[jen3]

IDI… hang in there. You will get though this s..t storm. Lean into God as hard as you can and he will help you. Also Best of luck with the interview! I will be praying for good things to happen. Keep me posted.

[jen3]

Happy New Year!!! You can do it!!!

[jen3]

Happy New Year Kin!! I hope you experience Gods Mercy, Grace and Love as well. You deserve it.

[jen3]

Hope things are a little better today IDI. Just imagine how much better our lives will be (in time) if we can just put an end to all the insanity once and for all. It will not be easy but it has to be easier than the alternative. Wishing you an amazing New Year!

[jen3]

Sorry Murr!! I can’t tell you how many times I have thought I could control it. The only way we can control it is to stay as far away from anything or place that gambling is involved. “ If we feed the monster we will get eaten.” Don’t beat yourself up!!! And do whatever it takes not to chase your loss it will only turn out worse.

[jen3]

Съжалявам Мър !! Не мога да ви кажа колко пъти съм мислил, че мога да го контролирам. Единственият начин, по който можем да го контролираме, е да стоим колкото се може по -далеч от всичко или от мястото, където има хазарт. "Ако храним чудовището, ще бъдем изядени." Не се бийте !!! И направете всичко необходимо, за да не преследвате загубата си, това ще се окаже само по -лошо.

[jen3]

Sorry Mur!! Ik kan je niet vertellen hoe vaak ik heb gedacht dat ik het onder controle kon houden. De enige manier waarop we het kunnen beheersen, is door zo ver mogelijk weg te blijven van iets of een plaats waar gokken betrokken is. "Als we het monster voeren, worden we opgegeten." Versla jezelf niet!!! En doe wat nodig is om je verlies niet na te jagen, het zal alleen maar erger worden.

[jen3]

I wanted to start a new thread but not sure how…. Here it is 2019 and it’s yet another day 3. The financial damage was not that bad “this time” but the psychological well that’s another story that only a chronic relapser will understand. I am bound and determined to stop starting over with my recovery. At the same time I am so scared because of my track record. I am scared because I have failed more times than I can *****. I am sick because I feel so alone. I have this site, a Counslor, recovery groups (that I drifted away from, going back to today) and several friends yet I feel alone because I want the people closest to me to somehow understand… I know things will get better with time. They always do. After things get better is what scares me. If I do not find away to remain abstinent from gambling eventually there will be no coming back. I am so sick of “being diffrent” I am sick of wanting what everyone around me seems to have “peace” “normal life” My God, I am 47 years old and have wasted so much of my life in the same cycle. Fall down, get up, clean up, fall down, get up, clean up. It’s getting old!! What is going to help me stay up this time??? I am more than willing to give up acess to money BUT it’s way too complicated. I have been giving my other 1/2 extra money here and there and he has almost 5000.00 of mine BUT in reality he should have more and or I should have less debt. I have a bigger check coming on the 15th and it will be safe , everything will be paid and I will give him more money but what about the check after and the check after. Ugggh I do not know what to do…. I sound like a broken record!! Please God give me strength, help me make start living the life you created me to live, let this be my last day 3.

[jen3]

You should be very proud of where you have come from and where you are now. Happy New Year!! I hope theyeaes just keep getting better for you.

[jen3]

This is Great!! A New Year starts Tuesday Jan 1st in my neck of the woods. (tomorrow not Wendsday). Like you my New Year started Dec 29th. Let’s do this!

[jen3]

Vera, just so you know In group earlier I was not suggesting that you be responsible for anyone else’s recovery. I just meant that you going back to gambling has kept you from going back to the GA meeting you used to go to. You should not care what anyone may or may not think. It’s about you not them. (Besides i can not imagine them thinking any less of you.)

[jen3]

IDI. My credit is crap now but time and paying everything on time has helped in the past. (Meaning I pay electric bill, phone, car and store cards on time). I have no credit cards. I can’t tell you how many times I have got them, built them up, paid them off, than repeat…. I never used them for anything other than cash advances so why the heck did I keep them so long. The reason my credit is crap again is I have one card that is closed that I purposely did not pay so I could negotiate the balance. Same dumb cycle of mine for 20 plus years. I want off this dang ride and I do not want to get back on.

[jen3]

I am the same Faye. I will go to 3 diffrent grocery stores to save a few bucks…. I was just sitting here thinking between this relapse and the around 45 days ago I blew 6000.00. It makes me want to throw up when I think about the relapse before these two. I can’t even remember the amount but it was prior to Labor Day and I know it was over 5000.00. Holly crap! I am surprised I am not in a nut house.. headed that way if I do not figure out what works for me and stick to it. 2 years ago I had zero debt and excellent credit. I fixed and trashed my credit at least 3-4 times in one lifetime. As they say “if nothing changes.. nothing changes. Vera you are correct. Places like that rely on crazies like me. I sent them an email anyways requesting they close it. I know it’s not hard to re open but it would take some effort on my part so could be somewhat of a road block.

[jen3]

I can but it’s so easy to re establish. I canceled it once and told them if they ever give me credit again I am not paying it back. You would think they would put me on a “do not approve list”

[jen3]

I went to pick up my money. On the way there I thought” just play a little of it maybe you can win what you lost back” Than I thought “f that just get your money walk out and screw that place” than my thoughts went to “get your money an go somewhere else”. Ugggh! I justified my thoughts with “it’s the last day of the year”. I hate that I would even consider wrecking yet another day… I made it in and out and of the bar and than thought “I will just take a hundred and buy 5 20.00 scratch offs.” Screw that too. I am done. Went and paid money on my car came home and gave the rest (not much) to the other 1/2… I still have some money in my account but not enough to send me running. I have one easy place to get money. It’s an open line of credit. I make a request and the money is instantly put in my bank. I owe nothing to them nor do I want to owe anything cause it’s a ridiculous interest rate…. even if I close it, it’s easy to re-open. I know my thoughts will be all over the place for some time. I have to figure out a way to block myself from being able to get money for the next time I decide to give in to my selfish desire.

[Author]

Posts