[kathryn]

Love your positive attitude!
It is so hard to forgive ourselves.
We didn’t ask for this addiction, its what we do now that matters. Give yourself some time, and lots of credit. You are dong all you can. And you should be really proud of yourself.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Great job, keep it up.
Im sorry to read of your daughter.
All you can do is live your best life, and if she knocks on your door one day you will be there with open arms.
Sending you all my best.
Love K xxxxx

[kathryn]

Feeling the love my friend and right back at ya!!!!! You made me smile this morning. Love k K xxxxxxxxxxx

[kathryn]

Wow, ive read back since I posted to you last and you have been on quite the roller coaster.
Your family seems to be a major trigger for you. Im not sure how to remedy that, they are your family after all…..I guess you need to find a way to cope and de stress after dealing with them. Have you maybe tried meditation? Im not saying this from experience, but I feel like you may need to sit and breathe and let out all that negative energy that engulfs you.
Since my mum died, I haven’t been able to get to sleep. Once im there im fine but its the getting to sleep I find difficult. So I found something on you tube that I play in my headphones once I get into bed that sends me off to sleep. Surely there would be something there that could help you with the stress…..I don’t know if you are into that kind of thing but its something that doesn’t cost a lot, you can do at home, maybe light a lovely candle to make the room smell great and meditate, de stress, relax, breathe, all the good stuff?
Its just a thought.
I hope you are feeling a bit better, at least your oven is working! Sometimes its the little things my friend!
Take care, Love K xxxxxxxxx

[kathryn]

Glad the blocker is working, im a big believer in whatever works….do it!!!!!
Also happy to read your emergency was covered. I never plan for emergencies, and now ive said that there will probably be one (touch wood there isn’t!!!!)
Im waiting for my bestie to arrive, we are going for a walk, totally paranoid about gaining weight now that ive stopped smoking. im amazed how much better my breathing is…..energy is up too. I am rather sore today after the concert on Saturday night…..we were standing/dancing for about 7 hours, and my back isn’t liking that!!!! Worth it though, I had a great time with my daughter!
So I hope you have a great week, ive a pretty short one which is lovely, only about 5 and a half weeks till we close for xmas…..2 weeks off, yay!!! We are going camping for 1 week then have a week to do home stuff before we head back to work.
Its going to be 30c here today so id better go see Lizbeth and then get some washing on the line…..the never ending washing…..ugh!!!!
Take care of yourself,
Love K xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[kathryn]

Thanks for taking the time to post on my thread, it was lovely seeing your name there, I know you have been going through a bit of a tough time so I really appreciate it.
If I had never gambled…….I think about that sometimes. I don’t think its healthy to dwell on, but hey, its reality.
In saying that, if I hadn’t of gambled I wouldn’t have met all the lovely people here, I doubt I would appreciate my life near as much, my family and friends and the little things that make me happy. I choose to look at the positive. I don’t think theres any other way to be…..
Anyways, I hope your appointments went well, and that things are starting to sort themselves out.
Take care my lovely friend,
K xxxxxxxxxxx

[kathryn]

Nice to have a bit of understanding on the men front (sorry fellas, its not aimed at ALL of you lol)
So the next day Dames came home and took Bailey straight out in the car so something I said must have stuck.
They were working at a house where Damian could leave the work trailer so they did that and Bailey drove to work every day. His hours are adding up quickly now which is great. I did drop his car to the mechanic to see what we needed for a roadworthy to transfer the car into Baileys name so fingers crossed it wont be anything too expensive.
Laura, I did quit many years ago, for 1 year. I think it would be more than 7 years ago, but then took it up again…..ugh.
So im on day 20 now and we are doing pretty good. Neither Dames or I have had one, but he has been eating like a crazy person I have NEVER seen anything like it. Mind you, he can afford to put some weight on where im here counting every little thing, totally paranoid that I will blow up like Violet in Willy Wonka!!!!
I went to the R and B live concert on Saturday night with Brea and we had a blast. It was soooo much fun and there was an enormous amount of people of all ages. I stayed over at her house and woke up to Tex tickling my toes…lol.
I have today off (thankfully, I was a little under the weather yesterday) and am planning to get some housework done.
My garden is going great guns, and my little plants are taking off which is exciting to watch.
My mothers youngest sister died on the weekend, she looked just like mum and was a beautiful lady. Id like to think they are all meeting up there for a chinwag. Not sure when the funeral is but I have let work know, so it will be an opportunity to catch up with the cousins (mum has 14 siblings so you can imagine how many cousins there are!!!)
Terrible that it takes a funeral but that’s the way it is.
Back to work tomorrow, not long till Christmas (eeeek)
I need to start shopping. Christmas is such a stressful time, I am just so glad that gambling isn’t in the mix there.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

