[kathryn]

You would be proud of me….i got quite a bit achieved!  There were piles everywhere and a huge rubbish bag!!!! Got the whole cupboard done,  i didnt realise that there were so many papers shoved in that drawer that they had fallen into the cupboard bit underneath!!!!! But, i got the majority done. yay!!!

I would love nothing more than to come give you a hand!  You would however have to supply the coffee!!!!  I do doubt however that we would get much done with all the talking!!!  Oh well, id have to stay a little longer!!!!!

Love ya! K xxx

[kathryn]

Happy to read life is pretty ok!
Being present……I remember it wasn’t until I had stopped gambling for a while that I really appreciated that. All I could think of was the money I had lost. It wasn’t until I started having some ‘normal’ thinking that I realised just what gambling had taken away from me and in truth the money was at the bottom of the list.
Being present was at the top. With my kids, my husband, my bestie, myself, who I had lost for a long time.
I think because I’m getting older I’m realising what is important. My de cluttering has proven to me that the material things I longed for in my 20-30’s are just not important anymore. Yes, I have bought a new couch etc, but It has cost me under $300 to do my whole lounge room. What I need now is less. And if I’m having less its going to be nice less! Also, a bonus is less to clean/dust!!!! So theres some more time for me to do something else…..like post!!!
Its just after 9.30pm sunday night. I’m snuggled in my dressing gown and slippers, the house is super quiet, I’m organised for work tomorrow, dishes are done so I’m pretty content right now.
I think group is too late for me tonight (11pm) although I did have a small nap this afternoon so I may still be up! Ive always been able to drink coffee from morning till late at night and the last few weeks have noticed that if I have one after dinner I cannot sleep for the life of me so ive stopped doing it. Not sure that its made a huge difference. Mum has been on my mind a lot. Its been 5 months. I miss holding her hand. I can still feel it in mine.
Anyway, I hope you have had a great weekend, keeping in touch with family is so important. We are lucky to have them.
Talk soon my lovely friend,
Love K xxxxx

[kathryn]

I can only echo what everyone else has said to you.
You need professional help at this stage.
Please reach out to someone, family, friend, doctor, anyone!
Our secrets keep us sick.
It is possible to live without gambling. I know it seems impossible right now, but please don’t go another day without sharing with someone.
You say this is a life you are willing and ready to leave behind. You can!!! It can be done. Nope, it is certainly not easy, but its worth it. YOU are worth it.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

I’m procrastinating!!!! I bought a second hand filing cabinet on Friday. It was a bargain and matches my lounge décor perfectly (of course!!! LOL)
Ive bought the little file things to go in it and now I just have to fill it up.
I have a drawer downstairs bulging with paperwork. Ive tried just about everything to NOT get started on it. Its going to be a nightmare. I also have a big box full of Damians tax paperwork. That actually makes my hair stand on end thinking about it. Years and years of papers. All needing to be sorted and filed….aaaaahhhhhh.
This is the part of my de cluttering that I definitely don’t like.
So I posted to Lizbeth, then I’m writing this post, then I’m making a coffee, then I’m putting the washing away, then I’m starting on it……hahahhahah
Then, and only then I will come back here and post some more.
Yesterday I went and had my nails done and did the groceries. We ended up with a house full of people and drinks were flowing. It was lovely. I was in bed at 9.30!!!
Oh, I did buy my sideboard for the lounge, good old Kmart!!!! $39 bucks! I was thrilled. They are delivering it to work this week sometime. All I need now is the tv cabinet and this room is complete!!!!!
Hope you are all having a good weekend,
Ill be back!!! (I know you read it in Arnolds voice then!! lol)
Love K xxxxx

[kathryn]

