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Let me know how your new church visit went.
Time to break out of that shell and start living a life you are happy with. Lord knows you deserve it.
Love K xxxxxGlad to see you back and posting, reaching out for support (hugs)
That little boy is an absolute joy!
Keep just enjoying him, you cant control what Jen or anyone else does I’m afraid. They have to walk their own road.
All you can do is be there if they need you and regardless of what your kids do we still love them more than anything and will always help pick them up if they need it.
Theres nothing else in the world than seeing your grandchild, and the look on their face when they see you!
If I could bottle that id be a millionaire!!!! It really is priceless.
Enjoy those times B, and as always sending my love to you and Jen.
Love K xxxxxxxxGlad you came back and posted about your slip, think how much worse things could have been!
I think looking too far forward can be a pressure that you don’t need.
Just getting through today is all you need to do right now.
They will add up on their own.
And while goals are great, when you get to it, what next?
This addiction will use any excuse to reward.
You can do this, make sure you have no access to money, give yourself some room to breathe.
When you CANT gamble, the pressure is removed for you as there is no choice to be made.
Stay strong, Love K xxxRemember, your family are coming to see YOU, not your house!!! Some things cant be done in 5 minutes and I’m sure they wouldn’t even notice!!!
In saying that, even when Brea comes here I’m sweeping the floor and cleaning the toilet!! LOL
Sunday morning here, coffee and sunshine through my window. I know you saw the photo I posted of Dames and I and the kids , I blew it up and framed it for my sideboard. It looks fantastic. The petals are falling off my orchid now….not sure what to do with it once the flowers are gone? Someone told me to stick it out the back and leave it there till they come back? I have no idea being the novice gardener I am!!!
6 months yesterday since mum passed. I cannot believe how quickly that time has gone. It feels like a week ago that I last saw her. Blows my mind.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed your visitors,
Hopefully will catch up in a group sometime!!!!
Love K xxxI hope you had a lovely time at your sisters,
There’s a bond there that is like nothing else.
I agree with everyone! Sell those clothes! I have bought a lot of things, clothes, furniture etc on those sites and they are brilliant. I have also sold a lot of stuff too! Maybe you could treat yourself with the extra cash?
Enjoy your bath! I don’t have one and it kills me!!!! What I wouldn’t give, especially now that the boys are much older and wouldn’t be knocking on the door every 5 minutes!!!!
Enjoy your weekend,
Love K xxxSorry ive been AWAL…..no excuse just tired and a bit lazy.
Reading back on your posts I can see the escalation.
The addiction was already planning its next attack.
If you start feeling like that again please contact someone from GA……just getting that positive reinforcement and support could be all the difference.
This will pass. Truly. Feeling alone is not a good place to be.
I wish I could come visit…..a coffee, good yarn, cry, whatever!
Maybe it is time for you to start looking for a little part time job. What about even volunteering? A thrift shop, an aged care facility, a school even? Give you some purpose, some company and something to take your mind off your stresses. Having too much time to think is not always a good thing!!!!!
Hopefully your AC will be fixed soon. My house is 2 storey…..the downstairs has AC but the upstairs has only ceiling fans. In the summer the upstairs gets all the afternoon sun, we don’t have great blinds to block it out and it can be like a sauna up here. (I’m sitting up here now on the computer!) Revolting!!!! Dames and I have taken to sleeping downstairs when we have a run of super hot days. In saying that, when the cool change comes the upstairs is the first to cool down so every window and door are thrown open!
You need some time fillers my friend.
Start looking!
Not only will it keep you busy, but you might make some great new friends!
Take care Lizbeth,
Love always, K xxxxxxWell done on getting through day 30!
9 years on and I still remember those feelings after a big loss.
Doesn’t hurt to remind yourself how you DONT want to feel.
The pit in my stomach, the fear of my husband getting to the mailbox before me, the dread of what I was going to do now.
I know that if I gamble nothing will change, I will get sucked straight back into that hell hole.
The best revenge is living well.
I still get urges, they may be few and far between these days but I quash them as quickly as they come.
I always thought of gambling as exciting, the anticipation of it all.
I told my brother of my addiction many years ago and he said to me ‘geez, you must have a pretty boring life.’
I was crushed. I have never mentioned it to him again.
In hindsight, he was right. Spending my life in a venue staring at a screen.
How boring is that?????
I will spend today with my daughter and my grandchildren.
Cuddles and coffees and conversation.
That, to me, is really living.
Keep fighting…….you’re worth it.
Love K xxxKeep reading and posting, take support where you can get it.
Laura has given you some great tools to start your recovery journey.
