[kathryn]

Hi FG!
I have to say, I haven’t started going through the change yet! I’m not looking forward to the symptoms (hopefully I won’t get many) but I’m looking forward to the outcome!
I am already preparing myself, whatever I need I will be getting in terms of meds! I’ve never been afraid to take tablets, as long as it makes me feel better!
Dames has just left for work, he’s grumpy this morning. I wouldn’t want to go I 42 degree heat either and no air con!
When he gets like that I withdraw, take my coffee to another part of the house. Sometimes saying nothing is best!
I’m still following the weight watchers program and its been just over 3 years since I joined. I have kept my 20kgs off. I went for a big walk with my girlfriend after work last night and then went to a donut van that comes down every Christmas and had a huge jam donut! Lol, these donuts are amazing and I savoured every mouthful!!!
Well, time to go and check out the forum, have a great day everyone?
Love K xxxxx

[kathryn]

Good evening!
Lisbeth, my beautiful mum is doing well, her health is good, no real issues there, if only her mind was the same! I enjoy every moment although she mainly talks about going home, still, she’s here and talking and u take what I can get! Thank you for remembering her, she turned 85 last month, I’m very blessed!
Vera, you are right in a lot of ways….I don’t really like change, more so if I’m not the one making the changes! Life does just happen, but I would like to see myself become a little more vocal in regards to my own life. I’ve been dormant for too long, scared of upsetting people when they have no quarry in doing so to me. It’s a small step, little changes can have a big impact! The butterfly effect so to speak .
In back at work, ugh! Although I do have tomorrow off lol. It is going to be 42c here, absolutely ridiculous!!!!! Planning on getting my home jobs done early and relaxing the rest of the day, too bloody hot!!!!!
I was shattered to hear of David Bowies passing yesterday, what a genius of a man. I always get a shock when a celebrity dies, like I really believe they will live forever….. I guess he will in his music and movies!
I’m off to the tennis next week, those that know me know it’s an annual event for me and my sister…. I will be talking about our relationship at a later date, too much to say there!
Well time for bed, take care friends, love K xxxx

[kathryn]

WB P!
I’ve returned too, not with avengance bit with a resolve to be here more! Glad to see you will be too!!!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

You should feel proud girl!!!!!
Well done!!!!
Imagine how awful you would have felt had you gambled???
That sick pit…..i don’t miss it one little bit!
buy yourself something lovely with that money, something you can look at and know that gambling didn’t beat you. Maybe a nice plant? Watch it grow as you grow? Mind you, I am the worst Gardner in the world, in fact I don’t do it at all!!!
Anyway, sending you a big fat congrats along with a big fat hug!!!!
Have a great weekend
Love K xxxxx

[kathryn]

Well blow me down with a feather…..
He apologised! Never happens, probably 4 times in the 25+ years we have been together. Now I’m not gloating, I don’t believe I have ‘won’, to be honest I don’t feel any different.
He did it by text, I had taken the boys to see Star Wars at the movies…..am I the only person in the world who had no idea what idea whatsoever THAT was going to happen. I sat in the movie theatre bawling, sobbing, sniffing and snorting everywhere!!! Mind you, my 16 yo son was howling too!!!!
Anyway I read the text when I got out.
So, where to from here? No idea. I have picked up my copy of ear pray love again thanks to a very thoughtful friend and I’m pounding the pages.
If nothing changes nothing changes.
I need some change that’s for sure….starting with me!
I don’t know how on earth I am going to do it, or where to begin. I guess like anything and everything, I’m on day 1. Kathryn’s life….
Here we go then!!!!!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Hi lisbeth,
Thanks for your post, I’m sorry I misconstrued what you said and thought you were taking a break from the site!
Hubby and I have had a huge row, huge! Not job related at all but we are on day 2 of complete silence. Once upon a time I would be crawling to him apologising, I can’t stand confrontation…. This time feels different because to be brutally honest, I don’t care.
I know that sounds awful but it is what it is.
Going to see my mum today and I have a few things to do before work Monday.
Hope you have a lovely weekend!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Hi kin,
If you dont find improvement with your ‘activities’ please go to a doctor and have things checked. It could be something simple and easily fixed. Just don’t wait too long!!!
I have always enjoyed your deeply thought out posts, full of spirituality and a deep sense of self.
Thank you for remembering me, it means a lot and I’m so so happy to read how you are living your life, looking after yourself and being so positive.
Take care, K xxx

