[jansdad]

Just to check in. Day #57 today. Been busy last two days, so not a lot of gambling-related thoughts…
Will try and make it to the group tomorrow.

[jansdad]

Sure, see you shortly Charles. And thanks

[jansdad]

There’s a good chance that at 21 you haven’t made any irreparable damage to your brain as most of us have and that the addiction didn’t get through to your bones.
But don’t take it lightly. They’ve built billion dollar casinos with money from people who, just like you, thought they would never gamble again.

[jansdad]

True, vera, nightmares happen during our wakening hours…

I’m trying to log into support group, there should be one available right now, but I don’t get the option to open it (that green little button…)

[jansdad]

I had a bad dream last night. I never dream about gambling (other than on nights following heavy losses), but last night I dreamt that I posted here that I had lost $10K. I don’t remember dreaming the actual gambling, but I do remember very vividly posting here and telling a friend about losing $10K. It was so bad that I woke up and it took me a while to realize that it didn’t really happen, that it was only a dream.

And I know it could really happen if I started gambling again. Losing $10K in matter of days is within the realms of possibility for me. 🙁

Day #55 today

[jansdad]

Hey geordie, always good to read your posts. Yes, I was thinking about it myself yesterday – I have urges and therefore I’m doing something wrong.

Not sure what it is. I guess I just have to be coming here more often. Whenever I’m doing fine I tend to skip support groups and don’t come here as often. Obviously a mistake.
Day #54 today.
Also, reading about people who haven’t gambled for 14 months and then flipped doesn’t really help. Seems, we just have to be on the lookout as long as we live. Not a very comforting thought. But hey, it is what it is. We brought this down on ourselves.

[jansdad]

#53 today. Today was a slow day, I had a time to kill and I thought about gambling. The only reason I didn’t gamble, I think, is that I know how hard it was not to gamble 53 days and this running count means something to me. Starting all over would be a drag and most likely I could not make it.
But I did consider gambling only half an hour ago. But luckily came here instead.

[jansdad]

Day #51 today. I’m in Ukraine now for 3 weeks. I hope to stay out of trouble while here. I know I don’t need gambling. But we’ll see.

[jansdad]

Thanks vera. Day #50 today. Today was much better than the last 2 days. Almost no urges, so that’s good.

[jansdad]

Hey C_Noel, sorry to hear of your predicament.
Your post is a cold reminder that we’ll never be 100% safe. And it worries me to know that the beast is always lurking somewhere in the shadows of our unconscious mind waiting to strike again.

I would recommend a book to you: The Easy Way to Stop Gambling by Allan Carr. I found A LOT of good stuff in that book.

[jansdad]

Thanks vera and kpat. Day #49 today. The urges haven’t gone away, but I’m trying to keep busy and not pay too much attention to them.
You’re right kpat, even if I won it wouldn’t be worth it, I know it and I’ve been telling myself that. And no, i don’t want to live through day one again. i know what it took to get to day #49 and how many times I just barely made it.

I’m not even sure I could do it again. So what i’ve got (even though it’s only been 7 weeks) is way too precious for me to give up for a temporary thrill.

But it is scary, that just when I started thinking I’m getting the hang of it, the urges returned and I feel somewhat insecure.

[jansdad]

There’s no such thing as the essential “I”. We are our names, our jobs, our looks, our social status and so many other things. And everything we’ve been through since the day we were born contributed to us being the persons we are today. And 10 years from now we will be different persons; we constantly change. These changes are usually not unpredictable and usually not sudden, but are rather smooth and logical.

I’m just writing all this so I wouldn’t go gamble. Don’t listen to me.

[jansdad]

Been having serious urges today. Just when i thought I had it down so cool, they came back with a vengeance.
I had a couple of really good weeks prior to this – no urges, didn’t even think about gambling too much. Don’t know if I got too complacent and thought I’m off the hook. How very foolish.

I’m trying to rationalize, I know a 100 or 200 euros online won’t kill me even if I lose, but I’m asking myself why, why, why? I don’t need gambling. And I know all too well it will not be just this one time. It will NEVER be just this one time.
And even if I won, will a couple of hundreds or even thousands change something radically in my life? No, it won’t. So I got nothing to gain and everything to lose.

What a nasty addiction this is.

[jansdad]

Day #48. Today has been shaky at best. I’ve had urges for the last couple of hours. I was doing real good for a couple of weeks and now all of a sudden they’re back. Scary.
Reminder that i’m not cured and that I probably will never be. All i can do is contain it and never get complacent.

[jansdad]

There’s nothing bigger than the little things. And those little things, little joys is what gambling took away from us. I remember not being able to enjoy a movie or a conversation with my wife or a friend. i would start fidgeting and I just had to get back to my online poker table as soon as i could.

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