[kathryn]

Hello gorgeous girl,
You never forget me, my home laptop is still not working, to be honest I don’t have the money to have it repaired right now…ugh. I am at work at the moment so I don’t have long, I am still ok, haven’t gambled, finding my happiness through reading some amazing books and trying to re program my brain to be grateful for everything, good and bad. Not easy, especially for me, but I am getting there. I hope you are ok, im not sure when I will have the chance to pop on again, I think of you often. Take care, stay strong and believe…..
Love K xxxxxxxxxxxx

[kathryn]

Hi All,
It has been too long…..thank you all for your replies and thoughts.
As predicted the weekend away was a disaster, with hubby being an a$$ the whole time until I could take no more and finally lost it. Needless to say Sunday morning we were up and away at 5am, I had been told to get up or catch the train home. Knowing what I know I had packed at midnight. It was such a shame, although I now know I will never ever do it again. I have found myself some interesting books and am currently working my way through them, learning about myself, trying to bring positive forces into my life. And it seems to be working to a degree, although its difficult to do when living with the most pessimistic person on the planet.
Mum, on the other hand is doing great, she has settled in brilliantly which is such a relief. I have been going to see her only once a week which gives me a bit more time during the week. It is a beautiful facility and currently there are only 6 residents in her wing, all women who flock together like a little bunch of sheep. The staff are wonderful, im happy to say a great weight has lifted off me.
So, a small update, im doing ok 🙂
You are all constantly in my thoughts, and as my wonderful friend Meg quotes…
Sending love and light to you all
Kathryn xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[kathryn]

I love that post P, I’ve been googling how to help myself and journaling has been mentioned a few times. Good for you girl, I applaud your hard work , love K xxxx

[kathryn]

Jodes husband asked me the other week if dames and I would like to come to Melbourne for the weekend next weekend and go to a show etc, I didn’t think dames would want to go but he did which surprised me greatly. I asked him tonight if he was looking forward to it, he grunted so I asked if he still wanted to go. He told me that if he could he would sell the show tickets and not go. So, as you can imagine I’m feeling pretty low. Coincidentally, eat, pray, love is on the tv. As I have been watching I have realised a few things….. I am a woman without a word, I look to others for my happiness, I am, for want of a better word, lost and I don’t know how to begin finding myself. I have found the person I was before my addiction took over my life, but I now realise that my whole life I have been covering up, ignoring my feelings, not rocking the boat, and as ketut on the movie says, I have lost my balance. So I am turning here for help because I have no idea where to start this search. Would anyone have any suggestions …..books, websites etc. I have to be proactive in this, happiness will not just drop in my lap. I know it’s a big ask seeing as I only seem to come here when I need something, I would be so grateful. Love to you all, K xxx

[kathryn]

Good morning folks,
I have a big week coming up next week, I am relocating my mum to a new nursing home. To say im stressed about it is an understatement. To top that off I feel my sister has handed over the reins to me, theres something going on there that I cant put my finger on but its unnerving and upsetting. She is very hot and cold with me at the moment and I have no idea why……im trying to wrap my head around the idea that it is her problem, not mine. That it is her, not me. So, I feel quite alone in all of this and am probably being over sensitive where she is concerned, I tend to take everything the wrong way (or I think its the wrong way, maybe its exactly as she is saying it). She was my rock through all of this, the one I could depend on. Something has changed. Its almost like she has decided she is not going to be involved. Thank God I have Jode, she is the only one I can talk to about all of this. So I am taking next week off, I need to go and buy furniture for mums room, set it all up, get some personal items down there and then go get mum next Wednesday. Jode is coming with me for support. To be honest, im scared. I don’t want to upset my mother, in truth, she will forget. But I wont. Im hoping it all goes very smoothly. So, theres my little rant for the morning, im at work and must go, we are pretty busy today. Thanks for listening, I think im babbling a bit, im having trouble getting my head around all these thoughts that are spinning around in there. I haven’t gambled, im aware of the stress I am under and im staying alert.
Take care my lovely ones,
Kathryn xxxxx

[kathryn]

Hiya P
OMG……im not coping with the thought of the heat this week. I am off to the Australian Open Thurs/Fri and thankfully we are going to the evening sessions so hopefully it wont be so hot! I pity those players……all the money in the world couldn’t get me on that court today! There will be heat stroke happening all over the place!!!
Glad to see you have navigated the site and have found the group times. I have yet to join one, although my laptop is still not working. Well, I just got to work so I had better get into it, thank god there is air con here!!! I might just move in for the week, there is a bed in the treatment room I could sleep on!!
Love Ya, K

[kathryn]

