[juann]

Wow, well done. Seems like you’ve made a great start getting all the information you need and I’m so glad your partner has agreed to self exclude himself. Have you managed to find any groups/counselling he can attend. He’s lucky to have you supporting him.
Yes your right, talking is a great therapy. My partner is reluctant to talk about it all and if I mention anything he gets annoyed.
Anyway keep being strong x

[juann]

Thankyou for this Velvet

[juann]

Hi girlfriend123,
Firstly I’m glad you’ve come to this site, there are people on here with some good friendly advice and I think it helps to have a chat with people who understand. Your story is familiar to mine with the lies, the promises and feeling so desperate that you don’t know what to do. It’s hard for others around you to understand and I myself find it embarrassing and shameful to admit to anyone close to me what is going on and of course even if I do think we should let close family and friends know my partner begs me not to. It’s so hard and totally destroying for even the best relationship.
It’s difficult if there’s not much support in Spain but at least you have these sites. I’m sure someone will be able to guide you in the right direction as to what’s available.
The support groups I find are really helpful where you can chat online to others. There’s one that’s for family and friends of gamblers so please check it out, it tells you the time they begin. I really wish you good luck and hope your get some support here.

[juann]

Ok really bad night, arguing and just generally my partner being nasty. Just wondering if it’s to do with not gambling for as far as I know just over a week now.

[juann]

Hello k,
I’m glad you’ve posted on here and hope you can gain some support from it. Much of what you’ve wrote rings bells with me. It’s so familiar, the lies, money, family and the change in personality in particular.
I’ve been with my partner for 5 years and I’d say for pretty much of that time he’s gambled although I didnt know for the first couple of years. It’s such a strain on your relationship and life!
I would try to talk to him and tell him what you said about loving him and wanting to support him but he has to want to get support for this too and suggest ways you could do this together. It won’t be easy but it’s important to be quite firm and tough on what you expect I think.
Unfortunately it seems there is no easy answer to all this but with the right support and tools in place your partner can get there.
Hope it goes well, and let us know how you get on.
There’s some great people on this site who are very informative and supportive. Hope it helps.

[juann]

No worries, it’s really helping listening to others and your support is much appreciated. Goodnight

[juann]

Hi Velvet,

thanks for your message. Yes I logged in to a chat last night and find it is helping me. I also told my friend about it which my partner isn’t too happy about but I needed to. She is supportive and has offered to have our son while I go along to his counselling which is this Saturday. He’s pretty angry mainly with hims and said if she’s any different with him she will no longer be welcome in this house. Obviously he feels embarrassed and doesn’t want anyone to know he said it’s his privacy and I shouldn’t really be telling anyone close so there’s a bit of tension but we have talked this morning  that is good. I suppose I am sticking by him but haven’t made any promises just said let’s get him to counselling and go from there. I’m quite good at talking and he isn’t so I was quite firm this morning and said turn the tv off and put your phone down we have to talk more although I don’t want to only talk about gambling! 

Its just so hard and frustrating as just when we were getting to a good easier happier place we are back to square one financially with bills not being paid and going without and I feel quite strongly this is just not acceptabl to live in this way. My parents came over yesterday and I just put on a happy face as much as I could haha. 

Thanks for your support

[juann]

Thankyou I’m really just feeling lost and lonely and I’m worried to say too much to my partner as he is rather low and said he could do without all the negativity!

[juann]

Where do I start, my partner of 5 years has once again gambled everything we have. In the past there’s been ways to get out of the financial situation but all avenues are now exhausted and me I feel I’ve been let down again. I know it’s not intentional and an addiction but I just don’t know if I can carry on with this. Our relationship is strained, I’m fed up with trying to sort all the money out and lie about things to my family. My children are going without, we all are. He’s booked in for counselling and is needing my support I know I should continue to give it but I feel drained of all my energy and feelings right now and feel I have nothing left to give. I feel useless and helpless and maybe I’m being selfish but I’m so angry and hurt again. I don’t know what to do or where to start.

[Author]

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