[jen3]

Also……… you are not a failure!! You have an addiction. You may have lost this battle BUT I believe in you and this addiction will not win the war!!

[jen3]

Murr! I feel so bad for you because I know the feeling oh too well. Do not beat yourself up!! It’s over there is nothing you can do but try to learn from it. I promise it will get better. Just have to figure out how to stop it from happening again.

[jen3]

Thanks Kin! You seem to be getting a lot from Smart Recovery. I have been meaning to get to a meeting and check it out for myself. I am back to a couple CR meetings but can not hurt to throw one more in the mix. Day 14…. I know it does not mean much as it’s easy to stop gambling it’s staying stoped that is hard. I pray that the days keep adding up because I do not want to experience another day one.

[jen3]

Murr! I am so sorry that this flipping addiction took hold of you. I agree with Steve. You are not pathetic. You are far from it. This flipping addiction is pathetic. We have to figure out a way to stay in front of it. You were doing good. 2 months is a great achievement. Things will get better. They always do. After my last relapse a friend of mine who is a drug addict said “it’s not your fault” her therapist told her even when we do not want to do it (gamble) our addicted brains tell us we do. I agree with that because I have found myself smack dab in the middle of a chase when I had no intentions in the first place. That goes back to staying ahead of our addiction. I am still trying to work on making it almost impossible to get my hands on extra cash so when and if the urge comes either I have no money or the damage is less. I hope you can do the same. Prayers for you my friend. I know it’s never easy but pick yourself up and keep going. We can and will live a better life.

[jen3]

Day 13. The last few nights I go to bed somewhat early than wake up around 2:00 am and I am wide awake for several hours. Uggh so frustrating. Not too many thoughts of gambling but they do come here and there. I just try and think about all the years of chaos and know it’s not an option. Funny how when one makes up their mind to work hard at recovery they noticed they are surrounded by temptation. Example go in gas station their are lotto tickets, machines, etc. turn on tv and their is a commercial, turn on the radio and another commercial, log into Facebook and see a post of people at a casino, or a pic of winning machine, or pic or winning pull tab. Blah blah blah. All these things make gambling look so fun and exciting. Where are all the posts and pic of all the misery gambling really brings to so many. I have a hard time believing the people on this site and in other recovery groups are the minority. I know that’s far from the truth. Anyways I try to immediately scroll past or turn my thoughts off and remember gambling for what it does for me. Absolutely NOTHING!!! Thr minute I walk into a casino I might as well be prepared to walk straight into hell because no matter how it starts it always ends in tears. Here’s to another g free day. 

[jen3]

Thanks Hambone. I do give extra cash to my other half to hold on and not give back under any circumstances. If only he knew how much it should be. Anyways Great idea opening a bank in another city and cutting up card! I am good now but I know the ugly monster will eventually show up , as it always does. This time I want to be ready.

[jen3]

Day 12.. Thanks Austin. I am so glad that I am not alone. I am also glad you are doing well. I love the quote “it takes one drop to fill a bucket”. I went back to CR last night. I almost did not go. I forced myself and I was glad I did. Ran into another CG. She had 10 months free of gambling and than relapsed. I am so proud and envious of her gambling free time yet my heart breaks that she relapsed And has to start again. I know, I know she should be proud of the time and good for her for getting right back up. What scares me is how easily this addiction can suck us in… trying to only worry about today but regardless of what anyone else thinks for those of us who have struggled to stay g free we need to always be on guard. I hope more than ever that this is my last day 12 and the days keep adding up.

[jen3]

Day 11. (Technically day 12 started at 3:00 am) Thoughts come and go. I just have to train my brain to understand Gambling is just not an option for me. There is no such thing as only playing a little, only spending x amount of money etc etc. I have to train my brain to reflect on the chaos gambling causes. I have to look forward to a gambling free future. At times it seems impossible at other times it’s comical as it should be a really an easy decision “suffer more or suffer no more”. Last night I booked our yearly Spring trip to Mexico. I usually wait till after the holidays to book But found a really good deal that we could not pass. It made me sick to think that between my last two “relapses” I blew what would have paid for this trip twice. I will drive across town to save 2.00 but not think twice about feeding a machine, or table game etc hundreds even thousands of dollars. Uggh!! I hate to even think about it. I have said it before and failed but I will say it again. I NEVER want to experience another gambling hangover as long as I live. I see my direct deposit hit my bank. I will be making double car payment etc. I am not worried about blowing this check BUT i have to get something in place for the next time I get paid (end of month) so history does not repeat itself. Still no clue how to make it hard to get my hands on money. I was given some good ideas however none of them will work. Any other ideas please share. As they say “onward and upward.”

[jen3]

Hope you are doing well Kin. That’s exactly the cycle I go through. This time I will lean on God harder than ever before in hopes he intervenes and helps me not to dwell on my past but also helps me to remember the chaos and that he gives me the strength to work through the urges if and when they come again.

[jen3]

Still thinking of you.

[jen3]

Day 10.

[jen3]

I am excited to watch you continue to make positive changes on your journey. Praying I am right behind you! I know life will always be challenging but as you know gambling just makes everything that much harder.

[jen3]

Congrats on paying off the car. You are doing so well. I remember last winter when it was a struggle for you to get new tires. You are past that and have come such a long way. Such an inspiration.

[jen3]

Thanks for your post Liz&Rg .. Day 1 of week 2 is almost over. I am with you Liz… I have been so tired of the after math but something happens in my addicted brain that after time goes by it tells me “it will be different”. I only remember good times. (As if there ever was any) I am trying to figure out a way to not be able to get my hands on money so easily so that when/if the time comes It will prevent the inevitable. Still have not figured that out. I do pay double car payments and I give my “other 1/2” extra money to hold onto but still manage to find money. This site is pretty quite, not like the “old days” but I intend to update daily, regardless of anyone reads my posts or not. Hoping that it keeps me moving in the right direction.

[jen3]

Merci pour votre message. Je pense que je suis finalement malade et fatigué d'être malade et fatigué MAIS j'ai ressenti cela plus de fois que je ne peux *****. Comme vous, je gagne beaucoup d'argent MAIS pas grand-chose à montrer pour cela. J'ai grimpé dans et hors de la dette la plupart de ma vie d'adulte. J'ai été vu chez le conseiller, j'ai fait des réunions. Enfer, je viens ici de temps en temps depuis plus de 10 ans. L'ampoule s'éteint toujours et après 30, 60, 90 jours et mon cerveau accro ne se souvient que des points positifs. Vraiment comme s'il y avait quelque chose de positif dans le jeu. En tout cas super boulot ! Continue comme ça et j'espère être à ta place dans trois mois.

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