[kathryn]

I’ve missed everything! I have been in a bit of a funk since my trip. I’ve found it very hard to get back into my normal routine and I’m sorry, it seems you have been going through an awful lot and I wasn’t here to support you. But…..here I am now.
Unrealistic expectations…..the story of my life.
I have spent my life being dissapointed, heartbroken, sad, mad, you name it.
I could never understand why people would treat me a certain way, because I would never treat them that way.
I haven’t learnt much, and still struggle with this but what I have learnt is the only person I can change is me, and I am the owner of my own happiness. This has helped to a degree, and I’m getting better at it.
I’m glad you are going to councilling, and I truly wish that it helps you find what you need to be happy in this life.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Μου έχουν λείψει τα πάντα! Beenμουν λίγο funk από το ταξίδι μου. Δυσκολεύτηκα πολύ να επιστρέψω στην κανονική μου ρουτίνα και λυπάμαι, φαίνεται ότι έχετε περάσει τρομερά πολλά και δεν ήμουν εδώ για να σας υποστηρίξω. Αλλά ….. εδώ είμαι τώρα. Μη ρεαλιστικές προσδοκίες ….. η ιστορία της ζωής μου. Έχω περάσει τη ζωή μου απογοητευμένος, αποκαρδιωμένος, λυπημένος, τρελός. Ποτέ δεν μπορούσα να καταλάβω γιατί οι άνθρωποι θα μου συμπεριφέρονταν με έναν συγκεκριμένο τρόπο, γιατί ποτέ δεν θα τους αντιμετώπιζα έτσι. Δεν έχω μάθει πολλά και εξακολουθώ να παλεύω με αυτό, αλλά αυτό που έμαθα είναι ο μόνος άνθρωπος που μπορώ να αλλάξω εγώ και είμαι ο ιδιοκτήτης της δικής μου ευτυχίας. Αυτό με βοήθησε σε ένα βαθμό και το βελτιώνω. Χαίρομαι που θα συμβουλευτείτε και εύχομαι πραγματικά να σας βοηθήσει να βρείτε αυτό που χρειάζεστε για να είστε ευτυχισμένοι σε αυτή τη ζωή. Αγάπη Κ xxx

[kathryn]

Všechno jsem zmeškal! Od svého výletu jsem trochu v funku. Zjistil jsem, že je velmi těžké dostat se zpět do své běžné rutiny a omlouvám se, zdá se, že jste toho prožili strašně moc a nebyl jsem tu, abych vás podpořil. Ale ….. tady jsem teď. Nereálná očekávání ….. příběh mého života. Strávil jsem svůj život tím, že jsem byl zklamaný, se zlomeným srdcem, smutný, šílený, říkáte si to. Nikdy jsem nedokázal pochopit, proč se ke mně lidé chovají určitým způsobem, protože já bych se tak nikdy k nim nechoval. Moc jsem se toho nenaučil a stále s tím zápasím, ale to, co jsem se naučil, je jediná osoba, kterou mohu změnit, jsem já a já jsem majitelem vlastního štěstí. To do určité míry pomohlo a já se v tom zlepšuji. Jsem rád, že se chystáte do rady, a opravdu si přeji, aby vám to pomohlo najít to, co potřebujete, abyste byli v tomto životě šťastní. Láska K xxx

[kathryn]

Mi-a fost dor de tot! De când am călătorit, am avut un pic de moft. Mi-a fost foarte greu să mă întorc în rutina mea normală și îmi pare rău, se pare că ai trecut printr-o mulțime groaznică și nu am fost aici pentru a te sprijini. Dar ….. iată-mă acum. Așteptări nerealiste ….. povestea vieții mele. Mi-am petrecut viața fiind dezamăgit, cu inima frântă, tristă, nebună, așa-i așa. Nu aș putea înțelege niciodată de ce oamenii mă vor trata într-un anumit fel, pentru că nu i-aș trata niciodată așa. Nu am învățat prea multe și încă mă lupt cu asta, dar ceea ce am învățat este singura persoană pe care o pot schimba sunt eu și sunt proprietarul propriei mele fericiri. Acest lucru a ajutat într-o oarecare măsură și mă simt mai bine la asta. Mă bucur că veți face consiliere și îmi doresc cu adevărat să vă ajute să găsiți ceea ce aveți nevoie pentru a fi fericiți în această viață. Dragoste K xxx

[kathryn]

