[I_am_sherlocked]

4 days without gambling again. But I’m still in a bad place from a bad week. I guess that’s the only positive.

I’m struggling to keep up with this everyday

[I_am_sherlocked]

Hi all,
I made it up to day 8 without gambling. Then last night I slipped up and spent £80 online. I have a rough few days and needed an escape from reality, only now I realise I should have controlled myself. The only positive I can take away from this is I wanted to put more on. But I didn’t. I got fed up of it.

Up until last night when I was sat all alone for the first time in years , I was doing ok, even after I received bad news last Wednesday. I still didn’t want to. But last night I had a moment where I just needed to get out my own head. And obviously my vice was there.

I feel like I’ve cheated myself and now am back to where I started last week. I’m closing all my accounts today.
I don’t want the temptation. Even getting gambling websites blocked on my phone internet and wifi.

I really feel hopeless and ashamed of myself today. I need to try harder.
Thanks

[I_am_sherlocked]

Hi thanks for the comments. Well the week mark is usually when I get an itch to play whenever I’ve tried to stop gambling before. But I’m feeling more optimistic about it now I’m up to day 5. So that’s mainly why I feel the week mark will be hardest. But as I said, I’m feeling fairly confident at this point I will be okay.

Yeah, I suggested that to my boyfriend and he agreed to stop gambling around me . I have gambling blocker on my laptop and phone. So no chance of me gambling online. I made my sister set a password that I wouldn’t know.

On that note, I have been busy with university and work. So keeping myself very occupied atm, why it has taken me 2 days to post an update and if I’m being completely honest, I haven’t thought about trying to go online and gamble. It has been a good few days.

I will be at work and university a lot the rest of the week so by the time the evening rolls around I will be too tired to do anything but wind down with an episode of GoT.

Thanks for comments again 🙂

[I_am_sherlocked]

Today has gone by quickly. Not many temptations at home today. Thankfully kept myself preoccupied. Though I have to admit after my post yesterday I was so so so tempted to gamble. However I didn’t.

I just watched my partner play slots instead. I advised him not to be stupid and I monitored. In an odd way it helped me as I was looking at him play. Advising him not to put anymore money on was cathartic.

Tonight I occupied myself with game of thrones theories and started to rewatch it from season 1.

Today felt like a good day. Though I’m thoroughly expecting a bad day towards the week mark.

I will post again tomorrow as this definitely feels like it helps.

Thanks 🙂

[I_am_sherlocked]

Thank guys for the comments. It is nice in a weird way to know I’m not the only one that is going through this. And it’s not just a problem with me. And yeah reading through the blogs of some of the people that have managed to get to a year without gambling has been very inspiring.

So update for day 2.
Work has kept me pretty busy today. Absolutely devastated about the horse Many Clouds passing away.

Anyway being at work bizarrely I have zero temptation to go online and gamble. It’s at home, when I’m bored and have no university work to do that the cycle begins. I think £10 won’t hurt me or my bank balance. But ultimately that £10 turns into £20 and that £20 turns into £40 and the cycle goes on.

So far at home, I’ve had my temptation to go and put money online. But I closed all my accounts and I hate going through the sign up process so hopefully this should keep me from doing anything that 12 hours from now I’ll regret.

I swear everyday my mind drifts to the amount I had and lost. And it makes me sad and disappointed in myself.

My goal as I said is to start saving as I want a deposit for a house. And I know that also means having “clean” bank statements. Has anyone had any problems getting a mortage because of past gambling activities?

Thanks for the support, it means a lot.
Again I’ll try post tomorrow for my sanity.
And I hope everyone on here manages to keep going with this too.

Thanks,
AP

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