[kathryn]

میں نے سب کچھ کھو دیا! میں اپنے سفر کے بعد سے تھوڑا سا تفریح میں رہا ہوں۔ میں نے اپنے معمول کے معمولات میں واپس آنا بہت مشکل پایا ہے اور مجھے افسوس ہے ، ایسا لگتا ہے کہ آپ ایک خوفناک دور سے گزر رہے ہیں اور میں یہاں آپ کی مدد کے لیے نہیں تھا۔ لیکن ….. اب میں یہاں ہوں۔ غیر حقیقی توقعات ….. میری زندگی کی کہانی میں نے اپنی زندگی مایوس ، دل شکستہ ، اداس ، پاگل ہو کر گزاری ہے ، آپ اس کا نام لیں۔ میں کبھی نہیں سمجھ سکا کہ لوگ میرے ساتھ ایک خاص سلوک کیوں کریں گے ، کیونکہ میں ان کے ساتھ کبھی ایسا سلوک نہیں کروں گا۔ میں نے بہت کچھ نہیں سیکھا ، اور اب بھی اس کے ساتھ جدوجہد کر رہا ہوں لیکن جو کچھ میں نے سیکھا ہے وہ واحد شخص ہے جسے میں بدل سکتا ہوں وہ میں ہوں ، اور میں اپنی خوشی کا مالک ہوں۔ اس سے ایک حد تک مدد ملی ہے ، اور میں اس میں بہتر ہو رہا ہوں۔ مجھے خوشی ہے کہ آپ کونسلنگ کے لیے جا رہے ہیں ، اور میری واقعی خواہش ہے کہ اس سے آپ کو اس چیز میں مدد ملے جو آپ کو اس زندگی میں خوش رہنے کے لیے درکار ہے۔ محبت K xxx

[kathryn]

Mindenről lemaradtam! Utazásom óta egy kicsit mulatságos vagyok. Nagyon nehezen tudtam visszatérni a szokásos rutinomba, és sajnálom, úgy tűnik, borzasztóan sok mindenen ment keresztül, és nem azért voltam itt, hogy támogassam. De ….. most itt vagyok. Irreális elvárások ….. életem története. Egész életemben csalódást, szívszorongást, szomorúságot, őrültséget töltöttem. Soha nem tudtam megérteni, hogy az emberek miért bánnak velem egy bizonyos módon, mert én soha nem fogok így bánni velük. Nem sokat tanultam, és még mindig küzdök ezzel, de amit megtanultam, az egyetlen személy, akit megváltoztathatok, én vagyok, és én vagyok a saját boldogságom tulajdonosa. Ez bizonyos mértékig segített, és egyre jobban vagyok. Örülök, hogy tanácskozni fogsz, és nagyon kívánom, hogy ez segítsen megtalálni azt, amire szükséged van ahhoz, hogy boldog legyél ebben az életben. Szerelem K xxx

[kathryn]

Я все пропустив! Я був трохи у фанку з моєї поїздки. Мені було дуже важко повернутися до свого звичного розпорядку дня, і вибач, здається, ти пережив дуже багато часу, і я не був тут, щоб підтримати тебе. Але ….. ось я зараз. Нереальні очікування ….. історія мого життя. Я все своє життя розчарований, розбитий серцем, сумний, божевільний. Я ніколи не міг зрозуміти, чому люди поводяться зі мною певним чином, тому що я ніколи б так не ставився до них. Я не багато навчився, і все ще борюся з цим, але те, що я дізнався, єдина людина, яку я можу змінити – це я, і я володар свого щастя. Це певною мірою допомогло, і я стаю кращим у цьому. Я радий, що ви збираєтесь проводити консультації, і я щиро бажаю, щоб це допомогло вам знайти те, що вам потрібно, щоб бути щасливим у цьому житті. Любов K xxx

[kathryn]

mi sono perso tutto! Sono stato un po' in difficoltà dal mio viaggio. Ho trovato molto difficile tornare alla mia normale routine e mi dispiace, sembra che tu ne abbia passate tante e io non ero qui per supportarti. Ma… eccomi qui ora. Aspettative irrealistiche…..la storia della mia vita. Ho passato la mia vita ad essere deluso, con il cuore spezzato, triste, pazzo, lo chiami. Non sono mai riuscita a capire perché le persone mi trattassero in un certo modo, perché io non le tratterei mai in quel modo. Non ho imparato molto, e continuo a lottare con questo, ma quello che ho imparato è che l'unica persona che posso cambiare sono io, e sono il proprietario della mia stessa felicità. Questo mi ha aiutato fino a un certo punto, e sto migliorando. Sono felice che andrai a fare il consiglio, e spero davvero che ti aiuti a trovare ciò di cui hai bisogno per essere felice in questa vita. Amore K xxx

[kathryn]

