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9 months clean I DID IT! yay! feel relieved like I was holding my breath waiting just to make it another week to get to my 9 months. I miscalculated last week and realised I still had another week to go. The journey has been good, slowly saving and not thinking as much about cg. I realised that my automatic trigger response to gamble to become rich has subsided a lot which is a good sign. Sometimes I feel like I have come so far, other days like its my first day clean and I am holding on tight just to get through the day. Hope I never ever forget what gambling has done to me and more then anything what I allowed it to do.

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Hey Mav,

What an interesting journey it has been for you. I dont normally read other gamblers post only because I don’t get much time to do so. I come on to check in every now and then so everyone knows I am ok. But your story just caught me off guard and I was so compelled by your journey at GMA. I cant believe they turned you away, your still a gambler even if it might be a smaller part of a bigger thing. I like your perspective on it though, being grateful for the experience even though it was short. You have the right attitude and I sense you have a lot of hope and stamina to keep going and to keep fighting.

I am in my 30s and have been giving myself such a hard time lately because I realised the years I wasted gambling. And its felt like I have literally thrown everything out of the window. And I just haven’t been able to see any light in the midst of realising what gambling made me become. But you young man in all your honesty and wisdom put a smile on my face and has brought me the hope I need to move on.

I am very proud of you, keep going, it most certainly can be done. I am a couple days away from being 9 months clean and I am ecstatic. I dont even really think about gambling anymore. But I don’t let that fool me, seeing a counsellor and staying accountable to friends and family, so that we never forget how much the past has affected our present.

Lets continue to dream again together my friend.

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How are you going? I believe in you! this addiction can be done. I barely think of gambling anymore, tomorrow I will be 9 months clean 🙂 so excited. I am making progress in all areas of my life and it is good to begin to see a future again.

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wow 11 months that is INCREDIBLE! I am so so so soooooooooooooooooooooooooo proud of you! What month do you think you were the most excited about, in terms of being clean? Like all other months, its just another day, however, over the moon about month 9 🙂
I want to know all these strange things. Hope your ok sweetheart?

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how are you going? please tell me what is going on with you?

I made it another day, going to make it to another pay week gamble free 🙂

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How time goes by so quickly, sorry that I haven’t touched based, just been really busy. I have a lot going on, its stressing me out a little bit. This week marks 8 months clean, very happy with that result. For some reason I am super excited about making it to the 9 month mark. I am proud of myself and beginning to trust myself more and more. And even becoming more confident in myself and even my perspective of life is improving. I think being clean and getting rid of the negativity it brings is really helping. AS well as the counselling and the continuity of dreaming and still hoping that their is still so much good and joy for me to experience. That nothing is over, everything is just beginning.

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Thanks everyone for your sweet supportive words it really encourages and uplifts me so thank you. Seven unfortunately that isn’t what gave her the doubt. But I can understand where she is coming from but it still makes me sad.

I just spent a few days off visiting my family and it felt so good. Previously in the past when I did visit, always was broke. I would always cg the day before or that actual day and LOSE nearly everything. And would literally hang out at the place I was staying out looking for loose change. So if I had to pay for something they couldn’t tell I had no money. I know how bad is that! how did I ever live like that? I feel so sick thinking about it. And the funny thing is their was change lying around everywhere, the old Izzi would have taken it out of desperation the new me couldn’t care less.
Oh it feels good to be clean.

One day at a time and before I know it ill be at 8 months.

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7 MONTHS! I AM 7 MONTHS CLEAN! this is such a breakthrough! this is the longest amount of time I have been clean in the past 7-8 years. I actually feel brave 🙂 and more than ever I know how much this is but only the beginning of the recovery journey. And I see a future with such hope imagining what life would look like 7 months from now :). Stay strong everyone, one day at a time!

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Harry, as I knew that was where I was going the only thing I had on me was $50 for dinner, but my friend ended up paying instead.

