[kathryn]

Hi Denise and welcome,
Im happy you have realised you have an addiction to gamble and need help so early on……it takes some of us years  and years to make that leap!
I have a few ideas that may help you, things that helped me.  First and foremost I excluded myself from each and every gambling venue within a 2 hour drive away. It is a barrier that I believe helped me the most, the thought of someone coming up to me and telling me I have to leave makes my hair stand on end.
You say you are engaged, have you thought about telling your partner that you need help and support?  Having no access to cash is a sure fire barrier as no money = no gambling.  Its not an easy thing to do, its scary, but you need all the help you can get right now.
Lastly, keep reading and posting here, read other stories, you can gain a wealth of knowledge and help from others.  The helpline and group chats are brilliant too.
Well done on reaching out for help, its a huge step and one you should be very proud of yourself for doing.  I wish you well and look forward to reading more from you.
Take care, K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi Shelley
Im sorry you have found yourself in this situation but glad you have come here for support.
I am the compulsive gambler in my home, I have been clean for a while now and I totally understand your frustration with your husband.
If I may, I would like to give you my insight from my experience (we are all different)
I have to say, im not sure if any reaction will be taken in any way but a personal attack by your husband.  I know this because after my binges I would be ready for the onslaught from my husband.  Ready with lies to cover my tracks.  This addiction is insidious.  I was once told to imagine my addiction as a snarling beast on my shoulder, whispering enticing thoughts to me to gamble.  Once I separated the addiction from myself I guess it helped me see that I was still the same person I always was, but had been controlled, for want of a better word, by this monster that had taken me over. 
So, to answer your question,  I guess you have to think that any conversation you have with your husband about his gambling, is not actually to him, its to the addiction.  Because its the addiction that will answer you.  Im not sure if im making sense or not.  I do know that my brain was so consumed with gambling, when to gamble, how to get money to gamble, how to cover up my losses so that I could gamble again that no other thought/conversation could enter my head.  It was only when I stopped gambling that slowly my mind freed up for other things, normal things, day to day things.  To say I missed a lot of my childrens growing up is an understatement.
I think all you can do at this point is protect yourself, your money and work on your recovery.  Making threats wont work unless you are prepared to go through with them.  Screaming and yelling will just feed the addiction and give your husband the reason to leave and gamble again.  Don’t enable him, perhaps taking control of your life will show him, and the addiction that you will not live with it in your life anymore. 
My favourite saying is that we are not responsible for our addiction, but we are responsible for our recovery.  The first step, however must be taken, and that is to admit we are powerless over gambling.  I hope your husband gets there. 
Remember though, you are important, this is not just about him and what he is doing.  It is affecting your life, and that makes it a problem.  Do what you can for yourself.
I wish you all the best Shelly.  Keep posting here, it really does make a difference.
Love K xxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Cat it’s almost 11am where I am in Oz….. Spring has sprung! Another month of gamble free days, one at a time ****** 1/09/2013 1:32:04 AM: post edited by kathryn.

[kathryn]

