[kathryn]

You don’t need to say ‘never again’. Just say ‘not today’
Im sorry you are having such an awful time of it.
Your wife obviously loves you…..would she have stayed this long if she didn’t? I don’t know if you will be able to sort it out, in truth people can only take so much, but theres always hope.
Have you considered having your wife take over all the finances? You said it yourself, trust is gone, so perhaps its time to let her have control while you are still actively gambling. It could also be an olive branch, showing your commitment to managing this terrible addiction.
We got a dog a year ago. My husband harped on for 10 years, promised me that he would do everything, pick up the poop, feed her, blah blah blah.
While I refuse to pick up after her, I feed her every night. He takes her to work with him which is great, we take her camping which she loves and shes a pretty funny thing (kelpie). Anyway, enough of my blabbing, just wanted to welcome you back, you know what to do. So time to do it and kick gambling out of your life.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

You’re having gambling thoughts because the addiction knows you have money. Pay everything ASAP! Get that money where it needs to go. Then go have that haircut and ask the girl for an extra long head massage at the basin!
I’m off for the rest of the week! Yay!!!
Have heaps to do today as we are going on a little camping trip tomorrow for 3 nights. I’ll post about it on my thread later. Need to get back here more often! Work is making me so tired lately. I think I’m getting old !!!
Talk soon and don’t let that addiction send you backwards, remember the feeling Lizbeth, it’s just not worth it!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Glad to read the AC is up and running.
That extra cash will be a big help to you. I sold a bed online as well, being picked up today.
Its fathers day here today. We are expecting Brea and the kids any moment. My favourite part is what the boys write on the cards….always something funny.
Anyways, enjoy that grand baby!!!!!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Hopefully things are looking up for you.
Lord knows you deserve it.
What happened to that vision board? Maybe its time to put it up again?
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Im sorry you have found yourself in this situation but happy you have found this site.
I guess firstly you need to know that you will never win that money back……….EVER. No win is ever enough for the compulsive gambler, simple as that. Letting go of that loss is difficult, but necessary to move forward.
So what can you do now?
Finding this site is a great start. Read and post as much as you need to. Use the helpline, there are wonderful, helpful people there.
Is there a GA meeting in your area? You need support, and fast. Other compulsive gamblers supporting each other in a safe space.
I know you don’t want to tell your wife, but it seems to me that she needs to take control of all the finances at the moment. You cant be trusted with money. Tell her not to give you any access to money and if you need it you will ask her.
I did this with my husband and not only did it take a huge weight off my shoulders, it gave me some breathing space. Yes, she will be hurt, but our secrets keep us sick, and she will probably find out eventually.

I know it all seems frightening, but hiding this addiction is not the answer.
At the end of the day the only person who can stop is you. Putting up barriers can really help. You can lead a gamble free life KC, its not an easy road, but it is one worth walking.
I look forward to hearing more from you,

Take care, love K xx

[kathryn]

Well im hopeless when it comes to understanding anything about house loans/liens etc.
I just pay my rent every week.
I often drive past my old house and think ‘what if’ (its on the way to Jodes)
I know all to well that feeling of existing and not living.
Its totally depressing.
I don’t know the answer. All I know is that I existed for many years before I started to really live. Paying off the debt due to my gambling was the greatest day of my life! (well not really but it came damn close!)
It took 5 years.
There in lies the problem.
As a cg I was always after the quick fix. Just gamble a bit and win a lot and life will be perfect!
We both know how that scenario goes.
I don’t think ive been one bit of help.
But ive been there Lizbeth.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

So, my niece went to see the surgeon today.
Pretty positive outcome.
Surgery Friday, tumour is contained, looks like it hasn’t spread.
Not sure what the next steps will be but are all extremely positive that she will be ok. A massive relief to put it midly.
Thank you girls for your posts, they were really appreciated in a time of huge stress for me and it meant the world.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

More than awful.
Breas husband Cam rolled his car with a huge trailer on the back. He was with his dad.
Its a wonder no one was killed, he walked away unscathed, as did his father, the car however….its a miracle.
My sister called.
My 32 year old neice has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer.
She is 32.
I am BEYOND devastated.
I am broken hearted.
I am FURIOUS.
One of the kindest, sweetest people I know in this world.
She is seeing the surgeon on Monday.
I am going to see her tomorrow, a 2 hour drive straight through Melbourne. I did it for Harry, and I can certainly do it for Beth.
I am her godmother. We have a special bond.
My sister….I cant imagine.
It has been an awful awful day.
Tex is here, I’m exhausted from the shock and stress.
Looking forward to bed.
K x

[kathryn]

You weren’t weak, you have an addiction.
If you knew this would happen to you when you first started gambling would you still go down that road?
I doubt any of us would have ever imagined we would end up where we are due to our gambling. I would have run for the hills if I had forseen what would happen, straight out that venue door and never looked back.
Lizbeth, you have a lot going on right now.
Its natural to be emotional. Its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Be it small, its there.
When did you go to the library last? I haven’t heard you speak of it for a while?
Do they have any groups there, like a bookclub, morning tea, something to get you out of that house and back into the land of the living?
I don’t know how old you are Lizbeth, but if you are in the ‘older’ category, is there perhaps a community centre with groups/art/exercise/garden club?
I’m grasping at straws I know, but I can hear the lonliness in your posts, the world isn’t going to come to you Lizbeth, you need to go out and get it.
Just a few small steps, be open to the possibilities.
I know its hard to get motivated when you feel down, but if nothing changes, nothing changes.
Love K xxxxx

