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Hehe Sherrie
I think when people advise us to tell our partners about our gambling they have a vision of a long suffering flawless Saint who will rush in and save us from ourselves.
In truth we are all flawed in our own way .

Things will take a little time to settle but look at how much you have achieved today.

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Hi Lizbeth ,

I hope this post doesn’t come across cheekily or nastily as I am genuinely coming from a good place.
It feel like you and I have been on this site for a very long time and while others seem to be taking control of their lives we continue to gamble now and again – enough to have us living in constant worry. I’m not sure why we don’t kick it to the kerb . We both know by now no good comes of it.

It is almost as if we have become predictable in our relapses. Neither of us has done enough damage to end up homeless or in prison but both of us are depriving ourselves of the great worry free life we could have.

When money worries are constantly taking up space somewhere in our heads, we live a life of worry. Everything that happens – good or bad – becomes a worry about the cost .

I think we would be really helpful to each other if we met in chat. I think perhaps we are both making the same mistakes –

You have so much to offer Lizbeth- I am not surprised you were offered that job – you are a very caring person to all the people in your life. I hope you have a wonderful day at the birthday party. He is a lucky boy to have such a great Gran.

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Hi Jezi
I hope you are having a wonderful time. It was lovely to chat with you also. I hope the change of environment helps you get a few good nights sleep.

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I am building up gamble free time and the urges are simply thoughts which I try not to entertain. I have some good things to look forward to and yet this time it doesn’t feel like recovery. I don’t really feel good about not gambling in the way I have in the past . Perhaps this is due to the flu and my recent bereavement. I’m not sure.

I dreamt recently that I was driving beside a river and my car went in. I somehow managed to get it onto a little muddy island where it sank completely into the mud. My friend and I were on top of the car and were rescued but I had months of work in the boot of my car and all my clothes .
I realised that I hadn’t a single penny to replace any of my stuff or my even my car. I wasn’t sure I had made my insurance payment . I was in full panic mode and as usual the shock I had just experienced hardly registered as the familiar worries about money and survival took over.

I recently wrote that it feels like I don’t feel anymore. Now I relaise that I haven’t given myself space to feel. When things happen my first thoughts are how much will this cost ? Have I enough money ?

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HI Mow,
I’m not sure why we do it – it is an addiction I guess which we will carry forever. Lizbeth makes some good points- the most important thing now is to stop and stay stopped. You have done it before – maybe you need to hand control of all money over to your wife?

I guess we need to stop looking back- if we think it’s too late then it is easy to think why bother, or to attempt to win back.
Let the losses go.
It is not to late.
In fact today is a great day to put everything in place that you need to.

Accept what is gone Mow and look to a great gamble free future.

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Great Nick , you sound so positive in your posts. Isn’t it nice to be doing something for charity _hope you make a mint.

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HI Sherrie , yes it sounds like your body really needed that sleep. You have had a huge few days and been on an emotional roller coaster of stress, worry and in the end relief. You deserve a gamble free life and before long you will feel much better.

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LOL yes Vera , I still ***** the days until payday.
12 days to go.
Actually your question has just made me realise I have always *****ed down to pay day. Usually it was to make sure I could survive, but more recently my focus has changed to not gambling.

I think maybe you were doing something similar during your long stint of gamble free time when you were planning your next PLAN deposit . It does actually motivate .

You question is interesting because it has shifted something in my head – Instead of going through the daily watching the clock for bingo and talking myself out of it , I have decided to wait until after payday . My big win will still be in the bingo hall! Lol.

Now I need sleep – I over indulged in the old alcohol last night – it is like gambling for me – once I start to drink I can’t stop .
However I don’t crave it, can easily go without it , and probably only drink maybe once a month .
Stil I hate the next day when I can’t remember parts of the night and I hate the guilty feeling I always have – like I have done something really bad. (Catholic guilt maybe ?). It’s also like gambling in that I wish I could have one or two like others seem to and then stop.
I also wish I could drink a “lighter” drink because when I try to drink something with lower alcohol it just makes me want a stronger hit. So many similarities to gambling .
That’s about it – need sleep.

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Thank you Nick, Jezi and Charles
I got the loan Charles but I kinda have nowhere I can gamble online . My Gamstop must have finally kicked in after all these months because yes I have tried .
Bingo continues to tempt me daily and I continue to talk myself into waiting until the next day.

I have planned tomorrow night and I will be going for a meal with friends .
Jezi I have been gamble free since New Year ( ?? read previous posts). Last year I stayed gamble free for about six months but my longest every was eight months.

I am still feeling under the weather a bit with this flu although I am on the mend. I have the loan in my bank and I have spent it a hundred different ways in my head. I guess a lot of it will go to repayments and living expenses – but I really want new clothes . However if I can manage to make do I will be in a much better position next month. If I didn’t get the loan I would have had to make do…

I guess that’s my decision made

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Another gamble free day – well done Nick!
And well done on the alcohol!

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Sherrie ,
A massive well done to you.
I don’t really know what to say about your dad- except that is a horrible way to react to someone you love . And he was right you weren’t his little girl any more and shame on him for not celebrating his grown up daughter.
Of course your husband was disappointed but he didn’t take down your pictures – instead he is trying to help you with something he probably doesn’t really fully understand. He is allowed to be disappointed but his reaction is the opposite of your dad’s.
It’s good that your wages will be there to pay your bills. We get ourselves into some messes but your bravery will ensure that this is the last time.
Well done my brave friend xx

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Hi Jen
The prize is waking up every day for the rest of our lives and not having to face the post gambling fear, shame and poverty.
The prize is the security of knowing that when life throws us a curveball we at least have a little money behind us.
The prize is having a home we can be proud of because it represents our years of toil .
The prize is walking with our heads held high and doing the things we choose to do and enjoying the things we choose to experience .
The prize is a constant contentment that is with us every minute we don’t gamble for the rest of our lives!
I can’t think of a better prize!

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Hi Jezi I have been there so often – it is amazing how we find ways around our barriers when we are determined to gamble – but I also have learned from these mistakes.

I agree you shouldn’t do anything which will put your marriage and your family at risk. Telling your husband isn’t an essential part of recovery , although I think it might be part of what GA recommends – there are many ways to go about achieving a gamble free life.

Well done on seeking out that meeting  and I hope you get lots from it . Onwards and upwards Idi.xx

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Thank you Jen for your post.

Another gamble free day- had the usual thoughts about bingo and then decided to postpone until tomorrow . Postponement has become my best friend.

I seem to be over the worst of the flu – it was a bad one and has left me really tired.

I have been working through a system of tidying — I tackle a tiny space each day but those spaces are starting to become more plentiful and tidy cupboards lead to tidy spaces.

Today I doubled a direct debit to allow me to pay a credit card debt in half the time – there is still over four years left but that’s better than nine . I am really aiming to be debt free in the next five years – which will mean most of my adult life has lived in the shadow of debt. That’s about it – hungry like always – gonna go get crisps,..

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Hi Sherrie . Well done on the positive action you have taken towards a gamble free life. Im. a wuss too lol. It is good that the urges are dying down , and there’s nothing nicer than sausages for tea.
Keep strong Sherrie !

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