[kathryn]

You are not going to succeed, you ARE succeeding!!!!
Every day you dont gamble is a success!
I feel that sometimes i feel that life isnt exciting anymore, now that i dont gamble. My question to myself when i feel this way is how on earth can sitting in front of a screen, not talking, barely moving, eating, drinking….living, be seen as exciting?
Sure, there was a short (and i mean short) thrill if that machine sang, but that was few and far between.
Its appreciating what i have, and the small ‘wins’ of life that make me happy, and planning whats coming next thats exciting. I dont ever remember feeling happy leaving a venue, because of course id spent everything i had!!!
You will get there, those debts will be paid and i cant wait to toast that day with you. Thats not your life though, just a teeny part. Enjoy your library time, and enjoy the warm weather…..its freezing here this morning!!!!!
Much love,
K xxxxx

[kathryn]

Я думаю, что Дэймс перенес самый тяжелый грипп. Сегодня он кажется немного бодрее !!! Слава богу, я был готов съехать !!!! Так что день рождения Текса был фантастическим. Бри наняла этот игровой тренажерный зал, который идеально вписался в ее гостиную. Там было около 20 детей, от новорожденных до четырех, и все они прекрасно провели время. Я тоже со всеми этими младенцами !!!!! Текс бежал, бежал и БЕЖАЛ !!! Был так взволнован. Понятия не имел, конечно. Он был испорчен насквозь и даже не плакал, когда все пели «С Днем Рождения». Он просто оглядел всех, как будто мы сошли с ума. У нас есть 3 недели в понедельник до приезда новой маленькой девочки, и я не могу дождаться !!! С тех пор, как умерла мама, я был в режиме беспорядка. Это был медленный процесс, но я добираюсь до цели. Моя спальня закончена (за исключением всего «мелочей» в шкафу). Несколько новых предметов мебели от Kmart (дешевая и красивая), и комната выглядит потрясающе. Сейчас работаю над салоном. Я переставил компьютер и письменный стол и продал буфет и книжный шкаф онлайн. Не на много, но я был счастлив, что кто-то забрал их для меня !! Я купил новую (бывшую в употреблении) комнату отдыха, которую мы заберем завтра. Мне 14 лет, и я видел лучшие дни. Здесь есть шезлонг, он красивого кремового цвета. Было всего 100 долларов. Те, на которые я смотрел онлайн, в секонд-хендах стоили от 300 до 600 долларов, так что я заключил выгодную сделку. Не могу дождаться, чтобы получить это. Я также был в сети (снова kmart) и написал список новой мебели для моей гостиной. Небольшой кубик для игрушек Texs, полочка с лестницей для моего принтера и накидки, несколько новых ярких подушек, красивый плед, и я думаю, что гостиная будет выглядеть совершенно новой. Мне это сойдет с рук еще примерно за 100 долларов, и моя гостиная будет готова !! уууу !!! Я взволнован. Мне нужны мелочи, и я полагаю, что это будет похоже на новую комнату за очень небольшие деньги. Единственное, что будет стоить немного дороже, – это телевизор, но он у меня есть, и я готов подождать. Это просто не соответствует лол. Не то чтобы что-то действительно так. Это будет первый раз, когда что-то будет совпадать, и это будет очень минимально. Я купил 2 билета на предварительный просмотр Mamma Mia 2 в следующем месяце для Джоуд и меня. Этой девушке серьезно нужен вечер, и я думаю, что старый добрый вечер кино – это просто билет. Может, выпить после? У нас обоих выходной, поэтому мы можем делать то, что хотим. Я даже организовал присмотр за ее мальчиками, чтобы она не беспокоилась об этом. В субботу у нас мутная столовая. Это сумасшедший день. Мы начинаем в 6 утра и заканчиваем в 18:00. Хотя это все для общего блага, надеюсь, мы сможем сделать это в течение следующих 2 лет, и наша поездка будет оплачена. Мы устали, но оно того стоит. Так это обо мне! Я очень хотел бы поскорее создать группу !!! Вчера вечером пропустил Лауру на 15 минут! Пришел домой с работы слишком поздно для вечерней группы. У меня завтра выходной (в пятницу никогда не бывает), так что, может быть, завтра вечером? Я попробую. Береги себя, друзья, Love K xxx

