[jen3]

Gönderiniz için teşekkürler. Sanırım sonunda hasta ve yorgun olmaktan bıktım ama bu şekilde hissettiğimden daha fazla hissettim *****. Senin gibi iyi para kazanıyorum AMA bunun için gösterecek pek bir şey yok. Yetişkin hayatımın çoğunda borca girip çıktım. Danışmanla görüştüm, toplantılar yaptım. Cehennem 10 yıldan beri buraya gelip duruyorum. Ampul her zaman söner ve 30, 60, 90 günden fazla ve bağımlı beynim sadece pozitifleri hatırlar. Gerçekten kumar hakkında olumlu bir şey varmış gibi. Neyse Büyük İş! Böyle devam edin, umarım üç ay sonra aynı yerinizde olurum.

[jen3]

2 years? Congrats! Wow that has to feel amazing!! You must be so proud of yourself. I long for the day I see 6 months. Ya never know, maybe that day will be in Feb. I might sound like a broken record but I am determined to do things different and see that day if it’s the only thing I do. Celebrate your milestone! That’s Awsome!

[jen3]

Hope all is well. I try and keep up with your thread. You almost got two months Murr! Yeah! Routing for you!

[jen3]

Way to go Taz! Routing for you.

[jen3]

Your post about euphoric is what I experience every relapse. Bound and determined to “stay in front of my addiction” this time around so the same old cycle does not repeat itself.

[jen3]

Day 7.. a week ago I Left the casino around 3:00 in the morning with tail between my legs and 1800.00 poorer. Tried sleeping and slept for an hour or two on and off only to wake up and work in between shuffling money around to get me through the days. At first I was going to get more money so I could try and “get my money back and than quit”. I was able to talk my self out of it. I thought about my history and knew one or two things would happen. I would get my money back only to encourage me to keep gambling and eventually loose that and more or I would just loose even more than the original 1800. Anyways it’s a week later I am over the loss and bound and determined to do things different so this addiction does not have an opportunity to choke the life out of me again. Enough is enough. I feel much better than I did this time last Monday but I would like to keep it that way. Looking forward to what week two has to bring without gambling. I know it will not be hard for me and I will easily be able to brush of any urges it’s month 2,3,4 that scare me. No sense worrying about days ahead BUT I have to stay focused so history does not repeat itself. IDI I hope you are keeping your eye on the prize as well. We need to stay focused and be grateful for what we already have and not let our addicted brains fool us into thinking we want and need more or we will just continue to sabotage the “good things” life has to offer.

[jen3]

I hope you are having a nice time away with your family IDI.

[jen3]

Day 6. Not feeling too good today.

[jen3]

Happy belated Birthday!

[jen3]

Thanks Gbaybh! Very insightful post. I can relate to much of what you said. I do exercise and eat right, well for the most part I do. If you were around me this week with the Fair here you would beg to differ on the Eat right part. 🙂 🙂 I know that was not your point but I like to amuse myself at times. I am way past the school part. I graduated from college in 1995. When I look back I was introduced to gambling as a kid but it did not start getting out of control until my late college days. I remember sitting at the dog tracks while studying for exams. Yikes!! Back than I gambled a lot and did so for many years. (Casino, Card’s, tracks, sports bets, bar machines you name it) Around 2000 it was mostly casino on almost a daily basis (4-5 days a week). I am getting off track but I always set high expectations on myself as to please my parents and everyone else. That behavior definitely contributed to gambling because I never wanted to fail so I continued gambling to cover my tracks if that makes any sense. Anyways years later I am able to not gamble for stretch’s at a time but now all the damage this addiction has caused , it has turned me into a pattern gambler. This time I am trying to take every action I can to stay aware and in front of any relapse. I know GA works for many people and as you mentioned we need to do what works for us. Personally I do not care for GA. I have tried it numerous times throughout the years. I do like CR but that’s my problem I never stick to anything because my addicted brain sometimes thinks I do not need any kind of meetings. Well I know that I need to again “stay ahead of my addiction”’so I am going to several meetings this week 2 being CR and 2 being smart recovery. (Never tried smart but going to test the waters) When I feel better which I already do I am going to keep going. I will continue to post and most importantly for me I am going to talk to the best Counslor on a daily basis. For me that is God. I have yet to figure out my triggers but I do believe when life is going good I tend to self destruct.

[jen3]

Day 5. It’s only 12:30 in the morning here. I fell asleep early and now I am wide awake. I hope I can fall back asleep soon because I have a long day ahead of me. Another fair day with family. Fair is in town for 11 days. Wraps up this weekend. We live within walking distance and go several times throughout. Lots of people watching, drinking, eating listening to different bands etc. We blow through a ton of money this time of year but at least I have fun doing it, not like gambling. It has Not been fun in many, many years as if it ever really was. It’s like paying an enormous amount of money to put myself through days of hell. Crazy! Just plain Crazy! Hopefully those days are behind me and better days are ahead.

[jen3]

Can you take a medical or sick leave? Maybe just tell them the truth?? Sometimes I think I would be better off without a job. I blow everything I make anyways.

[jen3]

I hope you have/had a good day. I know the day is almost over in your part of the world.

[jen3]

Hi Austin! I was just reading some of your post. 75 days is Great! Be proud and keep going strong.

[jen3]

Good to hear! Always in my thoughts and prayers!

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