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Happy to hear the job is going well so far.
Nothing like a job to keep you busy!!!!!
I hope you are enjoying your time with your princess. You blink and they are grown and married and have had a baby!!!! (Like my princess!!! lol)
Take care and enjoy your weekend,
Love K xxxIts good that you can recognise why you are becoming frustrated.
Too many times my frustration spilt over to a gambling disaster!!!
Sometimes you just need to say “I need to step back and take a breath for a minute”
Perhaps you can tackle one thing at a time, I’m sure that is easier said than done.
No one on earth is perfect Kin, we make mistakes, we do foolish things, we forget whats important and we fall down.
The difference is, that we get back up.
The difference is, that we keep trying to better ourselves.
The difference is, that every day we try to be our best selves.
I’m not sure we can do more than that.
We never give up, and that is the beauty of being human.
Take care friend,
Love K xxxYou’re right, it is no life and no one deserves to live that way.
What can you do to protect yourself? Have you got someone close to you that you can confide in? Perhaps you need someone to take over the reins for a while and let you breathe?
Give you a small (and I mean small) daily allowance to get you through the week?
This addiction is just horrific. Soul destroying.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
Make this your time to change, put up some barriers now, get to a GA meeting, keep posting!!!
Keep fighting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love K xxxHi Frankie,
I thought id post in this thread, I didn’t realise you had 2 going, sticking to 1 is much better for you, you wont be jumping from one to the other.
So, I read your reply. I cant tell you what to do but I can tell you how I felt before payday.
The anticipation to gamble, for me (and this is just my perspective) was just as exciting as the gambling itself (until I lost everything that is)
Planning how to get the money, what to play, how much to play, all going round in my head before I even started. The build up of anxiety and excitement was massive.
I imagine he is in a great mood because he is getting paid and will have money.
I imagine, in his head he has said to himself that he either will not gamble, or will only gamble a little bit.
This addiction, I believe, is as real as drugs or alcohol. I would get a physical pain, the urge would be so great. I always saw my addiction as a little monster on my shoulder, continuously whispering sweet nothings to me. My every thought would be of gambling, how, when, where, it was all consuming. I doubt I ever heard a word my family said to me while I was in action, I wasn’t ‘present’ for such a long time.
So, in saying all that, his intentions may be totally honourable. The addiction will have other ideas.
I don’t know your boyfriend, I can only go on my experience. This addiction is progressive. Like any illness, medication is needed, be that group therapy, exclusion, one on one therapy, GA meetings, we are all different and what works for one may not work for the other.
Unfortunately though, your boyfriend needs to be the one to make that call. If he doesn’t want to stop, he wont. This addiction sucks out your soul. Its not easy to stop, but it can be done.
I’m not sure what you should do. Trust your gut.
I truly hope that your boyfriend decides to stop gambling. In the end, no one can decide that except him.
Have a read of the other posts on this forum. There are some wonderful people here who have all been there, who can direct you with understanding and experience.
You are not alone.
I wish you the very best Frankie,
Love K xxxxxWell done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope you are enjoying your gamble free time.
My little grandson is just divine!!!
I cannot get enough of that child. I was never going to turn into one of ‘those’ grandmothers…….but here I am, KILLING IT!!!!
Have a great day,
Love K xxWhat a brave thing you have done.
Cg’s are very manipulative, so you need to be prepared.
You also need to take a breath. I would imagine your head is in a whirlwind at the moment, don’t panic too much, I know you are overwhelmed, but you are going to be ok.
I am sure that your cg does know that his gambling is a problem, but the addiction will not let him stop and is on full defence. This could be the wake up call he needs.
Hes going to try everything to try to get back into your good graces.
The anger, well, that’s not surprising. Youre not giving in and he doesn’t like it. You are standing up to him and he doesn’t like it. He cant gamble and he doesn’t like it!!!!!
I gambled for 15 years. We lost our home (had to sell it) and I kept gambling. When I stopped it wasn’t because I was kicked out, or my husband had left me. It was simply because I could no longer look at myself in the mirror. I could not stop feeling violently ill. I wanted and needed to stop because I believed if I didn’t I was going to die. I was dying, the person I had been was gone, replaced by this sick, lying, sneaky person who I could no longer stand.
That’s when I stopped.
Maybe if my husband had left me I may have stopped earlier, who knows? What I do know is that this addiction can be managed, I stopped gambling, and your partner can too. Unfortunately, he wont until he is ready.
You need to look after yourself and your little boy.
Don’t lose yourself in all of this.
You WILL be ok.
Time can work wonders.
Take care Frankie.
Love K xxOk, question……if you have no car to get to meetings, how are you getting to the venue to gamble? Or are you gambling online?
The only person, in the end, who can help you is you.
I know, for me, that barriers are my best defence. This isn’t form everyone, but when I came her broken and desperate, I took every piece of advice I could. It has worked so far. Ive had a few small slips but the last 8 years for me have been
so so much better. Life isn’t perfect by any means but I am living, and gambling is no longer eating me alive.
So, in saying all that, back to barriers.
My personal saviour is exclusion. Can you self exclude from the gambling venues you go to? Or, if you are gambling online, you can purchase a blocker to stop access to gambling sites.
Do you have someone close to you (I know your husband isn’t well) that could help you with your financial situation? You could perhaps set up debit payments and have a small amount for things you need every day? Being accountable for what you spend can really be a great barrier.
Lastly, use this forum if you cant get to GA. Read read read and post post post!!! I did. Take on board what others have learnt and put them into practice.
This addiction has had you by the throat for a long time. I know how hard it is to stop. But you can, you really can!!!!
I look forward to hearing more from you.
