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I agree 100% Vera.

People are just people, whether we meet them in our work, our homes or the groups we join. 

No further labels required !

Well said !

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It’s St Brigid’s day – the first day of Spring!
A time of change and new growth.
A time to start looking forward to summer.
Here’s to a gamble free season!

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All true Vera but I don’t think either of these refer to labels !

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Hi Monica ,
Sorry to hear you have been feeling unwell.
I am sure worrying about your mum is impacting on your health.
I love to read about your shopping – I used to love Monsoon- before I got too fat to fit their clothes . What did you buy . My favourite dress ever was a Monsoon brown linen dress which had a slight Pocahontas thing going on.

I got a new dress and coat online . I love having new clothes hanging in my wardrobe. It makes me feel like the old me .

Hope work is going good for you Monica ? I have had another fall from grace with the gambling – it has become too much of a theme in my life .
I am avoiding groups for a while – I think groups have become my gambling replacement – and sometimes I find all that talking about gambling gives me urges.

Hope you have a nice day tomorrow xx

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Hi Jen ,
Tonight I am feeling blessed to have our mild Irish climate ( which we Moan about constantly). I don’t know how people can survive in such cold . It makes me wonder how the first settlers coped with it. Omg , imagine if you couldn’t afford fuel for heat. .
Glad to read you are feeling better . Coincidentally God appears to have intervened to stop me having a weekend away also ! Life is good!

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Vera , just keep doing whatever works for you – we are all different and I guess that is why there is no ‘cure’ for this addiction.
I agree with all that Sherrie has written .
Thank you for your continued support – I am feeling much relieved and free today,
Hoping we all have a gamble free February !

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Sherrie ,
You sound so happy !
The answer is yes she did gamble but has now shut it down and has her untouched wages in the bank and safe. I happen to know her.

You have inspired me tonight. I want that feeling of happiness which you have – it’s leaping off my iPad.
A massive well done Sherrie – you deserve every moment of happiness!

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Hi Lizbeth ,
How wonderful to have your grand daughter living with you? Will you still be able to work?
What a joy to feel God’s presence in the way that you did.
Xx

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Hi Jezi ,
I guess we can all only share our own experience so here’s my view .
For many years of my marriage I was (by a lot) the main breadwinner. During this time I lived with constant criticism about just about everything – the tv programmes I liked are weird or stupid, if I needed to talk about work I was told it’s all about me, if I bought something for the house it was the worse or stupidest buy ever. There was a fuss if I wanted MY family or friends round.
I basically could do nothing right – but I was independent And strong and knew I could leave.

Fast forward to now – he earns the same as me, we have a child (and I don’t feel I can leave ) ,so now he has a permanent audience for his critisism – but one who is fast losing respect for him because he adores his ever loving and gentle mummy .. and yeah I developed a gambling addiction.

So what expectations do I have of my husband ? – absolutely none. Sure he can join a family and friends forum , or go to gamanon and bleat on about what a great fella he is and how terrible I have made his life. To be quite honest I don’t really care if he puts on his ” outside the house face” in a different venue.

I know how it really is .I know that gambling filled a void in my life – one that should never have been there .
With regards to telling him – who in their right mind would give him further ammunition?

When we go to our spouse for support it should be there – simple as that . I think when we learn to stop blaming ourselves for an addiction which wasn’t our choice we can see things clearer .

I would prefer to live in a tent with someone who valued me.
Who cares about paying a mortgage when it is just to house miserable , unhappy people and to trap them there.

You deserve support regardless of what mistakes you have made! For better for worse doesn’t just apply to husbands / partners who make mistakes, although reading the forums it seems Much more likely that men will get this type of support from their partners.

That’s just what I’m thinking right now – I might be biased because I have just had my “just before he goes to bed” critisism to which I replied something which starts in f and ends in off.

I miss gambling – I miss the escape- I miss the me time – I miss the feeling that a big win will empower me financially .
I don’t however miss the reality so yeah I have to stop – we all do – but it would be so much easier with a little bit of support .

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Thank you Jezi, Steev and Sherrie,
I skipped group last night – I sometimes miss it because I can’t make it, but last night I chose not to go – I had a lovely night with my son, doing things which I have possibly neglected. I need to shift my focus away from gambling and gambling support and focus on my life.

The truth is the groups have become as addictive for me as gambling. I can spend hours in groups on different sites – another form of escape I guess.

I have connected with some really wonderful people there and I will continue to write on my thread- just for now while I regroup I am going to try give the groups a miss and spend the time in real life.

Steev I get where you are coming from with challenging people . I find any type of forceful challenging demotivating (not saying thats what you do!). It makes me feel like I am stupid, that others have lost patience with me and that I can’t make it without someone constantly on my case.

I would probably use the word suggestion rather than interruption. We all know that the power of suggestion can have a huge impact on our thinking – and I guess this is where a trained counsellor would be really helpful for me.

I have closed the gap in my barriers. It is payday and I am unusually worried .I have some things planned and I am going to have to cancel most of them.
I guess I can make it up to people but seems I am back in a familiar loop.

That’s about it . Money anxiety is probably one of the worse.

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Thank you Jezi and Lizbeth for your posts.
I have read Steev’s comments on your thread Jezi about how losing the “cg” label has helped him in his recovery.

I find myself feeling very frustrated in groups when people use that offensive term- I have done for years and yet I continue to attend . Am I such a complete doormat?
Why do I allow people to call me names ?

I have yet to find a person who uses it exclusively for themselves and I’m not sure they have the right to label others.
I have decided to give my recovery a real chance I am going to stop attending groups on here.
I have been more than clear this I find it offensive and now when I’m in groups and people make generalisations using that term I find I feel annoyed and helpless.
Two feelings that are not helpful for recovery. They excuse it by saying that’s what they call themselves but like I said I have never came across a person who uses it exclusively for themselves.
I want to feel supported not put down. This journey is hard enough.

So I am going to skip groups and see if it helps – attending them certainly hasn’t !

I am going to try Steev’s idea of changing the label to a positive one and see if it helps .

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Great post Steev And it really highlights the importance of labels and how detrimental  or helpful they can be to recovery . I think I am going to stop going to groups on here because every time someone used the label cg, it makes a relapse feel inevitable . I guess it’s all part of that stinkin thinkin peopel we talk about .

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Hi Jezi,
I hope you are feeling supported and life is on the up.
It is good to let our hair down every now and again and have fun.
Your post reminds me that I have forgotten what fun feels like.
Keep strong .

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Hi Jezi, 

thank you for your post in my thread. I can’t wait to hear about your room,

I’m afraid my new room has gone where everything’ good in my life has gone . Yeah – I gambled too. 

i guess the good thing is I have figured out what is hopefully the last barrier that I need.

keep strong Jezi – this is too horrible !

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Wow well done Beem. Can you describe the process of exactly how you challenge those thoughts . It might help others .

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