[Jonny123987]

How you doing C21?

[Jonny123987]

Hows it going 3racer? Still charging ahead mate?

[Jonny123987]

Hows it going 3racer? Still charging ahead mate?

[Jonny123987]

Hows it going Dan? You still hanging in there?

[Jonny123987]

Who wrote this? Time to stop!

I just want to say I am many many bad things and I put my hands up and admit to that but I love my wife and kids with all my heart………..when they get home from school my boy will have his football cards and my little girl will have her puddsy badge and light up ears!!!!

Just for today my name is Maverick and I am a compulsive gambler, last day gambled 4th November 2016, I hate what I have become and it needs to end……….I cant live with this addiction anymore and I have to work even harder this time to stop this madness, I dont have the energy anymore to keep doing what I am doing, God help me my friend as I know you do!!!!!

[Jonny123987]

Day 182 – No gambling for me. Thanks everyone for saying hello and wishing me well. I hope you all are not gambling with me. 🙂

[Jonny123987]

Hi Kathryn,

Thanks for taking the time to read my post. And thanks for saying congrats. It hasn’t been easy but I’m proud to say today is day 175 without gambling on anything including any friendly bets. 🙂

Question – Unfortunately I haven’t been doing more in my recovery accept for not gambling. I have been to GA over 30 times in the past. I did buy gamble block for my computer and phone but never actually installed it for some silly reason. I did give my finances completely over to my mom for a few months while I was in the thick of it. I cancelled a few credit cards and worked with my mom to put my complete financial picture out there in the open to someone that I cared a lot about what they thought about me.

As much as I appreciate having a system in place to not gamble I ultimately believe that one has to have self control in order to beat any addiction. Having someone say have blocks in place for urges is understandable but not going to stop anyone who is set on doing something. We all know this. If I was an alcoholic am I not supposed to go shopping at any store that has alcohol in it? Should I go to every store in the world and let them know I can have the alcohol there or is it on me not buy that alcohol and drink it. I think it is and stick to my guns on that. No matter what barriers I have in place or have had in place I can always figure out a way to hurt myself with gambling. The only truth is is that I need to not let that happen. I can either do it or not. It’s that simple. Interesting how not doing something harmful is so hard to do. 🙂

Very best,
Jon

[Jonny123987]

Day 175. I was just doing some banking and realized that I’m officially in the positive. Not by a lot by a few hundred to a grand. I have more cash than I owe on credit cards. I want to say I’m happy but I’m still just annoyed I let this happen. I’m not going to let it continue and that’s one of the reasons I keep coming back to this site. I read others stories, their pain, their frustrations, their worry. Read mine again. It reminds me how real and debilitating this disease is. That it never goes away. It might get a little easier with time but it is always inside burning. It took me down…. It took my life away and almost killed me. It still takes.

Screw gambling!!!! and what it does to you if you become addicted. I’m moving forward! It just took me half a year of very hard work to get out of this debt from my last relapse. The 3 relapses before that cost me $40,000 of savings. The big fall before that at close to $60,000 of savings. Before that over 20 years of daily sports and casino gambling which I’m guessing cost me in the range of $300,000. Total guesstimated loss is around $425,000. I guess 175 days gamble free pales in comparison to those stats. This is the longest I’ve ever not gambled for since I was 18 years old. All my relapses happened within 2 months of trying to quit. I feel much more determined this time around.

I’m happy that I have found some peace though. I still stress all the losses but am grateful to be working and on the road back. I took back control of my finances a couple months ago. My mom was super helpful but tit was extremely hard to have her manage my money. Her support is what I really need and some self control which I’ve been doing ok with. I’ve been thinking about the next stages of my financial life (besides the personal stuff) more and more. IRA accounts, stocks, mutual funds, bonds, property, business ownership, idea cultivating, donating, helping others, etc. I’m 41 years old and don’t have many chances left at having a life I can be proud of.

No one knows loneliness like a gambler. It leaves in its wake lost confidence, ambition, empathy, friendliness, compassion, caring, etc, and leaves us as a selfish, hurtful, untrustworthy, hateful, vindictive, manipulative shell of a person. Finding our ways back from that while dealing with the shit storm of personal, family, friends, business debts and loss of years and years of savings is crippling for any human to deal with no matter what their socioeconomic, religious, racial, or cultural backgrounds are.

