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Hi Larry, Just deleted my post, so this one needs to be quick. I hope you had a nice St. Patrick’s Day! Amazing how many people are Irish here in America on March 17!!! I hope you are enjoying March Madness. This is my husband’s favorite sporting event. He loves all of it! Do you have a favorite team? My son and his girlfriend just arrived to watch our favorite team. Hint…Hint…GO GREEN! GO WHITE!!!
Hi Larry, First of all, I can totally relate to the hassle and expense and pain of having dental work done. I was just at the dentist this morning. I had two "small" cavities. 4 shots of novacaine…my jaw still hurts. I have so much work to be done, they are taking one quarter at a time. I still have a crowne left on this same quarter $1700.00. Yikes! Don’t know when I’ll be able to afford that one. Some insurance, but not much. Part of my recovery program is to take better care of myself. Neglecting dental care was not a good idea. I don’t know how I am going to do it, but I am going to make it through the rest of my mouth. Such an exciting goal!
I am sorry for your heartache concerning your daughter in France. I agree with you that it is a healthy thing for her to share her feelings with you. Though, that doesn’t make it less painful for you. I can’t tell you the number of hurtful things my daughter threw my way during those teenage years. Give yourself some credit. You are doing everything you can to be part of her life, and the fact that she knows you care about her is wonderful. She KNOWS because you show her. My father was always around when I was growing up, but he was never present. I GUESS he cared about me and loved me, but he never SHOWED me. Ask me how I was doing or how I was feeling or what I wanted to do with my life? Never. The fact that she can not only share her feelings, but share them with you, is huge! (Even if those feelings hurt you. Which, I think, says so much about your character.) Hang on to the fact that she is glad that you stay in contact and that she knows you care about her. That is a blessing!Bettie, Thank you for those great posts. I, too, am in an in between place. Waiting in my cocoon, waiting in the darkness, in between identities, working to shed my old life waiting for a new life to begin, storing energy, gaining strength, waiting for my wings to grow, waiting for the day I can leave this cocoon and take flight!
Bettie, I have only felt good karma coming from you. And I know my karma’s!!
Kathryn, Just a quick note before I take my daughter shopping for some college staples. I am a journal freak too. (ok, I did just call you a freak, sorry about that! lol) I loved your idea of having one for exercise, food, gratitude, etc. And I do think we should have a gratitude thread. I’m not going to have a journal for each category, but I think it’s a good idea to keep the areas we want to change in mind and note any progress, or lack there of. I have one journal, but think of the different areas as different threads running through it. I have four categories…health, wealth, happiness, and, of course, gratitude. (Thanks for reminding about the gratitude one because I don’t think we can change unless we start there.) I ask what have I done, or not done to promote my own health, wealth, and happiness. It is true what you said on somebody’s thread that sooner or later, you have to work recovery. So true. For me, I think, “I won’t get anywhere on Recovery Road, unless I walk the walk.” Thanks, Kathryn, for sharing
Kathryn, Just a quick note before I take my daughter shopping for some college staples. I am a journal freak too. (ok, I did just call you a freak, sorry about that! lol) I loved your idea of having one for exercise, food, gratitude, etc. And I do think we should have a gratitude thread. I’m not going to have a journal for each category, but I think it’s a good idea to keep the areas we want to change in mind and note any progress, or lack there of. I have one journal, but think of the different areas as different threads running through it. I have four categories…health, wealth, happiness, and, of course, gratitude. (Thanks for reminding about the gratitude one because I don’t think we can change unless we start there.) I ask what have I done, or not done to promote my own health, wealth, and happiness. It is true what you said on somebody’s thread that sooner or later, you have to work recovery. So true. For me, I think, “I won’t get anywhere on Recovery Road, unless I walk the walk.” Thanks, Kathryn, for sharing
Bettie, I am so sorry for your loss. I know a little of what Jen is feeling, as I have lost 2 babies. The truth is, no one can feel what is yours to feel. I hope Jen moves on. I hope she learns that no man should hit her. I hope that she gives birth to Jen now, babies later. Having said that, I know that the loss of a child yet unborn is a loss that never goes away. After 30 years, I still think about my first baby that never was.
I am going to have to get back with you on this one, Amyyy. Happy New Year, everyone!
Hi Beattie, You said enough is enough to gambling, you said enough is enough to smoking, and now you are saying enough is enough concerning your relationships. Good for you! That is growth my friend, and that is how we do finally begin to love ourselves. Maybe we are afraid to love ourselves or choose not to because not loving ourselves is easier than actually changing our lives. Whether we decide to love ourselves, and then make changes, or we make changes that lead to loving ourselves the result is the same. Improved lives. Anyway, it is difficult and it all takes courage, (and sometimes heartache). You are one brave lady!!
