[izzi25]

Merci Chris, je lui ai dit que je suis heureux que mon salaire soit versé sur son compte bancaire, etc. et que je ferai tout ce qu'il faut pour le réparer et être sur la bonne voie avec lui et CG. J'ai demandé à le voir ce soir pour parler en personne plus tôt dans la journée et il a dit non, j'ai demandé à nouveau il n'y a pas si longtemps et il a soudainement des amis ce soir même s'il m'a dit qu'il devait se lever tôt demain matin. Il est donc compréhensible qu'il souffre et qu'il ait besoin de plus de temps. J'ai juste besoin de savoir s'il va me donner une chance. Il m'a dit qu'il m'appellerait ce soir.

C'est ma première rechute avec lui dans ma vie et je ne pensais pas qu'il le prendrait autant à cœur, il n'arrête pas de me dire que je lui ai menti. sentir que j'étais un utilisateur. Ces mots gravent au fond de moi comme un couteau tranchant. Demain ne semble pas si brillant et je ne sais pas quoi faire financièrement car je n'ai pas d'argent pour les 30 prochains jours, tout cela semble trivial à la lumière de sa perte.

[izzi25]

Tack Chris, jag sa till honom att jag är glad att min lön gick in på hans bankkonto osv. Jag ska göra vad som krävs för att reparera det och komma på rätt spår med både honom och CG. Jag bad att få träffa honom ikväll för att prata personligen tidigare idag och han sa nej, jag frågade igen för inte så länge sedan och han har plötsligt vänner över ikväll trots att han sa till mig att han måste gå upp tidigt i morgon bitti. Så förståeligt nog att han skadar och han behöver mer tid. Jag behöver bara veta om han kommer att ge mig en chans. Han sa till mig att han skulle ringa mig ikväll.

Detta är mitt första återfall med honom i mitt liv och jag trodde inte att han skulle ta det så mycket till mig, han fortsätter att säga att jag ljög för honom. För jag ringde aldrig honom i går kväll för att diskutera mina uppmaningar och att han hade en känner att jag var en användare. Dessa ord etsar djupt inuti mig som en vass kniv. Imorgon verkar det inte så ljust och jag vet inte vad jag ska göra ekonomiskt eftersom jag inte har några pengar de närmaste 30 dagarna, allt verkar trivialt men i ljuset av att förlora honom.

[izzi25]

Chris에게 감사합니다. 내 급여가 그의 은행 계좌 등에 들어가는 것이 기쁘며 수리하고 그와 CG 모두와 함께 올바른 길을 갈 수 있도록 최선을 다할 것이라고 말했습니다. 오늘 저녁에 만나서 오늘 일찍 만나자고 했더니 안된다고 하셔서 얼마 전에 다시 물어보니 내일 아침 일찍 일어나야 한다고 했는데 갑자기 오늘 밤에 친구가 생겼다. 그래서 당연히 그의 상처와 그는 더 많은 시간이 필요합니다. 그가 나에게 기회를 줄 것인지 여부만 알면 된다. 그는 오늘 밤에 나에게 전화할 것이라고 말했다.

이것은 내 인생에서 그와 함께한 첫 재발이며 그가 그렇게 마음에 걸릴 것이라고 생각하지 않았습니다. 그는 내가 그에게 거짓말을 계속했다고 말합니다. 왜냐하면 나는 지난 밤에 내 충동에 대해 이야기하기 위해 그에게 전화를 걸지 않았고 그는 내가 사용자라는 느낌. 이 말은 예리한 칼날처럼 내 안에 깊이 새겨져 있다. 내일은 그렇게 밝지 않은 것 같고 앞으로 30일 동안 돈이 없어 재정적으로 어떻게 해야 할지 모르겠습니다. 이 모든 것이 그를 잃는 것에 비추어 볼 때 사소해 보입니다.

[izzi25]

Ευχαριστώ Chris, του είπα ότι είμαι χαρούμενος για την αμοιβή μου στον τραπεζικό του λογαριασμό κλπ και θα κάνω ό, τι χρειάζεται για να το επισκευάσω και να βγω στο σωστό δρόμο τόσο με αυτόν όσο και με τον CG. Ζήτησα να τον δω απόψε για να μιλήσω προσωπικά νωρίτερα σήμερα και μου είπε όχι, το ξαναρώτησα πολύ καιρό πριν και ξαφνικά έχει φίλους απόψε, παρόλο που μου είπε ότι πρέπει να σηκωθεί νωρίς αύριο το πρωί. Έτσι, κατανοητά, ο πόνος του και χρειάζεται περισσότερο χρόνο. Απλά πρέπει να ξέρω αν θα μου δώσει μια ευκαιρία. Μου είπε ότι θα με πάρει τηλέφωνο απόψε.

