Motley Crue and Thin Lizzy (for all you old rockers out there you will know who they are!!!)
We had a great time although it finished rather late, well worth the money spent though!!!
Im working, its getting busy now, we have a new girl starting today which will be good, the business is building up which is brilliant!
Personal life, chuffing along, not to many dramas, as for my recovery, well its not a daily struggle, but i am always on my guard, ensuring any triggers may be kicked to the curb asap!!!!!
I must sign off and do some work,
Hope you are all well and happy,
ROCK ON!!!!!!
Kathryn xxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well i should feel relieved that the debt is paid but it seems i have less money than ever!!!!!! How on earth does that work?  A very quiet weekend for me, i have to go and get a birthday present for my sons friend for Sunday and i think ill do some baking (ugh) im not good at it but its cheaper than buying everything!
I dont have a lot to report, my life is going along quietly, work, home, its been hot here so its pretty tiring and i dont  have a lot of energy.  We have a big holiday in July/August we are saving for, its pretty exciting as its the first overseas holiday for hubby and the boys, 10 days of bliss, i cant wait.  My friend is getting married, and i am in the wedding, so of course we are on the diet/health kick.  Every time i put a piece of fruit in my mouth, or im huffing and puffing doing my walk, i think of fiji…..lol.
So, thats me for now, recovery is going along fine, still keeping my awareness up which is important for me, no sliding backwards.
Stay strong my friends,
Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi Harry,
Wow, another year has gone, you must be sooooo old by now!!!!!!!
Seriously, i hope you had a wonderful birthday, no one deserves it more!!
As always, we are blessed to have you at GT.
Happy Birthday H,
K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, there is a massive light at the end of my tunnell…….i rang the accountant this week, to find out just how much we owe on our debt.  Instead of having the debt paid off at the end of May, which was what i thought, and still amazing, it turns out that we will have the debt paid in 2 weeks…..2 WEEKS!!!!!
It has taken almost 4 years to pay this debt, it was an unspoken in our house, it was something that just ‘is’ and  dutifully it was paid week in and week out.  Finally, it is over.  We have paid almost 30k, a deposit for a house, a round the world holiday, my whole house refurnished!!!!!
I am so so proud.
I am so so so relieved!
That money is being put straight into a savings account, we have a holiday planned for later this year.  After that, saving for a deposit for our own home. 
I feel like i am able to plan my future, at long last.
Without gt and all my friends cheering me on i would have crawled under a rock and hid.   You have all had a hand in my recovery.
I am open to the possibilities, of my and my family’s future and im ready.
Love K xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi SG,
You should be proud!
As Sherry has said, be careful with large amouts of cash, its just not worth your recovery.
Well done on your ban, smile today because you have done something just for you!!!
Love K xxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY!!! (also known as ‘Straya’ day, we like to shorten everything!)
I had a lovely day, a fantastic lunch with a couple of girlfriends, at a restaurant with a view to die for, then grocery shopping, not so fun but necessary and then home to clean clean clean, not as much fun but satisfying!!!
Im going to a party tomorrow,at my besties brothers, they are having a band so it should be great fun.
Im just about off to bed, the cricket is on, ugh, and im a little tired, its enough to put anyone to sleep!!!!!!
Hope you are all well, P, we defenitely need a catch up girl…..
Love to you all,
K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

HI All,
Its been a while since my last post. 
Ive been basically working, working, working.  It is picking up which is great and im really enjoying working just the 4 days, its lovely to have an extra day at home to do all my work and then i really feel like i am having a weekend.
All the family are well,  ive had a few issues with my husband gambling, he is spending a lot of time with his brother and a few friends that like to have a punt and when he does this he becomes someone i dont like, screaming at the tv, swearing and being basically unbearable.  I spoke to him about it yesterday, i told him i was worried about him, about what betting does to him.  Of course, i didnt get a straight answer, he blew me off.  Funny how life works, the shoe is on the other foot.  Im not sure what to do next, except to wait it out.   
Im off for my yearly tennis trip with my sister next week, something i always look forward to, we have such a lovely time.  My sister is also my friend, and im blessed to have her in my life.  We spent an hour and a half today talking about it, who we will see, what we are wearing…lol.  Like anyone cares! 
Gambling, not an issue at the moment….(with me anyway!)  It still amazes me that i found the time. I still keep up with everything here, every day.  It keeps my feet on the ground and my mind where it needs to be.
