[jayson]

Happy Belated Easter…..and thankyou for all your eggs !
……i didnt get an egg
Eerythings good, Why is everthing good? I no longer revolve my life around gambling and my next bet.
So you may say, the bubble will burst soon, wont be long before i go back to the cycle of working to gamble, to test the water to see how much further i could possibly go into my addiction?
Well thats ur progative to think that
In such a short space of time, i have done simple things in my life that have been so much more rewarding than gambling. The only and biggest dessison i make everyday is the choice to gamble or not, and everyday i do this by reminding myself on what the future can bring without a life of gambling. Its pointless remebering the past, thats a part of my life i cannot change, and experiance shows i never learnt from it, to challenge our every move , choice, mistake is human nature, take them away u cannot challenge it and my mind remains free of the turmoil that it brings.Many of you may disagree saying we learn from our past, in the insanity of gambling DO WE REALLY?
How many ***** ive heard a CG say " i wish i could change the past" The proof is there we dont want to remeber the past rather change it, and the last time i looked i wasnt a 900 year old timelord with a tardis ! So its only today we can change to alter our futures.
I myself dont want to change my past, absolutley nothing ! Strange? My past got me to where i am today, doesnt mean i have to remeber it rather look at today and the changes i make today to make ME a better person.
Rambling over lol.
Went to the cinema last night saw Oz The Great and Powerfull, even up-graded to the leather seats !
Enjoyed the film , but made myself ill im not sure if it was the 20 nuggets before the film or the sweeties during the film !
Went to an art gallery on saturday……well when i say art, im not very cutural in this aspect of life and it looked like a load of rubbish to me !!!!
Had an enjoyable weekend 1st easter weekend off for 16 years! Money aint everything, its a tool in the wrong hands causes mischeif and stress, in a reponcible way can cause pleasure and excitement.
Well im off now to **** a roast dinner for when my gf gets in from work.
Have a gd week everyone x
FREE THE MIND FREE THE INSANITY.

[jayson]

Well ***** boys and girls, and to all those not yet sure……
Not posted for a while not been in many live chats…..
So a quick catch up…..
My mind is now free from the compulsion to gamble
I am no longer obsessed about winning money
I am doing 4 meets a week, and getting involved with meetings.
Am i cured?
Not bloody likely lol……I said my mind is free im still a CG and will and probably always have urges to gamble
I have split with the missis
Which also freed my mind of the obsession to do what ever it took to save our relationship.
i got my head down worked hard and payed most of my debt off last week
I have a new love intrest, and im feeling a lil scared as she brights up my whole day whenever i talk to her
Butterflys in my stomach and all that **** lol
and one final thing……
I AM HAPPY
Love to you all and an enjoyable recovery, if ur misrable ur doing something wrong "
I was doing it wrong for a few years so dont worry !
Jay x

[jayson]

Hi and thankyou for all your replys x
soooooooo….
My situation is im not at home sleeping on a shop floor at the moment , but their is hope. The missis said i can come home if i get a job.Which i carnt blame her for as ive said for 2 years i’ll get a job and not ended up doing it, she just wants to see proof. I thought it would be easy she told me all i need is a 4 hour contract, as working tax credits would make up the rest, we would be finacially secure and i can continue then to look for a better job without any preasure.
ITS NOT EASY! and now im getting a lil impaceince i want it now scenario.
Gamblingwise all good, we all have different motives on why we gambled, mine was money i love money lol…but since the weekend i have lost the compulsion to have money like i said i feel free, and for me if im not botherd about the money i wont gamble.I still have thoughts of gambling and still a cg but for myself ive took the important part away of why i gambled.
I have given up my buisness which i have had for 15 years, last year i earnt 30k but whats the point? I never saw any of it nor did the partner(only bits) i may as well be in employment earning 12k a year into the missis bank and see the benifits like holidays,days out,cinema ect.
I carnt be trusted with money so by not having it i have no stress of having more if that makes sence.
Ideally i want a p/t job and go back to college and learn something , im 37 so got roughly 35 years work in me so its not to late to get a career. Maybe Janey will employ me as a tea maker !
Got another GA meet tonight 3rd one this week,putting effort into things with the hope the saying "Do the right things and the right things will happen" will actually happen !
If i had given up i would have carried on with my job, prob. fount another woman and done the same thing over again and in another 5 years be excatly where i am now….AGAIN !
"IF NOTHING CHANGES NOTHING CHANGES"
Well ive rambled on enough now.
New me, Nwe life, New start x

