[jansdad]

Well, not sure I’d qualify it as gambling if not for money.
Also is the definition of ‘gambling for gc’ different than gambling for a non-gc?

Also what is “skill” and how is it different than skill?

Further ‘where the outcome is uncertain or depends on chance’ ?

All uncertain outcomes depend on chance to some degree. Unless you’re deterministic (which I am), but that’s a completely different subject.

They didn’t really thought this through. I wonder why would anyone come with such an arbitrary definition and present it as unquestionable.

Couldn’t they just say something like “gambling is any wager/betting for money where the outcome is uncertain and the odds are unfavorable for the bettor”

[jansdad]

Well, not sure I’d qualify it as gambling if not for money.
Also is the definition of ‘gambling for gc’ different than gambling for a non-gc?

Also what is “skill” and how is it different than skill?

Further ‘where the outcome is uncertain or depends on chance’ ?

All uncertain outcomes depend on chance to some degree. Unless you’re deterministic (which I am), but that’s a completely different subject.

They didn’t really thought this through. I wonder why would anyone come with such an arbitrary definition and present it as unquestionable.

Couldn’t they just say something like “gambling is any wager/betting for money where the outcome is uncertain and the odds are unfavorable for the bettor”

[jansdad]

Day #38
This evening a gambling thought did cross my mind. Not saying that there was a big chance of me acting on it, but I did think about it and for a couple of seconds how I could actually win if I only played my A game at poker. Of course I know I’m not able to play my A game and even if I did I probably couldn’t even break even. But I thought ‘what if’.
So I came here, read some posts and the crazy thought is gone.

It amazes me that after everything I went through a thought like that could still enter my mind and have me consider it.
Well, it actually doesn’t amaze me, the fact that gambling is such a huge problem for so many people goes to show me that it is an extremely tricky addiction. It’s like dealing with an extremely sly, tricky and manipulative person. Really scary sometimes.

[jansdad]

Hello The.End and welcome to the forum. I went to bed too many times totally exhausted and disillusioned after losing big, losing huge, wishing I could sleep for a long, long time or wishing I could shrink, shrink to the size of a sand grain; must be possible I reasoned, we’re empty space for the most part, we just don’t have the technology yet. And then, shrunk I would hide and let the time pass until I forgive myself and more importantly until my gambling-caused problems are gone.
So I would crawl under my blankets, cover myself completely and wish that I could hide and that no one would find me or miss me. But the morning would come too soon, the unforgiving reality would enter the day and the magnitude of the despair I found myself in, once again, would dawn on me.

I haven’t gambled in 37 days now. My advise, for what it’s worth, is you need to trick (or reprogram) you brain into not gambling. Get a different perspective on the whole thing.

I wish you luck in fighting your demons.

[jansdad]

Yeah, it was weird yesterday. Normally gambling related thoughts cross my mind quite often, either causing nausea or nostalgia, but yesterday i didn’t think about gambling or gambling related things at all, until I went to bed. Shocking.
Day #37 today.

[jansdad]

Day #36 today. The first time that I didn’t think about gambling at all, the whole day. Didn’t even cross my mind.
Never thought it would be possible.

[jansdad]

Day #35 today. My intention is to keep the running count till 100 and after that once in a while 🙂
Long way from home.

[jansdad]

Hello Wishbone. Kudos on being clean for over 3 weeks and waiting to post before you had a couple of weeks behind you. You’re more likely to be on the right track now than you would have been if you came here in despair the day you gambled and announced you’re done gambling (like I and many others have done in the past only to soon fail bitterly).

As for your suicide plans, I don’t feel competent to comment, but they do say that people who just barely avoided accident or had near death experience get a completely new perspective on life. So, here’s to your new gamble free start and life.

[jansdad]

Thanks for the nice words kpat. On day #34 today.

Wanted to mentions that I really enjoy support groups so far. How ironic (or maybe not so), I’ve always enjoyed the company of gamblers and now I’m enjoying the company of ex-gamblers 🙂

[jansdad]

Thanks vera, p and geordie. Most of the money I lost last 3-4 months came from stashes my wife didn’t know about. Some of it came from our saving account in her name and I said it is going to an investment. I should be able to make up for that money (from her saving account) fairly soon.

My wife doesn’t really speak english and she doesn’t snoop around, so it’s very unlikely she would find this forum and read my posts.