Take care, Love K xxJust wanted to welcome you to the community.
I am just heading out but wanted to reply and let you know I have read your post.
I’m happy you have found this site, if you use the tools suggested here you can stop gambling and start living.
I will return…..
Take care
K xxxI owe you a big apology,
I didn’t realise there was a 2nd page to your thread.
Here I was thinking all was well (of sorts), and there I was sprouting about bloody shopping of all things!!!!!
I’m sorry you are feeling so crappy!!!!!
I’m not sure if you are mid life crissising, just going through a bad patch, or clinically depressed. (or none of those!!)
Have you thought about talking to a professional? Someone who can see things from a different perspective, not to mention you being able to get all these feelings out?
You sound to me like a coke bottle that has been shaken and shaken and is ready to explode!!!!!!!
What can you change right now that could ease some pressure?
Do you and your wife talk? Really talk? Maybe she is feeling your tension and is backing away? (I’m just throwing ideas out here)
Kids, well I’m not sure how old they are but I know mine. I hardly see them these days. My rule is that we eat dinner (tea) together every night we can. They are 18 and 13 yo boys, which I find harder because I have absolutely no idea what is going on in their heads!!! That’s just growing up I guess, they find a bit of independence and don’t need us old parents so much anymore!!!
I have had these moments with my husband, to be honest, I have had moments of pure hate for not a lot of reasons. Hormonal? Maybe! We don’t speak for days on end, or if we do its very minimal. It always passes.
I’m not sure I have met anyone who truly loves their job. Lets face it, would anyone work if we didn’t need to pay the bills? I know my answer!!!!
I lost myself when I gambled. It took a long long time to find me again, I didn’t like myself at first, I couldn’t remember who I was before the addiction. When I stopped I felt like a part of me had died. In time, the addiction has become a small part of who I am. You’ve stopped for over 42 days Mav, and you said it yourself, you haven’t done that for years. I know things aren’t sitting right with you right now. Just be a bit patient, let this wave pass and see how you come out the other side. You never know, it could be amazing.
Sorry for the rant, but I felt sooo bad when I read your last post!!!!!
At least you don’t have the gambling noose around your neck right now. Just imagine how you would feel going through all this and actively gambling…….that is horror on a plate my friend.
Hope you feel better soon,
Love K xxxxxI’m sure you are feeling anxious about your wife coming home this week. The kids, they can be a great buffer, and may help ease any tension.
nI would imagine that the conversation that needs to be had will be.
nAll you can do is be brutally honest, leave nothing out, if you are going to start over a clean slate is the way to go.
nWords don’t mean a lot, it will be your actions that speak volumes. Whatever you are doing to aid your recovery, keep doing it. Your wife needs to SEE what you are doing to make yourself well.
nMy husband, when I stopped gambling, threw my addiction in my face for 2 years. I took every single bit of it, I deserved it for what I had done. After 2 years, I said, enough! There has to come a time when, after working hard at recovery, it stops. No one could beat me up more than I beat up myself. The guilt, shame, lies……..
nI’m not saying you need to do what I did. Its just part of my story.
nShow your wife you love her, missed her and want her. Sure, don’t smother her if she needs space, but give her what she needs and things will fall into place. Recovery on its own is not easy, but the people we have dragged into this addiction with us need to come to terms with things their own way.
nKeep working on you…..whatever happens!!!
nTake care, K xxx
nI’m so happy to read you are going to GH
You can step back, reassess your life, your goals (no matter how small) and start to regain your life.
I know it seems horrific at the moment, but I promise you, the longer you don’t gamble, the better your life will become, even your thought processes, once all consumed by how to gamble, begin to change.
You are worth the fight.
I always see everyone in this community (I’m a visual person) walking a road, some stumble, others are there to pick them up, to hold our hand in support and friendship.
I wish you all the very best and look forward to hearing more from you.
Take care,
Love K xxThank you for your post!
I’m sure he loves me too!!!
When hes had a few too many he has always liked to gamble.
I used to like it when he had a few too many cause I knew we would gamble together, and lose!!! Not a great drive home I can tell you right now!!!
My exclusion is a blessing.
We woke up Sunday morning and went shopping. It was a great morning!
I said to him in the car, aren’t you glad we didn’t gamble? We wouldn’t be shopping that’s for sure?
He said, that exclusion thing you’ve got is brilliant. We would have been broke this morning, and instead we are shopping it up!!! (mind you, most of it was for him lol!!!)
It was a good day.
Glad to read you are gamble free, we are all a work in progress Mav, plodding is a good thing!!!!
Take care,
Love K xxxxxBringing you back to the top….
How are you doing? Love K xxxI’m not sure when youre due back from your trip but I hope you had a FABULOUS time.
I just read my last post to you, I wasn’t a granny yet and now I am!!!! Oh my lord!!! That child, I cannot describe how I feel about him, little Tex, sooooo absolutely delicious and of course the perfect child!!! LOL
He is now 2 weeks old. My daughter and I took him to see my mum (who has dementia) yesterday. I got the most beautiful photos of them, she pushed the pram around the facility with my daughter and she absolutely adored Tex, she likes boys the best (so she said) but the joy on her face was one of the most precious things I have ever seen. A moment in time that will never be forgotten.
I really hope you had a wonderful time away. You deserve it. You have worked so hard. Things like that give us a glimpse of what we really can do when we focus on recovery. That is living my friend, and in then end, isn’t that what we all want?
To live a gamble free life.
Sure, its not all roses, but wow, what we can achieve when we aren’t consumed by this addiction.
Well done to you!!!!
Take care,
Love K xxxJust bringing you back to the top.
How are you?
Hoping to hear an update soon.
K xxx