Ugh, do we every stop worrying about our children?
I guess the best you can do is make sure it doesn’t affect YOUR recovery. Your girls are working hard too. You should be proud of them!
What an awful weather weekend it has been here! Freezing, raining, windy…..yuck!
I did a few things yesterday and then stayed in my warm house. Today is much the same. Dames and I went and bought 2 safety gates for our stairs this morning. I’m petrified Tex will fall down them (hes an absolute superstar getting up!) So now they are blocked both ends which is a great relief for me! I was using an old canvas with a wooden shelf thing to block the top of the stairs ! When I re did the lounge I got rid of both so that left no choice but to buy the gates. In reality they were not expensive at all, and with another baby almost here I will have peace of mind they will be safe. Funny that I threw thousands in those god awful machines for 15 years without a thought and yet I was procrastinating on those gates. Still in that sick mindset when it comes to money!!!
Well, its done! Yay!!!!
Hope your weekend is sunnier than mine! I miss summer!!!!
Take care, love K xxx

[kathryn]

Lovely to read of the beautiful time you have had with your daughter and grand daughter. Those babies grow like weeds!!!
All ive every wanted for my children is for them to be happy, however that may be. You must feel so content to see your daughter doing well. I’m happy for her, and you for that matter!!
As for your mother, I don’t know why some people feel good by making others feel bad. That is her issue, and maybe she feels you are an easy target? The flip side is that usually people are like that to the ones they love the most, be it a pretty crappy way to show it!!
Having a break from her will do you good. Do something nice for you! Go have an icecream, in a waffle cone….lol (my fave thing to eat)
Everything does happen for a reason, I am a huge believer in that, sometimes it takes a while for that reason to be seen.
Great to read you are doing so well Lizbeth, I am truly truly happy for you my friend!
Love K xxxxxxxxxx

[kathryn]

So ive just been on the helpline re the group times as I seemed to be getting them wrong but Paul has sorted me out (thanks Paul) so hopefully I will actually make one!!!
I had today off. I went and had my hair done this morning, my neice is my hairdresser and what started off as dark brown a few years ago is now blonde! Never thought I could pull that off but it seems that I can!!! Great way to blend those awful grey hairs that I hate!!!!
I then had to do a cleaning job with Jode. It only took about 1.5hrs but I was on my knees virtually the whole time. Getting down is alright, its getting up that’s the problem!!!
Then I went and visited Brea and Tex of course. That child!!! Melts my heart, I get teary and everything when he does something cute. I am pathetic. How am I going to go with another baby? God help us all!!!!!
I then flew down to the local plaza and found some lovely (and super cheap) throw rugs for my couch. I had seen them a while back and when I went last week they were out of stock so I was so excited that they were back. I got 2, rang Jode and she got 2, then I put 2 away for Jode for her mum. LOL. They are knitted and a range of gorgeous colours and they look fab on my couch!
I then had the lady come and pick up the chair/bed I had for sale. She paid me the same amount as I spent on the couch so that was great!
Almost time for bed. I really had a great day (apart from the cleaning but I was with Jode so that’s always a good thing)
I am going out for dinner with some old school friends Friday night. We had our reunion in March and have decided to meet once a month for dinner. Its so great to catch up with them and we all giggle like we are still 15. I feel very fortunate to have kept in touch with these girls, we have all been through a lot together over the years. We grew up together. I’m looking forward to it.
Quiet weekend is on the way for me. I have to get into my wardrobe and all the stuff on the top shelf…..ugh. Has to be done and I need to do it while I’m in the mood.
Anyways, take care, hopefully I will make a group soon!!!!!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

I love your words.
They are so true. The slips ive had in my 9 years since I made the decision to take back control of my life were always when my self exclusion had lapsed. I knew exactly what I was doing each time. And each time I felt physically ill, guilt ridden and paranoid.
The decision is easy for me. Keep up my exclusion and temptation is taken away. Abstinence is not the key though, and as you have stated this is a psychological addiction that needs therapy of all kinds to help us live as ‘normal’ people.
The sun shines for me Johnny, even in my darkest day I can say I will not gamble. It has been a long road, and a road I will always travel, but with support I know that I will not stray from the path.
Thank you for posting this, it was a great read.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Welcome.
I’m happy to read of your commitment to turn your life around.
Gambling takes so much from us, not just money. The time you lose with your family can never be replaced.
So wonderful to read that your wife is on board with you. Yes, we have to be the ones to stop, but having that support makes it a lot easier. Being accountable to someone can be a huge help.
You sound like a very determined man! I look forward to reading how your GA meeting goes, along with your counselling. Taking the first steps are so hard, and life doesn’t become magically wonderful. But geez, life is so so much better without gambling in it. To be present in the moment with your children, to not be all consumed is life changing.
Congratulations on taking the steps necessary to manage your addiction. You should be proud of yourself.
Until next time,
Kathryn xx

