[jansdad]

Day #29. I wish you all a gamble free week.

[jansdad]

Hey Jay. What a terrible story, I must say. I’m a 100% atheist , I don’t believe in god and all that, but whatever works for you is fine.

Where I think you’re making a mistake (and I’m not the one to judge – I’m aware of that) is that your goal is to have your old life back. I think you need to reassess that. Everyone telling you that you can and will have your old life back is talking out of their asses. Their intentions are good, but they’re not helping.
It is highly unlikely that you will have your old life back. What you can have instead is new, different life with new set of values. You need to find a new meaning in life. If it used to be success, recognition and money, now you need to find something else, something that will be equally fulfilling but more realistic. Grow plants/flowers, do some charity work, find the way back to your kids and spend quality time with them, teach them things they are unlikely to learn elsewhere, go fishing, go running, whatever, but don’t play the stupid lottery.
There are worse things than living on handouts in your sister’s condo. Reassess your goals and expectations. Why throwing money away on lottery? Is the hope of 1 in 20 million really worth the money?
Not sure how well you know different games and their payouts (I happen to know them very well). Black Jack pays 99% if you play Basic Strategy, Roulette pays out about 97%, most slots between 90-95%, bingo about 70%, lottery about 40%. And then they hit you with the tax when you finally win something – another 30%. So you’re basically looking at 28 cents on the dollar. Every time you spend $100 on lottery you might as well flush $72 down the toilette.

You need to get out there and start doing things instead of being on your knees praying or being in a fetus position on the floor all day long. You still can have a good life. Only it will be very different. Your family and you are healthy, that’s what’s really important. Everything else is secondary.

[jansdad]

Thanks sad68. I’ve gone months without gambling before, but this is the first time that I do that on my own. In the past I would make bet with a friend where he gives me 1 euro not to gamble and if I do gamble I have to give him 20K.
It worked for a while like a charm, but in the mean time I started nagging him to give me a break and he agreed but asked me not to ask him for that deal any more.

So, yes, 28 days on my own is pretty good and I feel pretty good about it. One thing I realized while chatting at the support group, and I never really considered it before; Charles did a really good job explaining it – I need continuous support. I now realize I can never say “ok, i’m cured, i never need to look back and I can go on with my life like I never gambled”.
I’m sure there are people out there who are able to do so, but I think they probably haven’t been problem gamblers for decades like myself.

So yes, coming here helps me and reading posts is a constant reminder of what will happen should I go my old ways.

And I’m in no way out of danger. 28 days in grand scheme of things is very little. It is just a prerequisite in order to even start considering a therapy – it is just a beginning.

We’ll see. As I said before I’m very wary.

[jansdad]

Yes, I will be joining groups again, so I’ll definitely see you there geordie and you too p.

One question on that list drew attention more than other questions:

“Did you often gamble until your last dollar was gone? ”

I mean, really??? What kind of question is that? Did I often? How about did I ever not gamble till my last dollar was gone?

I’ve been gambling for almost 3 decades and never, never was I able to leave a loser. I would either win and go home or gamble till I lost everything I had on me. Even during the years when I was actually winning at poker. I would either win for the day or play (and often step up if necessary) till I was even or more likely (and more often) lost everything I had online.
My bankroll management was the worst even when I was a winning player.

I mean have any of you been able to go to a casino with let’s say $300 in your pocket, lose $100 and happily go home?

I could never do that. And I mean NEVER. I remember one time in Amsterdam some 20 years ago I had a really good run and won 2K which was a tremendous amount of money for me back then. I had to meet a friend next day at 4pm and I had 2 hours to kill so I went to the casino again. Needless to say I had all the money I had previously won on me. I decided to take it easy and bet small amounts so I wouldn’t lose it all. Around 3.30pm I was down 40. I played a few more hands of BJ betting 10 a hand and by 3.45 I was still down 40.
It was time to go. But instead of cutting my losses (which were only 40) I decided to chase them. I bet 40 and I lost. Now I was down 80. I bet 80 and had 77 vs 5, so I split and then had to double down on one of the hands. Ended up with two stiff hands and the dealer made her hands. Now I was down 320 for the day and I thus bet 320. I had 20 vs dealers 8 and some idiot on the last box passes on 14 (notice how I blame others for my own stupidity). The dealer drew 3 and a 9 and we push. I could have been even right then and there, had it not been for the idiot on the last box.
I bet 320 again I lose. then I bet 500 which is the table maximum and lose again. Then I just gamble away the rest and go to meet my friend just in time.

