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That’s a great idea Jezi.
It is so hard to remember what to say when we are at the doctors . I hope you get your referral as pills may only mask what is really going.
I laughed when I read about your dog. I love dogs and have one which controls the whole house .

I wasted my weekend too – I always do.
Hope you have a great week
Xx

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Hi lizbeth ,
Keep visualising being debt free and taking that trip you are planning .
Remind yourself of how gambling has never solved any problem e crept added to them and our self loathing .
You can do this – you have too much to look forward to .
Xx

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Hi K
I just read through your entire thread and I felt it could have been me writing . I used to go through such emotions but in recent years I feel less – I think my emotions have been flattened or maybe I care less.

It occurs to me that once your father-in-law’s house has been settled your husband and you will need to see your in-laws less often. You are absolutely right – the only person who matters in that family is your husband . My in-laws were pretty horrific – but eventually they learned that they just weren’t that important in our lives and it changed their behaviour. You cannot be responsible for them . Your situation brings to mind the story of Cinderella – and guess what – you got the prince!

You husband seems to be really supportive of you and your recovery. Try to change your thoughts every time your in laws intrude on your happiness. They don’t deserve your headspace.

Hope this post helps
Xx

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Hi Sherrie.
I think your journal is honest and real.
I hope you continue with it but do what’s best for you.

I feel misunderstood on my threAd and In groups so often- especially when I try to explain how being with my mum sabotages my recovery. I get comments like you can’t blame your mum or you must accept responsibility and I feel totally unheard in what I’m trying to explain . I get accused of enabling my mum( who gambles with or without me) and somehow always feel attacked when I discuss this biggest obstacle to my recovery.

Unfortunately close relationships are never so black and white – all kinds of history, behavioural and relationship patterns , issues and sub-issues come into play. No one really can understand or pass judgement on these.

It is the same with the relationship between you and your husband . I have to admit that I can imagine nothing worse than sitting with a stranger and discussing my problems in person, and yet I know many people get so much from counselling . We are all different and there is no one size fits all.
I am so sorry if I caused you any offence – I hope you continue to post but really you must do what’s right for you.

I’m afraid I don’t really know very much about drugs but I hope whatever treatment you are on is helping .

Xx

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Thanks for your post on my thread Steev.
Thinking about you on your travels , and Monica and her plans it does make me wonder what would symbolise recovery for me. I guess it’s something different for everyone, but I think this would be a great topic to explore in a group.

If we don’t know where we are going how will we know when we have got there?

Hope you enjoy the horrendous rain we are having right now (I have always loved rain- both listening to it rattle in the window pains, and tramping through it in my wellies ).

Enjoy the peace

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Nick, It might be worth checking out a little more about those lesions and perhaps even the knowledge of them might help with gambling urges.it takes away the blame.

. I cannot believe the freedom I have right now. Of course it may be my imagination – but I don’t care , I will take it! Steev, temptation is everywhere  and the lottery, both the uk and Irish ones are sneaky – in that they make gambling ok for everyone.. Of course we know it is not ok for us.

I did read about a drug for Parkinson’s which is well documented in causing gambling urges- so I get what you are saying .

I broke my lent last night , and drank wine . Amazingly once I found myself getting tipsy I went home eArly – I am always the last to leave a party and often drink more once home .

It occurs to me today that this too could be something new happening with impulse control in my brain. Again I don’t know but I will happily take it.

Today I feel happy and have no regrets. Life is pretty good . I feel happy and know my destiny is in my own hands rather than dependent on some alien addiction which has invaded my brain.

this is life as it should be 

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Hi Nick
Congratulations on your continued success in beating this addiction.
A gamble free life is a life of freedom.
It feels like we are absolute slaves to this addiction so it is great to get our lives back and own them.
Keep going.

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My thoughts today I have shared in group but I don’t think anyone really got what I was saying .

I cannot understand that I have no desire or thoughts about gambling .
I have had some ongoing issues from a recent accident and I wondered could I have damaged the addicted part of my brain?

Yes I did gamble after the accident but suddenly seem to have lost the desire.

So I googled .