[kathryn]

Welcome,
No one quite understands a compulsive gambler like another.
Its easy for people to say ‘just stop’. If only!!!!!
So ill give you the advice that was given to me when I first found this forum.
You say that your family knows……is that a husband/partner? Parents/siblings? Is there someone in your family that you can be accountable to? I gave all my cards and access to cash to my husband and let him hold the reins. I was only given money for essentials, and all the bills were worked out together. I made sure I had a receipt for everything I spent. Yes, it wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. No money =no gambling.
Can you exclude? I’m not sure where you are or what your poison is, but self exclusion was one of my biggest steps and so far has proved to be very effective. I am a venue person, never was interested in online. I excluded from all slot venues within a 50km radius of my house. I have been doing this for many years and it is a great deterrent for me. The thought of someone tapping me on the shoulder and asking me to leave gives me nightmares. Something to think about.
This forum, reading and posting is a wonderful way to fill time, reduce stress levels and get your thoughts and feelings down. Not to mention the wonderful people who will keep you motivated and on track. There are also groups that run, all compulsive gamblers there, working recovery.
Perhaps GA might be an option? Talking face to face with others in the same boat can be very helpful.
I’m sure others will give you different strategies…..you just need to find what works for you. This addiction doesn’t go away. I will always be a compulsive gambler. I am, however working my recovery, I have my barriers up and have wonderful support here.
I hope to hear more from you.
You are not alone.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

So sorry to read of your current situation.
I’m really just going to agree with everyone above……
A walk, really does help clear the head and I hear the weather over there is not too shabby at the moment. Deep breaths, fill those lungs and open the mind. Even 15 minutes, round the block could help a little.
I feel like IDI is on the money about going to the doctor. You have had a massive, traumatic experience. You need to look after yourself Mav, and your mental health has been affected in all this. Your GP could give you some direction on what may help you.
I don’t know if this will help, but when mum died I could not sleep at all. I found ASMR, its a relaxation thing that helps send you off to sleep. I utube it, and I still do it now. Maybe if you can feel relaxed when you go to sleep the nightmares might ease a bit.
I wish I could do more to help you Mav, you need support.
Please know that I’m thinking of you all. How are your kids coping through all this? They are lucky to have you. You are a dedicated husband and father, and I truly hope that things improve and your pressure is reduced.
Hold on Mav, its all you can do. Just know that we are all with you.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Happy Canada day!!!Thanks for the post! I hope you have a wonderful day!!
No spiders from me!!! Ill be heading to bed soon myself, I am soooo tired!!! Work calls tomorrow!!!!
Catch you soon!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

So it looks like the group is at 10 tonight so ill do my best to be there!!!
I am wrecked from canteen yesterday. 13hrs!!! Long day!
My back was screaming, I was in bed at 8pm (what a party animal) and was up at 8 this morning.
Got all my purchases Friday night so its a putting things together day today. I cant wait, my lounge is going to look terrific when I’m finished. Hasn’t cost me very much at all but it already feels like a new room, it was well overdue.
Anyway, I’m off to the shower,
Hopefully see you later tonight,
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

I think your post must have slipped through the cracks, I’m sorry you have had no replies.
You have had a large amount of gamble free time under your belt. What did you do before?
Seems like its time to put some barriers up.
Someone to be accountable to, to monitor your spending?
Banning from online gambling
Attending GA perhaps?
Writing and posting here, there are groups too.
You can do this.
Not easy, but worth it.
Love K xx

[kathryn]

You are right, for us, anyway. Gambling will only cause despair and grief.
Keep going, you are doing great!
Love K xx

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