[jayson]

Sooooo, Been working away a bit, not been to many groups. So when i enter a group, heres an idea, how about the ********** listen and reply, rather than listen and make their own theory up and telling me this is what happened !, Im sorry but what ever you have done in ur lifes is in no way the same of what is happening in mine ( to charles) and no matter what degree or diplomas u may have will never get one for everyday life and reality (to cathie). So the next time i enter chat try not saying “Why are you here” sometimes i dont need any other reason than maybe to help any1 in the room or to listen to others…And accept that answer rather than making up own theries…And when i say i walked outa a pub and into a arcade i wasnt having urges or thoughts i just did it outa bordem accept that answer, dont think im being clever with my words, accept what i say happened to me and not twist it to what happens to others..THEIR NOT ME !
And on that note as some may say i twist words and try to be clever…NO i say it how it is ….SIMPLES and some ppl dont like or can handle that…..(Exception of cate the age give away’er lol ***)
And thats about it for now……On a plus im off to see my daughter on saturday in devon, so looking forward to that then im dissaperaing for a week whilst i work down there.
So thats that ,This is me and if u dont like it in the nicest possible way……do one ! 😛
*********

[jayson]

Hi Matt, and thankyou for sharing,
Finally had enough, my own thought on this are based around 2 words "want" and "desire". To want to stop in my view tends to revolve around stopping for someone else, maybe an ultimation from a partner or family members, like myself. I was going to GA for them, it wasnt till i went for myself things got better, not perfect, but progress.
When we have the "Desire" to stop we will do anything on all acounts to suceed, that for me is the "I’ve had enough" stage.
I wish you all the best in your new venture in your degree and wish you every success,Keep posting here and keep us all updated how its going……..and ive noticed recently you can put pictures on the forum posts, so hey WHEN you get your degree i think an appropriate picture would be yourself throwing your hat up in the air !! (If they still do that lol )
Take care for now,
JayJay x
 To think is a thought, To do is an action.

[jayson]

Hi Carolyn, and welcome to GT…
The “IF” word is often used by a CG when we 1st start recovery, gawd knows i used it many ***** myself, IF only i did this, IF only i did that ect ect….Replace the IF word with NOW…..NOW you have come here you want to seek help for this addiction, and change your life, the past sadly has gone and no1 can change this, but the future is yours to make.
TC speak soon
JayJay x
To think is a thought, To do is an action.

[jayson]

Hi bruce1234,
I once phoned a stranger to place a bet, ironicly i wasnt so eager to phone a stranger to stop me from placing a bet !
You never said where and how you gambled, but im sure you have heard this before, their are barriers that can aid the course of recovery, if you carnt bet at your normal haunts, gives you that bit of thinking time, clear your head a little, let the madness of the addiction calm down enough so you urself can challenge it on why im not going to give in.
Many people in the grasp of this addiction, often refuse to see help and expect a simple cure, WHY? well whilst gambleing we were kings/queens of our own make beleive world, we could do anything and more on our own without help. We tend to isolate ourselfs from the real world a trate that continues into recovery in the sence of i can do this alone.Gawd knows many ***** i said i can do this, mainly because i didnt want to admit i had a problem to anyone, let alone a stranger.
You have an addiction and without help , it will only get worse, how worse well that depends on each individual.Many ***** ive often thought why didnt i do this 20 years ago, the answer is quite simple i wasnt ready to.Often think i didnt because i thought i could beat it, i could win big then stop……sadley this never happened.
You need to ask urself are you prepared to do anything to stop gambleing, has the addiction got so bad, has ur desire to stop turned into desperation?
Then you may go after some thought and seek the help you need and deserve, dont be like me and others and think i could have done this 10 years ago.
And the beauty of our recovery is that its our own,you may choose GA you may choose 1-1 counciling, or coming to on-line sites, even residetial treatment, BUT the choice must start with you.
Being here you have made a choice to seek help, your path now is one of ur own destinay….Choose wisley.
Sorry to ramble on
Wish you well in your recovery and hope to hear from u soon in otherwords keep coming back !
JAYSONxTo think is a thought, To do is an action.

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