[kathryn]

Happy to see you started a thread!
I’m down in ‘sunny’ Victoria……NOT!!!!!!
Sounds like we sent our rain up your way….you can have it!!!!
Seriously though, I’m glad you have found this site, it really did change my life. I joined here 9 years ago after a 15 year gambling nightmare.
This addiction just loves drama, trauma, sadness and anything that will trigger an urge.
It feeds on our troubles and woes.
I understand you have tried a few things to stop.
Have you tried them all at once?
Barriers, I believe are a godsend.
We could always find a way to gamble if we REALLY wanted to. The more barriers you have up, the more chance that you wont gamble because it will be simply to hard.
I did all I could. I took every single bit of advice I received here and went with it, did it, tried it, you name it.
That was 9 years ago. Ive slipped up a handful of times in those 9 years.
Not bad for someone who lost just about everything.
It can be done. Believe it.
Get someone to help you with your finances.
Go to a GA meeting and see how that feels.
Join groups here, the helpline is also wonderful.
Self exclude if you can.
Keep yourself busy. Give yourself a breather. Some space to think about things other than gambling. (it will happen)
I can see the determination in your posting.
You aren’t responsible for your addiction Jack, but you are responsible for your recovery. At the end of the day, it has to be you. And you CAN do this!!!!
Time to start living!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Really being there, and knowing that you are in that moment.
Being open to the possibilities, that life can get better.

[kathryn]

So happy to read you are doing well.
Keep it up!!!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Please, please don’t give up.
I know things seem dark right now.
You have registered for this Mount Rushmore trip, that’s something to really work towards and look forward to.
You say its on your list…do you actually have a list?
Do you have a vision board? I swear it works! Get some old magazines and start cutting….pictures, words, all the things you want to do and achieve. Then put it in a frame, on the fridge, on the wall where you can see it every single day. Its actually quite fun to do. I did it a few years ago and had I think 6 things I wanted. At this stage Ive done 5. Pretty amazing. The only thing I haven’t done is learn to cook and to be honest I hate cooking so I’m not too sad about that one…lol.
I just went and got it to have a look…..it was 2013 when I started it.
Ive opened the first page and its furniture and house things…..and look, ive been decorating my house!!!
Next page is saving to go to Jodes wedding in Fiji…..we did that!!!
Next is learn to cook…….big fat nope on that one lol.
Get fit…..I lost 20kg that year.
Read more….still working on that one, I love a good book.
Next page says 2021….the plan, on turning over theres my travel page. And the next is October 2017….NEW YORK!!!!
Seeing is believing my friend.
Wow, that’s kind of blown my brain.
Start working on that board, its fun, will fill your time, give you a purpose and take your mind off everything for a while.
I think I’m going to keep working on this book. Theres more I want to do. And interestingly enough, there wasn’t one page with a $ on it. While its important, its not everything!!!
Ok, so I babbled a bit tonight, but I know you will get through this, you have been through worse.
Don’t throw in the towel just yet!!!
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Well the accountant appointment went better than expected. Our tax debt was reduced by half and although I have to still make a payment plan with them its doable. Harry went to camp yesterday, to Melbourne. Its about a 1.5 hr drive from where I work and today I got a call to say that he was sick. So, I had to go get him. Luckily work could be covered so that was a relief. But…….I have a very very real fear of driving in Melbourne. It scares the hell out of me ( I had a big accident there in my 20’s, not my fault) and I get totally anxiety ridden, sweaty palms, adrenaline pumping, big eyed, panicked…..ahhhhhh But, that was my child up there. He was at the Melbourne Museum, omg, I didn’t know where it was, thank god for google maps. So off I went. And I did it!!! I was so proud of myself, it wasn’t even hard…lol. In saying that, I went back to work (dames picked H up from there and took him home) and I got home at 6. I walked upstairs, layed on the bed, shoes and all and went sound asleep for an hour. Dames said he has never known anyone who can sleep after a ‘trauma’ like I can!!!!! We got a new (second hand) bed for Harry’s room today. His is the next room I am working on. His room is TINY!!!! So, a double bed had to do. He currently has a loft bed. This weekend will be spent organising his tiny space. We also are having Tex Saturday night. Brea is exhausted and we thought we could give her a break. Will drop him off Sunday lunch time. Its Dames mum’s bday, so we are having a sunday lunch with her at a local sports club. Yes, there are pokies there but I am excluded……yay!!!!! The food is yummo so I’m looking forward to that. I didn’t think I was doing very much this weekend until I wrote this post…….geez I’m pretty busy. Well, I’m going to have a look at the forum. Take care everyone!!! Love K xxx

[kathryn]

There’s no ‘may’
If you want to stop you have to block them all. It’s just too tempting. Once you have crossed into compulsive gambling there’s no going back.
Remember how you feel right now.
Cut the tie and get rid of that game.
It’s not worth your mental health. If you can’t gamble you will start to think about other things.
Be open to the possibilities. Since I stopped gambling I have done things I never thought I would ever be able to do, life isnt perfect but it’s sooooo much better!
Take care, K xxx

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