[jen3]

That’s why I love you Vera. You tell it like it is. Now all I need is God to give me the strength to do exactly what you said and let what happens happen.

[jen3]

Ugggh! I brought this up before but it has me full of anxiety today. 4-5 months back Harrah’s’s Casino In New Orleans invited me and a guest on “free” trip to New Orleans (flights, room, transportation). I invited a my friend. We planned on going because we love the city but we had plans to stay out of casino….. than she asked her sisters. They booked their own flights but I was able to get them a room. Well last week I decided I just can’t go. I would be putting myself in the danger zone. Anyways I told my freind and she understood and we were going to just make up an excuse as to why I could not go at the last minute. No plans to tell her sisters. Anyways the casino charges for airfare and room to no shows. Not sure how. They do not have my bank info but I suppose they can bill me. Well today I decided to just call and tell the casino the truth. Well they told me since I am the primary guest if I canceled than the trip would be canceled. The others could not stay. I told them I will just call back.. ugggh! Any advise?? I want to go but I know it will end up in disaster. Someone told me to go and do other things. Easier said than done. I just want to crawl under a rock. Maybe I should just book a room for them somewhere else and pay for it but than this “free trip will have costed me over a 1000.00 without even going. If I do go it will most likely end up costing way more. Uggggh! Never meant for this chaos.

[jen3]

Going to try this again. This is my third time posting on your thread. My post keeps disappearing. It was about triggers. No clue what mine are…… happy,sad,mad, bored…. I have figured out one and it’s Money. It’s never enough. I get paid Friday as well. For the past several days my thoughts were consumed with “get 1/2 your money back from the last time than quit” “get it all back and than quit” Etc, Etc. So what if I did??? It would only eventually lead to my next nightmare. Before this slip I had close to 90 days. Every pay day I would run to the bank get cashiers checks for my bills and give the rest to my other half. (He stil has that, Thank God) It felt good to get ahead or should I say less behind. In any case I got cocky and that lead to 4800.00 in the garbage. I am going right back to what worked and ignoring the thoughts to what leads me to what does not work…… I wish the best for you, as always.

[jen3]

Good for you! That damm devil always tries to convince us to use our money to try and make more. Never works out in the long run.

[jen3]

Day 13. That actually sounds comical when it should be day 7300 or something like that. Oh well, I keep trying and eventually it will stick. Believing this is the time. “ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.

[jen3]

Good to hear you were on Holiday. I was wondering and a little worried. Vacations are always good without gambling. I hope you enjoyed. I was supposed to go to New Orleans next week but I am not because I know that I would just be asking for trouble staying at Harrah’s. I am a little sad that I am I not going but I will get over it. Plus only 4 months till Mexico and by than I will have long forgot about New Orleans. Hoping to make progress in that time because I tell you my “hijacked brain” is all over the place… one minute determined not o gamble, the next determined to gamble. Either way I made it through day 12. Off too bed soon.

[jen3]

Thank you for your words Monica1. I am powerless and do believe my higher power can restore me to sanity. I just get in his way too often. Hopefully this is the time.

[jen3]

Happy Birthday Monica! Very proud of you. You are doing Great!! I can’t even imagine how it must feel to have so much gamble free time behind you….. I seem to make it 30, 60 sometimes 90 and than blow it. I am not going to worry about messing up again. Just taking it a day at a time. (Easier said than done) it’s only been 12 days. Since than things are already better. Some days I think “what I will do different” some days I don’t think at all. It is crazy how One minute I think “I will get 1/2 my money from tre last time back and than quit. And the next I think “don’t bother, it will never end win or loose”. In any case…. not going to gamble today.

[jen3]

Thanks I did it.

[jen3]

Thanks Danielle! Yup the fog has lifted. As you know that’s both good and bad…… I try to convince myself of all sorts of things. I have to take my mind back to why I am here and why I keep coming back after all these years. If nothing changes, than nothing changes. I hope  you are doing well.

[jen3]

Awsome. Congratts!!

[jen3]

Thank. I did it. I will try that. Part of me really wants to go and stay away from the casino. The other part knows I will be asking for trouble.  It makes Me mad that I have to stay away from one of my favorite cities.   Do you have any suggestions as to what you meant by charitable organizations???

[jen3]

It will get better with time. I wish you the best.

[jen3]

Day 10. I am a little stressed. Was supposed to got to New Orleans with some friends in a few weeks. We booked several months ago. The flight and hotel were free through Harrah’s. We planned to go and not step foot in casino.. well after thinking about it, I decided not to put myself in that position and not to go. Anyways I just got a letter confirming flight info. In the letter it states that no shows will be charged for flight and room no matter what excuse I have. I wonder how they will charge me when they do not have my bank info??? Does anyone know what will happen??

[jen3]

Day 9.

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