[Jordan0806]

ok. so after I commented last night, I stayed up until I passed out while waiting for my CG Wife. She came home in tears and desperate. at first, I just wanted to ignore her sorries and pleas and just sleep. It was 4am and I was dead tired. But, there was a moment I could tell she was reaching out.

So I sat up and listened and all of a sudden, She asked for HELP!. SHE ASKED ME FOR HELP!. SHE SAID SHE WAS A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER AND NEEDED MY HELP TO CURE HER ADDICTION. I was thrown “out of my seat”. I couldnt believe it. I was happy, shocked, and worried all at the same time. I knew immediately I needed to wait and not judge and listen to her.

She told me she basically wasted every dime to her name tonight and realized at that last moment there was something wrong. I didn’t care about the money and still dont. I care about her. She admitted that she didnt even realize and was gambling angry because she was losing so bad and just wanted it all back. i let her know that it was NOT HER FAULT. it was this BEAST that had control of her and she was caught in it’s grip. Things went on for an hour like this and I think I realized she might have finally hit bottom.

She has never directly reached out and asked for my emotional help at this point. She apologized to me and asked for my forgiveness. Of course I accepted and actually said there is nothing to forgive. Her actions were not her fault and were directly the result of the addiction. I did tell her that I was glad to see her hit bottom honestly. Because for the first time in about 6 years, she has had to depend on me for financial as well as emotional support.

I know this is just the start of the battle but I’m hoping to take this WAR head on. My problem is, where do I start? I want to be delicate with her but not forceful. I dont want to force her into anything. She will be turning over ALL her finances to me starting today as well as the full control of our business finances as well. But, I’m wondering what steps i should take to help keep her mind off of gambling. ANY INPUT HELPS!..

thank you all for your attention so far. I will keep you updated.

[Jordan0806]

I do have a good update but before I do. I will answer your questions.
what was she doing that gave you hope? — she admitted to looking out on forums and steps to help herself recover. She was setting certain goals and time limits for herself which she adhered to.

Does she get angry, does she lie about things for not reason at all, does she look after her friends, is she good at her job, is she a good mother? — she hasnt lied about things to me other than the gambling but she lies to her friends and my son about her problem. She is VERY good at her job. We opened the business because she does so well. customers are scheduling months in advance for an appointment with her. She is a GREAT mother in terms of making sure my son never has to go without anything and taking care of all his needs.

How have you got on treating her addiction as a beast? Have you stood back and listened to her rather than telling her what she needs to do? I am progressing well. I have sat back and listened but have stood my ground when she insults me. I always tell her that she is being unfair because of “the beast” and her words are hurting me for no reason. I started going with her CHOICE in the matter. letting her know that her decisions are ruining her son’s opinion about herself.

[Jordan0806]

Hi all.

Just wanted to drop in here. Been on a high for a couple of days because I thought I reached her and she was starting to seek help. Apparently that must have been a lie because tonight she went out again and lied to me about it.

I’m so frustrated and seriously hurt. I had to get in here and see what everyone was doing.

Why does she has have to do this to us?

[Jordan0806]

She blames most of her gambling on the business saying that she goes because it stresses her out so much. honestly, I think that is long past. I honestly feel it is the rush of the potential of a big win. it has such a strong hold on her and I think everything else is smoke at this point.

[Jordan0806]

Cutting off my financial contribution would barely put a dent in her spending I think. I also think it would give her another reason to gamble more and relate it stress. Also, it would validate what she said to me on Saturday, ” that I am afraid her income would go away” and that’s the only reason I dont want her to gamble.

I am trying to do whatever I can for her without pushing her in the wrong directions. At this point, it seems like she is still in denial. I have no idea what her limit of loss is. $3500 to her is about a week’s take home and it seems like she is willing to lose easily. I’ve seen the bills.

I almost at the point of letting her hit bottom, but I have no idea how deep that hole is.

[Jordan0806]

So tonight…04/20.. she asked me AGAIN?!?!?!!>
Just after we spoke on Saturday about her having an issue.