Hiya B,
Love that post, I often think of Marilee, she was my champion when I first found my way here all those years ago!!!  I too hope that wherever she is, she is happy .
Im at work this weekend, its the first weekend we have been opened so of course I had to do it!  Mind you, I have a 40th birthday party to go to next weekend (its 70s theme, you should see my costume!) so I didn’t want to chance having to work next weekend.
Anyway, as always sending you love, I think of you often and always come and read.  My posting has been rather slack but im ok, gamble free and pretty happy which is all I can ask for. I am thrilled with my weight loss and quite like looking at myself in the mirror now!  I now have a beauty regime, nails, brows (remember the mono?), I had my hair done yesterday, foils and all and now have eyelash extensions!!!! (very traumatic experience but we always have to go through pain for beauty!)
So, have a great weekend, hope to catch up with you soon,
Love K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Bulla!!!!
Well, my trip was everything and more, what a great holiday, the resort was amazing, we spent time with the locals  (we were called the tattoo family cause all the fellas got tattoos there!) I ate and drank like a trooper (splice of life, my favourite cocktail) we swam and sunbaked (I lost my bather top, once, it popped off, never been so embarrassed in my life!)  we drank karva, it looked like muddy water, didn’t taste much better and made your mouth numb!  Even the boys had a coconut shell full, I was that proud of them!
The wedding was magnificent, the procession was headed by Ace, a Fijian warrior, he was a man mountain and carried a huge wooden club/weapon/scary! Another warrior stood at the red carpet and they made a guard of honour for the walk down the aisle.  Jode looked absolutely amazing, stunning in fact, she cried and cried as we all did.  The reception was held at the local fire dancing show, Jode, me and Erica, the other bridesmaid had to get up on the stage and do the Macarena with 6 gorgeous glossed up Fijian men ( what a hard life!)
Dames and the kids had a great time, obviously as I already stated he got his sleeve done on his right arm from a very well respected (and safe) tattooist.  He finally got the kids names and birthdates done on his arm as well so at least he will never forget them!  The Fijian boys called him grandpa!  He made that many friends there, he has such a way with people, wherever we go he makes friends.
So, on returning, of course I went to see my mammy.  She is still in the nursing home, she has been there over 3 weeks now and when I asked her how long she has been staying there she said 2 days.  She looks fantastic, even did the highland fling in her bedroom, much to my surprise!  She doesn’t seem to have any pain which is marvellous.  She is however packing her bags every morning to come home which I don’t think this is going to change.  We have to make the decision on what to do by Thursday.  Although it is heartbreaking, I think that it is best that she stays.  She is getting amazing care.  We (my sister and I) need to go and speak to our stepfather.  Ultimately the decision is his.  I am dreading the conversation, im not sure how he is going to take it.  He doesn’t share his feelings at all and we don’t want to look like we are railroading him.  It makes me feel sick.  But it has to be done.
Well, I think ive rambled on enough.  My recovery is still strong.  I hope you are all well and happy.
Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Velvet,
Always the one to make me feel better, to make me smile.
Thank you my friend,
My first port of call when I arrive in Fiji (apart from putting our bags in our room) is to put on my new bathing suit, strut down to the pool, find a banana lounge and order a pina colada!  My first sip will be a toast to you V.
2 MORE SLEEPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We are getting very excited, Bailey however is having some anxiety issues about the plane trip.  I will see my Dr today about perhaps getting something to calm him down.  Im sure Dames will take it too, he is terrified!
Im not sure if I will get a post in before I leave, so I hope the next couple of weeks find you all well and happy.  I will be full of details about the wedding and the trip.
Love K xxxxxxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Thanks for your post Lizbeth, P, I know that you will find your way, when you are ready.
I have a lot going on.  Mum is doing ok, she packs several times a day to go home but if that’s the worst she does then its ok.  I went and saw her last night, she is really happy, they are keeping her busy which is great.  She plays the piano regularly and seems very content.  She was so happy to see me, we had a cuppa and I stayed for quite a while until she was ready for bed.  I feel very relieved that she is being so well looked after, the girls are just beautiful there and they all love her which makes a big difference.
My sisters aren’t coping so well, especially my oldest one, she has a hard time letting go.  My other sister rang me last night full of booze and advice that I didn’t need or want.  It is exhausting to say the least.  I then have major stuff happening at work which is adding to my stress, not to mention the holiday to which I feel totally unorganised.  No wonder im tired!!!
Im at work so this is a quick post.  I feel like im drowning.  I feel like the weight of the world is upon me.  I know it will pass, but right now its overwhelming.
Love you all,
K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

I am so tired, I feel like I’m being pulled in every direction . I need this holiday. K xxx

[kathryn]

