[JayKay82]

Hi Johnny. Hope you are doing better. You have to trust yourself to beat placing that first bet. I know I. My heart I cannot gamble again because I am a compulsive gambler. No matter how rationale I think. The longer you stay away the easier it is to stay away.

[JayKay82]

Hi Ray. I have had similar types of experiences to you. However my frailties lie in online gambling. I have no problem walking past betting shops with no urgency to go in. I have gambling debts, but have never missed a bill payment or rent. I am thankfull that I never put myself in that sort of situation. You need to remember how it feels when u gamble and how disgusted you will be with urself. Not placing that first bet is the key. The longer you stay away the easier it will get. Wishing u all the best on your journey.

[JayKay82]

Week 2 done, no gambling and no evil thoughts. I’m Done …..

[JayKay82]

Hard to fathom how, when we work so hard to earn enough money to just get by, we throw it away needlessly and without a thought. Unbelievable.

in on 2 weeks gamble free now. Which really annoys me because If it wasn’t for a slip on week 1 I would have been on week 3. Anyway no more gambling, I’m done.

[JayKay82]

Thought for the day. Some times every one of of us fighting this addiction forget that we are actually good people. We get so consumed with hating ourselves for our actions that we, and possibly others forget that. I think it is important to accept you have made mistakes, but also in an effort to move on accept that you don’t need to hate urself. I think it’s important in an effort to break the cycle. No gambling all week. Things are looking good.

[JayKay82]

Closing in on week 2 nearly gamble free. 1 “slip” last week but i dont think much about gambling more recently. This morning i woke up before my fiance, had a friend staying with us and i had to let him out before my phone alarm went off. I went to shave and took the phone into the bathroom so i could turn off my alarm so as not to wake her.

She thought i was gambling again, which i wasn’t, no reason to lie here. Trust is hard won and easily lost. Every gambling advertisement, every friend who tells me about his bets, every story you read about gambling addictions in the media , all reminds her of the person i am now, how will she ever trust me going forward ? I don’t know. Too many questions, no quick fix solutions, but at least for now i am not gambling . First step is to come clean about my relapse.

[JayKay82]

Mondays are always busy. Pressure is on and it helps to take my mind away from thoughts of gambling, which to be fair I haven’t really thought about at all in the last few days.

I think it is when we think we have it sorted and are safe from it that we are at our most vulnerable. I don’t want to be that person that looses everything including self respect. There are too many good things in my life to be flippant about them and or recovery.

All I can do is stay on course and and focus on what matters.

[JayKay82]

Hi Vera,

Very kind of you to read and reply to my thread. The truth is that once i placed that bet i wanted to loose straight away so that i could close that account. Which is what happened. In a strange way i am developing more clarity in my thoughts. Just a week ago i was feeling sick to my core with myself and my situation. I have put a few actions in place to tackle my debts and again i am going to be positive.

I do admit i am a compulsive gambler, i do know i can never place that first bet again. I know i cannot do it on my own, i need to confide in my Fiance, i need her to help me.

She does know i have the debt and a serious gambling problem, she just doesn’t know i have re-lapsed. I will tell her i have re-lapsed after xmas, but i wont ruin the next 6 weeks of her xmas because of my mistakes.

As you say, i am the one who is responsible for my addiction not anyone else, but i am trying and willing to get.

Again VERA, most kind of you to reply, thanks.

[JayKay82]

I placed a bet yesterday. Not proud of myself. Start fresh again today. I toyed with the idea of lying about it on my thread, but that just keeps me in denial. I had went nearly a full week without gambling and to be honest its not good enough.

So as of today 23 November 2016 i am going to start setting weekly goals for myself to achieve gamble free weeks. The hard part is dealing with the debt on my credit card, it feels like i am continuously paying for my issues and i wont be free until they are gone. The reality is that gambling isnt going to sort it, only make it worse.

I have read stories recently of people with gambling addictions who have sold cars or taken out loans of tens of thousands to fuel the addiction. I feel quite lucky to never have had that mindset.