I hope you are all well and happy,
Love K xTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi LiveLife and welcome,
I dont know what you gamble on,  but my next step would be/was exclusion.  In essence, you ban from everywhere.  I am in Victoria and am blessed that my exclusion can be done all in one go, but i know in QLD that you need to do it one at a time, something i have written to the Prime Minister about but of course got blown off….
Ok, im off course, i wanted to say that excluding and finding this site were the 2 major things i did to start managing my addiction. 
The other thing would be perhaps to give total control of the finances to your wife (if you havent already) and be prepared to take a small daily allowance if you need it.  Being prepared to account for every dollar you spend is also something you need to consider.  It starts to rebuild trust and from what you have written you are prepared to do anything. 
Its great that you are going to counselling and GA.  Addressing the addiction is so important, abstaining works for a short time, but finding the root of the reason you gamble can be the beginning of a new life for you and your family.
LiveLife, well done on finding this site, it can be such a wonderful form of support, it has been for me and if you are prepared to do the work and be open to all possibilities you will be well on your way to a gamble free life.   It is by no means easy, but you are not alone in this.
I hope to read more from you, 
Love K x To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Oh Razz,
What a horrific time you are having. 
First, i give you a huge pat on the back (plus a big hug) for coming back and posting.  It is so so easy to never come back and many dont.  It shows your strength and determination in dealing with your addiction. 
So, what can you do now.  Coming here is a great first step.  Im not sure if you have any other barriers in place and i think its important to do it now while you are feeling so low.  A lot of the time we put it off and then we get more money and then the cycle starts again. Putting up those barriers will really protect you when you next get paid. 
Have you got someone to help you, that you can give your keycard, that you can be accountable to, that can be your support?  Family, a friend, partner?  It does mean that you have to share your secret, which is **** scary.  I found that what I imagined in my head was no where near as bad as the reality.
Counselling of course it always helpful.  Learning to identify your triggers, and deal with them in a positive way rather than gambling can be life changing.  There is usually a reason why we gamble, be it boredom , lonliness, anger, desperation.  I was told once that there is a word to think of that can help…..HALT….Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.  I know for me it is usually one of those things.  To be able to think things through before just jumping in the car can help. 
Razz, i have been there, i know exactly how you are feeling and im sending you all my good thoughts across the miles.  One thing i did was self exclude, i am in my 3rd year of exclusion and it is a massive barrier for me.  May be worth thinking about.
Please dont beat yourself up too much, look at the positive.  You posted, you are actively looking for help.  We all have to start somewhere.  It took me 15 years to finally put those barriers in place, i did them all and it does work. 
There is always hope, be open to the possibilities .
I am thinking of you today,
Love K ***
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan– 1/01/2013 3:09:04 AM: post edited by Kathryn.

[kathryn]

Thank you Larry and Carole,
Larry, you are right,  I like to think that when the time comes my mothers mind will take her to a place where she was at her happiest, where she feels comfortable and safe.  She is a frightened woman, she always has been and i think that will get worse before it gets better.  So, its my job to ensure that she feels love at all times, and i will do anything i can to give that to her. 
Carole, i am truly blessed, of the 5 of us siblings (one has passed) i know that i have had the best of her, we have laughed till we cried, i have curled up on her lap like a baby and she has comforted me in my hardest times, we have just sat in silence, enjoying being with each other.  I bought her a tea cup for christmas, the best mum in the world, and she is that to me.  I dont know what tomorrow will bring, and yes, i will take it one day at a time.
So, for many of you i will hit 2013 before you!!!  Wierd isnt it?  I am going to my sisters for a party, the weather is going to be magnificent, i did all my shopping yesterday to avoid the New Years rush.  Im really looking forward to it, it will be a fun night.
For those of you that remember, i once had a big spider living in my car.  Well, i think its offspring has come to take its revenge…..eeeeeeek.  I screamed all the way home from my mums yesterday when it ran across my windscreen, they terrify me.  I have made hubby take it for a drive this morning, just to make sure it doesnt pop up again.  I HAVE to believe that it has left because otherwise i wont get back in it!!!! LOL
So my friends, i wish you all a Happy New Year.  No resolutions for me,  too much of a commitment!!!  I cant look that far ahead, i would like to say that i have plans for 2013, my debt will be paid and we can finally put our plans into action.  I cant wait. 
Have a wonderful night,  Happy New Year.  Stay safe my friends.
Love ,K xxxxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi everyone,
Well i had the most wonderful Christmas, apart from the kids getting up at 5.30am……!!!!
The weather was amazing, the food, devine, the company, well, i couldnt have asked for better.  I was very spoilt and had a really lovely day.