Gambling is affecting people in horrible ways all over the world. Only the super rich benefit from all of us hurting like this. The system and game isn’t developed for us to win. No matter how good we are the house will always win for the greater portion of us. A select few can prosper in the gambling industry that try to prosper off gaming. Self control is the key to everything. Last night I had a shot of tequila. I didn’t need more. I didn’t want more. I didn’t have to have more. But I do with gambling. For me I can control drinking and therefore is ok in moderation just like any bad habit or something you might do a few times a year.

I’m not trying to teach anyone on this site anything. I’m just writing my feelings down for the moment so that I can read them again in another time of need.

I hope you all the best and hope all of our recoveries keep going well. Onward and upward fellow compulsive gamblers.

Much love and peace.

Jonny

[Jonny123987]

And thanks to Geordie and Darren for your comments! I appreciated the feedback when I saw the emails come in.

And thanks to everyone else who has been there for me and others on this site.

[Jonny123987]

On Day 175. I was just doing some banking and realized that I’m officially in the positive. Not by a lot by a few hundred to a grand. I have more cash than I owe on credit cards. I want to say I’m happy but I’m still just annoyed I let this happen. I’m not going to let it continue and that’s one of the reasons I keep coming back to this site. I read others stories, their pain, their frustrations, their worry. Read mine again. It reminds me how real and debilitating this disease is. That it never goes away. It might get a little easier with time but it is always inside burning. It took me down…. It took my life away and almost killed me. It still takes.
Screw gambling!!!! and what it does to you if you become addicted. I’m moving forward! It just took me half a year of very hard work to get out of this debt from my last relapse. The 3 relapses before that cost me $40,000 of savings. The big fall before that at close to $60,000 of savings. Before that over 20 years of daily sports and casino gambling which I’m guessing cost me in the range of $300,000. Total guesstimated loss is around $425,000. I guess 175 days gamble free pales in comparison to those stats. This is the longest I’ve ever not gambled for since I was 18 years old. All my relapses happened within 2 months of trying to quit. I feel much more determined this time around.
I’m happy that I have found some peace though. I still stress all the losses but am grateful to be working and on the road back. I took back control of my finances a couple months ago. My mom was super helpful but tit was extremely hard to have her manage my money. Her support is what I really need and some self control which I’ve been doing ok with. I’ve been thinking about the next stages of my financial life (besides the personal stuff) more and more. IRA accounts, stocks, mutual funds, bonds, property, business ownership, idea cultivating, donating, helping others, etc. I’m 41 years old and don’t have many chances left at having a life I can be proud of.
No one knows loneliness like a gambler. It leaves in its wake lost confidence, ambition, empathy, friendliness, compassion, caring, etc, and leaves us as a selfish, hurtful, untrustworthy, hateful, vindictive, manipulative shell of a person. Finding our ways back from that while dealing with the shit storm of personal, family, friends, business debts and loss of years and years of savings is crippling for any human to deal with no matter what their socioeconomic, religious, racial, or cultural backgrounds are.
Gambling is affecting people in horrible ways all over the world. Only the super rich benefit from all of us hurting like this. The system and game isn’t developed for us to win. No matter how good we are the house will always win for the greater portion of us. A select few can prosper in the gambling industry that try to prosper off gaming. Self control is the key to everything. Last night I had a shot of tequila. I didn’t need more. I didn’t want more. I didn’t have to have more. But I do with gambling. For me I can control drinking and therefore is ok in moderation just like any bad habit or something you might do a few times a year.
I’m not trying to teach anyone on this site anything. I’m just writing my feelings down for the moment so that I can read them again in another time of need.
I hope you all the best and hope all of our recoveries keep going well. Onward and upward fellow compulsive gamblers.

Much love and peace.
Jonny

[Jonny123987]

Day 163.

[Jonny123987]

Day 163. I wanted to gamble today and would have won. Gambling is bad.

[Jonny123987]

Day 155.

[Jonny123987]

Day 150. I think gambling urges will always be a part of my life. Maybe not daily but present. The thing that has changed is my reaction to them. Now I just don’t let the thought continue and won’t allow myself to go there. Its definitely never going to be over. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be over it.

Good luck to all of you who struggle with this disease. It’s not easy but can get better with time. Still in debt up to my eyeballs but happy to be this far.

[Jonny123987]

Good work Jay. VERA a half year is roughly 182.5 days.

Best,
Jon

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