Sweet P, thank you for bringing me back. I am ok.
The last month has almost been a blur it has been so busy. The boys are on holidays, we are in the process of moving mum (which, I feel has become my sole responsibility but that’s another story), not to mention work work work. Im spreading myself out waaaay too thin and I know it but feel quite powerless in changing it as im not sure what could be changed. I have however organised a small break from work (10 days) and in this time I will be able to move mum to her new home, get the boys organised for school and have a little time for me left over. I haven’t gambled, doesn’t mean that I haven’t thought about it or wanted to go to my old escape. The simple truth is that we are fairly lean on the financial front at the moment so im not complaining, everything happens for a reason and I have a feeling that our lack of funds is my guardian looking out for me. If I had the chance, well, I don’t know if I would or not, the exclusion keeps me away which is still my best barrier, I don’t particularly want to be put in the position where I could gamble.
So, theres my update, not very exciting but geez I prefer that to my old life. My life is so much better without the gambling, I am making plans for my trip of a lifetime (not for at least 7 years) but im starting, im collecting books and information about places I want to go, im looking at what I want to do and see, its an exciting prospect. I have a feeling I will be travelling on my own which I actually think I would enjoy. Its not for a long way off but boy do these years fly and I want to be organised…….lol. So, on that note I will bid farewell. I am at work, a 12 hour shift and we are just starting to wind down for the day, I want to be out that door the minute the doctor leaves!!! For my lovelies that are feeling the cold right now, we have a week of 40c……ugh!!!
Love you all, K xxxxxxx

[kathryn]

Velvet, wishing you and all our F&F Members a wonderful Christmas. By the time you say your Serenity Prayer my Christmas will be over, but ill be sure to think of you all and extend my hand to all at GT.
As always, sending you love, laughter and happiness,
K xxxxxxxxxx

[kathryn]

Hi Lizbeth,
Just wanted to say im thinking of you this holiday season. Its ok to be sad, you are allowed to miss him. Knowing your amazing strength you will focus on your beautiful Grandson, Christmas is really about the kids and im sure you will make his one to remember.
Merry Christmas lovely lady,
Love K

[kathryn]

My beautiful friend across the ocean,
Sending Christmas blessings your way. I didn’t even send out one Christmas card this year…..slack!!!!
I hope your day is full of laughter and joy.
Thank you for being my friend, I am one very lucky girl!!!
Hope to catch you soon, Love K xxxxxxx

[kathryn]

Miss P,
I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your family. You are doing a wonderful job at keeping that addiction at bay. I know Christmas is a hard time, but really, it is just another gamble free day. Sending love to you my friend from down South, apparently its going to be hot in Victoria tomorrow…..a Christmas Miracle indeed!!!!
Merry Christmas,
Love K xxxxxxx

[kathryn]

Sending hugs to you this Christmas Carole, thank you for posting, it means a lot. My life is pretty insane at the moment, thankfully im not gambling, I think that would tip me over the edge…..God Bless self exclusion!!!
Happy Holidays my friend,
Love K xxxxx

[kathryn]

Vera and Carole, what a lovely surprise!!!
I have been absent in more ways than one at the moment. I have no computer at home, I cant access the site on my phone so im at work getting a quick post in!!! The last 3 months have been so busy, I cant ever remember being this full on! Mum, well we are looking at moving her to a new facility, it looks like it will happen in the next month, this place is brand new, beautiful and the staff are very dedicated to dementia care (they call it sensitive care). Vera, mum will be coming for Christmas, there is no way we would leave her there, we are having lunch at my sisters so she is picking Mum up early so she can help with the preparations. We don’t know how she will go but this may be the last one where she still knows who we are so we are making the most of it and if she doesn’t like it well, too bad!!! Dames and I are picking up my stepdad and bringing him in. Things have been touchy with him, especially with the new facility. He wasn’t keen, he thought they would take more money and it took a bit to convince him that this wasn’t the case. We are very blessed to have this opportunity so we worked hard to make it happen. The family are all well, I am pretty organised for Christmas although I have to tackle a department store after work today which is a nightmare. I will, however stay calm and carry on!!!
I wish you both a happy Christmas, thank you so much for thinking of me, you have both helped my recovery more than you could ever know. I am truly blessed to have found this site, I will try to stop in more, perhaps when things settle down with mum and I don’t need to go into the facility every night (another story). Merry Christmas to all, I can only wish health and happiness for everyone here at GT.
Love K xxxxxxxxxx

[kathryn]

I echo Caroles words…….without GT my Christmas would be pretty bleak. While it is a stressful time, I can only cringe at the memory of past Christmas’s while I was gambling. Stress wasn’t the word for it!!! Thankfully I have one less worry this year, I wish you all a Merry Christmas, thank you for all that you do, the impact of your work has changed my life. My cup overflows!!! Love, Kathryn xxx

[kathryn]

Sending you hugs B…….
Ive got Christmas stuff everywhere……..I do have the kids……Harry is on the cusp of being an unbeliever so im hanging on by the skin of my teeth!!!!
Just wanted to drop you a line, I think of you often, your new hair is lovely, suits you!!!
Love ya girl, K xxxx

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