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Hey 3racer,
I hope things are going well for you. I just wanted to say hi. Btw – I wanted to say that you’re still just a a few days behind me. In thirty years when I have 9400 days you’ll have 9100. Not a huge difference. 🙂 Keep it up.
Best!Good work Shaun!
Hello,
If you love this guy and he can be trusted I say that you turn over all finances to him for at least a few months. Give him all cards. Get a joint checking account. He gets all money, work money, etc. he can then give you a card from the joint account that he can then transfer roughly $30-50 a day as needed for you to get by day to day. He will pay all bills for you. You just get a very small allowance from him. Anytime you need a little extra you need to explain what for and show the receipt. I know it sounds a bit maddening but I’m telling you it’s a good way to just have no access to gambling. Once you do that for a couple months you’ll probably be out of the fog and be able to see things more clearer… Sounds like you are making great progress. Way to go. WOOOT!Hi Jac,
I feel bad to read about your suffering. I want to inspire you and offer you words that will make it all better. But I have learned many lessons in life… One being that actions speak louder than words. It’s time to take action. You write time and time again that you can’t try. I get that you hate yourself. I get that you’re depressed. I get that the anxiety is horrible. That is crappy. But YOU are the only person that can change it. Nothing amazing was build or happens in a day and if it does than it won’t be respected or appreciated. It takes a plan, then takes a bunch of specialists at the right time to build it starting with the foundation. Done correctly with a plan, baby steps, and execution with the right team in place can be accomplished. Amazing things can be built. Is life hard and crumby some times. Sure. But if all us just gave up like you are then what would be the point? part of the journey of life is falling down. That doesn’t mean we have to surrender to the negative and accept failure and weakness and set the bar low. How about try to just do a few simple things for me please… Breathe in and out ten times. Breathe in and ***** to 8 while breathing in. Hold the breath for a 4 *****. Then exhale *****ing to 10 when hitting 10 you should have finished. Then repeat 10 times. When you are done think of 5 things that you’re grateful for. Then get up and take a 20 minute walk preferably through nature. Come home and drink 2 glasses of water. While on the walk stop and do 10 pushups. Repeat 4 times on the walk those 10 pushups. Then do whatever you want. But do that for me and for your self.
JonGood work racer. Keep up the good work and stay the course. Now it sounds like you’re getting to the root of the problem. That therapy can only help.ut be very cognizant that it will be extremely emotional going to those sessions and learning about yourself and the real person you haven’t known for a while as well with dealing with that person and why they sought relieve from feeling whatever that person was running from. Wow – What an amazing journey you are going to take. You are so stoked to be on it.
I’m here to stop gambling and help others stop gambling. Do you want to quit gambling? Do you want to take the steps to getting your life back? Or are you just going to keep saying that you’re going to kill yourself and how unbearable it all is? I think a more positive approach to recovery is warranted. You just mentioned you were at work. You have a daughter that loves you. An auntie that wants to help. These are positives and things to be grateful for. You have more than most people have in the world. Some people have to walk 6 miles for a semi decent plastic container of murky water to take back to their malnourished family member at the refuge camp. Pick yourself up and start taking very small baby steps to get back your life. First and foremost. stop gambling.
Hi Jac,
I know all seems lost. I can only tell you that you are in the gambling fog… You won’t know what its like to be out of that fog until you are free of it for a good amount of time. Once out of it you will see things more clear. You saying all that although it probably feels that way is a defeatist attitude. That is the talk of a gambler who just wants to continue gambling and really want to kill themselves because they are out of money and want to continue gambling. The reason being… gambling helps them forget the problems and feel ok for even just a moment. These problems could have been with you from early childhood. You gambled as medication to shield you from a number of other real problems that you have at the core.
I feel for you… but don’t think you want to quit gambling. You never talk about quitting. You just want to talk about the bets. The pay outs. The gambling…
If your daughter wrote what you just wrote what would be your advise to her? Would you tell her to fight or throw in the towel? Should we all just throw in the towel when the going gets tough? I guess so based on your philosophy. I don’t agree.Hi Monicau,
I’m glad the procedure didn’t turn up anything horrible. Thats great news. The fact that the doctor said that your o2 levels are low needs to be concerning to you. I hope it is. Stop smoking those things. They are so bad. It took me a while to stop and I still smoke weed so I’m not really a great person to say that to you.
I’m really glad to hear how far you’ve come. It’s a true testimate to stop gambling. I love that your work coach even noticed that your outlook on things is improving. Thats a great sign.
