[kathryn]

Hi jack,
You need to get rid of that online gambling account ASAP!! Get rid of temptation, if it’s not there you can’t use it. You are right, no win is ever enough, if you won that money the addiction will be fed and want more, and more, and more. Get those barriers up, it is so important. Do it now before you forget the pain and think ‘ just 1 more bet’. Don’t give yourself the option. It truly eases the mind, takes some pressure off. Keep posting, it does work! Take care, K xxx

[kathryn]

Hi Carole,
So jealous of you girls getting together. I hope you have a lovely chin wag. I hope all goes well with your mum, you are going to be so busy! Scrubbing for almost 7 hours…..make sure you give yourself a treat, you deserve it! Love K xxxxx

[kathryn]

Hey miss b,
Lots of emotions for you lately. As always though, you have worked through it, you are 1 strong broad you know!! Happy 4th of July, I’m not sure how you celebrate it, I’ve only seen mega fireworks on the movies (and will smith killing aliens) which I’m sure won’t happen (secretly I’m sure I will see a UFO in my lifetime) but whatever you do, enjoy! Love you girl and think of you often….love K xxxxxxxx

[kathryn]

Lizbeth, thank you for remembering my beautiful mother. She is good, settled in, although when I visit she is ‘going home tomorrow’. I take her cakes, lollies and biscuits, she loves her sweets. She is my heart and I’m so blessed to have her. She is going to live a long and hopefully happy life!
I hope all is well with you lizbeth, take care my lovely friend xxx

[kathryn]

Hey jack,
Thanks for your post. Someone said to me once, ‘our secrets keep us sick’. I believe that this is absolutely true. This addiction thrives on secrecy and lies. My best advice that I can give you is to get barriers up now! When the shock and disgust wears off that addiction is going to come at you stronger than ever and you need to protect yourself. I have always been honest about my addiction, I don’t advertise it but I’m not worried about telling someone if I want or need to. I think though that I’m in the minority. It has certainly made my life easier. So, in saying that, barriers aren’t always telling family, although their support can be invaluable…reducing access to money, ensuring you are unable to make those transactions could help. Finding this site saved my life….post and read here as often as you can. Use the groups if possible, you are not alone jack, and sometimes in the depth of despair that thought alone can help you make the right choice in that particular moment. No one can decide for you what you should do. The only one that can do the work is you but we are here holding your hand through it. I look forward to your next post, love K xx

[kathryn]

Hi everyone,
Well, the meeting with the boss was about as eventful as a soggy tea bag. He asked me to give him my final answer the next day, and there was no discussion on any kind of resolution, I was secretly pleased, my mind is not easily changed. I called him the next day, yesterday and said that the resignation stands, Ive already started applying for jobs, fingers crossed my friends!
So, I was thinking that I should be writing a journal, I’ve thought it for years, how lovely it would be to have one……I just read a few random pages of my thread……I have written every thought in my head on here for the past 5 years!! Who needs a journal?? I wonder if I could print it off? There are things in here from Harry going to kindergarten, dames getting a hole in his boat, my monobrow chronicles, dentist trips, fun times,sad times…..what a read!
I’m working tomorrow then Harry has a soccer game on Sunday. I have 6 working days left! Eeeekkkkkk! Breas birthday on Monday, 23, how did that happen? Had a lovely day trip to Melbourne today with brea, jode and some other friends, a wonderful day, magnificent lunch in a trendy little alley, good wine, good company. I don’t know that I was such great company , I think I’m coming down from the week.
So, there’s a little ramble……..lol
Have a great weekend all, thanks for my posts, I thank god everyday for this wonderful site.
Love K xxxxxx

[kathryn]

Thank you Vera. I woke this morning with a sense of dread, I need to face this man today and I’m nervous. While I know I’ve made the right decision I don’t want to see him. I feel physically ill. I want to get it over with.
On a better note, I also woke this morning knowing that today, 5 years ago was the first day of my recovery. The first day of a gamble free life (one day at a time of course)
I sometimes wonder if I have done this the right way, that I have done everything possible to ensure I am safe. I guess it’s worked so far. Without the support I have received here though, it may have been a different story. To everyone I have met along the way I am grateful. I also know that the monster is waiting, will always be waiting. I need to do my exclusion again, that’s my best defence. Stay aware, never let my guard down.
A day of mixed emotions today. Another day gamble free.
Love K xxxxx

[kathryn]

Hi All,
Well, I have had quite a day……..today I quit my job.
I am not prepared to be spoken to like a second class citizen, in fact there was no speaking, screaming is more like it!!! Not the first time either, but definitely the last. I had to tell him over the phone as im not sure when I will see him, it was awful, I was sick to my stomach but I went ahead and did it anyway. I have no job to go to so I will be busy hunting for work. I have given 2 weeks notice and have a few weeks of holiday pay up my sleeve so all is not lost. I have given myself 4 weeks, surely something will come up. Im a firm believer in fate and I feel that this has happened for a reason. I can no longer work under someone who shows no loyalty, no respect, no trust and no confidence in me. Especially when I have been nothing but loyal, respectful, trustworthy and proboably not as confident as I should have been but I was improving. He is coming to see me tomorrow, when I said the words, I am resigning, he said, ok, no problem!! I doubt he will try and talk me into staying, in fact I prefer he didn’t. I will ensure that everything I have done since that clinic has opened will be finished with by the time I leave. This is a massive leap of faith for me. As my thread stated, Im a believer, and I believe that something is out there with my name on it. Life is too short to be treated in such a way, i treat people how i expect to be treated, i have never been spoken to like that by a boss before. I just hope that he thinks twice before talking to someone else that way!!!
So on that note, i shall bid goodnight, i am exhausted!!!
Love to you all, K xx