Wow I loved that last post, that walk of shame I remember it all too well. Glancing sideways at people you have never seen sure in the fact that they KNOW! Not making eye contact with anyone, god forbid someone talks to you…..I remember it like yesterday and thank you so much for reminding me, that kind of pain/fear/anxiety diminishes over time.
I’m obviously not self excluded in the USA, but I have the best barrier of all…..my best friend Jodie who has been through my addiction with me, watching from the sidelines and who was amazing when my world came crashing down.
Anyway, I wanted to give you a big fat woohoo for your 3 weeks. We are never cured but 3 weeks of not gambling today is just awesome!
Take care, love K xxx

[kathryn]

Woohoo on your day 9 ! Every day without a bet is a good day!
I’m sorry you encountered a negative person.
I know after I stopped gambling for a while I was very over zealous in my responses. The truth was, I felt amazing and free and wanted everyone else to feel that way too! I used to think, if only they could feel how I feel they wouldn’t ever want to gamble again! It was almost euphoric, because for the previous 15 years I felt like a useless worthless excuse for a person, wife, mother, and I felt the real me was beginning to emerge!
Sounds so romantic doesn’t it? Lol
Anyway, I guess people have different ways of communicating and you did the very right thing by just getting out of there and not engaging. We all do recovery differently. What works for some doesn’t work for others.
My philosophy is, take what you need from each person, or post, and move forward. Don’t let others bring you down, you are doing what you need to and it’s working!
I hope you are having a nice weekend, you are doing great my friend!
Love K xxxxx

[kathryn]

I read your post on Lizbeths thread, what beautiful kind words. I feel you need to hear those words yourself.
I know you are going through a rough time. Life is rough. No two ways about it. Gambling multiplys it by a million.
I know you’re a good person, You can’t control how others think, or judge for that matter. This I have learnt!!! The beauty of getting older is that you seem to care less and less what others think and I really love that!
Man, I just wanted to give you some support, don’t be too hard on yourself, us CG’s are our own worst enemy!
Take care friend, love K xxx

[kathryn]

In regards to your rambling, I have 8 years worth on this site , don’t ever think you can’t post how you are feeling, what you may think is rambling is just true and honest thoughts and feelings and writing them down gets them out of your head.
I agree with Charles, look into residential if that’s what you really want to do, it doesn’t hurt to enquire! I don’t know how bad things need to be to get in, but if it’s affecting your life this much………
I’m glad you are attending GA. every bit of support will help!
Take care of yourself, don’t worry about cars and clothes and perfume, sleep however is pretty important, maybe try to get that down pat.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

You’re right, there’s no thought, just action and damn the consequences. How many times I would spend everything, no money for groceries, feed the family on a dime, couldn’t even buy my kids a rotten ice cream!
Gambling takes everything, and all around it suffer!
Keep making that good choice.
Love L xx

[kathryn]

Get your barriers up, use this site, GA, exclusion to help you!
Do it while you feel low, life is for living, not for wasting away at a gambling venue.
Keep reading and posting, the advice I received here saved my life!
Take care, K xx

[kathryn]

You’re not wrong!
And not gambling is one less thing!
Well done!
Love K xx

[kathryn]

A year! That’s brilliant!
Keep it up, that little monster likes to rear its head when we least expect it!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

You’re still breathing and doing what you need to, be it in a state of shock and numbness! Just keep doing those things you need to for now, don’t look too far forward and if you can ( the most difficult thing) don’t look back.
8 years ago, when I found this site, I took all advise given to me, put up every barrier I could, posted and lived on this site constantly, spent hours and hours talking to Harry on the helpline (there were only 2 of them back then) and I have to say, without that, I don’t know where I would be. I had to sell my home to cover my gambling debts, it was a devastating time in my life, and I truly thought I was going to be left with nothing.
I guess my point is that every single little bit of help, support, advice is valuable.
Do as much as you can, no excuses, and ensure this doesn’t happen again.
You deserve so much more than what gambling gives.
Take care, love K xxx

[kathryn]

I felt your pain oozing through that post and all I thought was, I want to make you a cuppa.
That feeling, that God awful gut wrenching heart smashing feeling.
Gambling is the most revolting, soul destroying addiction , its silent and sneaky, it chews you up and spits you out.
There’s nothing I can say that you haven’t already said to yourself.
Yes it’s set you back, but it hasn’t beaten you.
You made the call
You posted here
You aren’t alone
One day, one hour, one minute at a time my friend.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

No money=no gambling
It’s a barrier that works.
Where are you getting the funds to gamble?
Get barriers up now, go to GA as Charles suggests, tell your mum everything and that you don’t want cash, it’s just too dangerous.
You say life will have no pleasure if you don’t have gambling in it.
What has gambling done other than make you miserable?
Life is for living, and when you stop gambling your head will clear, and you will find other things to fill your time .
Take care, K xx

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