All last week I thought I was going to break, that I was going to backslide! their was no way I would last. I felt like I was going to erupt and the only thing that would set me free was to cg. I reminded myself that everytime something significant or meaningful to me is about to happen I cg. So I racked my brain trying to think what that could be and I remembered I was weeks away from being 7 months clean & from going interstate to see my family. So I told myself hold off to seven months and just wait, you can do this! That helped settle the desire and then on the weekend I saw my sister and she asked me how my recovery was going. And I told her it is good, seeing a counsellor and still clean. She then asked me to elaborate on what that means! I was a bit perplexed cause I thought what I said was self explanatory. And then she said it, how do I know your not gambling? Because I just told you I haven’t and you have access to my bank account. She responds saying I could easily take out a couple of hundred and it wouldn’t look suss at all. She had a point but I assured her. She obviously doesnt know when you start you cant stop. And it pained me to hear her say that, to question me, to have it in her head that she already thought i was guilty. It is exactly what she was implying and she would have been sitting on that for a while. It hurt me that she had no faith on me! I can’t really blame her but it still stings. And it makes me wonder will she ever believe me? She has access to all my finances and she still doubts me! And that was the moment I was glad I did not relapse. Because I do have something to prove, not to me but towards my family. And I don’t know how long its going to take for this mess to be cleaned up but I have a feeling it will be a while.

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Yesterday was my birthday and it was the most tempting day. I went to the casino for dinner with a friend and on my way to the place to eat, I saw some new slot machines and I was like yep once my friend leaves putting in $50 and I am going to gamble, its only $50, its my birthday I could get lucky! then at the restaurant I realised how much pain my cg actions have caused. And it wasn’t worth slipping up, even just for $50 and a bit of fun. All by myself I talked myself out of it 🙂 it was soooooooooo close better keep my guard up.

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hey, today was a bit of a struggle was tempted to cg and at one point I am like Izzi you don’t even have a need to cg, stupid bad habits! Today I made it wahoo and tomorrow is my birthday.

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thank you all for your positive encouragement it has brought a huge smile to my face. I have counselling tomorrow and I know my counsellor will be super excited when I tell her that I made it to six months! I remember so many times leading up to my birthday I would be more determined to be clean and say oh when I turn so and so I will not cg again…..it always backfired. And my birthday is coming up very soon and this time I won’t make myself commit to a promise that will probably cause me to fail. But what I will do is smile knowing I have made it this far and all I have to do is keep going just for today and not have to worry about tomorrow. It takes one day at a time 🙂 you have the strength to walk past the madhouse (like I do sometimes) and keep on walking!

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Hey Harry,

Thank you so much for your encouragement. It has definitely been a wild ride but I truly believe the future is ever so bright. And I can’t wait to look back at this time in my life and see it as nothing more but a passing moment of a few bad choices 🙂

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Hey Buddy,

So good to hear you hanging in their and getting back on the horse. I can imagine how much its eating at you about you did with your grandparents inheritance. What you did was not right, but you do need to forgive yourself that is going to be something that will help you get stronger. I stole over three thousand dollars from my dad by stealing his cheques and fraudulently signing them and I did it more then once. But I was going to pay him back so it was ok (that was my thinking), so I sort of know how you feel.

Continue being brave and courageous. You have your whole life ahead of you to make good decisions. My addiction started when I was 26 and I cant reclaim that time back but I can make the best of what I have now. I truly believe in you and believe that you can come out of this a true winner. Just one day at a time 🙂 today marks my 6 month of being clean. It isn’t easy but its much better then gambling, anything is better then gambling.

Chin up.

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Hi, how is everyone going? I have had a very difficult week with work, my boss is become more unbearable to deal with. I almost walked out the door on Friday, but I held back thinking its almost Christmas. And I am still paying off my debt, as much as it kills me to stay here, leaving would actually be worse. So I just need to get through this week at work and suck it up and stop allowing things that happen there to affect me. I am still clean wahoo :). I seem to have this habit of cg just before Christmas, like literally days before. It has probably happened the last 3-4 Christmas’s so I will be watching myself very carefully. Will be calling on you all closer to the holiday period for strength and to remind me who I am. And most importantly that I can do this.

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