I feel mostly ashamed of myself for betraying my Fiance, while i have little or no regard for my own well-being, i dont want her to have to carry my burdens. We have been together a long time, i know at this stage if i go back to her for help, initially she will be so angry with me and then she will worry herself stupid. I cant do that to her again. The new plan involves clearing my debts and then maybe i can talk to her. It comes back to me being able to trust myself as much as anything.

[JayKay82]

Thanks Vera,

A little support and feedback on my tread goes a long way and thanks for that.

As per your advice I didn’t turn my thoughts to actions, and I very much doubt I will for the rest of the week or further on for that matter. For now I am not keeping a track of how long I am gamble free, because I want to have the mindset that I will move on with my life now in a gamble free environment and there is no limit on that, that might sound a bit odd but it makes sense in my head …. I a wierd sort of way my relapse has healed me to understand that I can’t control gambling and I shouldn’t be doing. Hard lesson. Well learnt.

I have been quite angry with myself and in time I know that will pass but for now I will take the positive steps and visit the site every day and keep posting.

And again it’s nice to know someone is listening. Thanks again

[JayKay82]

Thanks Vera,

A little support and feedback on my tread goes a long way and thanks for that.

As per your advice I didn’t turn my thoughts to actions, and I very much doubt I will for the rest of the week or further on for that matter. For now I am not keeping a track of how long I am gamble free, because I want to have the mindset that I will move on with my life now in a gamble free environment and there is no limit on that, that might sound a bit odd but it makes sense in my head …. I a wierd sort of way my relapse has healed me to understand that I can’t control gambling and I shouldn’t be doing. Hard lesson. Well learnt.

I have been quite angry with myself and in time I know that will pass but for now I will take the positive steps and visit the site every day and keep posting.

And again it’s nice to know someone is listening. Thanks again

[JayKay82]

So here’s how it worked for me this morning. Quit last Wednesday. Left enough money Inews my account to get myself through the weekend. Lucky I suppose I stopped in time. This morning very busy at work and still have this crazy voice in the back of my head saying. Sure what’s the worst a small bet can do. It’s unbelievable really given I had gambled only 5 days ago to the point that I felt sick, ashamed, hopeless and disgusted with myself. And here I am with these thoughts in my head saying. Ah sure what’s the harm. In reality lots of harm. Two fingers to the voice in my head, today I will not gamble !

[JayKay82]

Been visiting this site every day since i joined 2 days ago. Iv read some good stories and some bad. I have all the same thoughts and emotions as everyone here looking for help. Such a crazy addiction, some times i think i am reading fiction and that the tragic events of peoples lives cannot be real, then i pause and think on different levels i am just the same. I read all these stories of relapses thinking, you know what i am stronger, i am able to do this, im different, and yet in the back of my mind at certain stages in the day i think sure what would it hurt just one last time to put another bet on.

Insanity, madness, and im not going to put myself through it again. I read a post today from someone who has been gamble free for nearly 4 years, is enjoying life and does not let it define life. I will get there and there is no room here for a relapse. I would like to post an inspiring last message in a few years (relapse free) and give someone else the same hope and inspiration.

[JayKay82]

Hi Charles.
Thanks for your message. The last time I stopped I did have help. Partly though because I had been found out and I did go and talk to someone in dependant. This time I am the only one that knows and have decided to get help. I will see where it takes me, initially it has been good and I feel helpful. Now instead of checking scores and assessing betting option I come here and read other people’s posts and think about my own failures and problems. That in itself to me is a change for the good. For me now, I need to control myself for a little bit without help or else I will never trust myself and that is something I can’t live with for the rest of my life.

[JayKay82]

Hi Mathew,

I sympathise and understand where you are coming from. My girlfriend found my credit card statements showing over 8k of debt totally attributed to gambling last year. I had previously told her that i would stop and i wasn’t addicted, l don’t know if i was lying to myself or her. Anyway i did stop for seven or eight months until i relapsed recently and thought i could control it, evidently not…

Sometimes we truly believe we can stop, even though we know we have no control over why we are doing this.I have re-lapsed this week and closed my account permanently….. again.

You need to close all your online accounts and can never gamble again, you would be lying to yourself, as i have done, if you think you can control this terrible addiction without help and support.

Sort out your gambling problems and the trust will return, sometimes we have to hit the bottom before we can come back up.

Hoping this helps.

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