Hey everyone, Life has been busy. No smokes for 13 days now…..Ive shocked myself!!! Still want one, but I have my little sucker thing that keeps those cravings at bay, and my patch. My little garden is going well. Im amazed at how quickly its growing, those tomatoes have doubled in size in a week!!! Its been a nice diversion, and is giving me something else to focus on. I don’t have to return to work until Thursday, tomorrow is a public holiday, Wednesday is my day off so I took today as well!!! Hopefully I will get some jobs done around the house. So Bailey got himself a car. He is still a learner driver so we need to be in the car with him. A friend of Dames has sold him the car and he can pay it off which is lovely. Its a ripper. So it was delivered on Saturday, he spent all afternoon washing it and making it nice. Do you think that his father would take him out for a drive in it???? Now, correct me if im wrong, but there are some things in this world that , for the most part, if possible, is a father/son moment. (I get that it is not always the case!) All day yesterday we were home. I said to Dames, are you taking Bailey for a drive. You can imagine Bailey, chomping at the bit to have a drive in his new car. Not today Dames says. So I stewed. And I stewed. And yesterday afternoon I said to Bailey, get your shoes on, we are going for a drive. I then said to Dames, this should be your moment with him and you are an effing mean man!!!!! You see, when you are supervising, your alcohol level needs to be 0.0. He couldn’t not have a beer for one day. He could have taken him out yesterday morning for a drive and then came home and wiped himself out. We haven’t spoken since. As a father, that is a piss poor effort on his part. He should be ashamed of himself. I am FURIOUS and don’t even want to look at him. On the bright side, Bailey and I had a great drive, I was white knuckled the whole time….lol. Bailey wouldn’t ask Damian to take him for a drive, firstly because he wouldn’t want Dames to get mad, and secondly he wouldn’t want to have to deal with the rejection when he said no. Dames doesn’t speak to his father, he said he would when he started acting like one. Seems to me he is going down the same path. He is missing everything. Its not my job to fix him. But I will not put up with this sort of thing anymore. Rant over!!!!!! Love K xxxxxxxxx

[kathryn]

As far as I know there is not one residential treatment facility for gambling addiction in Australia and if there is im sure its on the other side of the country. I don’t think it is perceived as a huge problem here (which is an ABSOLUTE joke). Gambling is such a culture here, for instance, tomorrow is the Melbourne Cup, a big horse race….personally I couldn’t care less, ive never been one for the horses, but…..it is a public holiday. For a horse race! Go figure!!! I am taking the public holiday of course!!! (we’re closed) so that’s nice but really?????
Im not sure that this addiction will ever really be taken seriously. But hey, we can only work on us right?
So I took today off too…….5 day weekend for me, woohoo!!!
Theres a lot I need to do. The never ending house!!!!
Stay strong, Love K xxx

[kathryn]

