[kabakanie]

Just opened my eyes. I woke up. I’m actually more upset than last night when I didn’t care. I feel bad. As I’ve had so many opportunities to save at least 50% of lost , but I’ve been wild. I feel like that was a dream last night – it wasn’t. Time to get myself together. Today I work, now I know I work for free. Not only today, but all summer. But I also work to win with bad demons. For me with every “quit” there was innocent come back after couple months and it all ended the same. I’m tired of it. I feel so empty, I don’t even wanna put any single penny on bets. I’m not betting my life. Luckily I’ve got my GF, family, some skills which allows me work, health and some money saved. I will have to work my arse off even harder. I feel ashamed, but I new that getting my new gambling free life it’s a precious and I can do it. I will win this battle. So. Plans :

1. I’ve got my recorded videos when I cry and I’m fully down stressed and getting insane. Every little sparkle in my head that maybe I put innocent bet I will have to play this.
2. Post regularly here. It’s only couple minutes a day, but I believe that it will help, would be nice to get someone to be involve too.
3. I’ve got poster on my wall which will remind me this everyday it says “He Hates It” Its from Japanese anime Kaiji
4. I want to quit smoking along with this. I believe every little habit has to be changed.
5. I want to limit myself using my computer.
6. Start do more outdoor activities , go out with people. Unfortunately me and my GF having long distance relationship, and we cannot spend time together.
7. Quote a day

Casinos and gambling are my enemies from now.
“Take my new own path I will not give a satisfactions to my enemies”

[Author]

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