[kathryn]

Take it one day at a time p, small steps. It’s so hard not to dwell on the past, don’t keep beating yourself up, it’s done and over. You can rebuild your life.
I can see the hope in your post, hold on to that, it will give you strength.
Love k xxx

[kathryn]

Hi simon,
Well done on coming back. Does your wife know about your addiction? Having a strong support system helps so much, perhaps she could take over the finances for a while and give your mind a much needed rest. Access to money is not a good thing for a cg, cut that off and it’s a great barrier. I hope you get as much as I have from this site, as Charles said, there are lots of ideas for barriers and support here.
I look forward to your next post….K x

[kathryn]

Ken,
My heart goes out to you, please know I’m thinking of you, and sending my prayers.
Love Kathryn x

[kathryn]

Hi all,
Harry got an iPad for his birthday so of course I am taking full advantage!!!
Well, life is moving along. Nothing extrodinary, I am however enjoying it! Dames and I went away last weekend and had an absolute blast, slept in the back of our car and I danced all night. Driving to our destination, I said to dames that I imagined this was what Ireland looked like (if you’re reading Vera) rolling hills, green everywhere, just beautiful. When we arrived at the farm we pulled in the gate and I literally gasped, I looked At dames and said, we are in France! A huge gorgeous vineyard, super long driveway, little cottage at the end, it was magnificent. You could almost say I spent my weekend overseas! It was wonderful and has fully reinforced my resolve to take my lifetime trip when I turn 50. I’m still planning it, I am going to get myself a French and Italian dictionary and start learning the language. By the time I leave I should be fluent! I am planning to start in London and a trip to NYC on the way home. I know it’s so far away but I’m so excited already!
So enough babble about my dream, I’m doing ok, work is oh hum but it’s work, I’m looking around for something else, no hurry…….. Kids are doing well, getting excited for breas wedding, under 6 months to go, what am I going to wear? Still soul searching, I doubt I’ll ever stop, there’s always something I’ll be pondering about. And gambling? I’m happy to report that I’m still gamble free, still struggling some days, looking for the escape….i doubt that will ever stop either.
So, on that note I will bid adieu ( is that French????)
Be kind to yourselves, remember there is always hope, no matter what……
Love K xxxxxxx

[kathryn]

P,
You are stronger than you think, you are regaining your strength a little every day, yes it hurts,it’s painful and soul destroying…..but, you are still fighting, you are still breathing and as long as you keep on doing that there will always be hope. Thinking of you girl, K xxxxx

[kathryn]

Wow Geordie,
I didn’t even remember this thread!!!! Amazing, its almost 5 years to the day that I posted that!!! It did take me a little longer to finally take that step but im so glad I did. I don’t seem to be any richer than I was back then….in monetary terms of course, but my life is so much better, im living…..something I did not know how to do.
As for Prisoner…..ugh, Geordie, that is about the worst show you could watch to learn about Australia, talk about bogans!!!! (is that a new one for you??) LOL
Take care friend, I miss you and our lovely chats….once I get my computer fixed (im at work at the mo) ill be round a bit more…..life seems to have taken over, I remember Harry saying that one day I wouldn’t need the forum so much, I was horrified, as if that would ever happen??? And as always, Harry was right. It wasn’t a conscious thing, it just kinda happened. Not to say that I don’t think of GT each and every day, everyone on this site has contributed to my…..I don’t want to say recovery, ill say journey. I know I have to work every day of my life to fight this addiction. Im committed to doing that. Ok, must go, work beckons……
Love to you Geordie, and all my friends here,
K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[kathryn]

Hi Carole,
Thank you for your post, Dames and I have been married for 22 years, you get less for murder!!!!
He has calmed down after our awful weekend, I did tell him that I never want to be reminded of it again….ever!!! Its a lesson learnt, never again will I do that to myself.
As for the rest of me, I’m at work, we are closed as the doctor has gone home and I’m sitting here waiting to leave…..ugh. I’m doing ok, I mentioned in Ps thread that I have been reading a lot, self help, and it really is helping me. I can only change myself and that’s what I’m trying to do, but boy, it aint easy!!! I’m working at it though. I now have a few days off for the Easter break. I’m looking forward to doing a whole lot of nothing!!! My computer at home is still not working, I haven’t got the money to get it fixed at the moment, hopefully not long, I have Harrys 10th birthday to get through at the end of the month and then hopefully…….
I miss you all desperately some days, and I think of you the other days, but a day does not go by that one or more of you cross my mind. My very special family (yeah, I’ve been AWOL of late!!!)
Anyway, Happy Easter to you all,
Love K xxxxxxx

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