[kathryn]

I think Dames has come through the worst of his flu.
He seems a bit more chipper tonight!!! Thank goodness, I was ready to move out!!!!
So Tex’s birthday was fantastic. Brea had hired this play gym thing that fit perfectly into her lounge room. There were about 20 kids there ranging from new born to about 4 and they all had the loveliest time. So did I with all those babies!!!!!
Tex ran and ran and RAN!!! Was so excited. Had no idea of course. He was spoilt rotten and didn’t even cry when everyone sang Happy Birthday. He just looked around at everyone like we were mad. We have 3 weeks on Monday until the new little girl arrives and I cant wait!!!
Since mum died I have been in de clutter mode. Its been a slow process but I’m getting there. My bedroom is done (except for all the ‘stuff’ in the wardrobe) A few new pieces of furniture from Kmart (cheap and lovely) and the room looks terrific.
I am now working on the lounge. I moved the computer and desk and sold a buffet and bookcase online. Not for a lot but I was happy that someone took them away for me!!
I have purchased a new (used) lounge suite that we are picking up tomorrow. Mine is 14 years old and has seen better days. This one has a chaise lounge and is a lovely cream colour. It was only $100. The ones ive looked at on line, second hand have been between $300-$600 so I scored a bargain. I cant wait to get it. Ive also been online (kmart again) and written a list of new furniture for my lounge. A little cube unit for Texs toys, a ladder shelf thing for my printer and nick nacks, some new bright cushions, a lovely throw, and I think the lounge will look brand new. I can get away with it for about another $100 and my lounge will be done!! woohoo!!!
I’m excited. I need some change and I figure this will feel like a new room for very little money. The only thing that will cost a bit more will be a TV unit but ive got one and I’m prepared to wait. It just wont match lol. Not that anything really does. This will be the first time anything matches and its very minimal.
I bought 2 tickets to the preview session of Mamma Mia 2 next month for Jode and I. That girl seriously needs a night out and I think a good old fashioned movie night is just the ticket. Maybe a drink after? We both have the day off so we can do what we want. I even organised her boys to be looked after so she didn’t have to worry about it.
We have the footy canteen Saturday. Its a crazy day. We start at 6am and finish at 6pm. Its all for the greater good though, hopefully we can do it for the next 2 years and our trip will be paid for. We are exhausted but it is so worth it.
So that’s about me! I would really love to make a group soon!!! Missed Laura by 15 mins last night! Got home from work too late for tonights group. I do have tomorrow off (never get a Friday off) so maybe tomorrow night? Ill try.
Take care friends,
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Just wanted to say a big thank you for my welcome back.
It was much appreciated.
I think there may be 5 stages of gambling….the fifth being acceptance.
Only then can we take the steps necessary to begin recovery.
Take care my friend,
Love K xx

[kathryn]

Bringing you back to the top……
How are you holding up?
We are all here for you, please remember you are not alone.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Happy to see you have reached out for help. Its not an easy thing to do.
Keep reading and posting, it helps to write things down. You will get some great advice and tips on how to deal with life now that you have admitted your addiction.
I know you cant fathom telling your husband right now, I get it, I was you. In the end I had no choice. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. He stuck with me. Hes in the room with me right now dying of the man flu (insert rolling eye emoji here!!!)
That was 9 years ago.
You can have a happy gamble free life. Theres no magic wand, but if you are willing and open to the possibilities your life will change for the better.
Take care, Love K xx

[kathryn]

While I’m sorry you are having relationship issues at the moment I’m so so happy to read that you haven’t used gambling as an escape.
I think sometimes stopping (physically) is the easy part. Its when we have a problem, a sadness, a trauma or drama in our life that its so difficult not to run back there.
Ive always seen my addiction as a little monster on my shoulder, always whispering at the times I feel the lowest. Trying to suck me back in. Getting through those periods, coming through the other side, unscathed by the addiction is something to be really proud of.
You should be proud.
I look forward to reading more from you.
Take care,
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Congratulations on excluding from all sites.
I was never an online gambler but I excluded from all the venues within a 50km radius of my house. I have to do it every 2 years as that’s the longest time they will do it here in Australia. Ive had a few slips over 9 years…..always when I let my exclusion lapse. Lesson learnt for me.
Don’t beat yourself up too much. Whats lost is lost. Unfortunately for the gambler in action no win is ever enough. Stick with it….im sticking with you!!!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

