[jemma ruggel]

my journey to recovery took a turn recently when my husband discovered the self exclusion form I sent to the casinos 3 weeks ago…i forgot it on the printer after scanning and when he wanted to use the device to copy a document, he saw the form. It’s the 2nd time he caught me and so his disappointment and the horror in his face as it dawned in him that I was back in my old ways. I told him the truth and the reason I did not tell him although he made me promised last time that we should talk about these things openly especially if I have the urge to gamble again. I wish I had trusted him more when he said that. I apologized to him profusely and tried to explain my behavior and that I took the first step by excluding myself in the casinos of the neighboring country where I went to indulge recently. He was not angry, he asked how much I lost, the triggers and noted my initial effort to stop. He however advised that we should work on the reasons why I always want to “punish myself” to borrow his words as I explained to him in tears how much pain and emptiness it felt after my gambling binge.

I have excluded myself in all the casinos of the country we are living in when I was caught the first time but the casinos of the bordering countries (4 countries) can be reached for a few hours by train from where we live. He was away a few weeks ago for work overseas and I had so much stress at work so I thought of going somewhere to forget the stress a bit, casino came to mind and before I knew it I was in the train off to Hades.

It’s been 3 weeks since my last bet. And while I have the strong urge to chase losses every now and then, I always come here to read the many stories for inspiration, for catharsis. I want to remind myself that there is hope and that if i really want it, it can be done. Wish everyone the strength to fight this sickness.

[jemma ruggel]

i am doing my best and it’s been three weeks since my last bet and banning myself from the casinos near the country I am living

[jemma ruggel]

Hi Kolberg, you have not posted lately? Hope all is well from your end.

[jemma ruggel]

I have been reading Murr’s account myself and it has the same effects against my urges…his experiences especially the vivid descriptions of how he feels after every rockbottom has touched me so much that it has discouraged me many times from opening an online casino account (as I excluded myself in the on land casinos) whenever i have the strong urges.

I am very happy for your successful road to recovery. You put effort on it and now you are reaping the good results. Wish you a continued gambling free life forever.

[jemma ruggel]

Ho letto personalmente l'account di Murr e ha gli stessi effetti contro i miei impulsi… le sue esperienze specialmente le vivide descrizioni di come si sente dopo che ogni rockbottom mi ha toccato così tanto che mi ha scoraggiato molte volte dall'aprire un account di casinò online (come mi sono escluso nei casinò terrestri) ogni volta che ho forti impulsi.

Sono molto felice per la tua strada di successo verso la guarigione. Ci hai messo impegno e ora stai raccogliendo i buoni risultati. Ti auguro una vita senza gioco continua per sempre.

[jemma ruggel]

i did make the first step and how relieve I was that i did…i look forward to a future without anxiety and fear of losing all because of obsession with slot machines. 

[jemma ruggel]

at least the first step…today i had to work hard so no thoughts of gambling…only on my way back home in the train. the thought of the money lost in the slot machines and the phone i wanted to buy to replace my  current malfunctioning one and the upcoming holiday with no pocket money made me sad but i made peace with myself to move on but not forget the expensive lesson behind…

[jemma ruggel]

in the casino and observed the people inspired by some observations made here…some players were really in the zone, some were banging the button, some were holding their breath while waiting for the elusive 3rd bonus sign. All were desperate. I saw myself in all of them. Definitely not a good picture. 

Thanks Steev for checking and I feel much better after I sent the self-exclusion forms. I will be checking the groups you mentioned after I am done with my work. 

[Author]

Posts