Αυτή είναι η πρώτη μου υποτροπή στην ζωή μου και δεν πίστευα ότι θα το έπαιρνε τόσο πολύ, μου λέει συνέχεια ότι του είπα ψέματα. Επειδή δεν τον πήρα ποτέ τηλέφωνο χθες το βράδυ για να συζητήσω τις ορμές μου και ότι είχε αισθάνομαι ότι ήμουν χρήστης. Αυτά τα λόγια χαράζονται βαθιά μέσα μου σαν κοφτερό μαχαίρι. Το αύριο δεν φαίνεται τόσο λαμπερό και δεν ξέρω τι να κάνω οικονομικά καθώς δεν έχω χρήματα για τις επόμενες 30 ημέρες, όλα αυτά φαίνονται ασήμαντα αν και υπό το φως της απώλειάς του.

[izzi25]

Obrigado Chris, eu disse a ele que estou feliz por meu pagamento ir para sua conta bancária, etc, e farei o que for preciso para consertá-la e entrar no caminho certo com ele e CG. Pedi para vê-lo hoje à noite para conversar pessoalmente e ele disse não, perguntei de novo há não muito tempo e de repente ele tem amigos hoje à noite, embora tenha me dito que tem que acordar amanhã de manhã cedo. Então, compreensivelmente, sua dor e ele precisa de mais tempo. Eu só preciso saber se ele vai me dar uma chance. Ele me disse que me ligaria esta noite.

Esta é minha primeira recaída com ele na minha vida e eu não pensei que ele iria levar isso a sério, ele continua me dizendo que eu menti para ele. Porque eu nunca liguei para ele ontem à noite para discutir meus desejos e que ele tinha um sentindo que era um usuário. Essas palavras gravadas profundamente dentro de mim como uma faca afiada. Amanhã não parece tão bom e não sei o que fazer financeiramente, pois não tenho dinheiro para os próximos 30 dias, tudo isso parece trivial, embora tendo em vista a perda dele.

[izzi25]

धन्यवाद क्रिस, मैंने उससे कहा कि मैं अपने भुगतान के लिए उसके बैंक खाते आदि में जाने के लिए खुश हूं और मैं इसे सुधारने और उसके और सीजी दोनों के साथ सही रास्ते पर आने के लिए जो कुछ भी करना चाहता हूं वह करूंगा। मैंने उसे आज रात व्यक्तिगत रूप से आज ही बात करने के लिए कहा और उसने कहा नहीं, मैंने बहुत समय पहले फिर से पूछा और आज रात अचानक उसके दोस्त हैं, भले ही उसने मुझसे कहा कि उसे कल सुबह जल्दी उठना है। तो समझ में आता है कि उनकी चोट और उन्हें और समय चाहिए। मुझे बस यह जानने की जरूरत है कि क्या वह मुझे मौका देंगे। उसने मुझसे कहा कि वह मुझे आज रात फोन करेगा।

यह मेरे जीवन में उसके साथ मेरा पहला विश्राम है और मैंने नहीं सोचा था कि वह इसे इतना दिल से लेगा, वह मुझसे कहता रहता है कि मैंने उससे झूठ बोला था। क्योंकि मैंने कल रात उसे अपने आग्रह पर चर्चा करने के लिए कभी नहीं बुलाया था और वह एक था महसूस कर रहा था कि मैं एक उपयोगकर्ता था। ये शब्द धारदार चाकू की तरह मेरे भीतर गहरे उतर गए हैं। कल इतना उज्ज्वल नहीं लग रहा है और मुझे नहीं पता कि आर्थिक रूप से क्या करना है क्योंकि मेरे पास अगले 30 दिनों के लिए पैसे नहीं हैं, उसे खोने के आलोक में यह सब तुच्छ लगता है।

[izzi25]

Takk Chris, jeg fortalte ham at jeg er glad for at lønnen min gikk inn på bankkontoen hans osv. Jeg skal gjøre alt som trengs for å reparere den og komme på rett spor med både ham og CG. Jeg ba om å få se ham i kveld for å snakke personlig tidligere i dag, og han sa nei, jeg spurte igjen for ikke så lenge siden, og han har plutselig venner over i kveld, selv om han fortalte meg at han måtte stå opp tidlig i morgen tidlig. Så forståelig nok at han er skadet og han trenger mer tid. Jeg trenger bare å vite om han kommer til å gi meg en sjanse. Han fortalte meg at han ville ringe meg i kveld.