I am happy to see you have reached out for help. A big step.
I agree with Laura, limiting your access to cash can be really helpful. When I first stopped my husband had all control. I would get a little bit of money when I needed it. Sounds like a child but that’s what I needed and it really did work. Maybe a blocker on your computer would help too, no accessing gambling sites or receiving offers etc.
All small things add up.
The time is now, while you are feeling low to put up your barriers and make yourself safe. Get them up and you can then work on you and your recovery.
Take care,
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Our secrets keep us sick.  

I hope you are feeling some relief now.  

You are right, when things are tough, something always happens.  Im a big believer in fate, and that everything happens for a reason, although sometimes that reason takes a while to show itself. 

I hope your tomorrow was a great one!!!

Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Well done on day 10! I remember feeling soooooo mad!!!
I was livid, wild, and at the same time didn’t realise why.
I was having withdrawls. Pure and simple.
What you are doing is working. Posting here can be a therapeutic way to express your feelings and get rid of them (if you know what I mean), not only that, its a great time filler!!!
Velvet on this forum has a great way of explaining the ‘gambling brain’, like a glass of water. So full of gambling thoughts that no ‘normal’ thoughts can get in.
The longer you abstain, the less full of ‘gambling water’ is in the glass and ‘normal’ thoughts replace it. Ive read that back 3 times and I don’t know if that makes sense but I hope you get the jist of it!!! Time will help you. The longer you stop, the easier it is to fight/distract those urges. Its been 9 years for me, occasionally I think ‘wouldn’t that be nice?’….then I remember what gambling took from me. That alone is enough. I don’t want to go back.
I still work recovery everyday. You can do this!!!!!
Take care Lass,
Love K xx

[kathryn]

Just wanted to drop you a line, ive had a quick read of your thread and you have A LOT going on!!!
I was happy to read of your new clothes purchases. Its lovely to have some new clothes. Before I went on my trip I bought so many things to take it was ridiculous. My wardrobe needs a good clean out!
Your health…..its a worry that they give you medications that you cant take. Why??????
Hopefully the herbs will keep things at bay for you.
Enjoy your break, you truly deserve it!!
Love K xx

[kathryn]

Sounds like all this walking is doing you good.! Clears the head, a bit of exercise, fresh air in those lungs!!!
As for your garden, I am jealous!
I would love a vegetable patch. Unfortunately, I am the worlds worst gardener!!! Black thumb Kathryn, that’s what they call me….lol!
I’m happy to read you have made next months financial goals. You know, a lot of people would have folded by now. You are still plugging along. So much to be proud of my friend.
I still have the sick husband. He is currently asleep (which is a good thing because he doesn’t moan!!!)
As a nurse, I am a sympathetic person. As a wife…..not so much!!! I know I sound mean, this has, however been going on for a week and I’m done!!!! So he’s going to the Drs today.
Brea and Tex are coming for a visit today. I didn’t have him last night as she has finished work. She has just over 3 weeks until the new baby comes along. I get anxiety every time I think about it. 2 babies under 13 months!!!!! I had such huge gaps between my children I cannot even fathom this!!!!!
How did you go at the library? Our town doesn’t have one, theres a bus that comes every week. I went once. Not a lot of variety. And its not like you can go and sit in there and have a little read. Nope. It pulls in at 10, and pulls out at 3.
Well, I need a shower, then hopefully get some more posts done today, in between housework of course!!!!
Have a great day,
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Im in the group now if youre around?? May have missed you x

[kathryn]

So true and so right!
All the ups and downs of the last 9 years i have posted on this forum. There was a particularly traumatic event (for me) many years ago and the support i recieved got me through it! It was very early in my recovery.
Not sure if i would have remained gamble free if not for my wonderful GT family. Many who helped are no longer here and i miss them and think of them to this day.
I think we take what we need from each person here, use what we need to and for me, i hope that it may help someone else.
I have tomorrow off and im planning a big posting morning.
We are blessed
Love K xxx

[Author]

Posts