Telling her about it would in no way make me less likely to gamble again. It would cause aggravation and disappointed on her end along with uncertainty, distrusfullness and possibly outright anger.

It’s like having an affair that ended. Would she want to know about it? NO, she wouldn’t and she told me once so, in so many words. Would I want to know if she had an affair (that ended) that I didn’t suspect or knew anything about? I wouldn’t.

I’m not sure that this is the best analogy, but that’s what I got for ya’ll at the moment 🙂

If I start gambling again I will probably have no choice but to tell her, but at the moment there’s no reason to tell her. On contrary, there’s plenty of reasons not to.

I will try to make it to the group tonight, home to see you guys there.

Day #33 today.

[jansdad]

Hey John. There are many things which are universal for all CG’s and then there’s a few things where everyone’s situation is different, specific in its own way.

Telling my wife would not accomplish anything at this point. It’s not like I would be less likely to start gambling if my wife knew how badly I lost last few months. You’re a problem gambler, you know that. Other peoples pleading and begging doesn’t really cure gambling addiction.
The solution (for me at least) is in my brain. I need to trick it into not gambling, just like the addiction has been tricking it into gambling all these decades. No amount of other people’s begging or cursing will do that for me. I have to reprogram my brain, i think that’s the only long term solution for me. Good starting point, I think, is understanding why I gamble, how I’m tricked into it by an illusion that it gives something positive to me. That book by Allen Carr does a pretty good job explaining that.
I don’t need gambling. I need to understand that on all levels. i don’t need it. My wife can’t help there, I need to do it on my own.

Day #32 today.

[jansdad]

Thanks geordie and p.

Yes, geordie, life can be good or not so good, but one thing is sure – gambling will always make it worse. I need to keep repeating that to myself. On bad days I used to gamble more, to try and escape or at least postpone any problems or difficulties I might have been facing. Dumb and unintuitive thing to do in hindsight.

and you’re right p, about ongoing support. i’m almost positive i would have gone back to gambling had it not been for this forum. i’m actually surprised i’ve come this far. on at least 5 different occasions I was ready to give in, it’s a minor miracle i didn’t. instead i would come here and read or post.

I told my wife about this forum today. I didn’t connect it to my huge recent losses (oct-dec), neither did I mention the losses. The poor woman has no idea how close we could be to being homeless. Or probably not homeless, but how radically and how rapidly our life would change if I went on gambling.
She thinks this forum is just an intellectual exercise for me, and I don’t have the heart to tell her that this could possibly be my last, our last straw.

It scares me that I had to borrow money to pay bills. I haven’t done that in 20 years. I already paid the money back plus the vig, but it’s not the point. I was on my way to sinking far lower.

I don’t need gambling. That’s right geordie.

[jansdad]

Day #31. Life is good without gambling. If I could only rest assured I won’t go back to it.

[jansdad]

Thanks Mred & Geordie. I can’t get rid off my computers and internet as it is my livelihood. Besides, I really think the long term solution (for me at least) is to not gamble because i don’t have desire to as opposed to because I make it physically impossible.

About my wife, she knows I gamble(d). She just doesn’t know how bad it got last couple of months and the amount of money I lost. Telling her will not make anything better. If I start gambling again i will have no choice but to tell her. But right now, if i manage to stay gamble-free there’s no reason to tell her and upset her. And upset her I would, if I told her .

One thing I did realize after talking to Charles last Thursday, and you guys are right about this, I will need ongoing support. I’m sure there are people who stop gambling and live gamble-free, but I’ve been in it way too long and will need support for a very long time i think. I think this forum is the only reason I haven’t given in.

[jansdad]

Thanks John. Not being able to leave a loser was something that I was aware of very, very early in my gambling career. And I knew at some level that it is not good, that it is a problem, even when I was a kid.
It proved to be a major problem when I started playing poker. Although I was able to win in the long run (most other player were extremely bad), I was not able to go home when I was down. I would play until I broke even for the day or lost everything I had on me.
That is also the most important reason I was not able to make it as a professional gambler. I am too much of a gambler, there’s too much compulsiveness in me and it has been progressing over the years.

I’m on my day #30 now and I’m everything but certain that I will not start gambling again. I don’t have urges and I’m feeling great, but I know all too well that gambling has its cunning ways to sneak back into our minds and trigger small seemingly innocent actions which would soon unleash hell.

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