Dette er mitt første tilbakefall med ham i mitt liv, og jeg trodde ikke at han ville ta det så mye til hjertet, han fortsetter å fortelle meg at jeg løy for ham. Fordi jeg aldri ringte ham i går kveld for å diskutere mine oppfordringer og at han hadde en føler at jeg var en bruker. Disse ordene etser dypt inni meg som en skarp kniv. I morgen virker det ikke så lyst, og jeg vet ikke hva jeg skal gjøre økonomisk, ettersom jeg ikke har penger de neste 30 dagene, virker alt trivielt, men i lys av å miste ham.

[izzi25]

Terima kasih Chris, saya mengatakan kepadanya bahwa saya senang gaji saya masuk ke rekening banknya dll dan saya akan melakukan apa pun untuk memperbaikinya dan berada di jalur yang benar dengan dia dan CG. Saya meminta untuk menemuinya malam ini untuk berbicara secara pribadi lebih awal hari ini dan dia berkata tidak, saya bertanya lagi belum lama ini dan dia tiba-tiba memiliki teman malam ini meskipun dia mengatakan kepada saya bahwa dia harus bangun pagi besok pagi. Jadi bisa dimengerti rasa sakitnya & dia membutuhkan lebih banyak waktu. Aku hanya perlu tahu apakah dia akan memberiku kesempatan. Dia bilang dia akan meneleponku malam ini.

Ini adalah kekambuhan pertama saya dengannya dalam hidup saya dan saya tidak berpikir dia akan terlalu mengingatnya, dia terus mengatakan bahwa saya berbohong kepadanya. merasa saya adalah pengguna. Kata-kata ini terukir jauh di dalam diriku seperti pisau tajam. Besok tampaknya tidak begitu cerah dan saya tidak tahu apa yang harus saya lakukan secara finansial karena saya tidak punya uang selama 30 hari ke depan, ini semua tampak sepele meskipun mengingat kehilangan dia.

[izzi25]

Obrigado Chris, eu disse a ele que estou feliz por meu pagamento ir para sua conta bancária, etc, e farei o que for preciso para consertá-la e entrar no caminho certo com ele e CG. Pedi para vê-lo hoje à noite para conversar pessoalmente e ele disse não, perguntei de novo há não muito tempo e de repente ele tem amigos hoje à noite, embora tenha me dito que tem que acordar amanhã de manhã cedo. Então, compreensivelmente, sua dor e ele precisa de mais tempo. Eu só preciso saber se ele vai me dar uma chance. Ele me disse que me ligaria esta noite.

Esta é minha primeira recaída com ele na minha vida e eu não pensei que ele iria levar isso a sério, ele continua me dizendo que eu menti para ele. Porque eu nunca liguei para ele ontem à noite para discutir meus desejos e que ele tinha um sentindo que era um usuário. Essas palavras gravadas profundamente dentro de mim como uma faca afiada. Amanhã não parece tão bom e não sei o que fazer financeiramente, pois não tenho dinheiro para os próximos 30 dias, tudo isso parece trivial, embora tendo em vista a perda dele.

[izzi25]

Спасибо, Крис, я сказал ему, что я рад, что моя зарплата поступит на его банковский счет и т. Д., И я сделаю все возможное, чтобы исправить это и пойти на правильный путь как с ним, так и с CG. Я попросил встретиться с ним сегодня вечером, чтобы поговорить лично сегодня, и он сказал нет, я спросил снова не так давно, и у него внезапно появились друзья сегодня вечером, хотя он сказал мне, что он должен вставать завтра рано утром. Понятно, что ему больно, и ему нужно больше времени. Мне просто нужно знать, даст ли он мне шанс. Он сказал мне, что позвонит мне сегодня вечером.

Это мой первый рецидив с ним в моей жизни, и я не думал, что он примет это так близко к сердцу, он все время твердит мне, что я солгал ему, потому что я никогда не звонил ему вчера вечером, чтобы обсудить свои побуждения и что у него ощущение, что я был пользователем. Эти слова пронзают меня, как острый нож. Завтра не кажется таким радужным, и я не знаю, что делать в финансовом отношении, так как у меня нет денег на следующие 30 дней, все это кажется тривиальным, хотя в свете потери его.

[izzi25]

Mulțumesc Chris, i-am spus că sunt fericit pentru salariul meu de a intra în contul său bancar etc. Am cerut să-l văd în seara asta pentru a vorbi personal mai devreme astăzi și mi-a spus că nu, l-am întrebat din nou nu cu mult timp în urmă și brusc are prieteni peste noapte, chiar dacă mi-a spus că trebuie să se trezească devreme mâine dimineață. Așa că înțelege răul său și are nevoie de mai mult timp. Trebuie doar să știu dacă îmi va da o șansă. Mi-a spus că mă va suna diseară.

