[Janel]

He does indeed seem as though he is trying. We do seem more distant, but I think that is probably more me with my guard up. He tries to get close, but I just feel weird about it.

He does tell me what they talked about at both his GA and church meetings. I try to continuously ask him if he feels down or if he’s being triggered and he says no. He maintains that he knows what he has to lose and he’s no longer willing to risk that. He doesn’t get upset when we talk about it or if I get angry and lash out. I think I’m just so scared at the thought of trying all of this once again only for it to turn out to be a failure!

So. many times I’ve gotten my hopes up high and had positive thoughts only to be let down time and time again!

I have talked to my sister, but we really hadn’t talked about it much since it happened. I don’t really feel I have anyone I can confide in who really be understanding and helpful.

I hope so as well!

Thank you so much!

[Janel]

Thank you Tania! I definitely have my guard up, which I absolutely hate! We are just taking it one day at a time.

Velvet, we are working on it. He is going to the meetings and getting back active in church. He still continues to give me receipts for what he spends and I have the only account.

I don’t know what to believe anymore! I feel so lost and like I don’t know who I am anymore! I hate constantly having my walls up! I lost my 19.5 year old Poodle on Tuesday and that just added to everything! I feel so down on life right now!

I want to be this optimistic person that says everything is going to be great, because I know words are powerful, but I feel like I just don’t have anything left!

I feel like so many things have happened and I keep being strong, being strong, being strong and I’m just tired! I don’t know what to do!

[Janel]

Thank you worriedmama! Thank you for your advice! I am definitely doing my best to work on me and get help for myself so that I can be the best mom I can be for my daughter. It is certainly not easy and each day is so different. I know that we have a very ‘long row to hoe’ as my mom would say. I can already tell that this site is going to help me tremendously and that it will be a continual part of my life. Thank you so much!

[Janel]

Thank you so much Velvet! This advice helps me tremendously! I won’t be able to join the chat because we’re going to have a meeting with his mother. We did have a really good in depth conversation last night. He told me that he’s done because he can’t handle the consequences of what he will lose(his family and possibly his life). He said that he knows where his focus has to be and what his triggers are. So I know that only time will tell.

[Janel]

Thank you so much Velvet! I will plan to join the group tomorrow.

He told me that he was sorry and said that he hoped that one day I could forgive him. He said that he knows that words don’t mean anything and that he has to show me. He wrote me a letter and created a vision board on what his plans are for the future. He says that he is changing his focus. He will be attending two meetings per week, going to brotherhood at church on Monday’s and getting more involved with his business.

He’s been working everyday. He is at church now. He gives me receipts to what he purchases and let’s me know where he is. He says he knows or will take time to gain trust , but is willing to put in the work. He says he wants his family.

I’m also confused on how to treat him. I feel if like I’m cold-hearted there’s more distance and hurt, but then I’m protecting myself. If I talk to him and I’m nice I feel like he’s going to take advantage of me.

[Janel]

There is a Gam-Anon group I can attend and I will look into attending the meetings for that as well. Thank you for the support! I really need all that I can get right now!

[Janel]

I definitely plan to stick with this forum. As I feel it is the only place of understanding I really have at this time. Thank you for responding and I look forward to more input from you.

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