[kathryn]

Morning Laura!
I have the posting bug this morning. Hubby stomped around this morning and woke me up and I am NOT a morning person. I then stomped downstairs, made a coffe and then proceeded to have a little screamer with him! GOOD MORNING!!!!!!!!! So looks like my day will be spent in silence as in his words ‘you want a fight, you’ve got one!’ Sheesh!!!!!
I’m doing ok, feeling restless, still have my exclusion in place thankfully as I know where I’d be today feeling how I feel!
I don’t believe I need to say anything in regards to your slip…. We have been walking this road for a long long time and it is well worn with our footprints! You know what to do xxx
None of us are infallible, I know as much as anyone. I’m happy you came back, it’s so easy to hide.
we are kindred spirits, you and I. I’m sure our husbands were related in a past life!!!!!
I should go and tackle some housework, i mopped the floors at 7am (I’m still on holidays, how is that right???). Not sure what my day holds yet, apart from staying out of his way!
Updates to come in sure!!!!!!!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Hi lisbeth,
GT is a journal of sorts….yes newbies need support, but they also need to see that this addiction can be managed. I’m not one to talk, I’ve been very quiet for a long time. What i guess I’m trying to say is that just because we haven’t gambled for a while, there’s a little thing called life that throws challenges at us and i think new comers need to see how to deal with these challenges.
Everything you write is important, someone will take something from it. I wrote every single thought in my head on my journal for years. I would never have stayed gamble free for as long as I have without the support of the members here!
If you want to post, post!
It’s a good way to release.
You have been doing amazingly well under difficult circumstances.
Life after gambling is not easy. Sure, there is less stress to a degree, but family and financial difficulties still present themselves.
No running to the casino, no escape.
Learning to deal with life’s problems in a ‘non gambling’ way is something everyone needs to learn.
Your posts help more than you know!
I’m planning on being here a bit more…..I’ve been away too long!
Hope to see you around my lovely friend!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Morning FG!
im so happy to read you are doing so well in your recovery. Things like holidays, new clothes, dining out etc used to be something I only dreamed of! Life without gambling sure does open a lot of doors! The ability to plan something is a blessing for sure!
I’m already looking at accomodation and I’m not planning to travel for 18 months!!!!!
As I said to Vera, it’s a good distraction, something to look forward to and keeping me busy!
I go back to work on Monday. I’m trying to get the house in order before then! Sometimes it feels like an endless task!
Going to visit my Mammy tomorrow.
Stay strong my friend, you are doing an amazing job!
Love K xxxxx

[kathryn]

Hi folks, I only seem to pop back when there’s a drama , posting from my phone is not ideal for me and I don’t enjoy it at all but it’s all I’ve got!
Sooooo, the word tonight is that my husbands job of 16 years is over, his boss is retiring due to health problems. That in itself is not the problem, he’s a great worker and is already being head hunted. The problem is his attitude. I’m not sure how much more of this woe is me I can take! Misery guts all over the place, it’s bringing me down. 6 and a half years gamble free, this isn’t how I imagined it would be ( picture the perfect family portrait and that was in my head, delusional I know!) I am married to the biggest sad sack God put breath into. His attitude simply sucks! I feel like I’m never going to get ahead and I mean happy ahead living with this man. I’m taking him to the doctor, he needs a chill pill badly!!!!
Walking on eggshells is the order of the day and who wants to live like that?????
Anyway, thoughts of gambling have been crossing my mind, looking for that magical escape! Self exclusion saves me there, I’ve been away the last week, we went camping and came home a week early because nothing was good enough, I was having a lovely time to be honest! I don’t make resolutions but by geez I’m going to try and make this year about me, not sure how to make that happen but I will give it my best shot.
I’m too tired to type anymore, my friends, life is what you make it and I’m not making anything at the moment. As the wise Harry always says….if nothing changes, nothing changes! Scares me to death but this is my year and I’m going for it!
Love to you all, K xxx