And there is a part of the brain called the insula .
When this is damaged addictions to drug and cigarettes can disappear. I am wondering could I have damaged this part of my brain and if so will this effect last ?
I have noticed another change also .
I have always been quite hyper – I would say perhaps I have a touch of ADHD.
I could never sit patiently and wait for people to finish their sentences . I have noticed this for my whole adult life and my interrupting is probably my worse quality . It is kind of like a gambling urge – the need to say what’s in my mind builds up until it explodes out and I feel a sense of relief it has been said. I also feel annoyed with myself that I couldn’t be polite and wait.

Recently I am able to listen for absolutely ages and with great interest (I was always interested although it didn’t come across like that ) to people talk about their grandchildren, their pets , their favourite movies etc.

I find myself being included in things and receiving invites from people I have worked with for years, where I would never been on their radar before.
I must conclude that something To do with the accident has impacted on my brain(I did get a really bad bump to the head).

Of course I have some negative post accident issues which are proving to be very stressful and annoying – reduced ability to focus, issues with my sight, speech (word recall) and memory . These are minor and I think they are improving .

So perhaps the scientific world is too focused on dopamine and highs, -maybe it’s time to look at the forgotten brain insula. Try googling and let me know what you think .

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Hi Jezi, that’s a really good list .
I could add to it that eventually gambling was about none of these things but was a huge compulsion or learned behaviour. I guess if we can learn it we can learn to do without it.

I hope your weekend is going great
Xx

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Sherrie ,
I couldn’t give up control of my money for the exact reasons you describe. Is there someone else you could trust to manage your money , like perhaps your Aunite? You work hard and should have some benefits of not gambling or else what is the point in stopping?
I find myself wondering if this could have been a trigger in the first place which started your addiction? It seems to me that if hubby didn’t buy himself all those goodies you could drop one of your jobs.
I may of course be completely misinterpreting your post, and apologies if I am , but it does appear that you carry all the financial burden for your home and that is a lot of pressure and could drive anyone to find an excape .

Xx

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Hi Steev,
How absolutely lovely. I hope you have a good turf fire and a bottle of ” the creator”- a good Irish whiskey.
Enjoy the peace .
What will you do over the next three weeks?

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Hi Monica ,
That’s a hard decision to make but I guess the positives are
-permanent job will give you security,
-the opportunity for promotion
-maybe if you want to work well past retirement age you may get the chance to go part-time depending on how you feel.
-You may even find you could work for the same organisation in a new area(at the seaside maybe ?)
-If you wish to leave it just takes a resignation letter.
-if you decide to take it, and your current salary is high you could pay a lot into a pension fund
– you love holidays, nice food and clothes
-independence
– the ability to help our your children now and again
– routine keeps us healthy mentally
– success at work is good for our self-esteem
– work means we have to look after our appearance and take an interest in ourselves
– keeps our brains alert

The negatives
– feeling tied down
– all that travel
– the tiredness that comes with work
– the stress that comes with work
-the strain on our bodies as we get older

I am sure you could add lots to what I have written but I hope it helps.
I feel a bit of security would do you no harm after the trauma of gambling addiction and the dire consequences you experienced.

Monica look how far you have come – a year ago we would never have imagined you having a choice like this .
Just goes to show – we can all turn our lives around .
Xx

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Thank you Charles And Jen.
The thing is I am taking positive action.
Tonight I went to an eat all you want buffet with my old bingo friend (who by the way has never once suggested bingo!).
Not sure how positive it is now as I lie in bed about to burst.

its just that I have removed myself from the whole gambling thing. I don’t want to even think about it or give it any headspace. I have moved on.

I could never plan anything when I was too wrapped up in gambling or not gambling .
Now I have plans and things to do .

Sounds strange even to me but it seems to work.

.

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Hi Jen ,
Thank you for your support on my thread – you definitely don’t want to mess around with your heart – you needed to have those tests done.

I have a full week gamble free – it sound so little but seems huge to me. I am trying to stay away from “support” .
I feel too much talking about it all keeps the addiction too alive .
Having said that I want to keep up with my friends on here – so I think it’s about balance .
Take care xx

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Hi Jezi.
Sounds like you have been having a tough time.
Medication is really hard to get right, I think .
Yoga does seem to work really well for so many people.

I’m not sure I have much advice to offer you except to say keep recording and doing the things which work for you .
Xx

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