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Hi Lizbeth, I have been getting caught up on your thread. All that has been going on with your mom. That is a difficult surgery. My dad went through it twice. Once in his 50’s and then when he was 70. So much harder on him and a slower recovery when he was 70. I can really empathize with what you are going through. What you went through. I know it can really take a lot out of a person. You need recovery, too. Sometimes that isn’t possible for the caregiver. I am realizing now that this time after my mom’s death has been my recovery time. Try, try, try to take care of yourself. I believe you are still recovering from your husband’s death as well as dealing with your mother’s mental and physical health. I am glad you will get a vacation, but this is by no means all the care you will need. Seek support for you concerning your mother. I never did with my mom, and it is something I regret.
I am glad to get caught up on your new posts, Lizbeth, but I am sorry for all that you have recently gone through. I am going to try to be better about keeping in touch. Prayers and hugs.Hi Kpat, Thank you for thinking of me and sending me a note on my thread. I stay away because so many times I don’t know what to say. I want to post more. I think I will try thinking of my journal as a time that I write to you (or other individuals) on a one-on-one basis. It might be easier. I think I try to over-thinking things.
This morning I spent some time getting caught up on your thread. Your post about tithing really spoke to me. Little by little recovery has given me the opportunity see beyond my own self and reach out to others.
We are also boaters. Something we, like you, have always done with our kids. Your kids want to be with you because you have always wanted to be with your kids. Your daughter recognizes “magical moments” because she was taught to do so. It is a gift to you now, but it was a gift you gave to her, her entire life.
My daughter, like Reub has always been a Goofy fan. We have a picture of her (one of my favorites) at the Magic Kingdom with Goofy. She was wearing her Goofy jacket, her Goofy hat, holding her Goofy doll. She was only 4 years old at the time, not 44!!! lol Magical moments are magical moments, no matter how old we are!
I know you and I have a lot in common. I think (and I could be wrong) even in our style of recovery. Lets continue to talk and share because I think (and I don’t think I am wrong) the key lies in those magical moments. Appreciating those every day, “Magical Moments!”Hi kpat, just wanted to wish you a happy Mother’s Day. I hope the family is treating you well on your special day. I am having my friend over and making a special meal for her and my family. My husband helped me with the grocery shopping and I am hopeful that everyone will pitch in with the preparations and cooking, too! Hope you are doing well. I haven’t posted much, and I see you haven’t either. Life has been crazy and recovery is what it is. Like you, one baby step at a time and a commitment to never give up on myself. Take care. Hope to hear from you soon.
PS. It is so good to have my son and DIL home from London, even though they are living here, and its a little tight. They have bought a house not too far from us, and they will be moving out in about a month and a half, so I am enjoying the extra activity while it lasts…and thank God it won’t last for too long! lolThe water leakage problem is not solved, but things have calmed down, as we have done all we can. Back to my story.
We all know the feelings of guilt and regret and also silence around our gambling. It was not a secret between my husband and I, but it was something which came between us that we never talked about.
My husband never, ever wanted to talk about my gambling. Just this terrible thing we could not talk about. And I think this seeped into my recovery as well. Even though i am working to change, working on recovery, there is a loneliness, shame and silence around that as well. A piece of me i cannot openly share. Just as my gambling was.
So, Friday, i asked my husband if i could share something that had upset me concerning this site…he does know i post on a gambling site. To my surprise, he said, “sure.” I told him what had happened. It felt so good to share this with him. Share a bit of my recovery. Who i am right now. I think i have carried my shame into recovery. As if my recovery, especially since is has not been perfect, is something to be ashamed of and not shared, just like my gambling was. Which makes recovery almost as lonely as the addiction itself.
Anyway, it felt good to share this with him, and by the way, he did not think it was handled very well either.
I believe there is always a silver lining, and in this situation, this was mine. Just wanted to share this with you.
I am determined to stay to strong. Thank you so much!Hi Kathryn, I wanted to share something positive that came out of what happened. I do want to share this, but right now we have another leak, and water is dripping into our bedroom. I discovered it just now as I started to post. My husband has go outside and chisel ice out of the gutter outside of our bedroom. We have already spent $5,000 trying to solve this leakage problem. My husband is so angry.
Still, I did want to share something positive, so I will get back to you later.I just read through your thread. I loved your list. I believe its more productive in recovery to focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want. From your posts, it sounds like you are working on your most important relationship…the one you have with YOU. Which is going to help with every other relationship you have. Especially with your daughter. Keep up the good work. I am confident that that perfect someone will come along when you are ready. She will fall in love with the real you because the real you will be beaming out at her because of the work you are doing now. I can tell by your posts you are a deep and very insightful person. I like reading them and can see so much progress already.