I read your thread this morning but it has taken me all day to be able to get to this computer.
Biggest hugs to you my friend. I read the stress in the pre gambling posts, thank God you didn’t do too much damage.
I have a lot to post on my thread, and will get to that when Dames goes to bed. He cant cope with the clicking noise of my fingers on the keyboard….(also cant cope with chewing noises!!!)
So, sending you lots of love, good thoughts, and the relief that it wasn’t toooo bad. Thanks for reminding me that there Is simply no point to gambling, and that we are only one thought away from the next bet.
Hopefully things will settle, financially, work wise and home wise…..I get the lazy family bit, im living that too!!!!!
Love ya girl, ill be back on later,
Love K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[kathryn]

Way to go!!!
2 months is awesome!!!
What have you been doing to fill those days? Some can be waaaay longer than others, but I reckon that goes for everything in life!!!
I don’t think theres such a thing as posting too often, my old thread that I started 9 years ago was something like 300 pages long…..I posted everything, all the time…..and it helped!!!!
Hang in there, you’re doing great!!!!
Love K xxxx

[kathryn]

You said it Sister!!!!!
Life is waaaaay too short.
Maybe its time to change ‘I cant do this anymore’ to ‘I will not put up with it anymore’.
Their issues, not yours.
Love K xxx

[kathryn]

So, day 5 not smoking almost over.
I have this little app, and its telling me that I haven’t smoked 113 cigarettes (OMG) and have saved almost $150. That’s just me. Good grief!!!!! I had to put in all my details, how many a day, what they cost etc and was floored.
Im wearing my patch and have my sucker (helps with cravings), not that im really craving, its just the habit I need to break.
So….in 2 weeks im going to the R&B Friday concert with Brea. Its in Melbourne and we are catching the train. I am soooo excited, Usher, Salt and Pepper and Fatman Scoop will be there plus a lot of others. It goes for about 7 hours….I will be dead!!! We are in the mosh pit, oh dear lord help me!!We haven’t been anywhere on our own for a long time so it will be great fun!
Jode and I bought tickets to the Eagles this week, they will be here in March. We are doing what we did for the Cher concert and staying 2 nights in Melbourne. Imagine how much money I will have then when I haven’t smoked for 4+ months!!!
Dames and I have barely stopped moving since we quit. His shed looks amazing, the house is all done, still plenty to keep me busy though and tomorrow we are going to go and get some tomato plants for our back yard. I thought it would be a good idea, something to do and look after, not to mention lovely tomatoes. I thought I might see if I can grow some asparagus, although I have to google that, as you all know I do not ever garden, so it will be very interesting.
Last night I went to dinner with 4 of my high school girl friends. We do it once a month and it was lovely, we laugh the whole time! We got the waiter to take a pic of us, and one of the girls decided it wasn’t high enough (you know, the great angle for the best chin and thinnest look…lol) Well the waiter ended up standing on the seat (we were in a booth), then his mate came up and put him on his shoulders!!!! It looks like the photo was taken on a cherry picker…it was hysterical, and yes, our chins look AMAZING!!!
Anyway, just a quick (or not so quick) post,
Happy weekend friends,
Love K xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[kathryn]

Congrats on finding this site and posting, its a big step and one you should be proud of.
Hows about giving us a bit of your story?
What have you done, have you put up any blockers? What made you decide enough was enough?
5 days is a mighty effort, this addiction eats us up and spits us out, so whatever you are doing……keep doing it!
Hope to read more from you, Love K xxx

[kathryn]

5 days……not ‘only’ 5 days!!!
I just read through your posts and I can see the change happening. Maybe time to reconnect with friends hey? Go for a coffee, a beer (you can go where there is no gambling available) dinner, a movie? The longer you don’t gamble the more you will be able to fill your time. See, its not just the money, think about the time wasted on planning, on imagining, on the where, when, how!
This addiction is all consuming.
So good you have put the blocker in place, for me, it was a godsend. Once I knew I COULDNT, I started looking for other things to do.
Time to start living Wills, you will be amazed as time goes on how you ever fitted gambling into your life. Stopping gambling was the best thing I ever did. I was dead. I actually had to buy a diary today for next year because I have so much going on……
Anyway, wanted to welcome you, stay strong, you can do this!!!
Love K xxx

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