[jb1095]

I know what I should do, and that is to throw her out and find a room mate to assist with the bills. This should not be too difficult as it is a beautiful home and I have tons of friends that would love to move in.

My issue is that its her sons senior year in High School, and throwing her out means that he would no longer live there as well. Even if I offered to allow him to stay there, she would never go for it, and I would need that bedroom(with attached full bathroom) as a carrot to entice someone else to move in.

When I say push her over the edge, I mean that she is very “functional”. She works hard and does not call out. She does her “habits” on her days off. I fear that me throwing her out will cause her to jump deeper into the cocaine habit and ruin her career as a Nurse. If that happened, she would be ruined. I know her career means a lot to her, and if she lost it, I have no idea what she would do.

She has expressed remorse in the past over the cocaine addiction and wants to get help, the issue is that she is a nurse and works with narcotics every day. I believe her when she says that she has never, and would never, touch a patients pills, but apparently there are laws in place that would force a therapist or Doctor to report her to the nursing board if she tried to check in to a rehab, or try to get therapy for the narcotics use.

So that alone is preventing her from being able to explore those options.

My other option is to open up my own checking account and change my direct deposit. This way, I pay the major bills every month. I would then tell her I need her portion of the household bills every pay day…which would be $750 every 2 weeks. That would leave her with roughly 350 to pay her own bills(car, car insurance, gas, smokes, coffee, etc…).

My fear there is that she won’t be reliable to give me the money and I will have to pay all the bills with the money from my own check, which isn’t going to be enough to cover everything.

One more note, we have been cordial to each other, even loving to a degree, and I have been quiet while thinking of my next step…However, she saw her cocaine dealer on each of her days off this week and spent $140.00. We are now down to $28.00 total in our account.

She has a payday tomorrow and I don’t think she will go gamble it as she only does that every 2-3 months, I fear she will not pay bills, despite my best effort to get her too…which will leave me being forced to pay them on the 20th.

As it is right now, I do not know how I am going to pay my car payment due in 6 days. I am thinking about working for a contractor buddy of mine as a laborer to get paid some cash to help, but that really bothers me because I already work 50-60 hours a week at my main job. My weekends are valuable, and i don’t want to lose them, but I would also rather pay my car payment on time so I can start rebuilding my already heavily damaged credit.

She is such a good person without these addictions. I just wish she would acknowledge them, and try to get help, but to be honest, I see this behavior as total disrespect to me personally. She knows how hard I am working and how hard I am trying to provide US a stable future. Why undercut me like this so often? Why at all?????

[jb1095]

I almost broke up with her due to her cocaine use early on in the relationship. (about 6 months to a year in). I stupidly didn’t see it, and it was pointed out by my sister. I didn’t believe my sister when she said, but caught her red-handed about a month later. She claimed that it was something she has been doing for years, that it was a once a month kind of thing and just $50.00 when ever she did it. I hated it, but learned to live with it as she is fully functional, smart, articulate, and a great person to be around…However, that habit has increased to 1-2 times a week now. She has the permanent “sniffles” and knows she has a problem in that area…but honestly, its the gambling trips that are killing us financially….each time we start to get ahead, she blows it all and I am so hurt. She totally wiped us out 3 different times in the last year alone, but has put us behind the utility bills/food shopping at least a dozen times between her casino trips, and the fake online gambling that she does. I want to throw her out but I don’t want to push her over the edge. This is killing me and I need help. I suffer from depression and anxiety and am really trying to make drastic changes in my life. I haven’t had a drink in over 14 months because alcohol makes my depression unmanageable. I am craving a drink now more than ever before and I am resisting it as I know I will go full blown alcoholic in just one drink, which will lead to another suicide attempt. Aside from her gambling and drug problem, everything in my life is on the right track. I have a good job, and have been rock solid as far as spending discipline, and not touching alcohol at all. I feel this is going to break me. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live…like this…….

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