Hi Larry, You are such a caring, compassionate person. I am sorry you are hurting concerning your daughter in France. It must be very difficult not being with her. I am thinking that your gift was your way of letting her know how much you love her and wish you could be with her. Very disappointing, but I am sure you will find another way of letting her know how much she means to you, and you would be with her if it were at all possible. As far as her realtionship with her mother, you can’t really control that, just hope and pray for the best. I know you will continue to send her all your love and support because inspite of the feelings you have about the person you were in your past, this is the person you are NOW.
As far as your morning routine, don’t be unselfish. Do whatever serves you and your recovery best.
Thanks for your insights on my dream. I hadn’t thought about calling in the plumber. Thought maybe I would just keep flushing, flushing, flushing! You are not the first person on the site who has suggested a therapist. Hmm. I did talk to husband this morning, and although I didn’t admit to the extent of the damage done last week, I did tell him that I needed his help. He would have to control the money and I was not strong enough to do this on my own. Baby steps. As far as those cries for help, next time I need help, I think I’ll just ask and forego the theatrics. I would like to think that I am beginning to growing up–but oh these growing pains!
Stay strong, and thank you for all you contribute and mean to this site.
Hi Bettie, What a suprise to see you on my thread, as I was thinking of you and just about to write you.
I will be pondering on the images and symbolism of that dream for a long time. Everything was so vivid. Even the smells, I am sorry to say. I am not surprised that Vera likes dreams. Reading her posts I have often thought many times, "Man, this woman should be a therapist/psychologist!" She really gets to the core of the problem, asks people to look at themselves honestly, but she always does so diplomatically without offending, and her compassion always shines through. Truely a gift!
The reason I was thinking of you was that I wanted to send my prayers to you and your daughter. I have a 21 year old daughter, and I know my emotions would be all over the place! I also want to say that I am sooo glad that you are not gambling. When my life was on a pretty even keel, I remember thinking, "This would be a good time to quit gambling, get myself emotionally strong, so I could manage the next thing life throws my way." Well, I didn’t quit gambling, and life began throwing, as it often does. Instead of being strong, I used gambling to cope, and things just got worse. I don’t know the person I could have become through these adversities because she was gambling and really not 100 percent present. Who knows what else life will throw my way, but I am looking forward to meeting the woman who is present to her own life and the lives of those she loves and cares about.
Bettie, your daughter is so lucky to have you as a mother. One who is there for her 100 percent as the woman you truely are helping her become the woman she can be. You may not say or do all the right things, no one ever does. Wouln’t it be nice if we could kiss our kids wounds and make every thing better, like when they were little. All we can do is be there for them when they need us with our love and support. Bettie, you are able to give your daughter so much more of you because you are no longer gambling! ..and that my friend is something to hold on to!Happy Thanksgiving, one day early. I’m busy cooking and will be cooking tomorrow and enjoying time with my family. Just wanted to say happy Thanksgiving and to say I’m glad you won’t be eating Thanksgiving dinner at a casino buffet this year!!! Sending gratitude your way for all you do to help others on this site.
Hi Larry, Glad you didn’t gamble!
Hi Larry, I just read your last post. Of all your posts, this one really touched me and meant the most to me. Although, advice from someone who has been in recovery as long as you have is very much appreciated, to me sharing a piece of yourself with others means so much more. We share our human stories of stuggle and triumphs to discover our own insights and also hope that others will see themselves in our stories and they will benefit as well. I want to thank you for making yourself vulnerable, by sharing a bit of your past and present life with us. Sharing our feelings of guilt and our regrets isn’t easy, it is the human condition that we all have in common. For whatever reason, and I am not really sure why, it helps to know that I am not the only one who struggles.
Any way, I admire you very much, and I hope you continue to share. I do understand why you would not want to dwell on the past, and it could not have been easy to share. I hope you decide to share a little more of yourself and your life with us. Whether you decide to do that or not is up to you, but now when I read your posts, I can see a real person who still struggles with his past and still struggles to stay gamble free.
When I post, i have a hard time knowing what to say. Sometimes, I can hardly believe that it is me who is writing. You do such a good job, and your input and consistent posts mean alot to the success of this forum. Thanks again. God Bless.Larry, Just wanted to thank you for your positive words. I am really trying, and I can feel that my husband is beginning to believe in my sincere desire to change. Although, I can’t make him any promises.
I know I will struggle, but I might as well reach for happiness. It can’t be harder, or take anymore energy than creating misery! God Bless.