[Jacquespaul]

Thanks Monicau and all who have posted on my ongoing situation.
I feel numb by it all in honesty.
.

[Jacquespaul]

Well I’m in the hospital as ‘ informal patient ‘ – they give me my meds for depression and that’s about it really. No therapy no councelling no nothing. They check im ok every 15 minutes (suicide watch i gather) although don’t feel like suicide at all. I have not a clue how I am going to get out of this. 30k debt and job about to go as well, flat I’m renting has 11 months on the lease and 2 big loans and 1 credit card to pay as well. Gee

[Jacquespaul]

I am in hospital but now what do i do.
I have debt aquired very recently of £30000.
Through 2 loans and 1 credit card. I will no doubt lose my job after all of this going on and I still have 10 months left on the flat I am renting through an estate agent. My car is on its last legs as well (mot and car insurance due then). Partner supportive but this is too far even for him to comprehend my reckless gambling (which I have failed to stop). Where does the light at the end of the tunnel appear. I don’t know what to do.

[Jacquespaul]

Hello,

From Someone who had it all then lost it all and awaiting to be taken to hospital because of suicidal tendencies.

Think now. What if I am 20k or 30k or 50k down, which could happen. Then you would wish that you had hot out at just 10k losses.

I know from experience. Please read my journal and please don’t go down the same route.

Stop now please

[Jacquespaul]

I look back at my first post and wish I had took advice from the people that posted after I posted. Wish I was at that point again. Now with massive debt and suicidal feelings and family let down it’s been an absolute disastrous 3 months journey.

Take heed please all of you and stop right now before it becomes unrecoverable.

[Jacquespaul]

Being admitted to phyc ward in reading in 1/2 hour. Told the crisis team + doctor (phycologost) everything and they say I have acute depression amongst other things.. .
O well. Didn’t help with going to my works big building and nearly jumping off of it.

[Jacquespaul]

Well another attempt today. At my works big building. Just sat on the edge for like 10 minutes then got up and walked down.
Terrible terrible sitution.
Police did come to the scene but I had gone by then.

[Jacquespaul]

I get down because of the situations and then have bad thoughts and then recklessly gamble then put the bad thoughts into practise and fail.

This time it’s even worse and is now bad situations.

Gee, I wish I could turn the clock back 6 weeks. Such a massive fall in such a short time and now it’s terrible.

[Jacquespaul]

Will trip to psychiatrist and the like today. Told them every detail. All still numb.
What do I do if I cannot look after myself and have come to a full stop basically?

[Jacquespaul]

Crisis team today.
Psychiatrist Tomorrow.
Doctors next day.
Signed off work 2 weeks Wednesday.

[Jacquespaul]

Sorry all for my bad posts over the last couple of weeks. I clearly am not myself.

[Jacquespaul]

Thankyou for all your advice. I so so so wish I had taken the advice 2 months ago but I didn’t it for some reason couldn’t. I am very restless now. My mind is numb from it all. Affecting everyone because my actions dies not sir easily with me at all. I cannot recover but others will in time is all I can say. It’s impossible and no one understands which is a shame. I feel for Alan and Sarah the most. I hate myself, depression, anxiety, compulsive gambling and no doubt other stuff which has made me unstable the past few weeks and that includes work. Once again thankyou and sorry. Xx

[Jacquespaul]

Damn it. My mood and emotions are over the place atm. I am not stable at all. It’s a dreadful feeling. I will hang in there a bit longer if I can… All I can say. Dreadfully day at work again.

[Jacquespaul]

I tried and am trying but so much has gone in and I have a messed up life anyway. Even if a little bit was fixable I would go with that and try to build. But partner is coming back from France tomorrow and I cannot face the conversations and the knowing that it won’t be the same again. I know my family want to help and have. But I have let them down and cannot live with the handouts and pity I will get from now on. My daughter has been great and regret everything that has got me to this position. It’s hard and impossible for me to continue the downward spiral. It is not thier fault it is mine and nothing they tried to help me big time. They are not to blame themselves whatsover. I am. And i messed up not only last week but years before that. My family would take a big bursen to continue to support me especially as i will lose my job soon and then what happens. It’s way too complicated to fix, and that’s without trying to fix me. I’m sorry sorry sorry.
I am not myself and depresion coupled with anxiety coupled with compulsive gambling and the way it has unbelievably gone lately is the ultimate killer. So downhill very very quickly.
Thankyou all who have tried to help. And continue please as you might catch others before they fall too low.

[Jacquespaul]

Today I feel terrible again. I look at all aspects of my life and it’s all in ruin. Way to complicated. And want this pain to end. Clearly I am not well atm and cannot see that I will get better ever. My mental state coupled with all other issues that seem impossible in them selves means I do not see a light and definitely no tunnel. I hate myself and I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. I’m in work now for 12 hours and I cannot do my job and it seems like the situation is unrecoverable. O dear..

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