She said they signed her up for a free tournament and she wants to show me that she can go there and just play and not gamble. I obviously told her that is not a good idea. You dont send an alcoholic to work in a bar. I dont see how being a “free” slot tournament proves to me that her addiction is getting any better.

She is REALLY pissed off at me. And is now back to saying that she has no freedom. I am staying my ground ever so politely and it is making her angry. I am really surprised the grip that this gambling addiction has on her.

I am down to my breaking point.

[Jordan0806]

Thank you. I will grant her a mother’s privilege for now. I will see how it goes.

[Jordan0806]

Thanks again Vera and Velvet.

it’s weird how your stories really follow what I am going through.

I almost had a breakthrough on Saturday night. She admitted to having a problem but did not admit to having an addiction.

She admitted to having a problem by going too often but did not want to stop going but wanted to slow down. Should I look at this as progress? I dont know, I wanted her to stop cold turkey but not sure what I can do.

I did tell her about my feelings and how she reacted. I told her that she doesnt even realize what she says when she is talking. It’s like her addiction has a hold of her and spews junk out of her mouth. She did not accept this fact and just ignored that part of the conversation.

She IS willing to accept that I am seeking help for this but still does not understand why I do it. I said I seek help for my benefit and hers.

She requested that We shield her problem from my son. I dont know how to feel about this. I dont want him to be hurt but I also dont want to lie to him about his mom’s problem. What does everyone think? Should I tell him that I now accept it when she goes out? Should I just tell him to ignore what he is doing and I will handle it? This is where I am confused.

I really thank you all. I went to 2 of my closest friends this weekend and was able to finally talk to someone else about this issue. They did not have any experience but are willing to give emotional support if I need it.

I feel like I am moving forward with this but want to know what a good next step is. She admits she has a problem but not an addiction. So maybe she’s not admitted fully. I dont know but I am happier than I was on Friday.

Jason

[Jordan0806]

Well. I could not stop her tonight. I tried to be nice and reason with her. She started yelling and calling me AND my son controlling. she was very angry. She said I’m forcing her to go because of my attitude. She really let me have it.

She told me to go find someone else since she was a bad wife and a bad mom. She told me to find someone better. The she said that I didnt want her to go because if she spent all the money, I would have to take financial responsibility for the family. I let her know that hurt but it didnt stop her.

She continued for about 15 mins to yell and say mean and hurtful things to both my son and myself.

I told her tonight that I joined this group and she just thought of it as a joke. Told me to leave so I wouldnt need “therapy” anymore.

I’m super sad right now..

[Jordan0806]

Thank you so much.

I too actually feel like a wimp at times when she starts to get into her gambling mode. It’s funny too because I’m a foot taller and have work out ever day . But I dont use my stature to be imposing, I actually retreat so she doesnt feel threatened.

It’s enlightening to hear your point of view because I can see a lot of what she does in your words. She does create scenarios or blows things out of proportion in order to make an excuse to travel and gamble.

I was…until this week…very easy manipulated by her but now trying to stand strong is making her angry. I dont like this feeling either and having a tough time dealing with it.

I know tonight or maybe this weekend, she will be on her game and asking me to go. I will stay as strong as possible and probably stressing about her attitude again.

Thank you for the support Vera.

[Jordan0806]

Thank you Ms Velvet.

I was up very late last night talking to the advice line as well. Unfortunately I got disconnected early but I got some good advice there as well.

I will definitely print off the 20 questions. I have been doing a lot of searching here but it is tough because I get teary eyed reading a lot of people’s stories similiar to mine.

“One last question – has she ever accepted her addiction?”
No, I cannot remember any of our talks which she has accepted it. the last few times, I asked her; ” do you not know that you are addicted?”…She either gets angrier or stops the conversation. At that point, I tend to let her go. I just have to deal with the silent treatment for a day or two.

I was going to buy her a gift today just to show her that she needs to be here. Nothing big, just some flower or something. Is this ok or not worth the time?

I am tempted to solicit the help of friends but still unsure. How do I approach them with this issue? I have trust issues now because of this.

Jason

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