Today is my mothers birthday.  She is 82.  Me and my 2 sisters went to her place armed with lunch and cake.  I have been trying to take lots of video and photos of my mammy.  She has alzheimers.  Im not sure if this will be the last Christmas  and birthday i have with ‘my’ mum.  The thought of that breaks my heart.  Her memory has really deteriorated in the last 6 months.  Of course its day by day with her and in reality she is so funny with what she says.  At the moment she knows she forgets but we can laugh about it.
She asked me not long ago what was going to happen when she didnt know who i was.  I said ‘dont worry Mum, i know who you are!  I cant imagine my mum not knowing who i am,  it is something i have trouble dealing with as i love this woman so so much.  She is a wonderful mother and i am so blessed to have her.  She is physically very healthy apart from back pain and her family have a very healthy history and longevity.
This is a reality i dont want to face.  I am absoultely making the most of every day with her. Still, its hard not to think about the future. I know it is not going to be ok.
So, for today i will not think of the bad and sad.  I will think of my gorgeous mum and smile.  Happy Birthday Mammy.
Hope you are all well,
Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hey B,
HOpe you had a good day, what a hoot, nothing like a child to tell it like it is!!!!!
For once my boys were pretty happy with their presents from santa.  That in itself was a bonus and the blow up pool has been a massive hit although they used all my dishwashing liquid to fill it with bubbles….grrrr, it was a good one too!!!!!  My children will be the cleanest in  town and i think this summer i will just chuck them in the pool every night for a wash…..no matter the weather!!!!!!
I have a sister Jen, she is here on holidays for 2 weeks before on embarking on a 3month overseas holiday, the most of it in South America…..sigh.  She is in New York for 5 nights and THAT is one of my biggest dreams, i would love to see it, maybe one day!
Anyway, i did pretty well this year, i now have the tennis to look forward to on the 18th Jan, 3 nights in a 5 star hotel and 2 glorious sessions at the tennis, i cant wait, not to mention im with my other sister who is a joy in my life and her 2 daughters who are great fun.
Its almost a new year, and i dont do resolutions because i never follow through but i am going to try to look after my health and physical appearance (in other words, weight!)  in 2013……we shall see how i went this time next year!!!!!!!
Love you girl, you take care,
Love K xxxxxxx
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hello my friends,
I cant believe Christmas is almost here…..i always think back to when i was gambling, Christmas was my worst time, i would be there every chance i got, trying to win money, never winning enough, if at all.  The sick feeling of leaving the venue, no money, realising that the kids would not be getting much, how could i do that to my children, only to go back the next day and do it all over again. 
I remember one year saying that my purse had been stolen out of my car so that my mum would give me money.  She did of course, poor Kathryn, someone stole all her money and she had heaps in that purse……..and me, crying, making everyone feel so sorry for me, poor me……
Of course, the money she gave me went straight back into those machines.  I remember the feeling of relief….i have more money to gamble.  It never entered my head, for one second, to use that money for anything else. 
So, fast forward.
This year my presents are wrapped.  This year my bills are paid and i have food in the cupboard.  This year im so excited about Christmas and cant wait. 
This year i am free.
I wish you all a wonderful Christmas.  For those that are struggling,  do not give up hope.  Do not give up on yourself, keep trying, keep working at it because a gamble free life is possible. Freedom is possible.  Life, is possible.
Merry Christmas, stay safe,
Love K xxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi Carole,. 
Thanks for bringing me back to the top.  Im not sure whats happening with my husband.  He went away on the weekend, he gambled, he has been avoiding me and hasnt spoken about it and he knows i know.  I did say to him ‘do i need to be worried’, and he said no.
I will bide my time and keep my eyes open, maybe he is right, i cant tell right now.  I do have access to the bank accounts so i can keep an eye on the balance there.  Thats about all i can do for now.
It has been super hot here, Saturday was almost 40c.  I took the boys to an amazing water park with my friend and her children and we had a great day.  I even got brave and went down the waterslide with my son…..and screamed the whole way down!!! 
Im ready for Christmas which is such a relief.  I remember many many years where i had no money for presents and my children really didnt get much.  I also remember them always being grateful for what they did get (bless them).  It is lovely to be able to get them some great presents (dont get me wrong, i still bargain hunt!) and i know they are going to love them, i tend to go a little over board but i dont care, i get a lot of joy from seeing their faces, it makes me feel good.
I hope all is well in your life, i must go and get ready for work,
Thanks again, K xxxx
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan– 9/12/2012 7:53:22 PM: post edited by Kathryn.

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