[icandothis]

Thanks for the encouragement, Iceman.  Cat, I am doing ok.  Life would be so much better if I didn’t gamble.  When am I going to get that through my thick skull?
Vera, I like that image of all of us standing on the platform and watching that train go by!  Reminds me of a song I hear when I go to a certain casino called Long Black Train by Josh Turner…trust in the Father and His Holy name and don’t go riding on that long black train.
If anyone’s interested…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyRZTAmcW7c
Day 1 was amazingly good.  If I was alone, I probably would have wallowed in self-pity and drank wine.  I am at home, and I had a lot of work to do.  I cooked dinner for my husband and daughter.  I invited a friend to join us.  She was feeling low.  She recently retired, and like me, she is asking "What am I going to do with the rest of my life?"  Although she has quit work, I need to begin!  Unlike me, she is all alone.  She was widowed, remarried and then divorced, and now both her kids have moved far away.  I know she is envious of my life and struggles with feelings of loneliness.  I am a very lucky woman who just for today is not going to gamble and is ******** her many blessings!
 

[icandothis]

I am reading a book about changing our bad habits and replacing them with habits that serve us.  It says that the pain of our bad habit must be worse than the short-term pleasure that the habit brings us.  And also greater than the fear of changing that habit.  We need to use that pain as leverage to make the necessary change.  Makes perfect sense…and yet, Why do we CG’s remember the "great" and forget the "complete devastation".  And why do I continue to believe there might be a "great" in my future?  When we share our stories with each other, I think GT helps to remind us of the pain.  We have to remember the devastation…the pain and use it as leverage to change.  That’s all.  lol  Honestly, I think our CG brains are wired differently.  In other areas of my life, remembering the good and forgetting the bad has served me…but not with gambling.  I think we have the power to rewire our brains.  Let’s start with reminding ourselves that gambling is a sh##ty thing to do!
I also asked myself, Why would I be afraid to stop gambling?  It didn’t make sense.  Then I realized that I believe that if I stop gambling, I will be giving up my only excitement or hope of excitement in my life.  I am afraid that without gambling, my life holds no excitement…nothing to look forward to.  The problem is that gambling dulls the excitement and joy that these other activities might bring.   I have no solutions…just some food for thought.  A person like me, beginning yet another Day 1 should not give advice.   I can though remind you of the devastation that one decision to give it another try brings, I can offer my support on your journey, and I can lift up my coffee cup and begin to believe in and to toast to some exciting gamble free days ahead!

[icandothis]

Thanks Cat and ready2change.  What I wanted was a gamble free summer.  What I have had has been one big relapse.  Such loss and devastation.  I am not going to let this disease have one more day of my life and not another penny!  August 7…lucky 7 because this is the day I choose to take action.  Giving in to this addiction is not living.  Misery.  Just over a decade.  What a waste!  I just want a normal life!

[icandothis]

Licking wounds also, ready2change.  They will heal if we keep them clean.  One day at a time. 

[icandothis]

Hi Sherry,  Thank you for asking about me.  I am doing fine.   We have had the leaks fixed (hopefully) in our house and the walls and ceilings repaired.  Stripping wallpaper, painting.  I will have to thank Debbie.  We painted our bathroom purple, and I love it!   We help each other here at GT in many ways!  My daughter graduated from college last weekend, and we had a BBQ for about 10 family members to celebrate.  So proud of her, and the best part is she starts her job next Monday!  I am helping my friend with a bridal shower for my son’s fiance.  I designed and just finished printing a sample invitation to show my friend.  So cute!  The theme of the shower is 50s housewife.  On a sadder note, a friend of mine passed away suddenly and unexpectedly last night.  Her service will be this Thursday.   I still can’t believe it.  I keep thinking about how we have to live each day the best we can and enjoy!   Lately, I have been focussing on doing just that and giving myself a break.   Take care, Sherry.  Can’t wait till your moving day! 

[icandothis]

— 4/16/2013 11:57:34 AM: post edited by icandothis.

[icandothis]

My friend has been facebooking all day about her son being in his first Boston Marathon.  Giving his time as he goes.  Mostly just proud that he was able to participate.  Now, it is all about whether he is safe.  He is.  Been watching news coverage.  Why?

[icandothis]

You are right, Neva, it is nice to have the days where gambling isn’t an issue.   I really need to find a job!  Still, no gambling today. 

[icandothis]

Vera…May be a good topic for discussion…Is there a difference between "desire" and "attachment"?  or perhaps looking at the relationship between the two. 
 — 4/15/2013 8:21:37 PM: post edited by icandothis.

[icandothis]

Mora, You have made a big first step.  Admitting you need help.  Keep reading and posting.  You are not alone.  We are all in this together.

[icandothis]

Hi Larry, Thank you for once again providing us with more food for thought.    I think the important part in what Vera said  is that it is what we FEEL is our HEART’S desire.  It is really just another desire and doesn’t come from the heart at all.  I try to ask myself when I want to gamble, "Is this really your heart’s or your soul’s desire?"  The answer is always NO. 
Vera, I have often thought, "What if my kids were behaving as I have, what would I say to them?"  Similar to what you just said.  When urges strike,  I need to talk to my CG as I did to my kids.  Say things like..Well, you can’t always get what you want, can you?…Just because other people are gambling, doesn’t mean you have to…Poor you, you never get to have any fun!…You are not going today and that is all there is to it..end of discussion, so just get over it!…This is for your own good…Do you think money grows on trees?
You get the idea.  I might be a mean momma, but my CG is a spoiled brat! 

[icandothis]

[icandothis]

Strong urges again this morning. Urgh.  Asking the question why?  Complacency?  Impatience?  Temptation?   Then I thought.  I can sort it out later.   Right now, get on that computer and pledge that you won’t gamble today.  So, just for today…I will not gamble.  I hope you all make the same decision and have a gamble free day, too!
— 4/10/2013 5:21:56 PM: post edited by icandothis.

[icandothis]

Sherrie, What a great story!  Struggling with a desire to gamble this morning.  Came across this on facebook.  Similar to…Nothing changes if we don’t change.  Still want to gamble, but I am not going to give in.   
 

[icandothis]

Good for you in paying those bills and being out of the red.  It may be years before I can say that.  You can start saving and begin enjoying your Earned cash.  Living the life you deserve.  Keep making wise money choices.  Keep embracing recovery.

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