[kathryn]

Thank you Vera,Laura and Charles….. I feel I need to elaborate a little, I don’t want to give the wrong impression here…..I am in no physical danger, whatsoever.
I feel I have come to a point where I have changed…..my needs, expectations, my life! It has taken a long time. My life isn’t what I want it to be and the thought of actually doing something about it terrifies me. As usual my overthinking is driving me insane. I know what I don’t want. Now what do I do? This is my headspace. Ugh!
So I’m not really doing anything. I’m going through the motions. Until it becomes clear and I know it will.
Looking back my gambling ensured I didn’t have to think. My mind can be my worst enemy. But……I believe things will happen as they are meant to. I have to.
K xxxxx

[kathryn]

Hi all,
I haven’t been here for a while….I tried on several occasions to post but couldn’t so I’m glad I can today. I see that Kin has started a thread for P, has she disappeared? Vera, my dear friend, just keep going…..I think you have come a long way, you’re posting, I remember when you just wouldn’t come back! Progress? I definitely think so!
I’m ok, a few problems at home, I’m not the happiest of chappies at the moment. I am the only one who can change my life, I’m scared, really scared so for now I wait and try and find my strength, think things through and not make a rash decision. I know I’ll be ok, I’ve been to hell and back and survived. I have not gambled. That is a blessing.
I can’t say I’ve been dealing with my issues in a positive way, I’m doing my usual head in the sand routine. But I know that I can get through it. I think of you all often, I miss you more than I can say. I can’t write anymore tonight, I’m exhausted. Take care friends, K xxxxxx

[kathryn]

Oh Lovely P,
thank you girl for remembering me. Sometimes it feels like I have been away for so long that I have nothing to say. Of course, once I start typing……
The caravan is absolutely brilliant!!! we have been on 2 trips since my last post and I just love it. Ive bought myself a pair of winter wellies, grey with pink polka dots!!! Perfect for camping! We aren’t due for another trip now until September, it is soooo cold we are waiting for a bit of sun to go again, and of course it gives us time to do a few things to the van. We almost have it set up perfectly.
Dames and I have 5 glorious days in Darwin early August, my sisters 2 sons partners had their babies on the same day, so its only fitting they are getting christened on the same day and I decided we really needed to go and catch up with my northern family. I miss them. Its only a few days but im sure we will have a lovely time, especially if dames gets some fishing in!!!!
So, gambling news……..on the 11th June I hit the 6 year mark. 6 years and 1 slip….not bad for someone who was so consumed with gambling that her whole life went to hell. Just another day of course, I did remember and I did quietly smile to myself. I never ever ever thought I could go a week without gambling, let alone 6 years!
So….that’s me for now. Im doing ok, the last 6 weeks or so have been pretty tight, Dames hasn’t had a lot of work and neither have I for that matter but we have managed to scrape through. Im back in full swing now and hopefully Dames is too. Im really living a day at a time at the moment…..difficult to look ahead when the money is short but hey, it could be a hellava lot worse that’s for sure!!!
Im going to have a quick browse through the forum. Hope you are all doing as well as you can do, today.
Love K xxxxxx

[kathryn]

What a horrible position you are in! In saying that this man can’t keep getting away with it. You have done the right thing telling your boss, it’s out of your hands now, I would however ensure that your money is in a safe place, perhaps in your pants pocket. I know you shouldn’t have to, but you have worked too hard on recovery to have someone else pinching what money you do have. I do hope, whatever happens that this man gets some help, there’s obviously a reason he’s doing it.
Enjoy time with your mum, and take care.
Love K xxx

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