Wow I loved that last post, that walk of shame I remember it all too well. Glancing sideways at people you have never seen sure in the fact that they KNOW! Not making eye contact with anyone, god forbid someone talks to you…..I remember it like yesterday and thank you so much for reminding me, that kind of pain/fear/anxiety diminishes over time.
I’m obviously not self excluded in the USA, but I have the best barrier of all…..my best friend Jodie who has been through my addiction with me, watching from the sidelines and who was amazing when my world came crashing down.
Anyway, I wanted to give you a big fat woohoo for your 3 weeks. We are never cured but 3 weeks of not gambling today is just awesome!
Take care, love K xxx

[kathryn]

Woohoo on your day 9 ! Every day without a bet is a good day!
I’m sorry you encountered a negative person.
I know after I stopped gambling for a while I was very over zealous in my responses. The truth was, I felt amazing and free and wanted everyone else to feel that way too! I used to think, if only they could feel how I feel they wouldn’t ever want to gamble again! It was almost euphoric, because for the previous 15 years I felt like a useless worthless excuse for a person, wife, mother, and I felt the real me was beginning to emerge!
Sounds so romantic doesn’t it? Lol
Anyway, I guess people have different ways of communicating and you did the very right thing by just getting out of there and not engaging. We all do recovery differently. What works for some doesn’t work for others.
My philosophy is, take what you need from each person, or post, and move forward. Don’t let others bring you down, you are doing what you need to and it’s working!
I hope you are having a nice weekend, you are doing great my friend!
Love K xxxxx

[kathryn]

I read your post on Lizbeths thread, what beautiful kind words. I feel you need to hear those words yourself.
I know you are going through a rough time. Life is rough. No two ways about it. Gambling multiplys it by a million.
I know you’re a good person, You can’t control how others think, or judge for that matter. This I have learnt!!! The beauty of getting older is that you seem to care less and less what others think and I really love that!
Man, I just wanted to give you some support, don’t be too hard on yourself, us CG’s are our own worst enemy!
Take care friend, love K xxx

[kathryn]

In regards to your rambling, I have 8 years worth on this site , don’t ever think you can’t post how you are feeling, what you may think is rambling is just true and honest thoughts and feelings and writing them down gets them out of your head.
I agree with Charles, look into residential if that’s what you really want to do, it doesn’t hurt to enquire! I don’t know how bad things need to be to get in, but if it’s affecting your life this much………
I’m glad you are attending GA. every bit of support will help!
Take care of yourself, don’t worry about cars and clothes and perfume, sleep however is pretty important, maybe try to get that down pat.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

You’re right, there’s no thought, just action and damn the consequences. How many times I would spend everything, no money for groceries, feed the family on a dime, couldn’t even buy my kids a rotten ice cream!
Gambling takes everything, and all around it suffer!
Keep making that good choice.
Love L xx

[kathryn]

Get your barriers up, use this site, GA, exclusion to help you!
Do it while you feel low, life is for living, not for wasting away at a gambling venue.
Keep reading and posting, the advice I received here saved my life!
Take care, K xx

[kathryn]

You’re not wrong!
And not gambling is one less thing!
Well done!
Love K xx

[kathryn]

A year! That’s brilliant!
Keep it up, that little monster likes to rear its head when we least expect it!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

You’re still breathing and doing what you need to, be it in a state of shock and numbness! Just keep doing those things you need to for now, don’t look too far forward and if you can ( the most difficult thing) don’t look back.
8 years ago, when I found this site, I took all advise given to me, put up every barrier I could, posted and lived on this site constantly, spent hours and hours talking to Harry on the helpline (there were only 2 of them back then) and I have to say, without that, I don’t know where I would be. I had to sell my home to cover my gambling debts, it was a devastating time in my life, and I truly thought I was going to be left with nothing.
I guess my point is that every single little bit of help, support, advice is valuable.
Do as much as you can, no excuses, and ensure this doesn’t happen again.
You deserve so much more than what gambling gives.
Take care, love K xxx

[kathryn]

I felt your pain oozing through that post and all I thought was, I want to make you a cuppa.
That feeling, that God awful gut wrenching heart smashing feeling.
Gambling is the most revolting, soul destroying addiction , its silent and sneaky, it chews you up and spits you out.
There’s nothing I can say that you haven’t already said to yourself.
Yes it’s set you back, but it hasn’t beaten you.
You made the call
You posted here
You aren’t alone
One day, one hour, one minute at a time my friend.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

No money=no gambling
It’s a barrier that works.
Where are you getting the funds to gamble?
Get barriers up now, go to GA as Charles suggests, tell your mum everything and that you don’t want cash, it’s just too dangerous.
You say life will have no pleasure if you don’t have gambling in it.
What has gambling done other than make you miserable?
Life is for living, and when you stop gambling your head will clear, and you will find other things to fill your time .
Take care, K xx

[Author]

Posts