[jen3]

Hi IDI! Yup unfortunately we been riding the same roller coaster for too long.  I always wanted to try residential. Proplem is its not an option In the states. I am so happy for you. I will be praying that you get what you need. 

[jen3]

Hi Vera! I noticed you have not been posting much. As it appears you and I have had a rough 2019 vs a gambling free one. Uggh!! We can still end the year on a good note. God I hope so. Anyways I wanted you to know that I have thought about you often wether I am active here or elsewhere torching myself. I pray that we are able to turn this year around and somehow stop the madness. Thinking of you.

[jen3]

Liz! Over 6 months gambling free! That is Awesome!!! Iam so proud of and happy for you. I am also very jealous. Keep doing what ever you are doing. I am hoping something clicks and stays clicked with me.

[jen3]

Back to the drawing board… Relapsing is getting so old! I do not even know what to do different anymore.

[jen3]

Hi Vera!! Sounds like we are in the same boat. Yup I screwed up as well. Why do we go back to the same old same?? I just hate that I keep putting myself through the same bull crap. I have no idea what to do different to keep this same pattern from repeating itself. Screw up, win or loose it always turns into a chase, (even after a few times managing to win and leave) followed by devastation, than ready to do what ever it takes to live gamble free, clean time, than start the cycle over… UGHHHH! You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend.

[jen3]

Maybe give some of your money to someone to hold on to and tell them not to give back under any circumstances?? The last few relapses I had were devastating emotionally but not nearly as bad financially because I give my other half most of my extra money etc. I also pay my bills and than some right away. I have dug in and out more times than you can imagine. That’s the thing about feeling better, when we feel better we think “it will be different” it never is. Is their CR where you are from (Celebrate Recovery) or Smart Recovery?? You might want to try one of those. Both help with all kinds of addictions & or behaviors

[jen3]

Maybe give some of your money to someone to hold on to and tell them not to give back under any circumstances?? The last few relapses I had were devastating emotionally but not nearly as bad financially because I give my other half most of my extra money etc. I also pay my bills and than some right away. I have dug in and out more times than you can imagine. That’s the thing about feeling better, when we feel better we think “it will be different” it never is. Is their CR where you are from (Celebrate Recovery) or Smart Recovery?? You might want to try one of those. Both help with all kinds of addictions & or behaviors

[jen3]

Maybe give some of your money to someone to hold on to and tell them not to give back under any circumstances?? The last few relapses I had were devastating emotionally but not nearly as bad financially because I give my other half most of my extra money etc. I also pay my bills and than some right away. I have dug in and out more times than you can imagine. That’s the thing about feeling better, when we feel better we think “it will be different” it never is. Is their CR where you are from (Celebrate Recovery) or Smart Recovery?? You might want to try one of those. Both help with all kinds of addictions & or behaviors

[jen3]

Maybe give some of your money to someone to hold on to and tell them not to give back under any circumstances?? The last few relapses I had were devastating emotionally but not nearly as bad financially because I give my other half most of my extra money etc. I also pay my bills and than some right away. I have dug in and out more times than you can imagine. That’s the thing about feeling better, when we feel better we think “it will be different” it never is. Is their CR where you are from (Celebrate Recovery) or Smart Recovery?? You might want to try one of those. Both help with all kinds of addictions & or behaviors

[jen3]

Murr, I really can empathize. I remember several nightmares along the way. I have some very similar stories. Years ago chasing a 300.00 loss and in the course of a few days lost close to what you did. I know how it feels to lose control and wonder “how the hell did that just happened” I know the shame and embarrassment that comes after.. I think we all do on some level or another. Try and remember you can’t go back in time, but you can try not to let it happen again. Our brains have been hi- jacked by this addiction so we have to work as hard on not gambling as we do chasing. You will feel better. It’s just going to take some time. Concentrate on what you do have vs what you lost. Think about what life will be like in a month, two, three without gambling. It can only get better… I am 18 years or so older than you and I wish I could of crushed this addiction when I was only 30… Again the only thing you have to do is get through today try and find the good in it.

[jen3]

I know how you feel Murr! I have felt that way several times throughout my life. It will get better with time. It always does.. that is when we really have to put our guard up. This crazy addiction really screws up our thinking and when we feel better we think we can gamble just a little, be more careful, quit when we are ahead…. than the next thing you know we are on the chase…. I do empathize with you. I have been praying. Try not to beat yourself up. All you have to do is get through today. Ask God for his help to comfort and guide you. He will.

[jen3]

Love it IDI! Miss chatting with you but I do not come here very often. Like you, I am doing what works for me. 🙂 Always in my thoughts and prayers.

[jen3]

So sorry Murr! I feel your pain. I have done the same too many times to *****. You had lots of clean time. Be proud of that. I know oh to well the feeling of wanting to stop yet wanting to get our money back at the same time. Forget about the money. It’s gone. I know “easy for me to say”. When I look back I have turned from debt free to a relapse that cost 1000.00, than thousands, than tens of thousands chasing the original 1000, than time away from gambling to clean up the mess only to repeat the cycle!! Do not be embarrassed you have a sickness just like so many of us here. You can and will get past this. Try to forget about it yet remember it the next time you want to gamble. If that makes any sense. I am glad you came right back and your x is taking you to GA. You are in my thoughts and prayers and you can and will beat this.

[jen3]

Thanks Liz! Vacation was Great. Back to reality. ;(. I have been reading your thread. You are doing Great! I know you have your hands full. Always in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi Vera! Yup back to the grind. Have not been coming here too much. I guess I have been busy and sometimes think it’s better for me to only check in occasionally. No gambling this year. Only a few thoughts here and there. I guess I just know it’s not an option fo for me. The so called pleasure is just not worth the long time misery. I am happy to read you are staying away from the misery as well. I think about you often. Keep fighting the good fight!

[jen3]

Update… No gambling so far this year. Life is a lot less stressful without it. No “I wish I would have, I wish I could have, I wish I didn’t , I will get my money back than I quit, blah blah blah” No sleepless nights, no shuffling money around, no adding and subtracting money over and over. Today is my sons 13th B-Day. Wow! 13 years goes by in the blink of an eye. We leave for Mexico in 15 days. We go somewhere warm every year around this time. I know I will not gamble prior because I want to be fully present when we go. When I get back I will be ready to conquer April. Hope everyone is well. Keep fighting the good fight.

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