[jen3]

Still thinking about you Vera. Like I-did-it said, I hope today is a better. I-did it I read both posts on this thread. You have a way with words. This damm addiction does sneak in the tinnest holes! Although it’s not funny I have to laugh at myself,,,,, before my last slip (more like head dive into a swimming pool with no water). I spent days searching on-line trying to save a few hundred dollars on a trip we go on every spring. I also spent hours trying to save a few bucks on some things I bought my son for Christmas.. Than in 36 hours, yeah 36 hours straight (besides bathroom breaks) tossing money around like confetti. I always think I can’t affford this, I can’t afford that yet I will blow 50 times whatever this or that is and than wish I would of just bought whatever it was I could not afford…… enough rattling but could you possibly get cashiers checks for whatever you have to pay and than pay it right away vs waiting????? Also are thier Celebrate Recovery meetings by you???? It’s amazing how we all have so much advise to offer BUT seldom take our own. (Referring to myself)

[jen3]

I am sorry. Get right back up Kin. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

[jen3]

Thank you for your post Kathryn! I remember you from many years ago. You are doing Great! I hope to say the same for myself someday.

[jen3]

Awe Vera my heart aches for you. Please know that you are far from a fool!!! You are one of the most intelligent people I have met from a far. You have so much wisdom beyond words to offer. Unfortunately I know the feelings you are feeling oh too well. This addiction SUCKS!! I promise this too shall pass. You did it before and I have faith that you will do it again. I will be praying for you. God will get you through this. I know he will. Ugggh! I wish there was something more I could do or say to make it all go away for you. (And all of us).

[jen3]

I am sorry Vera! I hope he still had a good birthday and that you did not rip open his card. 🙂

[jen3]

Day 15. Got paid today. Went and got cashiers checks. Paid my bills. Paid extra to car payment and a double payment to a debt and got cashiers check for extra to give “my other 1/2 “to hold on to till next year. The extra he is sitting on is for saving or emergency never to go directly back to me. Of course I wanted to use the money to try and make more. We all know how that works. The last time I tried that it put me 4800 behind. (Not to mention all the chaos of chasing) I am relieved yet sick to my stomach knowing everything I paid out should really be money to save. Can’t go back in time just forward. I wish I could just get over my last screw up. Ugggh! Makes me sick thinking about what almost 5k could do. In reality that’s nothing compared to all the money I pissed away over the years. I got a response from the Casino. It was an email that said “your trip per offer has been canceled” I will assume that is it and I will not be billed since they did not say anything about it. God I hope that’s the end of it. I still have to tell one of my friend who still plans to go that she is out of luck and will have to book her own trip if she still wants to go with the others we asked. I can’t worry about that. It’s not like she paid in the first place. I still feel bad but it is what it is. My head is already planning for the next pay. God give me the strength to do the same thing. I am not wrecking another Christmas due to gambling. Already done shopping but I do not want to be around family during a gambling hangover. A day at a time, a check st a time.

[jen3]

Way to go!

[jen3]

Anything from your son??

[jen3]

Nothing. I am going to call again tomorrow and than that will be it. Glad I emailed at least there is a paper trail that I tried to let them know what is going on.

[jen3]

Happy Bitthday to your son!! I hope he shows up. It’s the devil who says “go zone out, it will feel good, heck you might even win”. Than he laughs at us as we struggle through the hangover.

[jen3]

Seriously??? No s#^*! The whole industry takes advantage of compulsive gamblers. Your just one of the Devils helpers. You must be so proud of what you do for a living. Thanks for taking the time to post here… I think you need more help than the rest of us.

[jen3]

Day 14. Time flies. I called the casino yesterday and left a message. Still waiting to hear back. I also sent an email basically saying what Vera suggested. To be honest I did not want to. The gambler in me still wanted to go and did not want to “close the door all the way”. I do feel relief now that I did. I know that if I want to live a better life I have to cut out all the crap that leads me on the destructive path of gambling. I need to ignore those messed up thoughts that tell me “just do it, be careful, it will be fun blah blah blah. Sick and tired of being sick and tired….. Gambling…….. what a waste of life! Even as I say that I still want to. I hope that changes someday.

[jen3]

The longer we stay away from our urge to gamble the better things will get. Your not a failure. Remember you worked hard for your money and you will feel much better if you spend it wisely. Pay your bills, get rid of any extra, don’t try to turn it into more. I am telling you this because that is what I am telling myself knowing I get paid tomorrow. One day at a time, should be one check at a time. Lol

[jen3]

Proud of you Lizbeth! Very encouraging. That’s what we have to do ….. really think it through.

[jen3]

I always think I love gambling too until I am walking out with my tale between my legs. Than I hate it, swear I will never do it again and than when the dust settles ,,,,,,, you know the ending. I guess it’s like being in an abbsive relationship…. we keep going back believing “it will be different this time”

[Author]

Posts