[June-bug87]

Hi Velvet,

I just firstly want to apologise for the disappearing act. I read your response and then did a lot of research into the world of compulsive gamblers and completely forgot to reply to you.

Thank you for your comments and advice, it was really enlightening. I decided immediately to support my boyfriend through his addiction, like you say, he didn’t mean to hurt me or our future, it’s an illness that he couldn’t control. When I told him I was going to support him he just broke down, he was so relieved. Since having my support, he seems to be much happier and more relaxed.

So, I took control of all the finances and still have his debit cards etc and he hasn’t gambled in the two months since he told me of the news. He’s been to see a GP who has recommended counselling groups which he’s made an appointment for (I do feel like this could’ve progressed a little quicker – he still hasn’t had this counselling appointment yet and I do worry that he’s putting it off and brushing it under the carpet a little). He is much more open with me though and I think we’re in a good place with it all considering.

I appreciate that the issue isn’t going to disappear, but I do feel a little sad that I have to control every money related decision now. Little things like the fact that it was my birthday recently and I had friends and family asking what he’d got me (we’d agreed no gifts given his financial situation). I know it’s a really trivial thing to feel sad about and I do feel a bit silly for even writing this, but it just made me think. Do you think it will ever be OK for him to have control of his money again? Or is this a forever situation?

I’ve confided in my sister and a close friend about it, just because they were constantly asking for updates on our house move situation and it has really helped. They didn’t judge or try and give advice, they were supportive and just ‘there’.

One thing that is bothering me is who my boyfriend has told, which is no-one. He is very fortunate to have a Dad who is very generous with money. His dad rarely spends any money on himself and instead prefers to give it to my boyfriend and his brother. (Hence the original house deposit money). So, his dad doesn’t know about these gambling problems or that he’s lost so much of this money. And recently, he’s offered him £5k to buy a new car! I’m really struggling with this. I feel like I know some big secret and I’m not sure how he’d feel if he found out what had happened to the money. I would never say anything, but do you think I should encourage my boyfriend to come clean?? I really don’t want him to accept this money for a car.. Even though he does need one, it doesn’t feel right.

It would be great to know your thoughts. Thanks for your advice and help so far. 🙂

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