I don’t think your list of goals is unattainable. Why can’t you have all those things. I ask you this… Can you be just as happy without them? Maybe instead of that cottage by the sea you have a cottage a half mile from the sea. 🙂 You see what I’m saying? I have lofty dreams too and have to ask myself the same question. I fight with the thought of perceived happiness and actual happiness and really trying to recognize the emotions between the two. I want to be happy, healthy, loving, etc no matter where I am. The job stuff is for sure attainable. You are getting closer. Next thing to do is get a great job opportunity. That will make you feel so much better.
I love reading your posts and am grateful to call you a friend.Hi Jac,
I just read your posts. I’m glad your daughter is getting you some help. It’s hard to see the way out when the fog is so heavy. How can you ever find yourself if you never realize you’re lost? Yes you fought for your country and you are a hero. Yes you have great daughter and people that love because I’m sure you’re a great person. And by the amounts of money you gamble I know what that kind of gambling does to a person. I was right there. I gambled the same way and for over 20 years. I also hated myself. Man I was amazing at placing bets. I could place one right after the other. Truth is… I was sick…very sick…I was lost…. I still am a bit but things are getting better slowly. I was where you are… I promise I was.
You are sick. You are stuck in the gambling fog. You have only one choice and it isn’t suicide. And committing suicide may not seem cowardly to the person doing it but unfortunately all people will remember is that you weren’t strong enough to handle yourself. Call it cowardly, call it weak, call it strong, people generally don’t want to remember a suicide because it’s scary. Just a thought. I had a best friend commit suicide over a year ago and it was tragic. I think he is missing out on the opportunity and chance at being strong enough to turn his life around. Anyone can die… Anyone can kill them self. You say it’s hard. I’m sure it is. But isn’t it harder to try to change it all around? Is all lost? Maybe? Has all been lost for others and have have they clawed there way back? Yes… My grandfather was in the holocaust. He figured it out after losing everything. At least we did this to ourselves…
I think it’s time to take a good look at things… Firstly being that you aren’t a bad person. You are lost, you are sick, you have been corrupted by this machine. The reality is you are a good person. You have so much to offer the work and your loved ones. Money comes and money goes. The chance to come back is now. What an amazing story it will be. Jac’s comeback from the lowest depths…. of where a person can go.
You have to want to stop though. Ask yourself some important questions? Why didn’t you stop when you had more than 0? How come you didn’t stop when you went into debt? How come you are willing to kill yourself? Why are you seeking attention by talking about it online? These are honest questions that need to be addressed? I believe you are looking for help – yet you claim it’s over. The thoughts you’re having aren’t rational… That’s kind of what I’m getting at. If you were listening to someone saying these things you would have advise for them… I suggest you take that advise. You need to decide that gambling is over. It’s a horrible thing…. You need to just turn over all finances to someone you care about that can watch things for you and can give you a stipend to live on daily. DO what you need to get back to a place that can start happening. It will if you just don’t gamble. Seek help at GA and get a counselor. Block all access to casinos, online, tracks, etc which won’t matter because you won’t have access to any money. Maybe get a free therapist that the government will provide. Start exercising. Get outdoors and walk through nature 20 minutes a day. Start stretching. Start doing breathing techniques. Start doing a yoga class twice a week. Start doing TM. Start doing one old hobby you used to like. Stop watching all sports, horses, etc. Most importantly…. Let it all goooooo… The money is gone. The time is gone. All the lies are done. All the bull crap is done. You are at negative and are going to slowly start clawing back just to get to zero. And then from there the skies the limit.
A person needs 4 things. 1. Something to be hopeful for. 2. Someone that believes n them. 3. Something to do everyday. 3 Someone or something to love. Those are the basic foundations and everything can be build off that. Start living one day at a time…seriosuly…one moment to the next. Think about what that means and do it. Start loving yourself. Start being gratful for what you have. Stop comparing yourself to the top 10% and Realize that we are here for a time and then gone in a blink of an eye and whats most important… love, friendships, caring, spending time with each other, the chance to collaborate with others, the chance to do something nice for the planet…. I believe in you Jac. What’s your next move?
JonGood job on seeking advise and help. We all come to the same conclusion after many years of gambling and it sounds like you might be finally there… I also took those drives… I can empathize with what you are feeling. It’s scary and seems impossible. It seems easier than living.
But it’s not. Living/life is an amazing journey. This is just one story on your journey of many stories. But you do need to let go of it. The money is gone. The time is gone. But all you have to do is stop gambling and things will get better. Usually gamblers need to turn over all finances to a close someone that they can trust. Get gamble blocks in place at local casinos and online. You can purchase them and install on all devises. You will need some support that understands you.
You are currently caught in the fog of gambling. Everyones fog is at a relative thickness to them and there situation. Some fogs can take longer than others to clear. But once out of the that fog things will get clearer for you. But you can’t get there unless you stop and let it go.
Keep posting and let me know if I can ever help.
Jon