So I lost 40 chasing 2000. Had I won 40 or even 100 less the previous day it would have mattered. But on the new day I just couldn’t take a loss no matter how small.

And these people are asking me did I OFTEN gamble till my last dollar was gone?

Come on. How about ALWAYS, without EVER failing.

Day #28 today

[jansdad]

Day #27 today. Took part in one of the Support Groups yesterday. Was pretty good, they reinforce what i already knew but tend to forget so often – gambling leads to utmost misery.

Would recommend the Support Groups to all you new members here.

Also took the test at http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/content/20-questions

Did VERY WELL 18/20 😀

They do make it way too easy to qualify though, you only need 7/20

[jansdad]

OK, I will try and look for you after 8pm UK time tonight.
Regards.

[jansdad]

Hey Gordie. you mentioned you’d be online today. I’m not sure how real-time support groups work. I’m online now, text me if you’re around.

On day #26 today.

[jansdad]

Thanks Canuck. Day #25 today. Keeping myself busy, I’m well aware one lapse can take it all away from me.

[jansdad]

Day #24 today. Still a long way from home, I know.

[jansdad]

You have to find out what works for you – how to trick your brain. If you’re fighting your cravings you’re doing it wrong.

[jansdad]

Why do you want to gamble? Last time I was craving (which wasn’t too long ago) I asked myself that question. At that time I was able to get only $200 online and with that amount it would be highly unlikely that I would win back thousands that I had lost in preceding weeks.
And you know what my answer to myself was? It was: I know I cannot win that money back, i know I will just lose the $200, but it will be worth it, I just want to gamble. Very scary, eh?
I wanted to gamble just for the sake of it. Even if it was going to cost me $200 for 10-20 minutes of gambling. It wasn’t about money, money was secondary, maybe even tertiary. I just wanted to lose the money for the sake of it.
I didn’t give in after realizing why I wanted to gamble. I came here and read posts and posted my own.

Why do you want to gamble? You know it’s highly unlikely that you will win the 20K back. You will lose more instead. Why do you want to gamble?

[jansdad]

Hey again hintline. Killingit is right, refrain from big words like “I WILL NEVER GAMBLE AGAIN” etc. They mean nothing. It’s like saying “I will never catch the flu again”.
First of all, you don’t know that, second of all it’s highly unlikely (that you won’t) and third of all, just like with the flu, you don’t have a lot of control over it (in state that you’re now in).

You definitely want to read that book by Allen Carr, “The Easy Way” and hope that it will work for you.

To quit gambling, you need to “trick” your brain, you need to get different perspective on things. Willpower alone won’t work. And even if you’re extremely strong willed, it would mean a life full of struggles. And as Geordie mentioned in one post it’s not what life is about.

Good luck and make sure you come here often.

[jansdad]

Just checking in, day #23
No urges last couple of days. So far so good.

[jansdad]

Hi hintline and welcome to the forum. Look at it this way: if you’re wife thinks you have 20K in the bank and you have -10 it means you’re “only” 30K in the hole. I mean it’s not “only” of course, but at your age it’s not that big a deal.
I actually want to say it is not big deal IF YOU NEVER GAMBLE AGAIN.
I know this for a fact, if you stop now and never place another bet very soon all these losses and everything you went through will seem as a bad dream. But if you continue, if you chase your losses, if you borrow money to feed your addiction, the chances are you will lose your family, friends and worse.
People here will advise you to tell your wife. I personally think that if you’re sure you won’t gamble again and can plausibly hide the losses from her until you make up for them working, you might even consider sparing her the aggravation.
But you must stop gambling. If you’re not sure you can, then you probably need to tell her immediately. The hell, in that case, will break loose very soon and you owe her to at least prepare her.

Come here often. Read posts and post yourself. It helps.

[jansdad]

What a handsome post Mred321. I wish this forum gave the option to search for all posts by a particular person like many other forums do.

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