[i won a new life]

Making a payday plan is of upmost importance to me, it will be like running the gauntlet, dodging the bullets just to take my money on payday and put it strictly to bills and not making the mistake of the first bet.

Recently this became a problem for me again getting the cocaine high of “having money” wow what a feeling.

So this is it the plan is money goes to bills and some cash to live on and life will straighten itself out it time.

Good luck to all in recovery don’t think you can be a greedy adult and make some extra money on the side gambling ,the heartache is all to real.

[i won a new life]

Why did I lie?

Why did I give my money away?

How am I going to pay my bills?

Why am I not happy?

Why do I relapse after long periods of not gambling?

Why does gambling consume my thoughts when logically I know it is a losing game?

I just lost another $2000 in bitcoin the games weren’t even fun, just straight down losses. Slots, blackjack, dice, crash. You name it I had my fill. If I could turn back time I would but strangely feel good that I’m done and can’t gamble do to not having money….

To be continued…..

[i won a new life]

Nice to hear from you Kat, Semaj, Laura and TTA.

I did close and self exclude from where I last had my gambling binge, I was convinced I would win everything back that I put in and didn’t stop until I had no more access to money.

The problem was that I thought I could just play with a small amount and not go back to my old habits, my barriers were down.

So yes I know what works, but when my compulsive gambling takes hold I am fixated and will not think logically at all.

I have been thinking of coming clean to some close family members and giving up control of my finances, I think I’m fine but in the back of my mind the monster is there.

[i won a new life]

I don’t know if I can get on chat but I’ll try.

[i won a new life]

Well things were going good. I won’t get into details but I recently fell and fell hard and fast. It was like it was a bad dream and now I’m left with the devastation. Adding up the months to pay off debts, it could be worse I’m stopping now. Major wakeup call needed.

[i won a new life]

Thank you for sharing your story, I can relate to how you feel. I want you to know that we are all here to support each other.

In an anonymous way because I don’t feel people understand in person. One day at a time life is worth living without gambling.

[i won a new life]

I had a good amount of gamble free time, gambled a bit today and found it was quickly becoming a problem again. The damage was minimal, I’m back to remind myself that my gamble free life is worth living and I don’t want to go back to how I used to be.

[i won a new life]

Although I was tempted I didn’t gamble as I can’t, not having access to money to gamble with.

I am still fascinated with gambling as it has consumed most of my life over the past 5 years.

In the end they get it all, one day at I time I am winning by not falling in the trap again. No win was ever big enough it all gets flushed down the greedy toilet.

I am looking forward to getting back to a gamble free possibly normal life, emotions heal in time.

Thank you to everyone who has been here to support me, I’m focusing on my career and I believe my brain will get back to a more functional thought process as time goes on.

[i won a new life]

Well I promise to keep checking in. It makes me sad to read stories of how people have destroyed their lives do to gambling and I don’t find it helping me right now as I’m in my own struggle. I have admitted that I’ve become powerless over gambling and in an effort to save my life have stopped one day at a time.

I have to agree that after a period of “clean” time I had relapsed thinking I was back to normal and could control my betting. It was a huge painful mistake, my compulsive behavior took over and we know where that goes.

Just for today I won’t gamble and I hope someone else won’t too, we are fighting for our lives. I do a lot of reading and found my addiction was sub conscious, I was gambling to escape my negative emotions.

I am now looking into root causes for those negative emotions which gambling only made worse after the temporary escape.

I want myself back and that’s what I’m fighting for, please dig deep think about your family and the life you had before you were powerless.

We can all stop and stay stopped one day at a time. Urges come and urges go, usually caused by negative emotions and gambling will only make them worse.

I’m taking some time off from my computer to help with the depression I’m suffering, exercising, walking, and reading a lot. I’ll check in and post in a few days.

[i won a new life]

I think all gamblers including myself have been blinded by our gambling. Most of us started by winning a small amount of money and after that the hook is set on addiction. In any session I played I always chased my losses trying to break even just on that session, devestating results. I don’t have many close friends for emotional support which is part of the problem and why gambling attracted me. It’s going to be a hard climb out of this mess, I have debts to pay and no income so getting a job is a priority. I’m hoping to clear my debts by next year and leave this behind. I feel for all the others just give it up, worse than a drug addiction. Ask for help put you barriers in place. I am really looking forward to just get on with life, it could be worse, focus on the positive things.

[i won a new life]

Honesty is most important at this stage. Your right and I know nobody owes me anything, I need to heal myself and a new and better life will come in time.

An Idea for anyone on the road to recovery, If you come across some money that you would have used to gamble with give it to a trusted person to save it for you. Every time you do this you are truly winning.

I was socially withdrawn from people being selfish in my own guilt. Each day is getting easier, taking on tasks and completing them has given me a boost of energy in the right direction.

[i won a new life]

Sometimes one minute at a time, need to get out get some exercise. I really felt like I was stuck in a dark place, feeling better today. My losses this year were small compared to lifetime but it all doesn’t make sense, truly like a drug addiction.

I haven’t got a job yet but haven’t tried too hard yet, wondered if there is any legit way to make money online other than gambling or trading stocks… all high risk.

I think I might start writing a self help e-book in my free time

It’s hard to believe how many people are going through the same thing, a lot haven’t admitted they have a problem.

ODAAT

[i won a new life]

yes to blocking, self exclusion. Even from the live casino which was offering me free hotel stays as the amount of money I gave them. Just done with it. Problem is I need to get back on track to a normal life, my head is still spinning and it makes it hard to focus on what I need to do which is let go and move on. Thank you for your kind words and support.

[i won a new life]

One Day At A Time I struggle, I haven’t gambled but I don’t have a job and lots of time so it’s been pretty tempting.

I haven’t made a mistake but still feel like crap. Think I’m having a bad day, won’t drink won’t gamble just not motivated to do anything.

[i won a new life]

One day at a time I try to make sense of it. I was a fool, I was stupid playing a game where only the house wins.

I try to make excuses, I have some money and no need to gamble.

I woke up and thought well wouldn’t it be nice if I had won a huge jackpot and be starting a new life not having to work instead I am going to gambling therapy.

It could be worse, I still have my life. Need to get a job and forget about my past mistakes. Also I need to keep a diary to remind myself why it hurts so much.

One more vacation I can’t take, one more bill I can’t pay, one more day of struggling. All my fault, as I type I almost smiled to be free and just live life as I did before I started gambling makes sense to me.

I don’t ever want to feel this pain again. Will have to look back and keep posting. On with the day and may it be a good one.

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