Aceasta este prima mea recădere cu el în viața mea și nu credeam că o va lua atât de mult la inimă, el îmi tot spune că l-am mințit. simțind că sunt un utilizator. Aceste cuvinte se adâncesc în mine ca un cuțit ascuțit. Mâine nu pare atât de luminos și nu știu ce să fac din punct de vedere financiar, deoarece nu am bani în următoarele 30 de zile, totul pare banal, în lumina pierderii lui.

[izzi25]

This update has been a long time coming, it has been over three months since I posted and so much has happened. I seriously feel like my time here living and working with family has been hell. They have not treated me nicely and spoken about me behind my back and treated me like a child. It has been very painful and hard and of course, I am the one that always looks bad, they are never in the wrong. We both live different lifestyles and they have not been able to accept that. I have tried to adjust to how they do things because it is not my house but that still is not good enough. My sister in law has complained so much about me, which is ironic because I feel like a nanny because she barely lifts a finger at times. My friends back home have been really supportive and really upset with my treatment. I thought moving here would mend my relationship with my sibling but it made it everything worse. I really can’t not emphasise how painful it has been.

The past month has been a mad rollercoaster, I decided to cg and can’t even remember why. I know that I was stressing about moving back home and not having a job. I was intending to move back in May because I got accepted back into uni and wanted to settle in before the craziness of uni. Anyway, I ended up cging and I lost all my savings I was working months to save for. And it went downhill from there, long story short, I now have 5 cash advances, in that time my brother reduced my hours from full time to part time with just 2 days notice. It really was stressing me out and I was not happy that he did that with two days notice, not nice or professional. He made it out like it was something that was happening for me and the other employee, which was a lie. He can do what he wants but don’t lie about it. I am your sister, the other employee who is my sister in law, complained so much bout me that my brother decided to reduce my hours from 38 a week to 24. She still gets paid full-time hours even though she does not work full-time. She was not happy that he paid me more, that was an agreement though and a perk of moving all this way for him. And her continued passive aggressiveness has made me see her in a different way, she was my favourite person before moving in with her. And now I don’t trust or believe a word that comes out of her mouth. That is the kind of stuff that has been going on.. I have been under a lot of stress and now I owe lots of money that I can’t pay back and I am swimming deep in debt.

I move back home in 5 days and start a new job in exactly one week. In three months uni starts, studying full time and working part time. No idea how I am going to cope, not liking life at the moment. I feel so stupid for taking a risk and coming here. I really thought I could be an asset to the business, I didn’t like how we did things, nor did I get trained right. It just wasn’t my thing and my deceptive sis in law made sure she always looked good and I looked bad. I haven’t even told my parents or other siblings because he is the golden child and he can do no wrong. I also can’t trust them not to say anything to him, if they do, it will cause more of a rift. So I basically have to shut my mouth and take it. I know eventually my bro will turn this whole thing into a joke at my own expense.

I wish that I could shut my family out it would make my life so much easier. Being part of them is just a window to my past. And every moment I spend with them I am reminded of what isn’t right in my life.

Today I am 5 days clean, I am not smiling though I am too stressed and too upset right now at myself and at them. I really do try with them, or I like to think I do. But they keep telling me that I haven’t changed that, I am starting to think that it actually isn’t them who haven’t changed. Honestly I do not know how much more disappointment I can take. Something amazing needs to happen and it needs to happen soon.

Thanks for listening, just really hurt and sad deep down inside.

[izzi25]

Hi Vera,

hope you have been well! I laughed so hard when you said it would be better off living in the “digs!”. Unfortunately since I am new to this city, do not really know many people. And not at a point where I can afford to move out as I have a couple of huge bills coming up. I have definitely thought about it, also I may have some news (depending on what happens) I will be in a place where I will have to make some important decisions.

Thanks babe for that encouragement regarding adam’s thread, was hoping to sound nice and not come across as nasty.

Not sure what today is but I do know it is another day clean.

[izzi25]

that is the story of my life, started gambling because I hated my family so much (was so hurt by them) always felt like an outsider, cg was completely out of character. And I just wanted to make money and move out and be independant but it ended up eating me, still is eating me financially (paying the price for so many years of cg)

[izzi25]

that is the story of my life, started gambling because I hated my family so much (was so hurt by them) always felt like an outsider, cg was completely out of character. And I just wanted to make money and move out and be independant but it ended up eating me, still is eating me financially (paying the price for so many years of cg)

[Author]

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