You can turn things around.
Love K xxJust popped in to say GDAY!!!!!
I set my alarm this morning to see the blood moon. 5.45am it went off. I thought, it is freezing, I don’t want to go outside…..but I got up and looked out my bedroom window and BAM!!! There it was!!! woohoo!!! I ran down and got Bailey up (Harry is at a friends) and made him come up and see it too…lol. We are star gazers, him and I, and I didn’t want him to miss this as apparently theres not another like it for 84 years and I know for sure ill be digging up the daisies by then!!!!!
I was planning on going back to bed but once I’m up, I’m up!
I’m heading in to Breas today to help her with the kids (it seems very weird to type that) but Cam is playing football and she needs some help with the little fella!!! I’m sure ill get a small cuddle in with Della as well!!! Oh life is hard!!!!
Ive been logged into chat for a while, I was late as I was posting and didn’t realise the time but unfortunately ive missed a couple of people and no one else has come in.
Anyways, just wanted to say HEY GIRL!!!
I hope you have a wonderful weekend,
I need more coffee!!!!!!!
Love K xxxTheres no such thing as too much posting!!!!!
I am testament to that!!!!
The first few years I was here I posted every single thought that was in my head, I don’t know how many pages of posts I have on my old thread!
I think posting is a wonderful way to get your thoughts out of your head and on paper so to speak.
Don’t ever ever feel you are posting too much. Not to mention the fact that I love reading your posts.
So great to see you are feeling a bit of normality again.
Saying no is something I struggle with too. I never want to disappoint anyone, or make them upset. In reality I guess, saying no just means that THEY need to find another solution. Its not the end of the world!!!!!!
I’m going to see Brea, Tex and of course the beautiful Della today. Cameron (breas hubby) is playing football and she cant pick Tex up yet so I’m going to give here a hand (what a shame… lol)
Enjoy your weekend Lizbeth, I feel from reading your posts that you are finding yourself again and it is a joy to watch!!!
Love K xxxxI’m sorry I haven’t posted before now, I have had an incredibly busy time (my daughter just had a baby)
Wow, you have made some progress…..telling your husband, a GA meeting, new church.
Big steps, and ones you should be proud of.
Could your husband take control of the finances for a while? It would take a lot of pressure off you, not having access to money. I did it when I told my husband…..I gave him my debit card and made him sit with me each week while I went through the bills (he hasn’t a clue how to pay them) but I made sure he knew where every single cent was going. If I needed cash I would ask him or he would give me my card and I would have to be accountable for every red cent. It worked for me, I was sick of the responsibility and the pressure, not to mention the fear of having that access to money.
Nowdays, I am back at the wheel….however he knows what we have and don’t have. What needs to be paid and if there is anything extra. I’m still accountable .
I’m looking forward to reading how your GA meeting went.
You’ve got this!!!!
Love K xxLooks like you have your weekend full up with your son so that’s brilliant!
You are right about feelings and thoughts being all over the place. Think about it, for so long your head has been full of nothing but gambling…..how, where, when! Once you stop actively gambling you actually get the opportunity to think about other things.
Its great to read you are doing well.
The bills will get paid in time. It took me 5 years to pay off my debts, most places will let you organise a payment plan. Slow and steady.
Enjoy your weekend, Love K xxWelcome,
I totally understand the shame you feel. The inability to control myself even though I knew what the outcome would be every single time. I would never leave until it was all gone.
Is there any way you can limit your access to money? If you don’t have it you cant spend it!
I know it seems daunting telling your partner. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I was in a hole so deep we had to sell our house to get out of it.
I gave him total control of the finances. I could not be trusted with any kind of money. It was really hard, but it gave me some space to breathe.
I started much like you. My mother and I would go to a gambling venue once a week for a coffee and a ‘bit of fun’. I still cant pinpoint when that changed for me. I guess the first time I realised I could go on my own maybe?
Keep reading and posting here, you will get some great advice and ideas to help you manage your addiction.
Take care, Love K xxI’m glad you fought the urge to gamble.
Is there something you can do to take your mind off the urges, go for a run, or a walk, call someone -a friend or family member, even just for a chat, meet up with someone for a coffee? Those urges can be all consuming, I always imagine my addiction as a little monster sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear.
Keeping busy and filling your time can get you through them.
I’m happy to read you are catching up with friends. Gambling takes so much from us, theres the money of course, but the time we lose with our family and friends is huge.
Just get through each day, hour, minute if you have to.
I do hope, as Laura said , you consider some sort of counselling. Be it one on one or GA…..every little bit helps.
Take care, Kathryn x