Hi All,
I have had one of the most stressful weeks of my life.  We made the decision to put mum into respite care, we did the paperwork, we thought that it was in October.  I was in the process of preparing myself for this.  While she is still ‘ok’, her alzheimers has really progressed.  We have had some issues with her medication, double dosing and the like so we thought it would be a good idea if my step dad got a break, he is clearly stressed out and not coping. 
My sister got the call on Tuesday that there was a bed available…….yesterday!!!  We decided to take it, especially since we are going to Fiji next week, it would be reassuring to know that she was ok, that her meds were being given regularly, that she was eating and drinking (she has lost a lot of weight) and to take the pressure off my step dad. 
My sister and I have been crying all week, its the next step and although at the moment its only for a month its still extremely confronting. This is MY mum.  My heart has been broken.
So, my sister took her yesterday.  I thought it best if I didn’t go seeing as I am extremely emotional about it all.  My sister came and saw me at work when she dropped her off.  We cried and cried.  Mum thought she was in the hospital, she wasn’t staying there with all those ‘old’ people.  She thanked my sister for taking her to her ‘holiday’, absolutely heartbreaking to say the least. 
My sister then decided to drop her TV there on her way home.  Here was mum, sitting on the bed with her things packed waiting to get picked up. She was going home. She had only been there for a few hours.   It is the absolute saddest thing I have been through in a long long time.  My head is making all the sense in the world, my heart however is a different story.  I am going to visit her on Sunday, we are giving her time to settle in and hopefully she will get used to it there. We have options when we get back from Fiji and are thinking that perhaps we can get private care for her.  We will look at it then.
At least I know that she will be ok when we are away, we wont have to worry about a thing. 
To top it off work is so stressful I could scream.  We have a huge assessment coming up when I get home from the holiday and I need to get a lot done before next Friday.  I should be at mums now, having a cuppa.  Its my Friday ritual.  I need to keep busy, I need to keep my mind occupied.   So, house cleaning it is this morning…..
Have a good day y’all…..
Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Great post Kin,
Hope you are taking care of yourself,
Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Laura, what a gorgeous post, I never dreamed that I would find such an amazing friend here, I only hope that one day we can talk face to face over a coffee, it is up there on my bucket list my friend!
Alright RG, I have been on the site and tried to write the directions as easily as possible……the dress is white on the site, we wanted coral but there wasn’t that exact colour so we picked watermelon (trust it to be a food!), when it arrived on Friday, what do you know…..its coral so the colour chart is not a true indication!
So go to Izidresses.com>special occasion dresses>evening dresses.  Its about the 9th row down and is called sheath/column V neck chiffon graduation dress.
Hope you can find it, it really is a beautiful dress and I cant wait to wear it, I think ill do hair up, loose, not like the picture so much but you get the idea……
Not doing a lot today. Helping the other bridesmaid clean her house, she has just moved and planning on hitting the gym this afternoon, ill post on the feel good if I do!
Have a good day,
Love K xxxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hi Lizbeth,
Happy July 4th (im a bit late)
How were the fireworks?  Its wonderful to read the strength in your posts.  Your determination not to gamble is inspirational. 
I have to say, I am missing the hot weather, it has been bitterly cold here.  It seems that since I lost my weight I have been freezing all the time, I can never get warm!  I miss being hot..lol.
I hope you are being kind to yourself, I can only imagine what you are going through.  Your grandson is such a blessing in your life.  Enjoy every bit!!!
Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Hiya P,
I was up with the birds too…..ugh, Saturday morning and no sleep in!!!!!!!
Going to do the grocery shopping today, I might go to Kmart and see if I can get a few things for Fiji.  Then im planning a very lazy weekend, this time in 3 weeks ill be packing to go…..woohoo!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, hope to see you around,
Love K xxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Oh Carole,
They were blessed to have you for their mom……
Thinking of you today,
Love K xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[kathryn]

Another year has passed H,
I know you don’t ***** the days, Independence day however is one that sticks in my mind.  Congratulations on your 7 year anniversary, you have helped so many, this is your moment, just for you.
Love K ***
 To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[Author]

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