[Jonny123987]

Day 148

[Jonny123987]

Day 139

[Jonny123987]

Day 132 Gamble Free and pretty happy about it. Living gamble free is so much better than gambling. The stress of it is really gone. I obviously am not debt free and that does bug me all the time but It’s not something i can live with. As crazy as it sounds the guilt of letting it happen/doing this to myself has gotten better. I don’t hurt as much or maybe think as much about as I used too although it’s still present and maybe ale ways will be.
Charles, thank you for saying hi and checking in. I find that paying off debt takes a lot of hard work and is just taking a lot longer than I thought it would to pay off. I’m making pretty good money but it’s just never enough it seems to be enough to pay off my debt. I know I’m just being impatient and may have set an unrealistic goal/time frame to pay things back: I was close to 20k in the hole when I quit and now it’s around 9k left maybe a little under so aim making some strides.
I’m hoping by July or August to be back and actually benign able to save money. I also think that will be a major test for me being gamble free. It’s one thing to bring paying back money and another to be in the green. So I’ll be very careful at that point. I definitely would have had a more realistic plan for payback. I have close to 6k in the bank also which I need to make sure I have a place and have some extra emergency funds available so I’m not totally broke either.

Such is life. I’m certainly not perfect. Today will be another gamble free day. I won’t lie though… the urges are always there. When I don’t feel I have enough money or feel bad about something I did many years ago to myself really riggers me for some treason. As long as I remember that when I have the feelings it helps.

[Jonny123987]

Thanks Vera for checking in on me. I hope you are well! I’m on day. Today is day 127. I had some weird urges recently but didn’t listen to them. Climbing out of debt has been much harder to do than earlier anticipated. Just got to keep going. I know one thing for sure…. gambling isn’t the answer.

[Jonny123987]

Day 117.

[Jonny123987]

Day 104. Definitely tough to not think about loss. Tough not To be negative. To dwell on the urges, pains, and unhealthy thoughts. To just give in.

I used to invest heavily. I had the money to do so. I made about 15% in interest or so in 2015. As I’m doing my taxes My accountant asked what happened to my Roth IRA’s, stocks, and mutual funds. I didn’t expect the question for whatever reason, and it just hit me. I lost it all. I hadn’t told anyone besides family. “I, I, I moved the money” I replied. Sheasked why? You were doing so well. I had no real answer. Where did it go she said? I had no answer. To a normal person over $50,000 doesn’t just disappear in less than a year. Especially after you earn a healthy salary for 2016. She is baffled… I’m embarrest and feeling like an asshole.

Crap like this does trigger some horrible feelings. I think everyone gambling addict/compulsive gambler should get a life coach for a few sessions. I know they aren’t cheap. But think about how much money you lose gambling. A few hundred to help ourselves isn’t really that expensive. My life coach helped me understand that I was gambling because I was hurting about something that had happened earlier on in my teenage years. The feeling helped trigger me every moment of every day. I just buried it and thought I was past it but I really wasn’t. I struggle with it everyday. I knew it was there but never accepted it until my coach asked a good question and my answer puzzled me.

I choose to remain possitive no matter what happens to me. I have had to teach myself to walk three times in life. Not gambling might be considered a fourth. I screwed up bad. I hurt myself and people I love. I cheated myself out of happier years. I am okay with that. I have learned from it and choose for today to be a little bit better. I will listen to people, I will love myself, I will love my friends more. I will send three to five nice texts and calls to friends and family. I will keep being hopeful for a brighter future.

[Jonny123987]

Kin – it’s time to stop. You talk of quitting but continue. The ONLY win for you is stopping. It only took me 24 years to learn that. And a shit load of hard work, wasted time, and money.

I am struggling to walk currently. Losing a person you love or a body part puts things into perspective. They can never come back. Just like your and my gambling should never come back. Cut it out of your life once and for all. It’s the only logical thing to do no matter what urge your brain has. Control your actions and don’t buy or place a bet. One day at a time my friend.

[Jonny123987]

Day 100 gamble free. Very happy to not have gamble for 100 days. Life hasn’t changed financially that much but my ecveryday life seems a bit more manageable. I don’t even know what’s going on in the sports world. I heard the final four the other day and was like… I guess it was just March madness. Weird how sports have taken a back seat when i don’t gamble. I used to think I liked them but now am not so sure.

[Jonny123987]

Day 100 gamble free. Very happy to not have gamble for 100 days. Life hasn’t changed financially that much but my ecveryday life seems a bit more manageable. I don’t even know what’s going on in the sports world. I heard the final four the other day and was like… I guess it was just March madness. Weird how sports have taken a back seat when i don’t gamble. I used to think I liked them but now am not so sure.

[Jonny123987]

The debt is manageable. It will just take longer then anticipated. Thanks for reaching out Charles. Hopefully O can pay all this debt off in the next 3-4 months and finally be back in the green again. Today is day 100. I can’t believe that. I was hoping to get there. New goal is 200. But just one day at a time.

[Jonny123987]

Hey Lee, time to stop for good brotha. You keep going back. I know that feeling and compulsion. As you’ve said you have gambled for over 25 years. The results are negative. I think that proves it is time to stop. Compare it to anything else. If you rose a bike and it hurt your back. You would stop riding that bike… would you wait 25 years to do it? No, you just would t ride anymore.

[Jonny123987]

Good job on 38 days Danchaser! Way to go. You said it well in your post!

[Jonny123987]

Hey JayKay. Thanks for checking in. Glad to see you’re on week 19. Crazy how bad it used to be. It’s insane how hard it is to save money even though I stopped gambling. I thought for sure I would be out of debt by now but am fighting everyday to claw out. I’m broke again and still owe close to 10,000. I did close most of my cards. I gave up complete control of my finance for a couple months but felt I could resume control again. I have had access to money for close to a month and don’t have any real urges. I have a donut addiction and the place that has amazing donuts has like 20 lotto tickets under the glass. I’d be lying if I didn’t look at those sons of guns. I know deep inside that I can never gamble again. I gambled for close to 25 years with only a few consistent results that are guaranteed. 1. I will hate myself. 2. I’ll go broke. 3. I’m shittier at life when I gamble and it causes pain all around. So those are pretty good reasons plus about 50 more that I can think of.

I do like to come here to keep the ***** going as I forget the number from day to day. I also really love to read everyones stories on occasion as a reminder how ugly and gross our addiction is. I’m a compulsive gambler and will live gamble free for another day. Thanks to all of you and I hope you a all a good recovery!

Day 93.

Jon

[Jonny123987]

Day 89. later.

[Jonny123987]

Day 87 come and gone. I work all day and night. I work on employment and my back. It’s been 5 months since I’ve been back pain free and had regular feeling nerves. It’s been a long haul with gambling as well. I had a few urges just recently. I go an get a donut and there are lottery tickets sitting there. My mind says scratch one… But I don’t. I know what it can lead to an it scares me. My life besides all the back crap has gotten much better since quitting. I still think about the losses though. Hard to let that go. My debts are down to 9K. I have a few grand in the bank. I’ve been able to have access to money and not gamble it. I don’t watch sports anymore and wouldn’t;t even know if its baseball season yet accept that I overheard some guys talking about it somewhere. The ride continues. No more gambling.

[Author]

Posts